Hailey's POV

"HAILEY!"

Light flashes and people shout.

I think I hear Jay's voice, but maybe I'm dreaming.

My eyes flutter open, but everything remains unfocused. A piercing pain explodes near my temple, and I moan and try to lift my hand. But I can't move my arms. Panic shoots through me I let my head fall back and my eyes close again. Nausea rolls over me, sending me twisting and tumbling through the darkness in my head. Sounds are muffled and when I swallow, my throat is dry as bone. It hurts to think, breathe.

I feel a hand touch me. Instinctively, I flinch and jerk backwards. Don't touch me! I say, but my words are jumbled, making sense only to me. I groan in anguish as the latest events replay in my head. The grief and the anger and the shame is intense.

"Hailey, it's me. It's Jay."

I hear Jay's voice again, strained, almost hoarse. I feel warmth on my cheek. I open my eyes and concentrate on bringing the image before me into focus. "Give her a minute. Everybody just… take a step back. Hailey…?" His voice fills the air once again. I can hear pain behind it now. My eyes waver, opening and closing until Jay's face slowly comes into focus, automatically putting my heart at ease. He takes my hand in his, warm and firm, and very slowly he brings it to his face. "Look, it's me. It's me, babe." He holds my palm there, gazing at me, and after everything that's happened, it's the most intimate thing in the world. I'm trying to be strong, but this is too much, even for me.

"I've got you," he says and tears well up in my eyes.

Then I'm being lifted, then, jerked forward and Jay's familiar scent is right there, invading me. Heat from his body is flowing out of him and I can feel his heart beating inside his chest. I'm aware that we're moving, and his arms are wrapped tightly around me, comforting me in the only way he can, and I vaguely wonder if he knows what happened.

My eyes close and when they open again, I'm on a stretcher and a man in uniform is peering over me. He shines a light into my eyes, then shouts something to a person behind me. Doors slam shut and a siren wails as we begin to move. Someone takes my hand, and I look over and see Jay's worried eyes, red and puffy. I try to talk, but an involuntary sob escapes from my mouth and my breath hitches. Tears well up in my eyes again and roll down the side of my face and into my hair.

Jay leans forward. "You're going to be okay," he says. "I'm here, Hailey. It's going to be alright."

Something in his voice breaks me. I stare at the ceiling of the ambulance, but don't really see it. I close my eyes and don't bother opening them again because everything is blurred and I don't need to see, I can feel. I can feel the pain and the shame. I can feel my body shaking and my insides twisting.

When we get to the hospital, the gurney bumps and jerks, then glides as they roll me inside. Jay runs beside me, never letting go of my hand. I keep my eyes on his face as the nurses and doctors crowd me, poking and prodding. I flinch every time. There's a rush of activity in the room for a while, but I don't listen to anything they're saying. I concentrate on the sound of Jay's voice and the feel of his strong hand in mine. Slowly, the piecing pains turn to a dull throbbing. Jay strokes my hair and gradually, mercifully, the world goes black.

Jay's POV

I've never felt anger like this. I've never felt this anxious. I've never felt this exhausted. It's like I'm back in Afghanistan, collecting body parts of fellow soldiers that were blown up by another IED. I was too late to help them. I was too late to help Hailey. Tears burn my face like acid. My head spins as I try to make sense of it all. There is no sense. Everything is falling apart.

In minutes everyone arrives, and the waiting room turns into a sea of blue uniforms.

"How is she? Any news?" Voight asks.

"No, nothing yet. They took her inside. She was wavering in consciousness the whole time. They probably pumped her with God knows what." I answer. "Find anything else at the house?"

"Five other girls, two of them ODed on route."

"Any signs of Tony?" I grit through my teeth. Speaking his name leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Voight shakes his head. "They knew we were coming. Whoever was there left in a hurry. Crime lab is going through the house with a toothcomb. We'll have enough to bury them."

"Yeah, we are burying them alright," I say, my hands fisting at my side. At the bottom of the river.

Voight gives me a barely perceptible nod of his head. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

It feels as though we are waiting forever, but it's only been a couple of hours now. Despite knowing Hailey's life is not in imminent danger, I'm still terrified something will go wrong. But soon enough, Natalie comes through the double doors and we get up to meet her.

"H-How is she?" I ask.

"She's not in any danger. We treated her superficial wounds and she's asleep now. She had quiet the drugs cocktail in her system. Clonazepam, GBH, ketamine, MDMA… "

"Date rape drugs," Voight interjects and my stomach churns.

Natalie nods. "We will continue to monitor her closely until her bloodwork clears."

