Reconstructing Rome
By Indygodusk
Chapter 15
"The thing I love about Rome is that it has so many layers. In it, you can follow anything that interests you: town planning, architecture, churches or culture. It's a city rich in antiquity and early Christian treasures, and just endlessly fascinating. There's nowhere else like it."
CLAIRE TOMALIN
After a battle fought completely with words instead of guns or fists, John Sheppard won command of all military forces on Atlantis. It had been a long time since he'd fought so hard for something he cared about so much. Even longer since he'd won such a fight.
He tried not to think about how or if his argument with Rome had influenced his actions. He didn't want to give her that much credit when he was still so frustrated. However, he wasn't so arrogant that he couldn't acknowledge that it was the unflagging support of Elizabeth Weir that had really tipped the odds in his favor.
Even after his confirmation, he still spent several weeks in meetings, followed by the flight back on the Daedalus, which had flown back to Earth to pick them up as soon as it had completed repairs. He wished he could've just gone through the stargate straight back to Atlantis, but the SGC feared using up too much energy from the ZPMs by opening gates across galaxies too often.
John had been away from Atlantis for too long. He had a lot of unfinished business he'd been forced to leave behind. The way he'd parted with Rome throbbed worse than a sore tooth. With distance, he could admit that he should probably say sorry for a few things, but she definitely owed him an apology first.
The Daedalus finally arrived at Atlantis after an eighteen-day journey.
On stepping into the gateroom, John's muscles unclenched for what felt like the first time in months. It felt almost euphoric. He was returning triumphantly to Atlantis, the city he'd bled and nearly died for, a place and people that finally wanted and needed him as much as he wanted and needed them. The sour knot in his gut that he'd been carrying around for too long—and secretly begun to wonder if it might be an ulcer—disappeared.
For once, he'd gotten exactly what he wanted. He was back on Atlantis, back as the appointed military commander and deferring in city matters only to Elizabeth Weir—a woman he both respected and liked.
And Rome was here.
The polished floor tiles, arranged in elegant patterns of circles and triangles, reflected the aquamarine arch of the stargate around Elizabeth and John as they moved into the heart of Atlantis. John soaked it all in — the grand staircase covered in glowing Ancient writing, the vaulted ceiling leading to the jumpers, the balconies filled with scientists and soldiers welcoming them back (though missing the one scientist he couldn't help but look for), and the stained glass windows decorated with what had become familiar and comforting silver, grey, and gold geometric shapes.
Every cell in John's body lit up as he was mentally mobbed by a dogpile of ecstatic Ancient programs. The abrasive silence in his head disappeared. The lights around the room brightened in greeting. Mathematical symbols licked across his mind. John took his first full breath in what felt like weeks. He was home.
John's eyes glided around the room again, looking for one particular pair of blue eyes and still not finding it. Rome hadn't come. He felt deflated, with a stirring of indignation.
Then the crowd moved and he caught a flash of blond and a familiar stubborn chin up on the balcony in the back corner. Rome was talking to Radek Zelenka and a scientist he didn't recognize. John's plummeting spirits caught an updraft and soared.
John forced himself to focus on duty and began greeting the people rushing forward. He'd have time enough to track down Rome soon for a conversation that was best done in private anyway, considering how upset she'd been the last time they'd talked. She'd been mad, but she'd get over it. She always had in the past.
Now that they were posted in the same place he wanted to give a romantic relationship another try. He'd missed her more than he was prepared to admit to anywhere outside the privacy of his thoughts. Avoiding her so thoroughly before he'd left for Earth had been a mistake. Yes, he'd been angry that she'd put herself in danger by leaving Earth, but she was correct in that it was her choice to make. Neither the incident with the Wraith in the corridor nor the bomb in Weir's office had really been her fault either. John was ready to forget and just move on. Hopefully she wouldn't be too difficult about forgiving and forgetting too.
