Chapter 9
'I can't..' Haley barely choked on the words as she unlocked the door and turned away from him because she knew if she looked back even once more she wouldn't have the resolve to walk away.
Haley weaved through the crowd of people sighing in relief when she spotted no queue for the cloakroom where she had put her coat. She rushed, scrambling for her ticket in her clutch back finally handing it to the man. Once she'd gotten her leather coat she high tailed it out of there and gulped in a breath of fresh air as she made outside. She ran her hand through her brunette locks rather shakily as she rested back against the brick wall waiting for her ride. Haley barely took in the noise of people laughing around her outside, friends, couples. Everything still felt incredibly foggy until she heard her name being called.
'Haley is everything ok?'
Haley hadn't even realised she'd been taking deep breaths in and out through her mouth until she opened her eyes looking like a deer caught in headlines at the woman standing beside her. Nathan's mom.
Real funny. Haley said inwardly as she looked up towards the sky before giving Karen a hesitant smile. 'Yea I just….' Had sex with your son. 'Err…ran into an ex.' Haley supplied and Karen nodded knowingly, Haley wasn't sure if it sunk in she was still looking at her strangely. 'That bad huh?'
'Hmm?…' Haley said completely spaced out again.
'That bad?' Karen joked.
'No…just took me by surprise that's all.' Haley admitted softly realising she was speaking the absolute truth even if the scenario she was taking about was a complete lie.
Karen noticed the rather glazed over look in her eyes realising the girl probably wanted to be left alone.
'Ok well I'll let you gather your thoughts.' Karen smiled heart warmedy as she collected some glasses from the tables out the front.
'Karen….' Haley said hesitating then. 'Can you not say anything to Lucas….he just he worries you know.'
Karen nodded knowingly noting how Haley didn't say anything about her other son in this scenario Could it be or was she really jumping to conclusions?
Karen just patted her on the arm and gave her a knowing wink before walking inside. Haley let out another breath automatically feeling her heart sky rocket in her chest as her phone vibrated in her purse.
She felt that familiar flutter in her chest when incoming message from Nathan popped up on the screen. 'Hales I'm sorry….I just I didn't ask you to stay over just for that….I just didn't want you to leave, at least let me know when you make it home safe. N x'
Despite herself Haley smiled at the message; she didn't want to allow these giddy feelings to surface but they did. She hadn't expected his message, she hadn't anticipated those words.
Who is she and what did you do to her?' The girl asked as she came up beside Nathan noticing his failed attempt at rubbing off the lipstick marks on his neck. Nathan was leaning over the bar, his shirt completely crumpled looking all flustered as he looked up at where the voice came from before gasping in shock. 'Daytona….what are you doing here?' He said as he pulled her in for a hug.
They hugged tightly before pulling apart. 'Coops in town to help your mum with the renovations so I decided to come down you know seen as I heard you were back from Philly.'
'I was always your favourite.' Nathan mused.
'Ah I see you haven't lost your pig headed-ness.' Daytona teased.
'And I see you've finally gone to the blonde side, how's that treating you?' Nathan smirked.
Daytona laughed. 'Hmm let me see I've a lot more ass-hats like you hitting on me.'
'Owww..' Nathan faked hurt as the pair laughed.
'So who is she cause it looks like she's done a number on you..'
Nathan sighed heavily and Daytona was actually shocked, maybe a lot had changed in the 4 years since she'd seen him because the Nathan Scott she knew never pined after a lady like this. 'Woah are you like…'
'What.. ' Nathan said then as he caught her looking at him strangely.
'In a relationship or..'
'What? no…' Nathan emphasised shaking his head. 'Why would you think that? You've literally just seen me…'
'Well aside from the fact you're sulking like a love sick puppy…'
'I'm not sulking.' Nathan quipped.
'You are and secondly you haven't stopped hitting the button on your phone even though there was no message 2 seconds ago which by the way was the last time you checked.'
'You know I haven't missed you at all.' Nathan fired at her.
'I'm only like you're favourite cousin.'
'You're my only cousin.'
'That doesn't count.' Dakota fired back noticing him glancing at the silent phone again. 'What is it Nathan?'
'I can't tell you in here.'
'Ohhh this has got to be good.' Nathan just gave her a look.
