I never thought of myself as an overly sexual person, just a little bit. Contrary to what a lot of people must think, I'm not a virgin. But I only had sex with one person before, Steven. Which I linda regret, a lot. He was a jackass, and having sex with him was - disappointing.

He was too desperate, too rough, and not in a good way. It hurt a little bit, cause I wasn't so turned on when he began penetration. He didn't do much for stimulating me. He had an orgasm, and it was over. I wasn't even close to having an orgasm myself. I wonder if having sex with boys is always like that. But I guess not all boys are like Steven. And I can't help but wonder how different it would be to have sex with a woman. Would it be more pleasurable?

Sex with Jade would, I'm sure. I nearly cum just hearing her voice, I can't even imagine how It would feel to actually have her touch me, to be able to touch her. I have never been so sexually attracted to anyone in my life, not like this.

Realizing how I feel for her awoke something inside me. She woke a beast of years of feeling sexual tension towards her, and now that I see it, I imagine It, and it's so real.

I focus on breathing properly and spend the rest of the class trying to think of things that turn me off. As the bell rang I saw Jade leaving the class quickly, she left in a blink.

The rest of the day goes by and I can't help but feel disappointed that I have no more classes with Jade.

At lunch I seat at our usual table, everyone is there, except Beck and Jade.

Beck arrives and seats next to Andre.

I realize that the only seat left is next to me, so if Jade comes she will seat here. Banana.

At that realization the goth appears, I see her approach and my heart immediately races. Her presence alone messes with me. I avoid staring at her and her beautiful eyes and hot body- stop that Tori!

She sits next to me and her side brushes lightly against my hip, and I almost shudder at the contact. She is seated with our hips touching lightly and her arms sometimes brushes against mine. I can feel every part of my skin that touched hers, burning. I try to not think about It. Couldn't she move a little to the side?OrJust seat on top of me or something - STOP IT TORI!

"Tori? Are you alright?" Cat asks and I realize I spaced out in my head and haven't noticed them calling my name.

"Oh y- yeah, I just spaced out, what were you saying?"

"We were wondering what happened to you at the party." Robbie asks, and everyone looks at me.

I gulp as I can feel Jade's eyes on me.

I can't help but look at her quickly, wondering if I should tell them she took me home, maybe she doesn't want them to know? But her eyes aren't telling anything, no glare, she just seems genuinely curious as to what I'll answer.

"I-I- what do you mean? I got really drunk, like you guys, that's what happened."

"Last time I saw you there was this perv trying to touch you, and I'm not sure I imagined it but I think I saw Jade punch him in the face. Actually I'm pretty sure I saw him today with a broken nose." Andre says and everyone gasps.

"What? No way, you broke his nose Jade?" Robbie asks in awe.

Everyone looks at Jade, surprised, waiting for her to tell the story, I imagined her denying it. She looked a bit defensive for a second.

"The guy was a douchebag. He was harassing a lot of girls there, tried to mess with me, I wanted to punch him there but he ran away like a little baby. I didn't see him after. When I saw him again he was messing with Vega and I introduced him to my fist." Jade explains and I sigh and look down.

My stupid hypothesis for Jade punching him of Jade caring and wanting me safe just vanished. She was angry with him before that. She was doing herself all the girls a favour. She was not protecting me especifically.

Everyone cheers and keep talking about the party. I try to pay attention but my focus is mostly on the burning parts of flesh touching porcelain skin of Jade's, and I notice that not only our hips but our bare tights too have gotten closer and are touching slightly, sending a huge wave of heat in my lower belly.

Have I inched closer without noticing? Why hasn't she moved away? Did she not realize our proximity?

Then It hits me that she hasn't realized because this wasn't affecting her at all, she was just eating her salad quietly, with a face showing no emotion whatsoever. While I was struggling to breathe properly.

"And Tori and Cat huh? Hot stuff!" Rex exclaims and I nearly choke on my burrito.

"Rex, be Nice!" Robbie tells his puppet.

"Whoa, fill me in here, what happened with Tori and Cat?" Beck asked, a hand on his chin.

"We were playing truth or dare, and they made out in a dare." Robbie explained.

Beck looked very surprised.

"Whoa" Beck exclaimed and stared at Tori, surprised.

Blushing hard, my face was probably bright red at the moment.

"So, hot stuff, how did the girl on girl feel like?" Rex asked, and I felt even more like a tomato.

Everyone was staring at me and Cat, except Jade.

I could sense Jade flinching a bit away from me, as I could no longer feel the heat of her body against mine. I tried not to think about It, but couldn't shake the bad feeling in my stomach. I immediately felt cold, despite the hot weather.

"It was nice. Tori is the best kisser." Cat said, innocent and sweet.