John wanted Rome back in his life. He still might not be smart enough to keep a genius like Rome's attention long-term, but John was going to try and let the future take care of itself. After all, he might die in a firefight next week or be transferred out again next year, both events that would kill the relationship just as thoroughly. They might as well try. She might never put him first in her priorities of knowledge and fame, but something was better than the nothing he currently had.
Moving into the main meeting room, John was greeted by Major Evan Lorne, the man assigned as John's new 2IC. "Colonel, it's great to have you back." Dark-haired, tanned, and square-jawed with a sardonic sense of humor, Lorne had been transferred over right after the siege. He'd taken charge of the military while John was debriefing on Earth and fighting to retain his posting on Atlantis and proved himself dependable and hardworking.
They exchanged a few words, but after a minute a tingle on the back of John's neck had him excusing himself and turning around to search the crowd. He found Rome standing in the doorway staring at him. As soon as he tried to catch her eyes and gesture her over, she swiveled away and moved to where Elizabeth and her assistant were talking with Colonel Caldwell.
It could've been a coincidence.
John fought a frown as he watched Rome, followed by Radek Zelenka, move to greet Elizabeth. Radek seemed to be doing most of the talking. Maybe Rome was tired. Eyes tight, she crossed her arms and leaned back on one leg, hovering at the edge of the group instead of trying to make herself the center of attention.
Taking a breath for courage, John moved to stand next to Rome. She wore a short-sleeved shirt in blue-gray that made her blue eyes pop and hugged her curves loosely but delightfully. She looked beautiful. Goosebumps rose along her arms at his proximity and the space between them felt electrified. John felt like a shriveled houseplant given water and sunlight. Everything in him perked up at having her so close and urged him to get closer. She had to be feeling it too because her breathing hitched.
So he felt confused as she turned until he faced her shoulder, putting him perpendicular to her body. She didn't acknowledge him otherwise, just continued to watch Elizabeth talk to Radek and Colonel Caldwell.
"What, no hello?" John tried to keep his tone light and teasing despite her unwelcoming body language.
Rome turned her head toward him but kept her body angled away. Her cool eyes didn't lift above his chin. "Welcome back, Colonel Sheppard."
Okay, so she was still mad. John took a breath and tried again. "It's really good to be back. I missed you. You don't seem surprised to see me return."
"I'm not." Her eyes flicked up to his for a split second, making him feel warm despite the curtness of her response.
John leaned closer until a too-deep breath would have them touching and lowered his voice, "Rome—"
"Colonel Sheppard," she interrupted hastily, taking a step back and crossing her arms. "I'd prefer you to address me as Dr. Mckay during the course of our duties." Her tone was arctic, extinguishing the warmth from her earlier reply.
"Dr. Mckay? Seriously?" he scoffed.
"Yes." Turning her back on him, she strode to the table and sat down next to Carson Beckett. Within seconds Radek was sitting on her other side. Dr. Biro handed something to Carson and sat down across from her.
Frowning, John realized that Rome hadn't left a space for him. Before he'd left for Earth, she'd often reserved an empty seat for him during meetings, not that he'd ever taken her up on the silent offer. He'd been in a dark place and not willing to add the complications she brought into it. There had been too much going on already. Now that he was ready, she no longer seemed to be feeling so generous.
John had the sinking feeling that he'd screwed up more than he'd thought. He must've missed something during their last argument, something he'd dismissed as hyperbole. A lot of what Rome spouted when she got worked up was exaggeration. It had been a frustrating argument and they'd both said some harsh things, but he'd thought she'd have cooled down by now.
John had.
However, he would have to figure it out later because the meeting was starting. Work came first. There'd be time to figure out their personal relationships later. They were both on Atlantis now, so they had time.
The people who'd stayed on Atlantis gave a general report before officially returning command to Elizabeth and John. It was easy to get lost in catching up with the events and people he'd so desperately missed while gone, though there were a few things he didn't mind missing, like Dr. Biro overly-detailed reporting about how they'd "—had a surprisingly bad outbreak of STDs the last few weeks, too much celebration over reconnecting to Earth and people not having enough sense to use prophylactics."
