Rain pattered down against the thin grass, running down it's blades before squelching into the soil. The shower of footsteps against the dirt send clumps of it flying up into the air, where it would further meet the rain. The harsh sound of the droplets hitting the ground served to amplify the angry, wild yells that bellowed through the forest, bouncing from tree to tree. A large wild hog galloped through the woodland, hooves sinking into the dirt as she chased the three ninjas in front of her. Their usual garbs were now obscured in favor of three matching rain-ponchos, one orange, one blue and one pink.
"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Sasuke shouted, as the hail-like raindrops rolled down his poncho's plastic. It was clear who his anger was directed towards as Sakura hadn't even gotten a chance to do anything before the bore had been set off. They weren't in any immediate danger, mind you, the tree climbing technique allowing them to soar through the forest's peaks with no immediate fear of the Boar.
"Shut up! It made sense in the moment!" Naruto yelled back, struggling to not only focus on maintain solid chakra flow but also yell at Sasuke over the occasional crack of thunder that would ring out. Despite the poncho's protection, water had managed to drip into his hair. Its color shifted from its usual bright yellow into a somewhat muted dark blond.
"What'd he do?" Sakura asked as the trio of genin parked themselves on a particularly sturdy looking tree. Their vastly superior speed had let them gain a decent bit of distance on the creature, though this did nothing to stop its oncoming assault.
"If he'd just used shadow clones to get the fucking thing to the trap, we'd be fine but nope! He turned to me with a big fat smile on his face and went "Sasuke look at this!" and then he kicked the boar in the leg!" Sasuke ranted, while Naruto pouted to the side. They'd received a report that a wild boar had stumbled into the more public-areas of one of the west Konoha forests. Due to the forests naturally large trees and easy navigation, the Hokage had sent Team Seven to escort it back to its natural habitat. The plan had been simple, they'd lure it over to a classic "leaves placed over a big hole trap", it'd fall in and Kakashi would escort it back safely. This had been thrown out the window when instead of using shadow clones, Naruto had done exactly what Sasuke said.
Sakura turned to him with a questioning gaze. "Why would you do that?"
"I was trying to sweep it off it's feet so then we could just carry it back!" Naruto responded defensively. This was so stupid that Sakura's brain temporarily short-circuited. You could see her hand start to move in what was probably an attempt to scold Naruto, before it just stopped after she realized what he'd said. There were too many questions. Why hadn't he just used the shadow clones? Why had he only tried to sweep one leg when the boar had four? It was a big boar; how did he think he and Sasuke were going to effectively carry it if it wasn't even knocked out? Overall, her thoughts were too varied and vast to be successfully communicated, so she said just one thing.
"What?!"
That summed it up pretty nicely.
"Also, that's bullshit. I've seen dogs with brooms in their mouths that swept better than that kick did. What's the real reason you kicked it?" Sasuke added on. Naruto briefly curled his lips up over themselves, before settling with a slight smile.
"Okay, okay…I thought it would make a funny sound."
This may actually have been dumber than the fake reason he'd given, a fact which was clearly shown by how Sasuke and Sakura just silently stared back at him.
"What?! C'mon Sasuke, it was pretty funny! I was like "blamp!"" Naruto said, ending his sentence with a surprisingly decent impression of the animal. Sakura tilted her focus towards Sasuke, who was holding a hand over his mouth in an attempt to make it seem like he hadn't just laughed a little bit at the sound. Both of his friends saw through this though, with Naruto outright calling him out on it.
"See! You laughed then, and you laughed when I kicked it too."
"Well, it depends what constitutes a laugh-"
"Don't give me that bullshit. You laughed."
"I exhaled through my nose but my mouth didn't move."
"That's a laugh!"
"No, it's not. Look- "Sasuke quickly snorted outwards and turned back to Naruto. "That's not a laugh. For all you know I could've been clearing my nose."
"Yeah, but you weren't! You were laughing at my funny joke."
"No, I wasn't! Sakura, does a nose exhale count as a laugh?"
Sakura brought a thoughtful finger up to her cheek, staying stagnant on the tree for a few second.
"…If you did it in response to his joke, then that counts as a laugh,"
"HA!" Naruto exclaimed, as the Uchiha boy slammed his hands down in anger. He fell silent for a few seconds, attempting to gather up something of a counterargument, before turning back to the other two.
"But, let's just clarify something- "
"Oh, here we go." Naruto jeered.
"I wasn't laughing atthe joke itself; I was laughing at how lame it was."
"That's still laughing at the joke though." Sakura pointed out.
"Yeah, but I don't think Naruto's intention was to make me laugh at how he said-" Sasuke's voice was brought to a mocking tone. ""Hey Sasuke, look at this!""
"Shut up asshole, you're just putting words in my mouth now."
"That's literally something you said!"
CRACK!
Any conversation was halted by the feeling of the wood moving below them. An animalistic growl from below indicated that the boar had caught up to them. The initial swell of fear between them was very small, until they looked down and realized how sharp the boar's tusks were, as well, as how smart he was apparently. Instead of continually charging against the tree like an oaf, the boar was using his tusks to slowly but surely tear through the wood.
