How to Get a Girl (Valentine's Day Special)
Written by JaJaLoo
Plot: Will realizes he's lonely without a girlfriend. Patrick attempts to help him get one.
2004 Wentz Avenue was bustling three days before Valentine's Day.
Nemo, Nicholas, Patrick, James, Berry, and Wildcat were all in suits, rushing around the house, getting ready for dates.
Will was the only one not in a suit.
In fact, he was kinda confused.
"What's going on here?" Will asked.
"It's Valentine's Day." Berry said. "We're all going to dinners."
"Well, can I come?"
"Sorry, dude." Nemo said, spraying some cologne. "No date, no invitation."
Pretty soon, all of the users, except for Will, left the house in Ubers.
"Wow. Am I really that lonely?" Will asked himself.
"You're not alone."
Will turned around, to see Jackson reading his rock magazine.
"Wait, you're here too? Why?" Will asked.
"Valentine's Day sucks. Everyone's out of my league. Leave me alone." Jackson said.
"Geez, play the pity party card."
"I'm saying girls are trouble. Don't bother. It's gonna hurt you."
"Are those lines from a Weezer song?" Will asked.
Jackson rolled his eyes and went back to his magazine.
"Well, since we're all alone, wanna play Monopoly?" Will asked, turning to Jackson.
Jackson had suddenly disappeared.
Will groaned and turned on the TV.
Three hours later, the guys had all arrived home.
Jackson was back on the couch, reading his magazine.
"How was your night?" Jackson asked.
"Wild. You missed out on fun." Nicholas said.
"Don't need a girlfriend. Leave me alone." Jackson said.
"Where's Will?" Nemo asked.
"He's in his room, eating cookie dough."
"OH HELL NO!" Nicholas yelled, running upstairs.
What he found was way different.
Will was face down in his pillow, crying, with an empty package of cookie dough.
Nicholas stared at him, and Jackson looked over his shoulder.
"I don't know why you're paranoid. All the cookie dough bites are gone." Jackson said, leaving.
Nicholas slowly approached Will.
"Hey, Will. Are you OK?" he asked.
Will turned over. His pillow was soaking.
"I don't know what's wrong with me! Valentine's Day is in three days, and I don't have a girlfriend to buy pointless gifts for!" he cried.
Nicholas sat next to him.
"Hey, man, it's OK. Just forget about it."
"No, I can't. I need to find out how to get a girl!" Will said.
At that moment, Patrick burst out from Will's closet.
"WELL, HAVE NO FEAR!" he yelled.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" Will screamed.
"I'm Patrick Dempster, and it's time to play GET WILL A GIRLFRIEND!" Patrick shouted into a megaphone, while jazz music played in the background.
Will groaned, and flopped on his bed.
The next morning, Will and Patrick took to the streets.
"So, I need to help you get a girl. Is there anybody you like?" Patrick asked.
"No." Will answered.
"Come on! There has to be someone!"
Will shrugged.
"Well, then. If that's the case, then you're gonna be alone for the rest of the night on Valentine's Day, while everyone else is outside having fun."
Will thought about this.
"Fine, I'll tell you. Follow me."
They arrived at the Starbucks.
"Starbucks?" Patrick asked.
"I met this really cute barista last week. I wanted to, you know, hang out with her." Will said. "Come on."
But when they entered, there was no cute barista.
In the place was a balding man with knuckle hair.
"Nice girl, Will." Patrick laughed.
Will punched him in the nose.
"Maybe it's not her shift. We'll come back later." Will said.
Patrick got up and glared at him.
As Will and Patrick headed home, they noticed the same barista.
"Oh, no. Into the bushes!" Will whispered, jumping into the bushes.
Patrick didn't follow.
He was noticed.
"Can I help you?" asked the barista.
Patrick hesitated.
"Um, yes! My friend would like to talk to you." Patrick said.
"YOU IDIOT!" Will yelled, coming out of the bushes. "NOW SHE KNOWS!"
"Knows what?" the barista asked.
"Um, nothing! Gotta go!" Will said, running down the road.
Patrick shrugged, and followed him.
Will had ran all the way home, and panted.
He noticed Jackson wrapping a present.
"What the...I thought you didn't have a girlfriend!" Will said.
"I don't." Jackson said. "My brother's birthday is today. I bought him a new baseball helmet."
Jackson then walked to the nearby mail slot, and then put it in, with the present zooming away.
"Anyway, where have you been?" Jackson asked.
Suddenly, Patrick entered.
"Will, what the heck? You almost had her!"
This got a stare out of Jackson.
"Wait, what's going on?"
"I'm trying to help Will find a girlfriend. He says there's this girl at the Starbucks that he's into." Patrick said.
Jackson snapped his fingers.
"Well, consider you lucky. Follow me." he said.
Jackson pulled a CD off his shelf.
"What are you doing?" Will asked.
"Observe." Jackson said, putting in the CD and skipping to the third song.
