Seriously I need to find a new way to upload rather than copy and paste… Something told me to reread the last chapter and whole words are missing… This is really frustrating… please pardon the missing words until I figure this out… My page breaks are not even in the right place. Anyway, I feel like my writing has been a bit dry lately (I'm not the most descriptive person in the world but I'm trying to improve) Bear with me I've been flying solo (no beta) the last six chapters I think... I'm going to try and edit the old chapters when I have free time. Ugh I hate copy and paste… I tried uploading the chapter this time… On to the Chapter...

Chapter 14: I Always Do This To Myself

"Where are you going?" I feel her pull away from me, shifting the weight of the mattress.

"To brush my teeth." She lets the dark purple sheets slip away from her form, exposing her tiny waist and round hips.

I yank her back down to the bed for a quick peck on the lips. "What for? Stay here with me." I pull her back side closer so she can feel what she does to me. " I can go for another round." I kiss the sweet spot behind her ear waiting for her permissive moan. I don't want her to regret this. I don't want her to push me aside. Being second to Seth, has never been acceptable.

"But we shouldn't. I want to be able to walk yah know." She sits up again and looks at me with those beautiful eyes from over her naked shoulder. "Come on let's go brush our teeth. I think I have a spare toothbrush somewhere in there." She slips her robe back on, giving me hope of talking her into letting me inside again. I don't want her to act like last night didn't happen, like it was just sex.

She leads the way, pulling me by my hand into the tight space at the sink.

And there it is, I knew it was too good to be true. I knew she couldn't make a clean break. Two toothbrushes resting in the holder. He has a toothbrush here? What's next clothes in her closet? "Which one's his?" You can't ignore this, especially if your going to leave his belongings in plain sight.

I couldn't help myself. I couldn't contain the jealousy. My tone must have shocked her because all she could do is stand there with her back to me, eyes staring at me through the mirror.

I repeat myself, this time trying to mask my frustration. "Which one belongs to Seth?"

"The black one." I can barely hear her whispered response. What kind of hold does he have over her?

Without a second thought, I grab the black toothbrush and toss it in the trash bin. If she won't do it, I will. I don't give a damn about his 'hurt feelings'. If she won't just tell him it's over, I will make her tell him it's over.

I reach out for her wrapping my arms around her small waist, undoing the sash or her robe, letting my calloused fingers drag across the delicate skin over her belly. I have to let her know she's mine now. I'm not letting go for anybody, definitely not Seth. I'm done playing nice. I have to take what I want.

His hand slides up past my right breast and around my neck as he stares into my eyes through the mirror. He holds my gaze in a lustful trance that I have no desire to break. His other hand reaches down to my clit, rubbing soft, methodic circles. Something about his hands are possessive and gentle at the same time. He knows his strength inside and out.

I let my head fall back and rest on his chest. For some reason, I trust him enough to take a little control. My eyes slam shut as I feel the heat and wetness pool at my center.

I yelp as his finger enters my slippery center. His lips hit my sensitive spot on my neck leaving wet kisses.

"Tell him it's over." He grips at my body like he's begging me to obey his every command. Before I can regain control, he removes his fingers and impales me on his thick shaft from behind. As he takes a deep stroke, he presses his lips to my ear "Tell him you belong to me." Jake catches my earlobe between his teeth moaning a deep raspy "Bella".

I don't think I'm ready to let go of my control completely, but he gently squeezes the sides of my neck holding me in place, only allowing me to breath. I never let anyone choke me during sex, but this new feeling stirs something hidden within me. I search his eyes for something I should fear, but there's just Jacob studying my reaction. There is nothing animal or out of control about his grip or gaze. It's like he's studying my every move.

I only get wetter as he deepens his stroke saying my name over and over again. I start twitching around his cock from the electric undercurrent in his slow deep strokes. I'm so wet, I can't keep myself from gushing, essence running down my leg. It's like I'm coming but I'm not coming down. It just keeps going and going. My knees are shaking uncontrollably. He wants me to obey.

"Jake I - " I will obey. I will yield because I can no longer resist. My breathing gets shallow and my vision is hypnotic and dizzying. His grip around my neck has tightened slightly, and I like it. I like when he takes control.

"Tell him you're mine." He starts to speed up the pace, drawing guttural moans from both of us. His commanding voice sends vibrations from his chest into my back.

I arch my back to deepen the stroke. "Oh yes, right there! You feel so good inside me." I don't want him to stop until I can't remember my own name.

"Shit, Bella, every time I whisper in your ear, you get wetter." His hand on my hip tightens as he changes the angle of his dick. He purposely hits my spot over and over. "Tell me you're mine Bella. Tell me there's nobody else."

