"Goodness! It's purely freezing in this drafty room!" Eliza shivered as she crawled into bed. I sat at the kitchen table trying to copy the weekly tally of our stores before my eyes glazed over. And let's just say, the stores were terrible. We were running out of supplies fast and blasted Congress wouldn't do a thing but sit pretty in Philadelphia. God if they would justify their existence, the world would make sense! But, at hearing Betsey's voice, I felt a calm wash over me and I simply couldn't carry on with the infuriating and mundane task. All I wanted at that moment was sleep, sleep next to my bride, holding her in my arms to keep her warm.
"I'm coming to bed. This is an absurdity." I gestured to the stack of papers angrily before sighing in frustration. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I was habit to do.
"Aw, oh it's alright Darling," Eliza said sympathetically as she walked over to me. She wrapped her arms around me in an embrace and I melted. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. You are so pessimistic sometimes..." She looked down at the tally sheet sitting on the top of the pile, the amount of food, and gasped. "Oh no."
"Yeah. Just perfect. And to top it all off, I'm the one stuck copying it down!"
"Shh, sweetie." She rubbed my arms and looked at me with those beautiful dark brown eyes. "It'll be okay."
"You say that, but how can we know?"
"We can pull through. American's are stronger than the King wants to admit. If we want freedom, we'll win it. And I know you don't want to hear this, but I think His Excellency knows more than you give him credit. I think he's saving you for the final battle. You're simply too amazing, brilliant, intelligent, witty, brave, and astounding a mind for him to waste on the battlefield. He needs you as America needs him." She laced her hand with mine. "And I thank him for it. Because if he didn't save you in an office, you may be gone and I would have lost you." She sighed. "Or never met you to begin with. So, I wouldn't be too harsh with His Excellency. I think he knows what he's doing."
"Oh, Betsey!" I held her close to me and returned her embrace and kissed the top of her head. I heard her breathe, interrupted by a dainty sob.
"I thank him. Because I'd rather have you, locked in an office copying notes, than lose you on the battlefield in foolish courage. What's more important to you is the real question. Legacy and fame for dying like a war hero or staying with me. Having a life. Getting a lovely little country house, or someplace in the city, and welcoming a few little angels into the world. Seeing our children grow up and meet the perfect match as we did. Maybe even have a little flower garden behind our house where we can sit and plant roses together. Growing old together and sitting on our porch telling stories to our grandchildren in the sweet summer air. And being together until the Lord takes us both home, having lived happy and fulfilled lives. Isn't that more important to you?" Another quiet sob.
"Darling, of course! But I can't see how I am to provide for you and our family without a job of some sort, and the best way to secure a good and influential one is with a military background." I sighed. She was right. Legacy… Being known for helping create the greatest country that surely America would become was very important to me. But, at that moment, Eliza looking up at me with begging and tearful eyes, helpless and heartbroken, I chose her.
"I know. But…" She sighed and hugged me again, her head resting on my chest as she silently sobbed. I stroked her head and held her tight.
"I'm so sorry Eliza. I love you and nothing could ever change that. I want all the fame and glory you speak of to be enough for you. I married a Schuyler, and I have big shoes to fill because of it. I have to live up to the expectations, make a name for myself and one our children will be proud of. I have to be enough for you. And as it stands, I'm failing miserably."
"But you are enough. You've always been enough. As long as you're alive, with me, and love me like I know you do, you will always be enough."
Always be enough. Always be enough. Always be enough.
"Never enough. You will never be enough." I could hear my father's words resonate as he screamed them to my mother, brother, and I right before he slammed the door and walked out of my life.
And all of that broke my heart. It was too much for me. I held my Eliza close and inhaled the sweet scent of her.
"Elizabeth," I breathed into her hair. "no matter what happens, I will love you forever."
"And I'll love you. But please, stay with me. Stay alive for me," she whispered.
"I will. I promise." I therefore pledged myself not to die in this battle. And I didn't. Not that one. For the war for independence wasn't the only war I fought in. "Meiller des épouses et meilleur des femmes; best of wives and best of women." Even if we were only married a few months. I was already certain I was the luckiest man alive.
"Je t'aime," she whispered tearfully.
"What?" I looked down at her.
"Je t'aime. I love you," she repeated as she turned to look up at me.
"Oh." I smiled down at her. "I see you've been practicing." I put my hand on the side of her face, wiping away her tears.
"Yes. I borrowed one of Papa's books before we left. I may never be fluent, but I'm trying to learn a few phrases, enough to at least understand you." a soft simper spread across her lips.
"Aw, how thoughtful." My heart warmed. "Je t'aime aussi." She hugged me tight and I kissed her.
"Mon amour," she breathed against my chest. "Mon amour."
"Forever and always, as you are mine."