"Nat," I pull her aside. Voight follows. "Was she…" My words falter – they feel like rocks in my mouth, dry and clunky. But I need to know. I clear my throat. "Was she raped?" I ask, but instantly regret it when Natalie's face falls.

She nods silently, face pinched and sad. "We did a rape kit. The evidence is consistent with rape – vaginal tearing, badly bruised thighs… If she engaged in any form of intercourse, I would certainly say that she was not a willing participant."

I instantly feel hot and anger boils up inside me. I clench my fists and find myself wishing I could punch something. The waiting room becomes too small and the air too thin. Deep down I knew it, but hearing the words feels like getting punched in the gut. The tears start to come, but I force them back, not allowing my voice to break. "C-Can I see her?"

"As soon as we move her to the patient floor I will come get you."

I nod, biting my lip so hard I taste blood.

Natalie puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, and then leaves. I look at Voight and shake my head.

"Jay…"

"You should've pulled her out. I told you it was too dangerous. This shouldn't have happened…" My voice is coming in short gasps; I don't think I can hold back. "This is on you," I yell. "This is on you!"

Anger and frustration rage through my body, exploding in my chest and clouding my vision. Then something in me snaps. A strangled cry escapes me and I punch the nearest wall with all my might. My fist burns and the wall takes the brunt of my feelings as I pound my fist on it, beating the plaster until I hear an audible crunch of bones in my hand.

I feel arms lock around me. I'm being pulled back. "Jay, hey, calm down...calm down…We're gonna get him. He's going to pay for what he did." Voight continues to growl in my ear, but I can no longer hear him.

Then Will is pulling me against him and hot tears are pouring down my face. He pushes me out of the waiting room and into an examination room in the ED. I press my hands to my face, my tears soaking my palms. My entire body is shaking, I'm so angry, so devastated, so…. There are so many emotions coursing through me and I can't sort them all out. I'm at my most extreme low and my mind can't take it. I look up and see Dr. Choy and a security guard standing by the door.

"It's okay, I got him," Will says. "I got him."

I look down at my fist and my knuckles are split open and bleeding. Pain burns my right hand.

"Here, let me take a look at it." Will says, lifting my hand to examine it.

"I'll be fine. Just wrap it and it will be fine," I say and try to pull my hand away. Of course, the injured bone protests and I bite my lip in pain.

"You probably fractured a bone, Jay. Sit down, and let me check it out. I'm probably going to have to stich it up too."

Reluctantly I take a seat on the bed and Will proceeds to care for my hand. We sit in silence for a while, until Will says, "I, um, read Hailey's chart. I'm sorry, Jay."

I nod and swallow hard. My chest gets tight so I take a deep breath. I try to push it all away, but the tears well up in my eyes again. I curse and wipe them away with my sleeve. "It was my fault. I should've kept a better eye on her. Shouldn't have left her alone."

"Jay, I'm sure—"

"I'm her partner." I swallow and look at him. "I should've protected her."

Will sighs. "You know, I heard Hailey saying those exact same words when you were in here."

I shake my head. "This is different."

"Look, Hailey is alive. Two of the girls that were brought in weren't as lucky." Will looks down at my hand and ties the last stitch. "What happened is just awful and it will take time, but she will heal. And you will too. Just be there for her, the same way she was there for you." Will wraps my hand and puts a brace on it. "Keep the brace on for at least a week, okay?"

Moments later, Natalie pokes her head inside the examination room and knocks on the glass door. "Hailey is on the patient floor, room 302."

I nod.

"C'mon," Will says. "I will walk you up."

x

Hailey is lying on the bed and my heart sinks to my knees. Her blond hair is slicked back towards the top of her head and the extent of her injuries are plainly visible now. They wiped the caked blood from her face and the black and blue rings around both her eyes are prominent and raw. The blood that was caked all over her chin earlier is from her lip – it's split open. Though her body is covered, I know what it looks like beneath the sheets. I can't forget what I saw when found her. I can't forget the tattered clothes, the bruises and cuts on her arms and legs, the blood everywhere, and the look on her face. She was terrified, shaking, confused, recoiling at my touch.

I feel the tears running silently down my cheeks, while inside a burning rage once again shakes my body. I can't accept that she was so badly mauled by such an inhuman scum. Gently I kiss her forehead, take her hand in mine and wait for her to wake up.

Hailey's POV

Rolling my head, I get light headed as if I was drinking all night. A splitting pain shoots across my skull and if I didn't' know better, I'd say there is someone hammering away at my temples. A throbbing sensation shoots up my chest when I try to breathe causing me to scrunch my face in response. Slipping my tongue out of my mouth, I run it along my dry, cracked lips sparking a stinging sensation.

