Summary: To repair a rift, there must be pain. But that pain will serve as the binding to forge a relationship anew. Like a phoenix from the ashes, it too will be stronger. Part 3 of 3.
By the time they had taken the ground bridge back to the scrap yard, Fixit was already waiting with medical tools in front of the building they had erected with large pieces of scrap metal to deal with medical emergencies.
Grimlock wordlessly took Sideswipe from a struggling Bumblebee and carried him into the building, the door creaking shut behind them. Bumblebee swayed unsteadily from where he stared at the door, and Sunstreaker wordlessly helped Strongarm to sit on a nearby pile of scrap.
He felt numb. So numb. Taking out Bumblebee's scanner and running a scan on Strongarm's legs felt distant. As if he were staring down at a series of events beyond his control. The scanner beeped in confirmation that the damage was severe enough to warrant replacements of several gears and pumps, but nothing life threatening.
Nothing like the damage Sideswipe suffered at the hands of that damned Decepticon. Rage bubbled and flowed into a spark gripping panic. It must've shown on his faceplates, the shaky but determined stride he made towards the building, that had Bumblebee stepping in front of him.
"Let Fixit work on him, Sunstreaker. You'll only get in the way." Hands were placed on his shoulders, hands that gripped, hands that were gentle but firm. Hands that were nothing like those claws that ripped into Sideswipe's wiring, plunged a blade to its hilt-
Sunstreaker made to shove Bumblebee out of his way, but he didn't budge. He could see the cables straining, the pain etching itself into Bumblebee's faceplates as he fought to maintain his steadfast stance, to hold him there. To keep him from his brother.
He wasn't so far gone that he didn't recognize the moment of clarity that surfaced - saw the pain he was inflicting. The pain that showed he would only cease resistance if Sunstreaker were to render him momentarily offline. So he stopped, and took a step back. Back from his brother - like a coward hiding from the consequences.
Bumblebee studied him for a moment further, and let out a sigh. "What you did today...was...it was nothing short of abhorrent. What you did today would've landed anyone here on the first transport back to Cybertron for disciplinary action. This isn't like the war - we don't kill, and we certainly don't torture the enemy while doing it."
It was a reasonable argument, a reasonable reprimand.
Sunstreaker tried, and failed, to argue it to himself. To keep that roiling, molten anger from exploding. The words only served to fuel, however, and Sunstreaker couldn't stop from spitting out, "he deserved it."
"I'm sorry?" Bumblebee looked taken aback, slightly horrified.
"You heard me," Sunstreaker bit out. "He attacked my brother, and damn near killed him. He. Deserved. It."
"No, I know you don't actually think that." Bumblebee silenced him with a glare when Sunstreaker's lips peeled back in a snarl. "And if you don't shape up, I'm going to file a report about your behavior, and then you can worry about maintaining your position as an enforcer on Cybertron."
Walk away, walk away, walk away.
"Then go ahead. Write a report. Tell them how I slaughtered the Decepticon who tried to murder my brother in cold blood. I don't care," Sunstreaker sneered, getting in Bumblebee's face. "And if I could go back in time? I would only make Buzzcharge suffer longer."
He spun on his heel and walked away. Away from the yellow Autbot. Away from that building where a minibot worked to heal his brother. Away from his problems.
Away from the consequences of his actions.
Bumblebee watched him walk away, staggered over to Strongarm, and collapsed beside her.
"Would you really write a report about him, sir?" Strongarm asked, glancing from the golden frontliner's retreating form, to her leader.
Bumblebee pinched his nasal ridge, "no, but I was hoping something would get through to him. But I think he just needs some time alone right now."
He didn't stop walking until he reached the edge of the junkyard, and stared across the ocean separating the yard from Crown City. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, presenting hope for the new day - the light, and laughter that would ensue beneath the sun's sweet smile.
The rays glinted off the water, flashing off the city's skyscrapers like lightning off claws. Sun sparkled across the water like light dancing across spilled energon. The distant shriek of seagulls was metal screeching through lines and fuel pumps.
The sky looked like one of his paintings, highlighting a cascade of colors, starting with a deep purple slowly melting into a soft pink. He nearly scoffed. Painting. He hadn't even looked at a paintbrush since the argument. The colors overhead slowly became more vibrant, the only indication his life wasn't in a standstill.
"Sunstreaker?"
His helm turned at the sound of this foreign voice, although the name seemed so far away. So detached from this body he was in. "Yes?"
He wished the hollowness wasn't so apparent. Wished he didn't have a reason to be hollow. Wished he didn't feel like an intricate piece of him was missing, had been missing for a long time.
"Can I ask you something?" The child, Russell, asked him.
"Sure."
What harm could a question do? What more did he have to lose?
The child fidgeted momentarily, awkwardly walking to stand beside him. He took a deep breathe, and then looked at him with eyes that unnervingly seemed older than they actually were.
"Sideswipe once told me a story about why he hated small spaces. And he told me about how scared he had been to almost lose his brother. He was also pretty upset about not being able to talk with him and have the same relationship as before." Russell paused, mildly perturbed by the silence, but plowed ahead. "So, I'm guessing you're his twin?"
Sunstreaker wordlessly nodded. Words were a foreign concept, what use were they when confirming the obvious?
"Were you scared then?"
Sunstreaker blinked slowly, struggling for the control over his vocal processors. "What?"
"Were you scared of dying, and not being able to be with or see your brother again?"
This was a highly unexpected question but….a very well thought out one. Older eyes indeed.