"Fuck! We need to negotiate a truce with him, like right now!" Naruto screamed as the tree wobbled once more.
"Oh, and how would you propose we do that?!" Sasuke asked, more terror present in his tone than usual.
"It can't be that hard. Ya' know boar brains are just as big as human brains?"
"That doesn't mean they're as smart as us!" Sasuke growled once more, having to shout to make his voice heard over the intensifying raindrops. Before either of the two boys could proceed into what was sure to be another dozen or so pointless squabbles, Sakura sprung upwards, tentatively balancing herself on the branch.
"Quick! We need to circle round so he can't see us. Then Naruto can cast a shadow clone and lead him off." She explained, plan earning head nods from her squadmates. They wasted little time putting it in motion, their chakra flow resuming its position at their feet. As they curved around the other side of the tree, it's general lack of width forced them to assume an almost totem-pole like formation length-wise. This proved incredibly difficult, with the rain water that ran through the crevasses of the bark disrupting some of the technique's effectiveness. Chakra walking allowed the user to stick to any surface they pleased, and while the rain water didn't do anything to actually void the use of chakra by itself, its slippery texture served to make it that much easier to lose your footing. As a result, Naruto was rather urgent in his summoning of the shadow clones.
Immediately after said summoning, the clone dashed down the tree, reaching the ground just in time to meet the boar's gaze. It immediately began to give chase, charging after "Naruto" with a loud growl while the rest of Team Seven let out a small sigh of relief that any danger had been sent running out of the area. They still stayed up near the treetops for the moment though, only fully touching the ground when the clone dispersed. With it brung forth the memories of the clone, which included the boar tumbling into the large pit after being duped by a fake-out jump. Not so long after, Kakashi emerged from the tree, small torn tuffs of rope being attatched to his gloves
"Good work out there, you three." He said. "I put in under paralysis. Chunin'll be down here in a few minutes to pick the thing up."
"Will we have to watch over it until they arrive sensei?" Sakura asked, question stemming from a precedent. Kakashi briefly thought it over before returning his eyeline to the trio.
"I don't think we will. I've got summoning dogs watching the area. If it does by chance make a miraculous recovery, I'll know before it can do anything."
Sakura nodded her head in acknowledgment, while Naruto felt his stomach rumble.
"Well, if we can just leave, I'm going over to…" He rustled through his pockets, eventually picking up a small, cream-colored slip of paper. His eyes briefly scanned over it, attempting to read something that was shown on it. "…Tetsuo Ramen House!"
"Off of Ichiraku are we?" Kakashi asked with a strange swell of disappointment in his voice. The emotion turned out to be unfounded as Naruto immediately went on the defensive, flailing his arms about like a maniac.
"No way! I've just got a voucher for this one, is all!"
"How'd you get that voucher?" Sakura suddenly asked him, clearly suspicious. After all, aside from maybe Iruka, the only people he could think of that would give Naruto a voucher were all currently standing around him waiting to see who gave him the voucher.
"Oh, Old Man Third gives me tons of 'em. Cause I don't have parents ya' know? I'm sure Sasuke gets them all the time as well."
"Yeah, of course." The look Sasuke flashed to Sakura right after he said this indicated that he was lying.
"Anyway, do you guys want to come? This voucher gives me three free bowls."
"Sure." Sasuke said.
"Sorry, I can't. My mum would probably throw a fit if I was late back home." Sakura added, face flush with an unbecoming embarrassment. Both Naruto and Sasuke turned their attention towards Kakashi, who had become visibly bored.
"I can't either. I have a meeting with Lord Third." He grimaced through his mask while the rain trickled down the nylon of the flak jacket. To be having a meeting with the leader of the whole village was way too big of a thing to just be casually dropped into conversation like that, something the Uchiha boy noticed.
"Wow, that's a real left-field choice for his successor." Sasuke sarcastically shot back, earning a loud laugh from Naruto.
"Can you imagine? No one would ever get anything done." He said, in-between bouts of laughter. Kakashi raised an eyebrow in intentionally comedic ire.
"Careful with that pre-mature treason you two."
Naruto and Sasuke didn't listen to the advice, walking off while laughing over any different scenario they could come up with that involved Kakashi being Hokage. Sakura followed along with them, waving a goodbye to her teacher. The copy ninja simply raised up a hand to replicate the effect. Soon enough, the three of them had disappeared into the rain leaving Kakashi standing there alone. He let out a loud sight to no one in particular, before beginning to walk towards the Hokage building.
It would be rude to describe the Hokage as "annoying". Maybe because of that term had child-like connotations towards it that were inaccurate. Kakashi had met with Hiruzen a few times, and the one word that he could describe him as is "rambling". Yes, that was the word. When he got going, Hiruzen could talk for years and not notice the time fly by. Maybe it was because Hiruzen had lived through so many eras of shinobi, that he just had so many things to say or maybe it could've been that being the longest-serving Hokage in history and your only companionship being Danzo Shimura was a combination for boredom.
"More tea, Kakashi?" Hiruzen asked him, snapping the man out his inner-monologues.