"Oh god, it's yours. I'm yours, nobody else's. Oh fuck! Don't stop." And he doesn't stop, our breathing labored and ragged. I can't get enough. It's like he's dragging fire through my pussy over and over again. I grip the sink tighter, bracing myself for my request, harder. " Harder, do it harder." I whine out in waves of euphoria.

He lets out a rough moan as he thrust into me harder and harder. I'm so close, my face bunches up as my lips form his name and yell out so loud I bet the neighbors could hear.

He forcefully rides out his explosion in two deep thrust spilling his seed inside me. My pussy continues to grip him in pulses like its begging for more of his hot release.

"Jesus, Bella." He kisses up and down my neck and face, his arms holding me to him. "Don't show that face to anybody else."

-**-**-**-lapse*-_*_

After we take a shower, we silently get dressed. I grab a warm jumper and leggings from my dresser.

What have I walked myself into? What have I just promised him? It's like he put a spell on me. What have I done? I'm not sure I was even ready to make a choice.

I haven't even figured out how I'm going to tell Seth not to come into my bedroom anymore, to stop using the spare key and stop leaving his things here. He deserves an explanation. What am I going to tell Seth? 'Jacob's so good in bed I couldn't say no?' I better think long and hard before I say something that ruins our friendship.

"Come with me today. I want you to meet my dad." He breaks me from my internal guilt in a split second with his ludicrous idea. Meet his dad. Really , after the shit he pulled at the dinner, I don't think he would want to see me again. He may be an old man but I doubt he could forget about all that was said, whether it was months ago or not.

"I already met your dad." I hand him his pants and make busy finding his other sock. Hope that he would drop the subject was wishful thinking.

"I want to introduce you as my woman, not Kenny's teacher." One minute he's telling me we're together. The next minute he wants to introduce me to his dad, who thinks I'm some sort of prostitute.

"I don't know. I'll think about it." Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed. I don't even know if I can show my face around the reservation at this point. I know people talk. Enough nervous energy stirs within me that I start moving around my room straightening things up.

"What is there to think about?" My nervous tornado dance falters at his pushy advance. I square my shoulders and prepare for this looming argument. I straighten the striped lampshade on my bedside table, trying to focus on anything but Jacob.

"How on earth are you going to introduce me Jake? ' Hey dad! This is Bella, yeah she's had phone sex with my friends, but I think 'she's special'." I can't help but let the self-deprecating sarcasm bleed from my deeply rooted insecurities. I move to the other side of the room before I lose my nerve.

"I already explained everything to my dad. He understands, and he's not judgmental. Lord knows if he was, he would have disowned me years ago." He tries to take on a warm tone, but I know it still bothers him. I wonder how much his friends told him about our little hotline conversations. We should both just be real with each other. There's no need to sugar coat.

"You're his son, Jake. Your dad will probably look at me like some cheap hooker. No to mention, we don't even know If this is going to work out yet. Let's just-" I keep trying to explain that I understand how others see me. I keep trying to give him a way out. He should really take heed to when a person tells him who they are.

" I wouldn't be here unless I knew I wanted to be with you. And I wouldn't introduce you to my dad unless I was serious. And you told me you were going to stop doing the hotline thing. Besides, I thought last night meant we were serious. I thought this morning was you letting me in." His raised voice takes a pause, springing his hurt, accusing gaze on me. "Or is this about Seth. Are you afraid of what Seth thinks about us? If you can't tell him, I will."

"He's my best friend. I will tell him. I told you I can't just throw him away like trash. I'm not ashamed of being with you. But I'm not throwing my best friend away either. I want both of you in my life."

"Then prove it. Come meet my father." I roll my eyes at his relentless request. He pulls me toward him enclosing me in a heavy, secure bear hug.

"Okay, fine." I don't even know why I try at this point. I'm just going to let this shit happen.

"Okay, good." He relaxes into our embrace and releases a breath of relief.

"I'll let you know when I'm ready." I chicken out at the last minute. I'll do it, just not right now.

"Bella." He pulls away slightly with an exasperated stare.

"I said I'll let you know when I'm ready, just not today okay?" I keep telling him: I'm not that nice. I'm not that good. And I was never that pure. But something inside me starts to hope he does stick around. I do want a family. Seth was right. I want to feel wanted and needed. I'm just afraid there won't be enough acceptance in the world to grant me my wish.

Man I've been thinking about Jacob and the severity of his distaste for Bella's hotline job. Do you all think he's ashamed of Bella or just upset that his friends know her on a sexual level…?

How do you think Seth with react to the news? Keep the reviews coming! I can't get enough of your guys' thoughts. Thank you for reading!