The sciences didn't have any problems to report, just advancements. Rome didn't look in John's direction once, always addressing her bragging comments to the people on either side. If it involved the military she spoke to Major Lorne. John tried not to grind his teeth too obviously when his eyes got caught on her obviously-ignoring-him face. It was tempting to call her out but he didn't have a good enough reason to do it in a group meeting that wouldn't come back to bite him in the long run.
Once the civilian side of the expedition finished reporting they happily left, leaving Elizabeth, John, Caldwell, and Lorne to discuss military and security matters in Atlantis.
After all of the big issues had been mentioned, a lull occurred. Elizabeth looked out the window and gave a soft sigh. John looked too, admiring the gleaming, asymmetrical roofs and curving silver spires rising overhead while below the geometric piers were shaped like snowflakes clinging to the windowpane of the ocean. They'd both missed Atlantis.
Elizabeth turned back to the room. "Thank you for the ride back, Colonel Caldwell. I know you must be eager to return to Earth, but your crew is welcome to enjoy a few days of shore leave first."
"Thank you, Dr. Weir, but we won't be staying too long this time," Caldwell said, the corners of his mouth pinched. "Though we'll be swinging back this way again soon, I'm sure." The words sounded like a threat, but John didn't let it bother him. No matter how many times Caldwell swung back, he'd always be a visitor, not a resident.
As grateful as John was for Calwell saving his life during the siege, he'd also come to quickly learn that the no-nonsense colonel disapproved of the current command style on Atlantis and would've been happy to replace both John and Elizabeth permanently, preferably with himself. Caldwell had no problem criticizing active procedures and past command decisions, but John was so happy to be back that he didn't let it rattle him. He'd spent weeks on Earth having his every action deemed idiotic and dissected by disapproving generals and admirals. Colonel Caldwell's disapproval felt like a tickle in comparison.
In fact, John could barely restrain his gloating. Atlantis was his, no sword of Damocles hanging over his head threatening to rip command away or exile him back to Earth. He'd earned his rank too, no one could argue about that anymore or claim it had been given to him just because he was a man. He, Colonel John Sheppard, was the officially sanctioned and unambiguous military commander of Atlantis.
After finishing the meeting, Caldwell stalked off back to the Daedalus while John and Elizabeth split up to meet with their respective deputies. John was proud of his restraint at saying goodbye to Caldwell, limiting himself to a smirk instead of a tempting verbal dig.
As Major Lorne fell in at his side, John quizzed him about a few specifics. So far Lorne looked like he'd done well with the military in John's absence, but he'd made it clear that he was happy to have his CO back and that there were a few things he'd put off for John to deal with on his return. John didn't mind. He was looking forward to getting back into the thick of things.
Once John got up to speed the very next thing he planned on doing was tracking down Rome and making her see reason. He wasn't going to act like a stranger and call her Mckay just because of one misunderstanding. He'd made some mistakes but he'd own up to that and then they'd be fine.
They had to be fine.
All thoughts of how to win over Rome disappeared when John heard Lorne's next piece of news. "Wait, go back. Are you sure they saw Lt. Ford?"
Adrenaline surging, John pivoted away from where he'd been about to launch a surprise inspection of the gateroom guards and instead moved towards the transporter in the far corner that worked best to reach the tower holding his office. Some transporters worked better with certain locations than others. They were pretty sure that the transporters had all worked equally well for the Ancients, but Troy had given up on trying to fix it after the first month and shelved it in favor of other problems.
Before John could take more than two steps toward the transporter, Lorne grabbed his arm. "Colonel Sheppard, we moved your office." Lorne redirected John towards the storage room two doors down.