"Yes, please." Kakashi said, prompting Hiruzen to take hold of the small porcelain pot that had sat between them. The sitting room was nice, mostly beige in color. There was little furniture aside from a small desk that held assorted pipes toward the back. Hiruzen was never a big fan of furniture in the first place, often times complaining that it "hurt his back". This a clever exploitation of his age that he used to indulge in floormats and the like (as shown by the ancient scrolls and writing that were littered around the Hokage buildings walls, Hiruzen was still enamored by Senju-era ways of living and didn't want to give them up). Despite his usual grumpy demeanor, there was no doubt that Hiruzen could be mischievously cunning when he wanted too.
Kakashi took a quick sip from his cup. The tea was light, maybe a little too light for his tastes but he wasn't about to tell the most powerful man in the country that. Instead, he asked a question that really should've been addressed the second Kakashi walked into the room.
"Why exactly did you call me up here, Lord Hokage?"
Hiruzen sat there for a few seconds, as if he himself couldn't remember the reason, before shuffling slightly under himself.
"I wanted to discuss your team. Seven, correct?"
Kakashi nodded.
"What about them?"
"Kakashi, your team has completed an unprecedented number of missions for their time together."
"Is that right?"
"Yes, it is. Team Seven is completing missions at a rate and effectiveness we haven't seen since the Sannin."
"That's…great to hear." Kakashi said, briefly pausing to make sure his response didn't contain too much emotion.
"You're telling me. If we could get another Sannin like team, I'd be ecstatic." Hiruzen smiled but it was fleeting, as his eyes quickly became crooked with seriousness. "I'd just like to know if there was any…dysfunction, around them like there was with the Sannin."
Kakashi's response was instantaneous.
"None at all Lord Third. In fact, it's been a long time since I've seen a friendship as strong as the one between the three of them."
Hiruzen immediately relaxed upon hearing his statement, taking a sip of tea before speaking again.
"That's a weight of my shoulders. I will admit, I had my reservations about them considering their shared circumstances, especially Naruto and Sasuke. Those two, even just from their personalities…" Hiruzen paused to try and find the right words, only to come up empty. "I'm just glad to know their getting along. You more than anyone would know that that kind of yin-yang energy between friends works, wouldn't you Kakashi?"
Kakashi's smile was visible through his mask, obviously catching the Hokages tone.
"Yes, I would."
"Anyway, as a reward, I got you these. God knows they don't learn enough about it in the Academy."
The third reached a hand into the pockets of his robes and retrieved four slips of paper. Black font had been stamped onto them, identically spelling out the same words. He immediately realized what they were. They were tickets to the theatre.
Admission One: The Creation of Chakra
The entrance to the Konoha theatre was undoubtedly beautiful. Tobirama had had it installed, if Kakashi had remembered right, and even with Minato's refurbishing of it, there were still clear Senjuist decisions lingering in the architecture (made clearly apparent with the decorative carvings that were apparent in even the most benign of places).
"Wow, it looks so pretty." Sakura idly said, with the support pillars that held up the building looking way out of place in today's Konoha. It made sense as well, Konoha theater was only really celebrated by elders who had more money than the younger generations so anyone rebuilding it would do their best to keep the infrastructure at least somewhat close to its Senjuist roots. It should also have been noted that the theater scene in Konoha was awful, at least in Kakashi's opinion.
Maybe he was just too much of a "play purist" to be able to appreciate it. Afterall, he could still vividly recall using missions as opportunities to see Suna plays. That's where the theater scene truly blossomed and was a part of main-stream culture. Over here, plays were usually poorly-acted with sub-par visuals due to lack of innovation within the industry itself. The only joy he could take in watching the play they were about to see was that he'd already seen the Kiri version and could mentally laugh at the things that had been botched to hell in this one.
"Check this out!" His attention was quickly directed towards Naruto, who was holding out yet another voucher, this one embroidered with the words "Konoha Theater" on it. "I got this one a few years back and thought I'd never use it!"
"What do you get with it?" Sasuke asked.
"A free drink." Naruto bragged back, smugness lingering in his tone as if he was holding a Sage-given scroll in the middle of his hand instead of what was effectively just a can of soda.
"Right. I'll give you a hundred and fifty ryo for it." Sasuke said, squinting over the other boy's shoulder. Naruto almost fell for the trick, but Sasuke's too obvious glance gave it away. The Uzumaki boy spun on his heel, following his friends eyeline to the menu that lay over the bar. It read:
Assorted Soda- 250 Ryo
"Ah! Asshole, you almost got me!" Naruto growled, before reaffirming his grip on the voucher and making a beeline for the bar. "I'll be back in a sec."
Kakashi just continued to watch the streets outside through the glass framing of the theaters entrance. It wasn't as rainy as the other day, but there was still a bit of drizzle falling from the sky, hopefully the last of it. Kakashi liked the rain in short bursts, but after a weeks' worth of storms and thunder, you grew tired of not seeing the sun. It had been sunny the first time he'd been here, but the rain trickling along the glass made it seem so far away now. So very far away.