I cleared my throat and tried not to hyperventilate.

Avoiding to look at Jade, but seeing her reactions, as I can't help but notice every single thing she does, I see her stab on her salad violently.

"Was it different from kissing a guy?" Andre asked, genielly curious. But I could see him smirk, as he looked at Jade for a second. I had a feeling he was doing It on purpose, pressing the subject, maybe to ser Jade's reaction?

By now I was the queen of tomatoland.

"Yeah, a little bit, It was more like rainbows. Tori's lips are softer, her skin is softer too. And she smells better. Some guys are like that too, but most of the time they don't smell as good and are way too rough. Girls are more sensitive I guess." Cat explains naturally, as if us, two girls kissing was the most normal thing in the world.

By this time I can feel the guys shocked at Cat's speech, as well as myself.

Jade, on the other hand, looks very uncomfortable somehow, but I can't see her face through my peripheral vision.

"So you're a lesbian Kitty cat" Rex replies, and my heart races at that word. "And you have the hots for Tori."

I feel like the first question was directed to me as well, and it messes with my insides, cause I have no clue about my sexuality anymore.

Everyone looks at Cat expecting an answer.

"No, Tori is just a friend. I don't feel that way about her. The kiss was a drunk experience I guess, like the Katy Perry song, and I liked it. And I don't like all this words, lesbian, straight. Love doesn't care about this words, it's about people, not gender. My brother taught me that, he likes the person, he liked a girl once and now he has a crush on a boy. So anything is possible. I think it's like that for everyone."

Andre steps in immediately, backing Cat up. "That's an amazing way to see it Cat. And I agree with you. I mean, I never felt anything for a guy, only girls, but I guess if It happened I wouldn't be a big deal for me. Sometimes two people just fall in love by accident, or by fate, and they can't fight it. We don't choose who we love. So if the people happen to be the same gender, it shouldn't matter."

I felt very surprised and relieved by their speech. It was the most mature thing Cat has ever said. I also feel funny that Andre looks at me after saying that.

I guess that's what's happening to me. I am not lesbian, or straight. I don't need the words to define it. I'm just a person, who falls in love with other people, don't matter the gender. Most of my attractions so far happened to be towards boys, but now I figured that for the first time I am in love, and its with a girl. And maybe I felt attracted to girls before too, but never realized it, like I didn't realize my feelings for Jade, just because she was a girl.

Robbie does his speech too, saying he probably wouldn't like a guy, because girls are too awesome, but admitting that anything is possible.

I keep my opinions to myself, still feeling funny about the topic, as it made me uncomfortable, but at the same time, glad that I have such accepting, lovely friends, that would accept me for who I am.

Beck agrees and at that Jade finally reacts.

"What? So you're saying you would like to be with a man huh?" Jade spits out angrily at Beck, who is facing her at the opposite side of the table.

Beck sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"No babe. That's not what I'm saying. I'm Just agreeing that love has no gender."

"That's bulshit. Well then go fuck a guy won't you?" And then she gets up and storms off, angrilly. It all happened really quickly, and I haven't seen Jade this angry in a very long time, even during her jealous displays towards Beck, that now when I think about It, I haven't seen her do that for a while.

Beck apologizes and goes after his fuming girlfriend.

It makes my stomach drop. His girlfriend.

She's his girl. Not mine. Never mine.

Jade is in love with Beck. Only him.

And she would never feel something for me.

Not only because she loves him, but also because I'm a girl.

The rest of the day, and for the next few days, Jade was completely absent. I never saw her at her locker at the times I was at mine, maybe she was showing up earlier at school. I didn't share any classes with her, she skipped math on wednesday. She never showed at lunch all week, and Beck said she was using lunches to work on her writing, cause she wasn't being able to do much creative stuff at home. He didn't say anything else. I couldn't help but notice that he seemed very sad, and tired. I felt my stomach drop every time, as I walked around school with alert eyes, searching for her. I was so desperate to see her that I started to hang around all this different places in school, even got as far as going to her favorite coffee shop after school. But she were never there. It was like she turned into a ghost and It made me really sad.

I couldn't sleep well at nights. I kept having nightmares that revolved around her.

it was this week that I noticed how huge It was, this hole I feel into. I wasn't just attracted to this woman. I was missing her whole self as a person. I missed her presence, her voice, her bitchy remarks, her dark sense of humor, her personality. I missed her presence so much it hurt.

Friday came and I knew I would see her. We had acting class together.

I was at my locker getting books as Cat was next to me going on and on about a topic that I had no idea what was cause I wasn't paying attention. I was too fixated on the door, hoping anxiously to see a certain goth girl enter, said girl who completely stole my heart and turned me into a complete and utter mess.