'Alright, alright let's take a walk.'
'Woah….' Daytona said as they continued walking along the pier across from Scott's Bar. Nathan having just finished her what had happened between him and Haley to lead them up to tonight.
'Ok so this Haley girl what does she look like…' Daytona wondered then. She couldn't help but notice the fond smile on his face then and it made her smile. He was finally crushed out on a girl and it was so nice to see.
'She's beautiful.' Nathan admitted.
'And why are you standing out here walking with me, why aren't you with her now telling her that?'
Cause our whole friendship has been built on our dating lives, she knows exactly who I am Daytona and how I act…she left tonight and honestly I couldn't blame her…'
'Wow you're being self-deprecating.' Daytona teased him trying to lighten the atmosphere. 'You really have changed.'
'No I haven't…' Nathan ran his hands through his hair frustrated. 'Clearly that's why this will never work…'
'This meaning…' Daytona prodded.
'Me and Haley…' Nathan supplied quietly, those words themselves sounded so right slipping off his tongue and yet he was completely juxtaposed by how wrong it probably was for both of them. They were complete opposites after all.
'You regret sleeping with her?'
Nathan expelled a soft sigh as they came to stop on the railings overlooking the river. 'I couldn't…it's never been like that with someone else you know?' God…this is embarrassing..' Nathan mumbled running his hand through his raven locks again. Daytona could only laugh; he was behaving like a 13-year-old flustered school boy who'd just kissed his crush. The boy she used to know. She wasn't about to tell him that though.
'You're laughing at me….real nice.' He commented but she could tell that his tone was playful.
'You want my honest advice….' Daytona remarked giving him that look.
Nathan turned then leaning his back against the railing as he slipped his hands in his pockets. 'I know you're going to give it to me….'
'I say its time you got your head out of your ass and tell her how you really feel and after you're done doing that ask her out on a real date…'
Nathan just shook his head at her words.
'And don't shake your head at me Scott, you know I'm right…I think you've met her Nate, you know the one. 'Daytona eased shoving into him. 'I always told you that you were going to meet her someday, swoop right in and knock you off that cocky pedestal off yours…' She teased then lightening the atmosphere around them.
Nathan couldn't help but smirk at that. 'You really are enjoying this..'
'Kind of.' Daytona laughed
'I just don't think it's that easy as telling her, we're such different views when it comes to all this that can't just change. '
'Yea it can.' Daytona argued. 'Maybe you will both change for each other.'
'Now enough standing around and pouting when am I going to meet her?' Daytona mused as she pulled Nathan along with her.
'I wasn't pouting.' He argued again but it was fruitless. Not only was he pouting, he was full on missing her and it had only been 2 short hours since he had seen her.
He was a goner.
XXXXX
'Hey girlie…' Brooke said as she practically bounced into the kitchen, Haley wondered how she still managed to remain so bubbly after that night of drinking.
Haley was twiddling with the straw in her not so appetising looking smoothie.
'Oh so you and Luke seem to have that same idea were making a smoothie the next day's undoes all the damage from the night before.' Brooke said.
'Trust me it will take a lot more than a smoothie to undo this damage.' Haley mumbled.
'Ok this is my fault..' Brooke admitted as she hopped up onto the counter beside Haley.
Last night Haley would have had no problem telling Brooke exactly that. But she knew different now, she could place the blame on anyone if she looked for reasons too but ultimately it came down to herself and how much she had wanted Nathan last night.
'Brooke it's…' Haley began explaining only she went on.
'No Haley, I really thought…no I know he likes you but clearly he is too stupid to realise that or too much of a pussy I don't know…I mean I figured that's why you cut out last night.'
'Wait what are you talking about?'
'The blonde girl Nathan was with…' Brooke supplied knowingly.
Haley felt her stomach turn. There was no way. He couldn't have…..he'd asked me to stay. He'd text me for crying out loud. 'Wh….when was this?' She hated how shaky her voice was, seconds away from cracking and breaking down.
'Late on I don't know it was near closing time, I'm sorry I thought you seen them.' Brooke supplied then as she caught the shattered look on Haley's face.
'It's not like I didn't expect it.' Haley said sadly feeling her eyes well up.
