Chapter 15: LETTING GO
It was quite admirable that through her muddled mind, Hermione still managed to return Brook's greeting with a weak brief smile. She didn't respond on his offer for a tea though, hurriedly exiting the International Transit Area right away. Along the way, she reminded herself to control her breathing, chanting hold on, not here. Her heart beat faster and her vision becoming blurry.
She reckoned she couldn't trust herself to Apparate anywhere in this state, but she needed to be somewhere, anywhere, where she could be alone. Unfortunately, her staggering leg couldn't even able to bring her pass the fountain. Which was how Harry found her, ragged breath and knuckle's white for gripping the fountain's edge too hard.
He rushed toward her, wrapping his arm on her shoulder.
"Hermione, you okay?" he enquired, sounding as if it came from far away.
There's three seconds delay for her fuzzy vision to identify him, it was her ears that recognised his voice first. Her lips made some movement but no sound came out so instead, she gave a shaky nod. However, her trembling lips and pleading look was noticed by her friend.
"Malfoy, secure the evidences and make preliminary report. Leave it on my desk if I haven't be back when you're done. I'll do the rest," he commanded over his shoulder.
Only then that she realised that Harry wasn't alone, a blond wizard in dark robes was standing behind him. She didn't have time to note his reaction though because Malfoy just wordlessly left without protest as Harry seized her into his hold to support her. She was barely aware of her surrounding when she felt a sucking sensation of Apparition.
The next second, they were materialised in the much cleaner living room of Grimmauld Place. On the right time because Hermione had reached her limit. She collapsed on the floor, bringing down Harry with her, and dissolved into a sobbing mess.
Harry must be bewildered by her crying heap but even though he didn't know her reason, he cradled her into his arm, whispering, "Shh ... it's okay, Hermione. It's okay," while stroking her spine soothingly.
Conversely, it only made her renewed her weep. She burrowed her face further against his chest, clutching his shirt tighter. The snot running freely from her nose must have ruined his clothing, but he didn't seem to care. He kept holding her for the next half an hour later, even when his feet were dead for remaining still that long.
When her cry eventually dissipated into soft whimper, Harry guided her to stand and then deposited her into the settee. She didn't unleash her vice grip on his shirt so he sat beside her, arm on her waist.
"They're gone," she choked out, wiping her nose with her hand to prevent ruining his shirt any further.
She felt he went tense for a moment before tightening his hold on her. Harry was aware of her plan to visit Australia today so he must know who she's referring to, yet he didn't say anything and only continued running his thumb over her palm.
"I waited in the usual park, they'll always go there for their weekend walk but –," she let out a short hiccup. "but they never appeared so I went to their house and they're gone."
Tears flowed on her cheek again, she snivelled for a time but Harry steady comforting hand slowly calmed her. She took mouthful of air, filling her lung, before she spoke again. "They sold their practice, their house. Nobody knows where they went."
"They left Australia?" he clarified cautiously, holding his breath.
She sniffed, nodding weakly. "They left on May. They told them they want to travel the world but they sold everything. They don't plan to return. Why Harry, why they left? Now I really lose them, I'll never see them again."
Seeing her eyes welled up again, he swiftly gathered her into his arm. "Shh, we'll find them okay. We'll track them," Harry cooed.
"They can be anywhere," she feebly argued.
"Hey-hey-hey, look at me." He cupped her cheek, forcing her to face him. "Listen here. 3 years ago you went to Australia alone and you found them easily, but now you have me, you have Ron, you have Ginny. You have more resources than 3 years ago. And do you forget that I'm Auror now? My job is to track people, Hermione. Even the Minister of magic can attest that I'm quite good in my job."
"But they're Muggle."
This might be the first and only time Harry eye rolled her. "Oh please, I'm not some Pure-blood who has no clue how Muggle world works."
She nodded weakly but didn't look convinced yet.
"I don't know where to start," she muttered pitifully. "Nobody knows why they left. It was very sudden, they've only been there for 4 years."
"Do you think that ...," Harry trailed off, alarmed.
She shook her head faintly. "No, I didn't find any trace of magic there." Her expression turned glum again. "Is this my punishment, Harry? I drove away my parents and now they really leave me?"
"Hush, what are you talking about? Remember, you told me that your parents love travelling right? It's normal for couple to go for a long vacation," he assuaged her. "And if you want to blame someone, then blame me. It all happened because of me."
Hermione opened her mouth to protest but Harry pointed a scolding finger at her to silence her.