Naruto had to admit he was taking pause as he walked up to the bar. He'd retrieved a full menu from one of the little pamphlet holders on the wall and had no idea what any of these drinks were. He was used to drinking sodas that were more sugar than actual liquid, packaged in neon colors that were sure to make you stop as you passed it on the store shelf. These were all fancy sodas, their names being accompanied by words like "brewed" "bubbled" "sparkling" and others that Naruto understood in a regular context, but not when they related to soda. Eventually, he settled on a "grapefruit ricari" because it was the only one that had a word he actually understood. The man at the counter looked fairly normal, albeit bored, with his expression not changing as Naruto walked up to him.
"Hi, I'll have a "grapefruit ricari" please." By the way the man looked at him after he said that, Naruto could be sure he butchered the pronunciation to the point where the counterman had probably had to take a few seconds to try and decipher what he'd meant. It was about five seconds until it clicked, with the man grabbing a small bottle from under the bar and placing it back onto the countertop. It was glass, but unlike the bottled forms of soda Naruto would sometimes drink, the glass had been fancily stained into a purple color.
"That'll be two-hundred and fifty ryo please sir." The man said, only to be meet with the voucher that Naruto had been clinging onto. He picked it up, briefly analyzing it.
"That should cover it."
The man looked up at him with a confused look.
"No, it doesn't. This is expired."
There was a long stretch of silence, Naruto freezing up as the information that had just been told to him tried to work itself into his brain. It was almost creepy the way he just stood there; eyes dopey with a thousand-yard stare. Then, suddenly, he burst back to life with renewed vigor. He snatched the voucher back out of the counterman's hand before said man had even realized he was once again moving. There was a real ferociousness in his gaze as he scanned over the paper, doing a good job of making the act of reading seem intense.
"No! See, the 5th of May, that's today!"
"Exactly, it expires today." The man shot back unimpressed.
"Wrong! It expires at the end of today, that's what expires today means."
"Well, that's not what it means here buddy. Store policy says- "He closed his eyes as he attempted to launch into some monologue, only to be cut off by Naruto poking his tongue out and crossing his eyes.
"" Store policy says- ""He mocked with child-like snark.
There was a brief pause between the two of them.
"…Store policy-
""Store policy- ""
"…Store policy"
"" Store policy""
"Sir, if you don't stop, I'll be forced to call in security and have them escort you out of here."
This made Naruto halt his imitation game. He was unaware of Kakashi's distain for Konoha theatre, and had set in fought in the building under the impression that his teacher harbored a love for all things related to plays. This meant that he did not want to piss him off by being kicked out for mocking the guy at the bar. Instead, he decided to walk away the bigger man…for about five seconds, until he came back to utter one final rant at the other man.
"You are a conman, a thief and possibly a liar."
"Okay."
What followed this pathetic exchange as an equally awkward one where Naruto attempted to reach over the counter and grab the drink only for the man to pull it backwards out of his reach. For a split-second, Naruto's brain told him to jump over the counter and snatch the drink that way but he settled for simply walking away while shaking his fist in a way he didn't think anyone actually did outside of manga.
"It's complete bullshit- "
Sasuke nodded along with Naruto's ramblings, not really interested in paying them any mind. He was more focused on their surroundings, that being the theater room. The same pillars that stood proudly through the halls of the downstairs area were present here as well, creating a sort of "V" shape along its sides leading up to the main stage. The room was dimly lit, at least in comparison to the lobby, with its lack of illumination being tied to the lighting rig that had been positioned on the ceiling. Sasuke had noticed it while absent-mindedly flicking his sharingan on and off as he'd grown to do when he was bored. The lighting set-up seemed to be controlled with a combination of wires for moving the lights around, as well as lenses which would be placed over the lights to filter their brightness into different intensities and colors. He thought it was somewhat impressive.
What definitely, wasn't impressive was the rooms seating. Seriously, they must have miscalculated how many seats the auditorium could fit and not wanted to give up their initial estimate, because the chairs were literally the closest you could possibly get between them without having two people's heads be touching. It was fine for now, with Sasuke and Naruto being the only two in their section aside from a rich-looking man to the Uchiha's far left, but as soon as even Kakashi and Sakura came back from getting food, it'd be impossible to move without plonking into one another.
"Hey, what're you talking about?"
Speak of the devil, Sasuke thought. Sakura came walking down from the entrance, holding a box of what appeared to be miniature pastries of some sort. With the clear amusement on her face, she had obviously caught the tail-end of whatever Naruto had been going on about. All Sasuke had managed to catch from the other boys five minutes' worth of rambling, had been that there was some sort of miscommunication over the expiration date and consequently, Naruto had been forced to either pay for his drink or not use the coupon.
"The stupid counter-guy didn't let me use my coupon because he said it's out of date, even though it expires at the end of today. Said it was "store policy" or some bullshit like that. Moral of the story, that dudes a conman, a thief and possibly a liar, jury's still out on that last one."
From the way Sakura's cheeks temporarily puffed up, Sasuke could tell she desperately wanted to laugh but held it in as to not redirect Naruto's wrath towards herself. Her face quickly shuffled into something more questioning.
"But Naruto, the drinks are only two-hundred and fifty ryo. Don't you have that?"
"I do, but I shouldn't be having to spend that two-hundred and fifty ryo on principal."
"Right. Anyway, you want one of these." She held out the box over to Naruto, who looked at them with what almost looked like suspicion.