'Haley….' Brooke began reaching out for her when she noticed her well up a little. She'd expected her to scoff and be angry but she hadn't expected her to be this upset. There had to be something more going on here. 'What is it?'
'It doesn't matter.' Haley stood up from the stool then wiping her eyes quickly. The last thing she needed was for Lucas to come out and see her this upset. 'Honestly I'm fine, I think I'm coming on my period and I've just been an emotional mess this week.'
'Well if that's the case you should be eating chocolate for breakfast.' Brooke said with a small smile trying to cheer her up.
Haley sent her a weak smile. 'I'm going to go shower and freshen up.'
'Ok..you sure you're ok?.' Brooke said realising Haley just wanted to be left alone but figuring something was up all the same.
'Yea I'll be fine, thanks Brooke.' Haley said as she got off the stool. 'Here take this to Lucas you can even pretend you made it for him.' Haley said handing her the smoothie wanting to deflect the attention away from herself.
XXXXX
'Oh it's just like old times me and you sharing…' Peyton mused as she opened her apartment door to withered looking Haley.
'Thanks Peyt, I just can't be there right now with Lucas, he'll just know.'
'Ok this seems bad so I'm thinking wine instead of tea.'
'Peyton its 2pm.'
'So when did that stop us before?' She quirked.
Haley found herself smiling. 'Tea please I don't think I can look at drink after last night.'
'Oh so this bad decision involves alcohol.' Peyton joked.
'How do you know I made a bad decision?' Haley quipped back spiritly as she dropped her overnight back down beside the couch and flumped back onto it.
'Firstly you're wallowing in self-pity and secondly you're wearing your USF tracksuit which I don't think I've seen on you since that time we were brought to campus police.' Peyton mused sarcastically.
'Haha.' Haley deadpanned. 'Do you still have to be so annoying when you know I'm upset?'
'Well clearly you know I'm all for tough love or you wouldn't have come here so fire at me girlie, what's going on?'
'I slept with Nathan last night.'
'Jesus Christ….damn it Haley…' Peyton shouted out from the kitchen. 'Ow Ow Ow…' She fumbled bringing her hand over to the sink running it under the cold-water tap.
'What?' Haley hopped off the couch then surprised by her annoyed reaction as she came into the kitchen.
'Maybe you shouldn't have told me that while I was holding a pot of boiling water.'
'You said fire it at you.' Haley said.
'Ok so I was thinking you might say it was over with Chase or something but not….'
'It is over with Chase.' Haley supplied.
'That….' Peyton continued before she heard Haley's words.' Ok so this was….what was this?'
'I don't know.' Haley exasperated as she ran her hands through her air before she softly admitted. 'I like him.'
Peyton smiled knowingly not wholly surprised by that piece of knowledge. 'But sex….I'm just surprised it's …'
'Not something I would do I know..'
'Hey, I'm not judging you I was the one that suggested you put your va jayjay to good use and I think you've served it well going on your previous admission.'
Haley grimaced at Peyton's words. 'Not exactly what I needed to hear.'
'So it happened Haley you think it was a mistake?'
'It should have been.' Haley fought back. 'It didn't feel like one not until now…' Haley hesitated for a moment. 'Brooke told me Nathan was with some other girl after I left last night…'
Peyton sighed softly. 'I'm sorry girlie.' She handed Haley her cup of tea. 'Come on'
The girl settled themselves on the couch. 'So what if Brooke said is true but it's not what you think?'
'Come on Peyt let's not be naïve here, its Nathan, he hasn't exactly been shy about what he's wanted from the start. And I didn't stay with him so it didn't take him a hot minute to find someone that would…'
'He asked you to stay?'
Haley just nodded.
'That's big.' Peyton said.
'He only wanted more.'
'Did you want more?'
'God yea…' Haley admitted feeling the blush colour her cheeks. She caught the excited look on Peyton's face then. 'Peyton stop this is really bad.'
'But it was good wasn't it? Tell me it was so much better than good. '
'I'm soo not having that conversation right now.' Haley said feeling the adrenaline swimming in her veins just from the thought of it.
'Oh come on Haley you can't tell me you slept with him and leave me hanging, how did it happen and were did it happen?'