"You are The Brightest Witch of Her Age and they said that I'm The Chosen One. With Ron, people call us The Golden Trio." Hermione scoffed at the monikers, but Harry continued on, "Together, we found and destroyed Horcrux despite the insufficient clues. We're also defeated the most feared Dark Wizard in recent history. So believe me Hermione, we most definitely can find your parents. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Ginny will want to join our latest adventure. And I've learnt in hard way that when Ginny want something, she'll get it," he said the last part in light playful tone and it succeeded to coax a smile from her.
Hermione nodded, this time with more certainty. She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing. "I think I need to stop celebrate my birthday for awhile, Harry. Only bad things happen, it's like I was cursed," she murmured softly.
.***.
She admitted that she was being coward, hiding at the Balcony. Then again, within only the last three days Ginny and Harry had managed to suffocate her with their attentiveness. She knew that they did it out of love, not pity, and she did appreciate that but they had overdone it. Then last night, she'd also seen a message on their DA Galleon that Ron would return from Romania which meant either Ginny or Harry must have told him about her parents.
Typical Ron. Didn't he realise that his message would appear in all Galleon? She had to think how to alter it so it could be used to send private message before real private information was accidentally shared to unintended person. Maybe she'd ask Harry or Arrington, Auror Office must have a method to communicate with each other beside owl post and speaking Patronus, right?
Or maybe it was just Ron being Ron, returned to England for her birthday. Despite saying that he'd wanted to spend summer with his brother, it's obvious that he did it because of their recent 'breakup', he needed space. Yet he would come back willingly to celebrate her birthday, especially after the abysmal episode last year, he would try his best to make it up for her. And if he knew about her parents, she was sure he'd do everything in his capacity to help her find them.
The sweet and kind-hearted Ron, maybe she'd never meet anyone like him ever again in her whole life. To this day, when she was alone like now, sometimes she lamented whether her decision was right.
Ron was a safe option, but she wasn't ready for relationship right now. She had a lot of things to fix first and to throw a relationship in the mix wouldn't be wise. On the other hand, it would be wrong to take advantage of his compassion and stringing him along.
Yes, it was the right decision. If she's lucky, maybe she'd have her second chance, somewhere in the future when both of them were ready. But for now, she had to accept the circumstance and not denying the reality, including about her parents.
Deep down, her brain could fathom that the possibility of finding her parents was slim, close to none. Of course she would have better chance if she got some help from Interpol, by Confunding an agent maybe. But even as a joke, it did sound atrocious. So instead of hanging on a false hope, would it be better if she just gave up and accepted it as it was?
She got up and strode to the edge, leaning on the balustrade to enjoy the landscape. Even the weather was in agreement with her melancholy mood. Everything looked grey; cloudy, no sun, but the rain was unwilling to drop by, and how the leaves were on the beginning of changing colour only made it looked pallid and dreary.
The noise from the door open disturbed her contemplation, but she didn't turn around to know who's coming. By the sound of it, her presence seemed like to surprise him instead which was understandable since he'd witnessed her near breakdown on Sunday. There's eight minutes of silence until the click of door closing was heard, he might be pondering whether he would stay or leave. A faint sound of footstep indicated that he decided the former.
"You're here."
"Hi, Malfoy," Hermione responded evenly, not moving her gaze from where it was.
She didn't really put his arrival in mind, most likely he would leave her alone in her own thought. That was how their arrangement anyway, sharing space in the same vicinity. So naturally she was stunned when he approached her instead, proffering a small paper bag.
"For you," he said flatly.
Between confusion and curiosity, she took it from his hand. Inside was a book, an old book judging from the dirty yellow colour of its pages. Carefully, she took it out from the bag and she gasped.
Revisiting Magical Lore by Eustace Hordwill was written with golden ink on its leather cover.
"Where did you get this?" she demanded. "Do you realise how rare this book is?"
He shrugged. "Keep it. It's technically mine, so I can do as I please with it. It's been collecting dust for years anyway. After this, you won't have any excuse about wizarding bedtime story again," he added flippantly.
She leafed through the pages as gently as she could manage with her shaking finger. Her lips trembled, her whole body shivered from containing her excitement. It smelled like an old paper but still in very good condition, the script was still clearly visible and readable. She caught glimpse of several illustrations; Elf, hairy human, a structure resembled Stonehenge ...
Since she's found the annotation, she'd been hunting the book high and low everywhere with no result except for some information that the original was written in German and believed to be lost while there's only eight known copies of English (and only foreign) translation existed which was expected to be heavily guarded in some collector's shelves. Not even Hogwarts and Ministry Library had it.