John's temper flared at the presumption of moving his office into a small, windowless closet, no matter how close to the gateroom. Seeing his expression, Lorne quickly opened the door. The boxes and metal shelving had all been removed from the room but no desk had taken its place. The storage closet was empty.
Biting back a growl, John stepped inside and pivoted to face his new subordinate to demand an explanation. Just before his lips opened, the back wall lit up with a panel for an active transporter. John blinked, the words dying in his throat. His eyebrows crept up his forehead. "I thought this transporter was too broken to repair, even with extra energy from a new ZPM? That's why we kept using it as a closet."
"Dr. Mckay fixed it, Colonel. Everyone says Mckay's a bit of a wizard when it comes to figuring out Ancient tech, though she's mostly persona non grata with the men after a few bad interactions culminated with an incident involving Lt. Cohen a few weeks ago."
"She offended Cohen? Cohen likes everybody." Damn it, Rome. "And everybody likes Cohen." Hence everybody now being mad at Rome.
Lorne touched the transporter controls to a tower John had rarely visited and opened his mouth to explain more, but John held up his hand. "Wait, we can get into Mckay later since it doesn't sound urgent. First, tell me about Lt. Ford. Did he look okay? Can we get him back?"
"I have the details in your office," Lorne said apologetically.
The transporter opened to a recently cleaned hallway. It had a series of offices and a few big planters with Pegasus-native trees just barely beginning to sprout with bright green, feathery leaves. Lorne directed John to the door at the end of the hall. John's things were sitting on the desk inside. The office was larger than the previous room he and Sumner had often shared for military administration. John's throat tightened at the thought of doing this without Marsha, but he forced the emotion down.
Three dark blue chairs faced John's new desk and a gray couch sat against the wall. Despite the sharp geometric lines making them appear as comfortable as rocks, the furniture in Atlantis had proved to be surprisingly comfortable. A sliding glass door led out to a long balcony facing out across the deep blue ocean. The pale sky was filled with wispy white clouds and a few gray alien birds. John wanted to go out on the balcony and breathe in the familiar salty smell, to let his eyes wander from the endless horizon of peaceful open waves to the crystalline towers stabbing defiantly at the sky, but he'd have to indulge later.
First, John needed to find Ford and bring him back. He'd failed the last time, but he had to try again. John didn't leave people behind. Ford had been a member of his team, his friend, subordinate, and responsibility. John refused to give up on the man. Lorne could hold down the fort for a little longer.
Moving around him, Lorne pulled up a report on John's computer. "Major McLean saw Lt. Ford near the gate when his team got to the planet they were exploring. Although Major McLean arrived only recently, he knows Lt. Ford from the mountain. Ford ran off into the forest before McLean could stop him. We sent another team through to block the gate and help search, but they've had no luck finding him. There's a lot of really strong radiation on the planet screwing up our sensors and making conditions inhospitable for searching."
Mind racing, John glanced over the details of the planet, committing them to memory. During the siege, Lt. Aiden Ford had gotten a massive dose of Wraith enzyme and gone AWOL under the influence. Ford was a good man, he was just young and not thinking right. Maybe John could get through to him and bring him home. He had to try.
Snapping out a series of orders, John shrugged out of the formal uniform jacket he'd worn for arrival, hanging it up in a closet in the corner. "Is my field pack still in the same locker?"
"Yessir, we only moved offices to make room for all the new staff," Lorne told him.
Turning to leave, John's eyes passed over the window and noticed something out of the corner of his eye that jerked him to a halt. The strangely familiar shape sat out on one of the piers. It was impossible. John's breath caught. Yet could it really be anything else?
Jerking open the sliding door, he stepped out onto the balcony and leaned over the railing to get a better look. He could only see about a third of the small structure on the far pier, but there really was no mistaking the shape: a metal wheel suspended in midair with seats hanging at regular intervals.
"Is that a Ferris wheel?" John was almost afraid to blink lest it prove to be mere illusion.