'We were out for dinner with Brooke and Lucas and we were drinking and one thing just led to another…you know the rest.'
'I don't think I do you said he asked you to stay so did you go back to his and leave or…'
Haley felt her cheeks redden even more if that was even possible.
'Oh my Haley James you little slut you two didn't even make it the bed did you?'
'Can I take the time now to remind you're not supposed to be enjoying this?' Haley pointed out half tempted to cover herself up with the cushion.
'Oh you mean like how much you clearly enjoyed it last night.'
'Peyton!' Haley warned. She was either going to take that cushion or throw that cushion.
'Were did you do it?'
'Peyton…'
'I'm guessing the rest room…unless he took you to his car..' Peyton gleamed. 'Or outside somewhere…'
Haley gave her an or you kidding look before finally relenting as Peyton began to list a stream of places she'd never even heard of never mind frequented. 'Fine..the bar….we did it on the bar…'
'Damn….' Peyton paused then. 'Like on the bar?'
'That what I said…' Haley reiterated trying not to bite her head off. She was supposed to come here to feel better not work herself up even more. 'The one downstairs…' She admitted softly then.
'Woah….' Peyton commented then.
'Yea…' Haley said in barely a whisper. 'Here's what's really stupid, it actually felt like more than just sex I can't explain it….like so natural, like we'd being together that way before….' Haley sighed though. 'It was probably just average sex for him, so average he went and found the next best thing to get him off.'
'You don't know that.' Peyton said softly then, all joking aside.
'Peyt I think I do.'
Peyton pulled her against her then and Haley rested her head on her shoulder, the scene familiar to many the girls had experienced through their college years.
'Does anyone else know?'
Haley shook her head. 'I wanted to say something to Brooke this morning but then with Lucas there I just I couldn't. Besides they're gone away for a few days before her birthday next weekend I didn't want to say anything not at least until I get my head around it.'
Peyton nodded knowingly. The sat in silence for a few moments before Peyton spoke. 'So what you had sex with the guy? As far I can see you win here, Nathan is hot, you had from what I can make out…crazy good sex, you might like him and maybe he doesn't want what you want…and yea that sucks for a while but when has that ever stopped you Haley?' Peyton pulled away from her shoulder then to face her. 'I've seen you bounce back loads from dates, relationships things that haven't worked out. You bounce back with more spirit and fight in you…where is that? Because don't let something like this with Nathan take that away from you, as far as I can see he doesn't stand a chance.'
Haley smiled softly at her friend's word until she barked orders at her. 'Now get up..'
'What why?'
'Because we are going to make you look hot as hell and you're going to go and see him and remind him of the girl you are, the girl he first met.'
'Peyton….' Haley began to argue.
'No…..you are not this whiny he has stomped all over my heart Haley, you are the how dare you even try….come on remember the girl that dragged Felix out of my dorm room by the hair of his neck…'
'Ok that was running on adrenaline.' Haley defended herself.
'Or the girl who told me ex Julian if he ever contacted me again you'd cut his…'
'Ok…ok' Haley interrupted. 'I get it. But this is hard Peyton, just the thought of seeing him today has my stomach in bits…how am I supposed to face him?'
'Well it's that or sit here wallowing for the day. Take some ownership of the situation back. Think about it if he was actually with that girl last night then that's a pretty shitty thing to do and the Haley James I know wouldn't stand for it and she wouldn't let me stand for it either.'
XXXXX
Haley adjusted her royal blue top with black lace trimming and tucked it into the top of her black capri jeans. It was much later in the evening now and the girls were on their way out for dinner but Haley had one stop to make. She was both grateful for and hated the fact that Peyton's apartment was actually walking distance from the bar.
'I'm going to pop in and see if they can take us without reservation.' Peyton said pointing to the Italian across the road.
'Ok.' Haley nodded taking a deep breath.
'Ok so I know you might want to fuck him on the bar again as soon as you see him but try not to, will only make the situation worse.'
'Seriously Peyton…' Haley wared.
'I'm kidding…sort of.' Peyton teased crossing the road before Haley could get her own back.