"What are they?"
"I can't pronounce the name, but their like little chocolate triangle things."
"Okay, thanks." Naruto grabbed one and immediately bit into it, chocolate filling slightly spilling over onto his cheek.
"Do you want one too Sasuke?"
"That'd be nice, thank you."
Just to hammer home how cramped the seating was, Sasuke somehow managed to overreach, by sheer virtue of not thinking Sakura could be that close to him. He soon corrected his mistake however, and grabbed one of the triangles. Then Sakura took her seat right next to him and he realized something incredibly bad. He was literally bunched up right next to her, to the point where her head was nearly on his shoulder as a result of both the forced closeness of the chair and the disparity in their heights. Story short, it was weird and it wasn't like she could really shuffle over to the right either, because then she'd just be doing the same to some random person or Kakashi, which would be weirder. This was assuming she could even realize anyway, because at the moment, she seemed completely oblivious (mainly because Sasuke couldn't hear Inner-Sakura screeching).
The burden fell on him to course correct, so he scuffled himself over to the side next to Naruto. The two of them were significantly closer in height, so it didn't look quite so awkward but there was an immediate roadblock. Naruto had been enjoying the space and wasn't going to give it up for (in his mind) no reason.
"Get off my side asshole!" Naruto lightly kicked his friend in the leg to try and repel him.
"I'm just moving slightly to the left." Sasuke kicked him back, a tad bit harder than Naruto had.
"Yeah, and by doing that you're stealing my territory."
"You've got no one next to you, so just move over a bit." As soon as the words came out, Sasuke realized how awful an argument that was.
"Uh, one, someone'll probably sit next to me later, there's barley anyone in this room yet. Secondly, Sakura doesn't have anyone next to her, why don't you ask her to move?"
"I can move." Sakura added.
"No, I didn't ask you to move I asked him to move."
"Well, I'm not moving so she's gonna have to move." Naruto's point was sloppy in its execution but undeniably sound in its logic.
"Look, just move your feet slightly to the side- "
"I'll move my foot slightly up your ass in a minute."
"You wouldn't be able too, I'm sitting."
As always, Naruto and Sasuke's squabbles quickly devolved into something far, far away from what they had been arguing about in the first place. This one was cruder than usual, and probably would have caused a slight scene had Kakashi not finally made his way back from the bathroom or wherever he'd been.
"You two. Settle down, no one who's here to watch the theatre wants to hear about this." Kakashi took his seat next to Sakura, as he'd been coming in from the right entrance. Realizing that Naruto would probably continue to kick his leg the whole night through should he continue on this crusade, Sasuke resumed his original position closer to Sakura.
"Goddamn, I always forget how cramped the seats are." Kakashi ideally murmured, scampering around in his chair.
"How much do you want to bet they promised the village a certain number of seats before they built it and then left it till last?" Sakura said with a laugh.
"Maybe they just wanted a really intimate theatre experience?" Sasuke added, with a small smirk. Once again, Sakura let out a giggle before taking another bite out of her chocolate triangle. The four of them continued to joke away, mostly about the small chairs, with the room gradually beginning to fill up with seats until, before any of them knew it, the lights began to dim. A small, suited woman started to give an introduction to the play that went entirely too long for Naruto's liking. The play was about Konoha's "rich, vibrant, varied" history, yeah, he got it. He couldn't wait to see how they sucked the Fourth Hokages deadbeat dick in this one.
The boy inwardly sighed, slumping his chin down into his hands as the woman's words began to become white noise. From the corner of his eye, however, he saw a small ray of light spinning around through the darkness. A set of three people made their way down the steps, two of them eventually nestling into their seats while the third was-
That counter guy!
Naruto's head exclaimed. He must've been leading a late couple to their seats, but Naruto wasn't focused on that. His gaze lingered on his long enough that when the man turned around, his eyes met Naruto's. Not wasting a second, Naruto made a "slashed throat" gesture which obviously repulsed the man, as he stormed off. He was half-ready to chase after him, but the sound of instruments on the main stage brought his attention back to the play at hand. The same lady who'd given the introduction sat off-stage and acted as a narrator.
"Our story starts with a girl. Kaguya Otsutsuki of the legendary Otsutsuki clan."
Violins began to play in the background, with ambient noises of frogs chirping being replicated in a surprisingly competent manner. The stage had been set with props that included a matte painting of a castle as the background. The girl who was portraying Kaguya sat next to a prop pond and tree, skin pale with long white hair that ran down her back. She ogled at the "water's edge" occasionally giving a long sigh.
"She wanted nothing more than a friend to keep her company, but due to the high-status of the Otsutsuki clan, she had none. She hadn't left the confines of the palace grounds even once, as she had no need. All her education was at home, and the Otsutsukis couldn't risk their prize daughter getting into hijinks. Kaguya was tragically alone."