Lorne joined him on the balcony. "Yeah, crazy isn't it? Doc Mckay's building it. Why'd anyone build a Ferris wheel out here? And Mckay won't let anyone down there. She tore a strip from me for even asking, didn't think any of us would notice it, though admittedly you can't even see it except from these office windows so most people have no idea it's even there. She's locked down the transporter to that pier and works on it at night instead of sleeping. I think she's having nightmares because the bags under her eyes are getting darker and her tongue more vicious." John winced in sympathy for both Rome and her coworkers.
"There are worse ways to exorcise demons, I suppose. Near as I can tell she scavenged the parts from pieces of Atlantis and the Daedalus damaged in the attack. No one's caught her at it yet because she's doing creative things with the sensors, but I'm pretty sure she's borrowed a puddlejumper a few times to move parts around. We've found her down in the shuttle bay a few times repairing suspicious scratches and dents not reported on any forms filed by our pilots. I've been using her excursions as a test for our security forces. Considering she moves with as much stealth as a puppy, they're failing miserably so far. That or she has someone on the inside looking the other direction. I'd suspect Major McLean or Sgt. Kindall, as they seemed pretty tight with her the first few weeks, but lately she seems to be on the outs with them too."
The Ferris wheel was small but beautiful. Using pieces from Atlantis made it alien and unique, unlike anything he'd seen on Earth. The self-righteous speech John had so carefully crafted on Earth crumbled to dust. His frustrations with Rome dissolved, leaving behind confusion and a strange breathlessness. He felt like he was in freefall.
Rome had built him a Ferris wheel.
She'd built it despite their argument and with no guarantee that he'd ever return to Atlantis and see it. Why? His line about wanting a Ferris wheel had been a throwaway comment, something he'd said to distract from painful subjects and not meant to be taken seriously, though her monologue about how much more important her work was than John would ever be had stung his pride and reinforced his hidden fears enough to make him complain about how he and the Ferris wheel would always come in last place with her.
Was this her response to that criticism? If so, what was she trying to tell him with it? Rome had gathered up his words like scattered pebbles and secretly built him a monument. Was this her Taj Mahal? (He pushed aside the fact that the Taj Mahal was a mausoleum.)
Her actions had always spoken louder than her words, which was saying something since she had a lot of words and spoke them very loudly. Had anyone else ever loved John like this?
No.
What was he supposed to do with this? His eyes stung yet his belly hurt from wanting to laugh. His feet itched as if desperate to break into a run. His destination wavered between her office in the science labs to a far off planet on the other side of the Stargate.
Unaware of his commander's state, Lorne chuckled and shook his head. "I gave Mckay a few flying lessons out of fear for the jumpers, but she's pretty awful. It doesn't seem to be doing too much harm though and she repairs everything she breaks. Despite myself I sort of like her balls. She can be abrasive and arrogant, but she's not cruel. She complains a lot, but if it's a problem she can fix she does it without prompting or much fanfare. Even when calling her bad names the scientists still all talk like she walks on water. Since her nighttime forays seem harmless enough, I decided to wait until you got back and let you decide on how to deal with it. Rumint says you two were friends."
Clearing his throat, Lorne glanced over. "Unless you'd like me to just put a stop to it?"
"No." Swallowing to wet his throat, John pushed away from the balcony. "Let Mckay do what she wants. It's fine."
As always, Rome was a force of nature, not some middling summer breeze. John had to either run with the storm or run away. There was no middle ground. He didn't like being backed against a wall like this, even by something good. Maybe especially by something good. Good things rarely happened to John Sheppard. He didn't trust them to last. He didn't trust himself not to screw them up.
Lorne's eyes narrowed at the expression on John's face but thankfully he kept his questions to himself.
Shaking his head sharply, John sucked in a breath and reminded himself that he was dealing with Ford first. He pushed everything else down and turned to leave his office. "I'm going to kit up and go through the gate to join the teams out searching for Ford. We'll debrief more when I get back, but you're still in charge until then. Is there anything you haven't mentioned that can't wait?"