Haley walked through the doors to Scott's bar, her heart thumping so wildly in her chest. Fuck her tummy felt like there was a bazillion giant moths swarming around it. She lost the run of herself for a minute the moment she spotted him behind the bar, he was wearing his usual black shirt, which was out course cuffed up at his elbows, his hair styled that purposefully rugged way she adored. Fuck he looked sexy. She then noticing that charming smile on his face or more so the charming smile that was geared toward the skinny, giraffe legged brunette he was passing the cocktail over too, his eyes openly checking her out.
And it was like silly, pitiful, whiny Haley had checked out and she regained some form of honour if she could even call it that given what they had done in this place last night. Whatever. It's done now. He may have got what he wanted but it's not like she hadn't gotten anything out of it.
Haley stalked over to the bar throwing her clutch bag down on the counter.
Nathan felt her presence immediately, that sweet scent of vanilla invaded his scenes and he almost groaned at how amazing she had tasted last night. He turned around from where he had been stocking up clean glasses at the back of the bar and almost dropped the bottle inn his hands. Holy fuck. She was wearing that blue lace top she'd worn weeks ago. He fucking loved that colour on her. She looked…well if she didn't look like sex or what. All of a sudden his throat felt extremely dry and he actually had to remember to bloody breathe. 'Haley….I….I called you….well I went to see you but you weren't there.…' He fumbled out then wincing at how fucking pathetic that was. Great Nathan. Since when did he become to fumbly one?
She actually found his obvious fluster this time endearing but held back the part of her that wanted to reach out to him and say she'd wished she'd stayed over and that last night had been amazing. She actually felt more hurt that he was talking to her like this now, was he really trying to keep her on side, a bit like having his cake and eating it too? The best of both worlds.
'So did you ask her if she got home safely too or did you bring her home instead?' Haley said spiritedly, one hand resting on her hip as she looked him right in the eye.
Oh she was pissed. Nathan backtracked trying to think what made her that way, maybe the radio silence today but it's not like he didn't try. It was then he thought on her words, what the hell was she going on about?
His silence and the semi-guilty look on his face was everything. 'What? You think I wouldn't find out?'
'Haley….what are you going on about?' Nathan said crossing his eyes at her then as he leaned both hands against the bar. He feld that magnetic pull between them again, it seemed even stronger now than before he'd had his way with her on the bar last night. He couldn't help his eyes from wandering over her again.
She got a good view of those muscular arms then, arms that felt so taut when he hoisted her on top of the bar last night. Haley felt more fired up at the thought of wanting him again. Sexual frustration and agitation were two emotions that were risky combined.
'I think you know Nathan so cut the crap because the least you owe me right now is the truth…'
'Hales I'm sorry but…'
Haley scoffed then, hating the way her nickname fell so graciously from his lips then. She couldn't listen to the apology speech. The 'you know how I am' speech and 'I can't give you what you're looking for.' Screw that. It hurt before he even said the words.
And she couldn't stop the words from spilling out. 'I've got to hand it to you, two in one night…hell maybe if I had of come over we could have made it into a threesome…' Haley spewed sarcastically.
Nathan's eyes just widened at her words.
'I mean Nathan even I thought you had some class. So I may as well just book into the STI centre now tomorrow while I'm at it…'
'What the hell is your problem Haley?' Nathan fired at her then feeling his temper flare at not only the degrading way she was talking to him but her words too.
Just because they had sex. It's not like she was a victim here.
'OH look he talks.' She snipped.
'What has got into you? I'm not the one who ran off last night…'
'Why? what were you gonna do Nathan, tuck me into bed and make me breakfast the next morning. We both know that's not your style.'
'That's not fair and you know it.' Nathan threw back in her face hating how she was using things he had privately told her against him now.
'Not fair….no what's not fair is how less than an hour after we were together you went off with some blonde!'
'What?' Nathan said looking at her like she was crazy now.
'And I know sleeping with someone means nothing to you but you know what it's like for me Nathan, I'm not just some screw….we're friends, at least we were.' Haley said feeling the traitor tears rise in her eyes then and she shook her head willing them away before she left the bar.
Nathan sighed letting his head drop as he let her walk away from him. He shouldn't have. He should have stopped her. Because what she thought clearly wasn't right. And as pissed as he was and hurt for her thinking such things it seemed to latch onto the self-doubt simmering inside of him since last night. She could never see him as that guy. She never would.