I make every effort to push the haze from my head, but my mind reels with confusion and I cannot shake this heavy fatigue I feel. I slowly wiggle a couple fingers on my left hand and feel soft folds of fabric move beneath my hand. I'm on a bed.

"Hailey," Jay's voice echoes.

Drip…drip…drip…

My ears zoon into the subtle sounds of liquid dropping into more liquid along with faint humming and beeping in the distance. My neck feels stiff and when I try to lift my head, I can't. I open my mouth to cry out, yell, anything but no words come out, except for, "Hhhh…"

"Hey, Hailey. Hailey, you are safe. You're in a hospital. I'm here."

I hear Jay's voice again, gentle and warm, as I slowly find the edge of consciousness. I try to open my eyes but my lids just flutter against my cheeks, they feel so heavy; like they are weighted down. I try again, but the world is blurry and out of focus. Nothing looks familiar until Jay leans down. His eyes, soft and glazed, come into focus, and I see the love I'd always seen shinning back at me.

"Hey, you." Jay dawns a smile, so sweet, so tender, so all-embracing that a smile escapes my lips. "How do you feel; do you need a nurse?" He asks, as he reaches for a call button.

"No, Wah…" I gulp down nothing in particular, but work to assemble any amount of moisture so that I can form the word, "Water?"

"Here."

Something solid and pointy comes to rest at the corner of my lips – a straw. I close my mouth around it, and muster up enough strength to draw the contents up. The effort nearly drains what little energy I have in my body. My throat screams out in relief and my stomach rebels with a roar.

"Take it easy. Don't drink it too fast," Jay cautions.

Shifting my gaze up, I stare up at the ceiling and breathe in deeply, hoping to steer off blasts of pain in my head. Then suddenly, a loud buzz behind me has my heart airborne. Then a tightening over my bicep clamps down and a hissing sound rises into the air. The vice on my arm gets tighter and tighter until I know every vein in my arm has to be bulging and ready to explode. I jerk frantically to get way from whatever is grabbing at my arm as flashes of everything that happened comes crashing back into my mind.

"Get off! Get off!" I scream. The hold is getting tighter and I feel like I'm being dragged. The smell of mildew and bleach fill my nose. I become aware of the burning sensation between my legs. "Let me go! Get off!"

"Hey, hey…. Hailey, it's okay…Hailey, no one is touching you. It's the pressure cuff on your arm. Hailey, Hailey..."

Jay's words hardly register. All I can think is It's happening again. My heart is pounding erratically. My breathing seems obscenely loud in this room. I need to get away!

"Hailey…just… Look at me…"

I hear the pain and urgency in Jay's voice and I take a pause.

"Babe, look at me…It's the pressure cuff…"

I turn to the sound of his voice and he is standing next to the bed with his hands up. His breathing sounds labored too and there's a loud beeping that rings out over and over and over. Then, I feel the grip on my arm release.

"Hailey… you are safe. There's no one here. It's just us," Jay's shaky words sets my strangled heart at ease somewhat and I quickly realize it is my breathing that is in distress.

"What's going on?"

A movement in my peripheral vision has me looking past Jay's head to a female figure coming towards me. It's Dr. Manning.

"The grip of the pressure cuff…" Jay says as a way of explanation and the two of them trade glances. The continual beeping of a machine behind me is making me want to scream.

"Hailey, I'm going to check your pulse, if that's okay?"

I nod.

Natalie's fingertips press down on my wrist and another soft hand slides over my temple. "Your heart just shot up. You also look like you ripped the IV line off your arm. How are you feeling?"

The beeping keeps going off, making me grit my teeth. "C-can you take this off?" I ask, pointing at the pressure cuff. "The beeping too?"

Natalie nods, her thin lips curve into a kind smile and her eyes fill with empathy. Slowly the cuff is released from my arms and the beeping ceases. The room is quiet for a moment and I focus on breathing, taking air into my lungs. I do this a few times and it settles my mind, eases my nerves.

"How long…" My voice garbles as I glance over Jay, hoping for another drink. The straw immediately finds my mouth and I guzzle down more, needing something wet.

"Careful. We don't want it coming back up," Natalie warns.

I shudder at the idea of retching in my present condition. Jay pulls the straw away from my mouth and I snap my attention back up. "How long has it been?" I barely get it out.

Natalie's face brightens with a sympathetic smile. "It's been about thirty-six hours. You were heavily sedated. But everything is looking good."

"Okay," I rasp out, shocked that I have been out for that long.

"I need to step out for a second, but I will be back to check over a few things. Are you comfortable or are you feeling a lot of aches and pains?"