Lorne padded along after him. "Nope, everything else is pretty standard here except for the secret Ferris wheel. Well, that, an unusually high incidence of STDs in our people and how the black market trading for redolla fruit's heated up since you left. Redolla's proven to be really popular but the kitchen is almost out and the main planet it came from, Biva, was culled. Other planets who grow it are all out of season right now or not willing to trade."
John grunted, thoughts going dark. He didn't need to be thinking about Biva right now and that little blond doll with the braided red cord, the one he'd tucked into bed and left with a glowing Ancient crystal for a night light because her owner had made him think of Rome. Too many children had never had the chance to grow up in Pegasus. John had to find a way to stop it. The Wraith had gone too long without a serious fight. Their days of feeding unchallenged were over.
Going to the locker room, he grabbed his off-world gear, suited up, and left Atlantis to join the search for Ford.
Hours later, John returned to Atlantis gritty-eyed and empty-handed—well, mostly empty-handed. The tall man stalking by his side wasn't exactly inconspicuous. Ronon Dex was late of the culled planet Sateda. After a bout of emergency field surgery by Dr. Beckett to remove a Wraith tracker from his back, Ronon had agreed to come to Atlantis to recover, so at least something good had come out of today.
Ronon didn't talk much. He was tall, with bronze skin and long dreads, a man honed to lethal sharpness by adversity. He'd been hunted by the Wraith for seven years and managed to not only stay alive but also kill a lot of Wraith in the process. He was a total badass and had a real live laser gun. John would love to get his hands on one for himself. He would also love to have an asset like Dex fighting for Atlantis. If the man proved trustworthy, John wanted to ask him to stay.
The intel on Lt. Ford had been accurate. John had managed to talk to Ford, but he had refused to come back. The longer they'd talked the more conceit and paranoia fell from his lips, but deep down John believed that Ford was still the good man John had served with. Yet Ford had shot fellow Marines and almost shot John too. In the end, John had been forced to shoot Ford, but it hadn't stopped him. Ford had thrown himself into a Wraith culling beam rather than allow John to take him in. Even now, John didn't think Ford would betray Earth to the Wraith, but the next time they met, John would have to treat Ford as a hostile. He couldn't afford not to.
John kept close to Ronon, just in case any of his Marines decided to make good on the angry looks they kept tossing Ronon's way. The planet had been swelteringly hot and tracking first Ford and then Ronon extremely frustrating. One of the scientists was still hiccuping after being shot at and caught in a trap that hung him upside down, where he'd been threatened by first Ford and later Ronon, though the later had cut him down eventually. The Marines were frustrated and wanted to take it out on someone. Ronon was a convenient target. John understood but he wouldn't let them hurt someone he'd promised protection.
Plus, even with a chunk of his back cut open, John wasn't prepared to bet against Ronon in a fight. The man had a savage edge that said he'd not go down easily. John had a feeling he was protecting the Marines more than Ronon. John would have to wait and see if the man proved to be the ally John hoped for instead of an enemy to be feared.
AN: And John returns. Yay! Have you guys been doing anything fun? Because of the quarantine, we've been doing home school and walks. I'm anxious but doing my best to keep a hold on it. As the person in charge of groceries for the family, it's hard not to feel a little panicked when we're running out of milk and kids toothpaste. I'm gathering my courage to brave the stores in a day or two since grocery pickup kept getting canceled on me. In happiness and joy, my new Patricia Briggs book just arrived at my door 10 minutes ago. Woot! Also, the Met Opera in NYC is posting free operas every night at 5:30 EST on their website and the Met app this week. I've decided to introduce some culture to my home, so we put on the first one last night while I made dinner. The first act of "Carmen" was a little racy for kids at times but the music and sets were amazing! My son started out complaining but by the end was upset we turned it off for dinner. I'm looking forward to watching and listening to more tonight. Big hugs everyone!