'So that was Haley…' Daytona said as she came around the bar. Nathan just started at her then, her blonde hair piled into a bun on top of her head and it clicked.
'Dammit….She must have seen us together.' He muttered despondently.
'I like her.' Daytona said easily. 'She's got some fire in her that's for sure, keep you on your toes.'
'How much of that did you hear?'
'All of it.' Daytona supplied giving Nathan a look. 'Now my question is why aren't you running after her and telling her that whatever she saw she got the completely wrong idea?'
'Because maybe this is for the best.' Nathan said with a sigh.
Daytona just shook her head a the pitiful boy across from her. 'You're a fool if you don't make this right. She's thinking the worst right now because you let people think the worst Nathan and I don't know if this is some fucked up Dan Scott influence or what but if there's ever a time to change it needs to be now. Don't let this one get away.'
XXXXX
Daytona couldn't help but roll her eyes at her stupid cousin who was currently standing by the balcony door chatting to a group of women.
She sighed to herself as she came into the kitchen and filled up her drink from Brooke's colourful cocktail pitcher.
'Hey..' She said as she saddled up next to Haley.
'Hey, Daytona right?' Haley said cheerfully. At least she seemed in high spirits, this might make this conversation go a little easier.
'Yea, Nathan and Luke's cousin…'
'I heard that I'm sorry if you heard anything offensive, I got my stories crossed.' Haley said regretfully. 'Not that it matters.' She mumbled and Daytona caught on instantly as she glanced in Haley's direction where Nathan was chatting amongst the women.
'You won't believe this and I fear he'd actually disown me forever for saying it but he talks about you a lot.'
Haley scoffed at that.
'I'm serious I'm crashing at his this week and he won't shut up. I'm so glad I'm leaving tomorrow.'
'I guess I'm sorry.'
'Oh don't be, it's hilarious seeing Nathan this way.'
'And what way is that?'
'He is smitten over you Haley, trust me the Nathan you're seeing now is the stubborn ass one I've known since we were teens. The one you obviously got to know over the last few weeks is the sweet kid I've known my whole life.'
Somehow coming from her like that she'd truly believed it. Haley had witnessed more than many glimpses of that sweet boy but maybe not enough to put her heart directly on the line for him.
But when did that ever stop her before? She'd always being the girl to say it as it was, she wore her heart on her sleeve and she was overtly so that way when she met him.
She wondered why she felt the need to guard it now, to spare him from who she really was. She was done hiding.
Haley didn't care anymore she'd put herself out there enough to deal with the pain of it not working out, she could do it again even if her gut was telling her this time it would really hurt to lose him.
Anything would be better than this friendship/more limbo they were caught up in.
Haley felt the butterflies pooling in her belly like they did every time she was within reach of him, it all seemed so much more heightened lately. Even the way his aftershave was assaulting her senses now as she stepped in closer was driving her crazy.
'Can we talk?' Haley said softly as she latched onto his bare arm ignoring the curious looks of the women around her.
Nathan couldn't help but rake his eyes over her feeling a sudden twinge in his chest. Haley was wearing a pair of white denim shorts with a little red vest top and flip flops. Her brunette waves styled in their signature beachy look. She was so effortlessly gorgeous and as he looked at the gang of women by him now all dressed to the nines in dresses and heels it only made him want the little brunette standing next to him even more.
He felt annoyed by the fact that he couldn't just get over her like with everyone else. Was this some sort of karma or what?
'Well I did try and talk to you but you weren't home all week.' Nathan said pointedly. He knew Lucas would have told her he was there.
Haley sighed biting her lip. If she was going to do this she needed to be honest from the start. 'I'm sorry Nathan, that was cowardly of me.'
'It was considering you're the girl that prides herself on being so open and honest.'
Wow. ok then. She knew he'd be miffed; she wasn't expecting his tone to be so spiteful.
'Well you're the guy that prides himself on being such a player and yet you call me up all week and then here you are chatting up every piece of ass in the apartment so sorry if I'm a little confused right now….' Haley couldn't help but retaliate.
Nathan glared at her words shaking his head as he stepped outside onto Brooke's balcony for some privacy.
'Maybe I was just calling you up as a friend, you don't need to read so much into things Haley.' Nathan responded knowingly.