Kakashi noticed that the play had forgotten to mention that the Otsutsuki family single-handedly kick-started the Konoha slave-trade. It was unsurprising though, out of the two "chakra-creation" countries, Konoha's worship of the Otsutsukis went further then Kiri's, who generally kept their adoration capped at Hagoromo. The white-washing was not unexpected, but still annoying to Kakashi, only getting more noticeable as the Kaguya-centric section of the play continued. He had to admit, the production on it was surprisingly slick nevertheless, and the actress who played Kaguya was pretty good. Eventually, after the play had gone through a depiction of the consumption of the chakra fruit (an obvious myth), Kaguya had ran out to the pond to escape her parent's overbearing nature.
The violins returned in full force, as Kaguya began to sing a song number while doing over-dramatic chorography around the tree.
"To be stuck here alone, is that my destiny? Bound along by the unyielding chains of my legacy?"
The song was catchy, Kakashi gave it that. Suddenly, the lights dimmed on stage as well, with a cyan light being directed at Kaguya's hands while she clutched the tree. Sasuke briefly titled his head up, sharingan activated to try and get a closer look at the lighting rig in action before he quickly remembered that the sharingan glowed in the dark. Not intensely or anything, but enough that the guy behind him would be probably focused more on what he'd just saw then what was actually going on on stage. Speaking of on stage, the blue glow subsidized and light-beat piano started pumping through the air.
"Kaguya, possessing the chakra given to her by the fruit, discovered she had the power to tap into the realm of souls and infuse life within anything she pleased. That tree, receiving the amalgamation of her loneliness and sorrow, split into two beings known as the tree people, Kaguyas first friends."
Kakashi nearly burst out laughing as two men in whole body black and white suits walked out from under the tree. Now, as bullshit as it sounded, all evidence had pointed to Kaguya being able to restore life into objects and the like but the first beings she summoned were not called the fucking tree people. Kaguya's journal had always been treasured, and its writings, while still written in Otsutsukish (the language of all five nations, at least now) contained words that had been lost to time, including the name of the tree beings. The direct translation he'd heard was "Zetsutuates" but this was strongly suspected to be grammatically incorrect and was not considered fact. Off the back of this butchery of history, came a duo of falsehoods.
"Kaguya went on to share the newfound gift of chakra with the civilians."
Wrong. Kaguya had just been the first person (on record) to ever use it, and the Otsutsukis had stopped at nothing to monopolize that. It was only when they got word of civilians beginning to replicate her abilities (albeit without the power of life) by simply thinking about using chakra that the clan staged an event where Kaguya "gave" chakra to the masses.
"In what was apparently a miracle, Kaguya became pregnant despite never having intercourse with another person. Her power of life knew no bounds."
Obviously, this was bullshit. Kakaskhi didn't know the exact story, but it was heavily suspected that Kaguya had had an affair with a lower-level citizen. This was never confirmed, but it was really the only realistic option as Kaguya's "power of life" had only be noted as "instantly instilling life onto its target". Creating a working embryo inside herself was far beyond her capabilities, and wasn't even how her abilities worked anyways. Kakashi wanted to sigh, but he knew the people around him would start shooting him dirty looks, so he held it in. Maybe he'd come in expecting too much from the show, after all, Konoha was the polar opposite of a politically and historically informed village, that he knew all too well. He decided too just ogle at the production value for the next hour or so, and hey, this part was about Hagaromo, who he was generally interested in.
"At 56 ACC, Hagoromo Otsutsuki was birthed into the world."
The scene of Kaguya's labor on stage quickly shifted, to a small, white-robed child with brown hair fidgeting idly on the other side of the pond. His eyes had been masked with purple contact lenses that looked like they could fall out at any second. Kakashi immediately went back on his vow of "turning his brain off" and why wouldn't he? Now the production value wasn't even consistent.
"His birth had led to a startling discover. A dojutsu, called the Rinnegan."
Naruto audibly groaned as another song number started up, this time one about Hagaromo feeling isolated because of his eyes. It was boringly similar to the one that Kaguya had sung at the start of the play, and not by design either. Boredom had reached a fever pitch for all but one member of Team Seven, with Sakura actually seeming somewhat invested in what was going on the stage. Naruto and Sasuke, in the meanwhile had launched headfirst into a game of foot tag. The objective of the game was apparently to tap the other persons foot, making them have to tap yours back. Obviously, this game was quickly cut short when Naruto and Sasuke began to get to into it. Their stomps became loud enough that Hagaromo's actor awkwardly looked back at the audience in an attempt to try and see where the heavy sounds where coming from. The game was halted as Kakashi half-heartedly shushed them, but despite this, he probably found their antics more entertaining than what he was actually supposed to be focused on.
"At the age of eighteen, he emancipated from the Otsutsuki household and begun to walk the road of the six paths, discovering each and every facet of the Rinnegan."
Kakashi felt his one exposed eyelid subconsciously force itself to snap shut. He had read every available literary work in Konoha about the six paths, a dance routine where a dozen extras recapped a legendary story in about fifteen minutes with awful-chorography did nothing for him. The tale of Hagaromo walking the six paths of soul and mind deserved more than that, as it was only the most important component of the modern-day Otsutsuki religion. Hell, he could recap it in a matter of seconds and make it sound more interesting than the actor on stage singing it could.
