xDDDD my mom took my laptop away so srry for the late update! ENJOY x3
The hustle and bustle of the Honks & Drinks bar dominated your thoughts. You couldn't sit still for one second as business was booming, which made your boss, Mrs. Bowers, booming as well. She wore a broad grin which was unlike herself. You hoped she would share some of her happiness by fattening up your paycheck.
'Speak of the devil.' Y/n thought, as your boss brisked pass you and picked up the tv remote, turning on the news.
"I can't believe it..." She murmered, more to herself than the crowd that was gathering. They muttered amongst themselves, beers in hand.
The telly flashed through an array of channels, some static and others blue screens. Bowers finally reached the channel she was looking for: the 6o'clock news channel.
"Late last night, a clown was speeding down balloon animal bld at 60 mph over the speed limit, when he hit a stray red nose. His 2020 black jaguar did a triple backflip, and the unsuspecting victim was flung through their windshield 500 feet in the air, and only found the ground again when he was impaled on a giant novelty hotdog."
A giant collective gasp broke out amongst the crowd. Some shared their novelty handkercheifs to dab at their eyes. The news reporter continued.
"Only his staggering, bulbous triple-d's survived the encounter unscathed. His body was identified by his driver's license, which was 30 years overdue for renewal. Betwix his staggering bosom there was a message in a bottle, just in case his rock & roll lifestyle led to an untimely demise. His will and testament read: 'The world would be a better place if less of you were such staggering whores. I leave this mortal realm proud to be a purebred clown'."
It was then that his driver's license flashed on the screen for all to see. A clown with a spacious forehead and a smug and arrogant smile. He donned sunglasses, even indoors. Though he was far less aged and had a more youthful glow, everyone in the crowd broke out into an uproar of sobs. They knew that face.
It was pennywise!
Suddenly! A large 300-pound clown in a moblike business suit with 2 cigars sticking out of either side of his mouth kicked the door open and staggered in reeking of bourbin. It only 3 strides for him to reach the bar because his strides were so full of width. He could cross the atlantic in 2 steps if he so desired. He was stumbling and slurring his words.
You paced over to the new customer, eyes still on the telly. You slid cashews, salted almonds, cinnamon-sprinkled pecans, unshelled pistachios, tree nuts, pine nuts, oven-baked chestnuts, shelled-peanuts, sunflower seeds, walnuts, macedamia nuts, coconuts, acorns, hickory nuts, mixed nuts, raw nutz, deez nuts, salted and seasoned nuts, coffee beans, pumpkin seeds, corn nuts, hex nuts, cupling nuts, wingnuts, socket-barrel nuts, hank-bush nut, slotted nuts, cupling nuts, square nuts, retainer nuts, washer nuts, wheel nut, cage nut, and jam-nuts.
The customer eyed them warily and then slid his gaze to the news station.
You look at the nuts, and taste a nut. Then you look back at the nuts.
You turn to the nuts, and see a single tear roll down the new customer's face as he witnesses the skewered double-d's. He takes a melancholy puff of his cigars and speaks.
"That used to be my useless clown son."
You feel pity for the clown.
Bowers tears her eyes away from the newscaster and approaches your forlorn 300-pound nut denier.
"You're looking at a mobster legend, y/n. This guy runs all of downtown clownville. I buy my weed from him."
In a blur of motion all at once, the 300 pound clown clown erupts from his chair, breaking his bourbon bottle over mrs. bower's head.
"Speak when spoken to."
You blinked and looked at the assailant, then back up at the news. He looked quite familiar.
"Do I know you from somewhere?" You questioned, one eyebrow cocked.
"I am a living legend. If you had ever met me you'd be sure of it." He growled. "Now get me another round..." He waved everyone in the bar down to get their attention.
"In fact, next round's on me. You can thank my idiot son for that, as well as his triple-d's!" He spoke, with a smug grin that knew he was worth THE fight. He exhaled three cigars into the room, effectively obscuring everyone's vision.
Amidst the smoke he spotted you and reached over the bar, throwing you over it and whispered,
"No clown has ever clowned as hard as I've clowned... Not even the other mob bosses of the world...Not even my deceased double d'd son."
He pulled out a checkbook and beckoned to y/n, trying to get bower's attention who was still unconcious on the bar room floor.
"How much for the harlot?" He asked bowers, and looked you up and down. Bowers was still unconcious.
"So that must mean free!" He wailed, sexily, throwing you over his shoulder.
TO BE CONTINUED?