His words hurt for the simple fact they were an exact replica of the words he spoke to her months ago when he was offering her dating advice. Haley just shook her head softly as she looked onto the bustling street below Brooke's balcony.
She was so done with this, whatever it was that was happening between them.
How funny that in the end they just seemed to revert back to who they always had been; she the overtly honest girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and he the charmer, the guy with the guarded heart.
'I needed time to sort through how I was feeling but I should have just told you that, I'm sorry for shutting you out.'
Nathan didn't say anything.
'I broke up with chase before we slept together, it wasn't going anywhere….there was no chemistry.' They both looked into each other's eyes then at her words.
'We shouldn't talk about this now Haley…' Nathan said, she could hear the hesitance in his voice. Raw and unsure.
'Or maybe we should you know seen as Chase was all we ever used to talk about?' Haley said mocking herself almost at the irony of it all.
'That's why were friends Hales, you wanted a relationship with him…I helped you out…so I guess my work here is done.'
'You know that's not true.' She quipped back frustrated with his obvious blasé pretence. 'God Nathan you do this all the time, avoid conversations and deflect things…when are you actually going to man up and talk about what's really going on here?'
'You don't know me Haley so stop pretending like you have it all figured out.'
'Oh I think I do.' Haley quipped with one eyebrow raised.
'Haley we're friends that slept together, as far as I can see that's all that happened. In some people's lives this happens all the time and they don't make such a big deal of it.'
'It meant something.' Haley retaliated.
'Coming from you maybe..' He said and she just gasped at his insinuation.
'Oh so we're back to that….that's all you see me has huh, the desperate girl who reads too much into things…'
'Haley I didn't mean it like that..'
'Well what do you mean Nathan?'
''I just….I' He hesitated then watching as Haley kept looking at him expectantly. For a second he felt the tightness in his chest release and for a moment he allowed himself to feel it; he acknowledged that thought that maybe it was possible…that a girl like Haley could fall for him.
But just as quick as that feeling came he shut it out, there was no way. Himself and Haley, he couldn't be what she was looking for.
'I'm not Chase Haley, I can't be that guy….you know I'm not…'
'I'm not asking you to be.'
'Then why did you end things? Why screw up a perfectly good thing when you told me that was everything you wanted?'
'Because he's not you.' Haley shouted back exasperated with him, herself, this whole stupid situation; for ever agreeing to let him give her advice in the first place when it just twisted around on them in this way. 'Why can't you just stop being such a stubborn ass and admit somethings happened last night between us…something has been happening before that…'
Nathan swallowed hard then taking a step back from her. She knew then he'd obviously never being put in a position like this in his life or ever found himself in one. then again he'd told her he'd never met a girl like her before. And his next words told her he obviously wasn't ready to meet a girl like or either or he wasn't willing to go any further with it. 'Haley it was just…' Nathan failed to even vocalise what it was at this stage. While his feelings for her were pretty clear, he struggled to vocalise that while simultaneously saving her from the disaster that would be walking into a relationship with him. He knew he felt strongly for her and yet his whole understanding of them together of this situation was massively opaque. The only fair thing to do was to stop it before it got any further. 'Look you're over-analysing it again, I'm not looking for anything more you know that and now….you've just gone and ended your relationship with Chase…' His eyes finally met hers as he looked at her dejectedly.
Words failed him at a time she really wished to hear more from him.
Haley felt the dry pain crawl up her throat and took a heavy breath, she wasn't going to get upset in front of him. It hurt her that he'd completely watered-down the magic moments they'd shared, turning them into mere fragments of her imagination. Which they weren't.
Haley was nervous exposing herself to him like that, bringing up what happened between them but she wasn't going to let it knock her, she'd the hope in her heart smeared over enough times for Nathan to be the one to have her crumble entirely.
'You know what Nathan….' Haley began sadly then as she thought back to everything they'd shared about their dating tendencies when all of this began. 'Maybe I do come on too strong sometimes and yea I tend to over-analyse things but at least I put myself out there. You think you've won because you don't play the dating game but women are just expendable to you…you've not won Nathan, you're alone.'
And with one last sad look Haley left him standing there just like she said; completely alone.