The first path he discovered was the deva path, capable of manipulating gravitational pull. Hagaromo wandered the frigid snow-capped mountains of what would come to be known as Kumo, harsh winds yanking him down to the ground only for him to push himself back up. The Asura Path, he discovered in the midst of the initial Iwa civil war. By fighting in that war, he discovered how to smith and transmute weapons using only the elements present to him. The Human Path, with the ability to manipulate, distill and control chakra itself was found through deep meditation in the latter-to-be Konoha. Using the Rinnegan, he bridged the gap between spirit and reality with perfect balance. This would later become the basis for the ideology of Senjutsu. The Preta Path was derivative of this, Hagaromo mixing the Human Path with the basis of the earths movements that he found deep in the deserts of Suna (then called Sabbiah) to create the ability to redirect and reverse the flow of ninjutsu.
The Animal Path was devised when Hagoromo wandered the cold, damp forests of Kiri in winter, where he would observe how impressive the natural wildlife's survival instincts were in comparison to his own. With it, he gained complete control over his body's functions, allowing for self-thermoregulation and improved natural healing. Frostbite that racked his body was dispelled in a day thanks to his control over his own body heat and blood flow. Finally, the Uchu Path allowed him limited control over space-time, as he could cut through space itself as if it were solid object, as well as make objects of threat disappear into the nothingness of a far-away void.
Kakashi almost wanted to swear at how badly butchered all this had been, but then again, it made sense. The walking of the Six Paths was a big enough tale for its own play, which the Kiri version had been essentially. In this one though, it had been portrayed as brief filer for act one, probably because they wanted to talk about Hashirama, but then you can't even talk about the most important points of Hashirama, because those involve Madara, and you're not really allowed to talk about Madara. He supposed maybe this play could maybe be the genre breaking rebellious masterpiece that covered the Valley of The End and Tree of Remembrance, but considering how hard they'd been sucking up to Kaguya earlier in the play, he wouldn't be holding his breath.
"With his abilities mastered, it seemed like Hagaromo was ready to settle down into a normal life but he could not. Realizing the near omnipotence given to him by the rinnegan, he could only settle into a life of isolation. Keeping himself alive using the powers gifted to him by the dojutsu, Hagaromo went onto to live for the next three hundred years. That was, until a boy with a will forged in fire, and a mind sharpened by wind sought out his wisdom. That boy was named Hashirama Senju"
This had been the ending in the Kiri alternative, but here it was only set-up for the second act.
"Okay, we'll be taking a brief intermission now." The narrator had gotten up on the stage once more, lighting in the theatre switching back to a more illuminated appearance. Almost all of Team Seven let out a sigh of relief.
"That play straight-up sucks." Naruto said, slamming his hand down against the table. Sasuke nodded in agreement, while Kakashi grimaced his face into his hand.
"I agree. Having to sit through it all was more akin to torture than anything resembling entertainment."
"I thought it was okay." Sakura said, absent-mindedly slurping on her drink's straw.
"There's always one." Sasuke joked back.
"Well maybe it's because I'm fourteen and you guys are still thirteen. Maturity increases with age, so I just get the deep themes of the play." It was obvious from her tone and smile that she was being sarcastic, a fact which was at least somewhat lost on Naruto.
"Yeah, well, Kakashi-sensei's like, forty-five years old and he hates it too."
"Hold on. I'm not forty-five." Kakashi said, with a raised eyebrow.
"You look like you're forty-five." Naruto responded, bluntly.
"How would you know? You've never even seen my face."
"Sometimes you can just tell." Sakura added.
"Yeah, plus you know all that history stuff. Maybe, you're even older!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing a finger at Kakashi.
"How old are you anyway Kakashi?" Sasuke asked, ignoring the other two's barley-coherent ravings.
"I'm twenty-eight, twenty-nine in September."
"Do you think you could spoil the rest of the plot for us, so that we can skip out on seeing act two?" The Uchiha followed up his question with a completely different one.
"Well, I wouldn't want to spoil it for Sakura- "
"No, that's okay. I mean, the play was fine but not that fine"
Kakashi looked over the three of them for a second, weighing his options before the thought of just how tedious and boring it would be to sit back in the theatre for another hour informed him that there was only one.
"Fine. Hashirama is a member of the massive Senju clan, who were one of the clans responsible for the warring states period where in two clans both tried to stake their claim on Konoha land. Just to be clear, there are three periods of war in Shinobi history, even if only two of them are actually called wars. The Warring States Period is known as the First Shinobi World War, because of Suna interreference throughout the middle part of it. The Second Shinobi World War came late in Tobiramas reign as Hokage, and was Konoha, Suna and Iwa against Kiri and Kumo. Kiri never quite let up on their acts of aggression against Konoha though, and the Mist/Leaf tensions served as what was, in all reality, an on and off Third Shinobi World War that only truly ceased after, one, Minato Namikaze's death and, two, Mei Terumis democratic election to Mizukage."
"Where you involved in any wars, sensei?" Sakura asked, realizing that Kakashi wasn't that much younger than Minato would've been when he died. The question weirdly caused the man to freeze up, if only for a second, before he said, in a tone lower than usual:
"Yes, I was involved in the middle third of the Leaf/Mist conflict."
"What about Lord First? What happened to him?" Naruto asked, surprisingly interested in the answer.