I think about the question for a moment and focus on my body. My mind is still foggy, and my head feels as though someone smashed a two-by-four over it. Breathing in large breaths causes slivers of pain to vibrate through my ribcage. It hurts when I blink my eyes and my jaw is sore. Then there's the burning between my legs.

"My…" I clear my throat, "My head is throbbing, and breathing hurts right now."

"I will get you something to help with the pain. In the meantime, try to get some rest."

Natalie messes with a few more things beside the bed, out of the line of sight, and replaces the IV line before leaving the room. I take a couple more sips of water, thanks to Jay, before feeling confident enough to really look at him. He looks just as out of it as I feel. I notice his right hand is bandaged and in a brace.

"What happened to your hand?" I ask, in a scratchy voice.

"I punched a wall. Repeatedly," he says casually. But there's nothing casual about his answer. Nothing at all.

"Not your best idea," I say.

"It was better than the alternative." Jay gives me a half smile and a shrug. He looks at me through exhausted, bloodshot eyes and I become aware of just how gutted he looks.

"Have you been here this whole time?"

He nods. "I wanted to make sure I was here when you woke up."

I nod. I know the feeling. I thought the same thing when the roles here were reversed. Though that feels like lifetime ago. Jay slowly reaches out, putting his good hand on the bed, palm up, a silent request for mine. Obliging him, I place my hand in his and his fingers wrap around mine. He gently pulls it to his lips and kisses it. I smile and our eyes meet. The silence between us is heavy and still, stifling. Different. I hate it. A tear runs down my cheek and I swipe at it quickly.

After a moment, he squeezes my hand and gently asks, "Do you remember what happened?"

I nod. Though the memories are broken, they are stuck. In my head. This kaleidoscope of images that just keeps turning and turning. "Things are fuzzy around the edges, but clear enough," I tell him.

"It was him, right? He did this to you."

I nod. "It was like I was floating outside my body. Pretty sure I watched myself die."

"You didn't."

"I'm not so sure."

Jay is silent for a moment. I can feel the pent up anger stirring within him as if I am the person generating it.

"Hailey, I…" His voice falters. He lowers his head for a moment, and when he lifts it back up, his eyes are filled with tears. He clamps his eyes shut and ducks his head again, ashamed for his lack of control. "I'm sorry, Hailey. I'm so sorry." Jay chokes on a mixture of grief and rage. "I should have been there. I should've protected you. I-I…"

"I-I made an off-the-book move. This is on me. Not you."

"No…. no…no…" He shakes his head. The grasp on my hand tightens. He's vulnerable, I'm vulnerable. It's not a good combination. "I-I'm your partner."

After another silent moment between us, I ask the question that is gnawing at me. "Did you get him?"

Jay shakes his head. "When we got to the house, they'd already left. We set a perimeter, but…" He lets the sentence go unfinished. "Forensics found enough for search warrants and the team is on it. We'll catch him. You just focus on getting better, kay?"

I nod, feeling anger boil up from the pit of my stomach, but it wanes when I feel Jay's thumb tracing softly over the back of my hand. Wordlessly he lets go of my hand, takes a seat on the edge of the bed, and opens his arms. I snuggle into him, and he holds me loosely, so I have plenty of room to breathe. "I'm sorry," he whispers against my hair. The words are pulled from him, a raw agony. After a moment, he lets go completely so that I can decide when the hug will end. I let go, too. The whole process is awkward, but safe. This is his way letting me take control again, letting me dictate how much of my personal space he can occupy and it breaks my heart.

"Maybe you should go. Get some rest." I tell him. "I know how you hate hospitals."

Jay smiles, understanding the subtlety of my request. I need to be alone.

"Yeah. It will be good to eat something other than cafeteria food."

"Maybe we can do breakfast in the morning?" I ask.

He smiles. "Of course. I will see you tomorrow."

He leans down and kisses my forehead. I try not to flinch. "Yeah, see you tomorrow."

Jay leaves and I ask a nurse if I can take a shower.

Once in the stall, I rub my skin raw with the hottest water I can stand, almost to the point of scalding myself. I want him off me. I feel that I can't get clean enough; that there is not enough soap in the world to get me clean again. Then the tears come. They come in big, fat, rolling drops. My knees crumple and my back slides down the wall of the shower until my butt land on the tiles. Ashamed and wracked with guilt, I let my bruised body sag to the side as the sobs shake my chest, and I gasp for air.

I sit beneath the shower until it runs cold. Once again, bits and pieces of my fragmented memory invades my mind, haunting me and I wait for the wave of panic to follow, but this time, it doesn't.

The shock has passed.

I feel numb now.


Thank you for reading! Tried to get this chapter out as fast as my fingers could type. I'm looking forward to Wednesday's episode – seems like we'll got some Upstead. Finally! Cheers!