He took a moment to consider, to remember that terror that had burned beneath the agony. The terror that was only soothed once he had been patched up and his twin had curled up next to him on the medical berth. "Yes. He's my brother. My spark-split twin. He is, in a literal and figurative sense, my other half. I can't imagine life without him."
"Then why cut him off? Why act so hostile?" Russell frowned, "I don't know about you, but that seems a pretty lousy way to express affection to family."
Sunstreaker vented heavily, spark twinging in regret and sorrow. "I know. We had a heated argument, and now...now its worth pales in comparison to his well being."
He could feel the young human studying him, silently drawing conclusions. "I think you should head back to the medical building. Sideswipe is still out, but I think he'd like it if you were there when he woke up."
The child turned and walked away without another word, without looking back to see if Sunstreaker really would go see his brother.
Either he was entirely confident Sunstreaker would, or he was leaving with the knowledge he had given the Autobot plenty to think about.
Perhaps both.
It was probably the worst headache he had ever experienced in his entire life, Sideswipe decided. He groaned when he tried to lift his left arm.
Oh yeah. Now I remember.
The images he had hoped were dreams during his fitful recharge apparently were far from an illusion. He could make out the new welding and pieces of armor on the left side of his chassis.
He could also make out the golden figure sitting to his side on a metal box serving as a chair, staring anxiously at him with deep blue optics.
Any sort of nonchalance faded into the background as Sideswipe's face hardened. "What are you still doing here?"
He was kicking a 'bot that was already down, he decided as he watched his brother openly flinch.
Wait, "openly"?
The face that usually hid so much was an open book. Sunstreaker was feeling vulnerable - in a way Sideswipe had only seen through their bond. His spark wrenched at the emptiness, the solid wall that still existed between them.
"I thought...I thought I'd check on you. To make sure you're alright." Sunstreaker wasn't looking at him now. He was staring at the floor. His obligation to apologize was probably the only thing keeping his aft on the metal box, and not bolting for the door.
"Well I wouldn't be in such bad condition if you hadn't gotten your shots in first," Sideswipe offered a small smile. The smile fell as flat as the joke when Sunstreaker's optics shuttered slightly.
"Sunny," Sideswipe murmured, causing his brother to raise his helm. His dark blue optics were filled with pain, with fear, with a sort of hollowness that Sideswipe felt echoed in his own spark. "Talk to me."
But he knew he couldn't. Knew Sunstreaker couldn't verbalize the agony he was feeling. Sideswipe saw the desperation in his optics, felt his own spark breaking along with his brother.
He struggled to sit up, grunting as stiff joints protested. A flash of concern, and Sunstreaker was on his pedes in a second, helping him in the next. A slight tug on Sunstreaker's arm had him sitting beside Sideswipe. His brother didn't protest when Sideswipe hugged him, instead wrapping his arms around Sideswipe to hold him there.
Hugs weren't a thing they had done in a while. He reveled in the familiarity of it for only a moment before he pulled away, wincing at the rejection flooding Sunstreaker's optics.
"Talk to me," he pushed gently.
"I can't."
Sideswipe gave him a look. "Not verbally, stupid."
He almost yelled for Fixit when Sunstreaker started shaking so violently he thought his brother's systems were seizing. "I can't."
"Why?" Sideswipe gripped Sunstreaker's hands, still nimble, still painter's hands despite all the harm and good they had wrought. The desperate squeeze Sunstreaker gave him had the realization clicking into place. "Sunny, I never….I've always had it open. Well, as open as could be with your end walled off."
Another joke, another attempt to lighten the mood. He wished he could say anything to lift that burden that seemed to settle itself further onto Sunstreaker's shoulders.
Sunstreaker let out a sob that had Sideswipe cradling him. It was almost odd. His brother had always been the strong one, the one who had held Sideswipe through countless rechargeless nights. He could feel his brother breaking, shattering. Perhaps the pressure had been building to this point, and Sunstreaker had never really let himself feel - especially not after that argument.
Sideswipe felt the wall come down, and a tentative hand reach out. He nearly let out a cry of relief, of joy as he felt and saw and experienced his brother all over again. His spark panged, twisted as he truly saw the extent of Sunstreaker's pain. Watched his brother's pain when he first erected that wall between them. Felt the panic when Sunstreaker tried to access the bond, and was punched in the gut with the remembrance he had put that wall there. Noticed the terror stopping Sunstreaker from removing it because of their shaky relationship, the argument that had splintered such a close relationship. Finally there was that anxiety, the uncertainty if he let down the wall, he'd find one on Sideswipe's side. He didn't know if he could take the rejection thrown back at him.
So many fears, so many they shared. Neither had told the other. Sideswipe laughed. Not at his brother, but because all of it had been shared, and now seemed so stupid.
Their essences intertwined, filling a void and throwing out a hollowness that seemed so far away. Filling it with love, and hope, and art, and life. Sideswipe felt pity, pity for those who would never be able to experience the beauty of being a spark-split twin.
Sunstreaker held him tightly, and Sideswipe felt an unspoken promise formulate between them. Never again would they let things get this bad. Never again would that bond be cast aside.
While they still had much to work out, much to forgive and heal from, never again would either brother feel alone.
For a brother's bond with another is an unbreakable one indeed.
Hey guys, thanks for reading!
Hope you all enjoyed this update. Special thanks to JasonToddLove for the review - you are a wonderful person and kick started my imagination so I could write Part 3.
I'm open for suggestions on what you guys want to see next. Leave a comment, or send me an ask over on my tumblr: agent-washingtub343
~ TheQueenofBlades