"Well, Hashirama clashed with Madara Uchiha for control over Konoha land."
Naruto and Sakura both turned to Sasuke with surprise. The Uchiha took it in stride, however, as over the years, he'd gotten used to the reaction. It wasn't unexpected that people would be curious when your elder was the most notorious terrorist in Shinboi history.
"Yep. He's my great-something grandfather."
"Woah, did you ever meet him?"
Sasukes face swirled up with a mix of annoyance and bafflement. "Naruto, do you know how old I would have to be to have been able to meet him?"
"Yes. Madara died fairly young as well. After the warring states period had settled down, he'd attempted to seize power from the newly appointed Hokage Hashirama only to get slain for good. This battle is known as "The Great Culmination" and was appropriately fought at the "Valley of The End". This was also the battle where Hashirama ended up with a serve injury to his stomach that rendered his once god-like chakra control stunted. He was still a capable leader, and ruled for a long while after, but he was never quite the same. If I can guess correct, this would probably run up to the end of the play, only with some nameless ninja being subbed in for Madara."
"We're not missing much then, are we?" Sasuke said, to which Kakashi nodded.
"Act 2 is now starting, please return to your seats." The voice of that same suited woman came bursting through the now-open doors of the auditorium. Every member of Team Seven locked eyes, as the reality of being stuck cramped up listening to some guy dressed as Hashirama jump around pretending to fight raced towards them.
"Should we leave?" Kakashi asked to which was answered by a unanimous "Yes."
They quickly began to dart towards the exit, practically speed-walking. It almost went off without a hitch, almost being the key word, who's existence only came to be thanks to Naruto's wandering ears. They walked past the bar on their way out, which would've been fine under any other circumstance. Naruto didn't hate the counterman that much, at least, until he saw what he was doing. An attractive woman had walked up to the counter, holding a voucher identical to Naruto's.
"Hey, I have a voucher but it says it expires today. Does that mean at the end of the night or has it already expired?"
The counterman didn't hesitate.
"It expires at the end of the day, so you're all good." He said, adding a fake laugh at the end of his sentence.
Naruto saw red.
It was around ten minutes later that Kakashi emerged out from the theatre. In the meantime, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura had been sat on the sidewalk, waiting on him. In Naruto's opinion, it hadn't been that bad. All he did was say that the counterman was "a conman, a thief and definitely a liar" before vaulting over the counter in an attempt to snatch the grapefruit drink from it's confines. It could've been worse is what he was saying.
"I think that went well." Kakashi said, having just talked to the theater manager.
"Really?" Naruto said, perking up somewhat.
"I was surprised too. The manager seemed really subdued about the whole thing. He emphasized that he held no ill-well to any of you."
"That's cool. Maybe if I can go talk to him- "Naruto started, only to be cut off.
"Oh, you're banned."
"What?!"
"Yep, for life. He does not want you in the theatre, he doesn't even want you near the theatre. In fact, we should probably get moving now."
"That's bullshit! Fuck him." Naruto growled, standing up to his feet.
"I mean, were you ever going to go back to the theatre though?" Sakura asked, her question giving Naruto pause. His angered expression eventually subsided into a pout.
"Yeah, I guess. Let's just go- "For some reason, Naruto sounded almost torn up about the fact that he could no longer go somewhere he really didn't want to go. It wasn't as much that he ever wanted to see a stage play again, and more so a natural reflex to his hated life of isolation. Nevertheless, the four of them began to move down the lane, heading home towards their respective houses. The sky was darkened through time, Kakashi guesstimating that it was somewhere between five and six at night. Street lanterns began to light up and storefronts had become more illuminated to try and pronounce themselves.
"Damn, all that over a stupid drink- "Naruto murmured to himself, sticking his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, some stupid drink." Sasuke added, holding something out to Naruto. Something purple.
"What?! How'd you get this?" The Uzumaki boy exclaimed as he grasped the object in his palm. It was none other than the drink that had been rightfully his.
"I snatched it while the guy at the counter was busy dragging you away."
"Right on. Thanks, Sasuke!" Naruto beamed at him, before fixing his attention to the bottle. The look in his eyes resembled a predator eyeing up its prey, which only intensified as he unscrewed the bottle cap. He forcefully shoved it into his mouth, taking a large gulp that sent the pink liquid bouncing around through the glass.
And then he promptly spat it out.
"Ah, this tastes like shit!" He exclaimed, rubbing a sleeve over his mouth in an attempt to remove even the slightest particle from his mouth. "Sasuke, taste this!"
"Fuck no."
"Come on, just a bit to see how bad it is."
"Nope."
"Oh? You scared of grapefruit or something?"
"I'm scared of the germs that are accumulating on that bottle because you stuffed it up your mouth like a goddamn lollypop."
Kakashi briefly looked backwards to observe the two bickering. No doubt it would turn out like it always did, with Naruto and Sasuke going off on something completely unrelated and Sakura having to play the neutral party yet there was still something entertaining about their squabbles. He didn't know quite what it was until he saw Naruto stomping around one more time It was because he remembered doing the same thing when he was young.
That yin-yang energy between friends.
He knew it better than anyone else.