"You sure you want to give this book to me?" she clarified in disbelief.
He stuck his hand out. "Give it back if you don't want it."
"No! I'm keeping it," she recoiled promptly, pressing the book onto her chest hard. "Today is my birthday. I consider it as gift so you can't take it back, ever."
It was a very childish reasoning, but he looked amused.
"Ah. Happy birthday then," he said wryly.
She beamed brightly and without a thought she uttered, "Thank you, Draco!"
The name just slipped through her lips and it was already too late when she realised what she'd said. But this was not her first slip up in front of him so instead of apologising for overstepping, she charged forward. "I can call you Draco, right?"
If he's surprised with her forwardness, he didn't show it. "Well, that's my name."
She presented him with a smirk that she hoped can rival his. "You can call me Hermione if you want. I've considered you my friend, you know."
"Well, thank you for the honour but I'll have to decline. It's too mouthful, I'll go with Granger," he refused drily.
Her lips quirked, his sullen haughty behaviour made it too tempting not to tease him. "Is it too hard for you to pronounce it?"
He raised his eyebrows higher, looked affronted. "I can pronounce it just fine, Hermione."
A smug and victorious grin was plastered on her face immediately and lingered for awhile, but he ignored it. Languidly he lay on his usual bench she'd occupied earlier, propping his hands under his head and closing his eyes.
This was the first. Sure they had caught each other napping here, but never once any of them took a nap when the other was around. Hermione was also aware that he's more guarded than her, so this said something for their dynamic. Being a Gryffindor, she decided to strike ahead, testing this new territory.
"I heard about your father," she said blandly.
If she didn't watch him closely, she would miss how his body went tense for a moment. But that was the only reaction he let out. He kept still, eyes closed.
"Potter told you," he stated curtly, still in the same position. There's an edge in his tone, though Hermione couldn't interpret what it was for.
"No, I was checking Pure-blood register and I saw that the Malfoy estate is registered under your name. I know it's tied on bloodline so for it to be under your name, the previous owner should already be gone."
She didn't get any response so she went on. "I'm not sorry, Draco," she confessed bluntly. "I won't lie to you. I'm sorry that you lost your father, but I'm not sorry that Lucius Malfoy is dead."
He didn't react. Even in normal situation, it's hard to ascertain his demeanour, more so when he's still.
She remembered how he used to gloat about his father back then in their early school year. It's obvious for everyone that his father was his everything. What happened later on more or less must have shattered whatever impression he had. Putting it in mind, his last breakdown was appropriate. It must be the day he found out.
She felt she owed him something for witnessing his private moment. That's why he'd gone to this place that day, to be alone. Yet, by chance she'd been there and without each other consent, she had witnessed what must be one of his lowest moment. She could imagine he must fell vulnerable and exposed that time.
She felt obliged to do something for him. And didn't she just declare him as her friend awhile ago? With that resolve in mind, she tried again.
"In our last year at Hogwarts, you accused me of daydreaming," she narrated. Recognising that her stare might make him feel scrutinised and become defensive, she leant her body on the balustrade and shifted her gaze to the sky.
"You're right. It was my lowest point and my mind often blank out. Twice I sleepwalked, wandering through empty corridor with no recollection on how or why I was there. The after effect of the war and losing my parents had really taken toll on me. It took awhile, but in the end I can accept it. And now, I really have to let them go for good.
"You see, although they still breathe and walk freely under the sun, but technically I killed my parents. While as for them, I killed their only daughter. I took away their life, erasing their existence. By definition they're basically dead, just no bodies to be buried. But now, I might as well hold a funeral ceremony so I can get my closure."
She paused for a moment to preserve her composure, heaving a long sigh.
"They're gone," she stated flatly. "Sunday when you saw me at the atrium, I've just returned from Australia to visit my parents, or to watch them from afar to be precise. But I found out that they no longer lived there, nobody knows where they go." She blinked, just so the wetness in her eyes didn't pool on one corner. To ensure nothing would escape, she titled her head upward. "I can't help to think that maybe this is my punishment. But I want to believe that this is the universe telling me to stop clinging to the past and move on."
She had shed more than enough tears in the past three days, especially this morning as she lay awake on her bed, remembering what day was today. Yes she'd lost some, but she also still had other that she might lose if she didn't drag herself to move forward.
"I never know whether he ever saw me as his son or just as his heir."
She was jolted from her reverie by his voice, she didn't anticipate him to say anything after all. With a quick sideway glance she noted that like her, he was also staring to the sky. His expression was vacant of any emotion. She returned her attention to the cloudy sky, letting him to continue if he's willing to.