Soon, Dream Boy by Waterparks came blasting out of the speakers.
"Observe the lyrics."
Which Will did.
"So, what does this have to do with anything?" he asked.
"There was this one movie with John Cusack in it, he falls in love with a girl and plays Peter Gabriel outside of her window. I suggest you do the same."
Will sighed, grabbed the CD, and left.
Jackson chuckled.
That night, Will pulled up to the barista's house.
He got out, carrying a boombox.
He put the CD in and skipped to the third song, cranking it to max volume.
And then the song played.
Will must have stood there for hours on end, before he was approached from behind by the same barista.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
Will turned around.
"Well, it's Valentine's Day in two days, so I need to know, am I the boy you dream of?"
The barista stared at him.
"I'm sorry to say, sir, but, I'm in a relationship. I appreciate you for trying, though."
Will was crushed, and it started to rain.
Will was soaked when he came home.
When he walked into the house, all the users looked at him.
"Well?" Jackson asked. "Did it work?"
Will said nothing, and walked upstairs.
The users all looked at each other.
"I have a feeling it didn't go well." Nicholas said.
"You think?" Wildcat answered.
"No! He worked so hard! We need to get him with this girl! HANDS IN!" Patrick yelled.
All the users joined hands.
"On three, we get Will with this girl. ONE, TWO, THREE!"
"C&H!" All the users shouted, running out of the house.
The next day, the users stood outside the barista's house.
James was standing on the roof, listening in on a conversation.
He pulled out a walkie-talkie.
"I'm analyzing what's going on in there. It seems like an argument." he said.
Elsewhere, Patrick was hiding in the bushes.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Well, it sounds like the barista's boyfriend is cheating on her."
"Must suck to find out the day before Love Day." Jackson said.
"What else, James?" Wildcat asked.
"Well, it seems like the barista is crying about this, and she's saying, "I'm leaving", which is a good sign."
It was at that moment that the barista came out of the house in tears.
"Alright, Nemo. NOW!" Patrick shouted.
Nemo nodded, and started walking down the street.
He came up to the barista.
"Hey there. You look down, what's wrong?" he asked.
The users face-palmed simultaneously.
"Well, my boyfriend is revealed to be cheating on me with another girl. And the day before Valentine's Day, too!"
Nemo nodded.
"I see, well, there's a lonely guy around at 2004 Wentz Avenue. He's a good friend of mine, and he really likes you. Why don't you see him?"
The barista perked up.
"Hey, thanks, sir. I'll go do that!"
And the barista ran down the street.
All the users abandoned their positions and joined Nemo.
"I think this will go pretty well." Nicholas said.
Meanwhile, Will was face down in his pillow, still very upset.
The doorbell rang, and he leaped up.
"Maybe it's the same girl, and she ended her relationship!" He said, running to the door.
And when he opened the door, he saw the barista.
"Wow! It is you!" Will said. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me. Some random guy on the streets told me to come here, and find you."
Will was in shock.
"The guys did this..." he muttered. "So, do you want to go to dinner tomorrow?"
"Sure. See you tomorrow night, um..."
"Will."
"Claire." she said, walking away.
Will smiled.
Valentine's Day had come.
And Will was in a suit, along with the others.
Well, all except for Jackson, who made the excuse that everyone was out of his league again.
Patrick came up to Will's room, who was in a tuxedo.
"I'm proud of you, Will." he said.
"I need to thank you, Patrick. If it wasn't for you, I would have never scored a date on this holiday." Will said, hugging him.
Patrick sighed, and hugged back.
"Alright. Now I have to go. A date is calling me." Will said, leaving.
Once at one of the best restaurants in Milwaukee, Will met up with Claire, and they both were escorted to a table.
"Wow. You look great." Will said.
"Thanks. You too." Claire replied.
Once they had taken their orders, Will turned to Claire, and asked,
"So, what kind of music are you into?"
Will arrived home late at night, to see the guys all watching TV.
"Well?" Patrick asked.
"We broke up." Will said.
"WHAT?" everyone yelled.
"Yeah, we realized we had nothing in common. So, we just ended it right there, although it wasn't messy at all. We decided to just be friends."
"SEE? What did I tell you?" Jackson shouted. "I said to not bother! It would hurt you!"
"Oh, says you!" Wildcat shouted. "The guy who didn't have a date!"
"Well, everyone's out of my league, AND YOU KNOW THIS!"
And so, Valentine's Day had come and gone, a day of love and loss.
And all was well with the wiki again.
CAST
NMMacc18 - Nicholas
JaJaLoo - Jackson
NLG343 - Nemo
ElectricSupernova - Will
Pjdem06 - Patrick
Jamz64 - James
StrayberryFilling - Berry
NotWildcat - Wildcat
Next episode: Family Therapy (Sucks!) - Nicholas' mom comes over, and after going insane, he is forced to go to family therapy.