"It's always about duty to the family, everything was revolving around the surname I carry. Long ago, I convinced myself that he cared about me in his own way, including when he said that he became Death Eater for the better of our family, that it was for my future."
He sniggered self-deprecatingly. "And look where it brought me today. I can't even decide should I be glad or sad with his passing."
"Past tense," she remarked. "But life still goes on, Draco. And despite all of that, there's still more to come that can and will happen later on. It's a big world, a lot to explore. "She sighed loudly, turning her gaze to him. "In fact, that's what I'll do. Start anew and stop hiding. I learnt in very hard way that it's always better to face it head on."
"Gryffindor," he scoffed under his breath.
She lifted her chin proudly. "Yes, I am. But I thought a Slytherin ought to know how to slither, not just staying idle. Or am I wrong?" she challenged.
An amused smirk took a shape on his face. "Very well, Granger. Very well indeed."
...***...
Her pale flowing dress swirled as she turned around and he was stunned because this was the first time he saw a frown adorning her face, her usual smile was also conspicuously missing. Moreover, her golden locks was strangely sparkling more than usual.
"I'll be honest with you," she said concisely. "This time, I will not be able to reason him. I can't even comprehend why or how he did it. It was clearly a breach of his duty."
He blinked, startled, grasping at her words. The nature of her attitude somehow had distracted him more than before. Eventually he noticed the incongruity surrounding him.
There's a slight altercation in the Flow, something like a blip here and then whilst righting itself. Dare he claimed that he could feel soft breeze passing him, it's a sense he's very familiar with after all, something that was hard for him to mistakenly define. And it's possibly true because when he looked closely, he caught a seamless wave on the surface of the pond. Regardless how she always played with it, this was certainly very unusual.
"You're affected," he noted solicitously.
"He granted a Gift. His role as Praevians is to Guide, it's not his place to interfere." She gazed longingly to the centre of the pond where the splash of light emerged. "I've done everything I can think of and not once, never I was able to disturb the Flow. But to do it from out there ... I'm astonished."
He felt a tingle on his cheeks and to release the sensation, he twitched the corner or his mouth slightly upward.
"Is that the word you choose, Amber? I have to congratulate the Praevians for his accomplishment then. Here comes a time he made Praeses amazed."
She shook her head faintly and, finally, offering him her tender smile. Yet, this was one of smile he never saw before, which naturally instigated a different tug of feel in his chest he hadn't known.
"A pure soul was affected. From then, his life will be bound, so do every one in his line. It's the only way to return the balance," she said pensively, almost in whisper. "I presume you will react differently. It must be a rather noteworthy Ripple you dealt with."
He would contemplate the shift in her conduct later. There're a lot of new discoveries he gathered at a time and he preferred to give exacting consideration for each one, wouldn't want to miss anything or misconstrued things.
"Surprisingly no. It was a young soul, in the first place it always has many possibilities ahead." Still in his serene demeanour, he averred, "Furthermore if I knew you've reprimanded him that way, it won't be necessary for me to assert it again to him."
It succeeded to incite her bright wide smile, spark of mirth in her eyes. Regrettably, it dimmed as fast as it appeared.
"So this is what it supposes to be," she reflected pensively.
He yearned to touch her hand, just to know how it felt like, but he refrained. "How could I know what plan Fate has, Praeses."
She nodded in affirmation. "There would be a price to be paid, there will always be," she stated. "For Phiero as well, that's how it works. Nonetheless if he was questioned, most certainly he will do it again, never a regret."
"How each Anteris can be so different," he noted.
She tilted her head curiously. "I do wonder," she started conversationally," you keep calling me Anteris or Praeses. Even though with your rank, you're allowed to call me by my name, especially as we're not on a Rite here."
He maintained his facial expression. "Isn't it what you are?"
"Indeed," she huffed. "And it's true that I'm Amber, but the Almitas had given me a name of Eiliea."
"I prefer Amber," he interjected lightly.
She looked amused at his answer. "Is my name too hard for you to pronounce, Your Highness?"
"Are you accusing me of being lazy, Your Eminence?" he countered in similar frisky tone. "And I remember I gave you permission to call me by my name as well, right? Yet not once you ever voice it."
And the crisp sound of her lively laugh had made its return.
"Oh, I will," she chirped cheerfully. "Somewhen in time."
A/N:
If you haven't guessed from chapter 4, the amber part is from Greek mythology of Heliades. It's said that they turned into poplar tree as they mourned their brother's death and then their tears turned into amber.
