Chapter Nineteen

I was alone in the bed when I woke up.

That was normal; John wasn't one to sleep in.

Heck, he didn't even sleep some nights. He didn't need to, thanks to his augmentations. He needed like four hours of sleep every forty eight hours, or something. It was insane.

He was at his desk, looking over something on the built-in holopad.

I laid still for a minute, just watching him. He was incredibly handsome; his sharp jawline and deep eyes had caught my attention from the moment I saw him.

But you could see where he scowled a lot. He wasn't a very happy person.

I didn't know how to help that, and that bothered me.

I sat up and stretched my back. "Good morning."

"Morning." He didn't look up from the hologram, but his lips twitched into an almost-smile.

"What time is it?"

"Oh-nine-twenty."

"Oh, that's not too late." I pushed myself up. "I'll have to go to Professor Anders' soon."

I sat down by my duffle bag, which was yet to be unloaded, and pulled out an oversized pink sweatshirt and jeans. Then I pulled my nightgown and thick socks off.

John had turned the holopad off and was watching me over his shoulder with an unreadable expression. His emotions were swirling with attraction, though, which made me blush a bit.

It wasn't lust; another effect of his augmentations was a repressed sex drive. That was fine with me, since mine wasn't that high either.

Not because of any augmentations, obviously, I just wasn't prone to getting it on.

I'd pulled the jeans up my legs and buttoned them; they were dark and elastic and clung to my waist in a flattering manner. As I pulled the sweatshirt on I walked up behind John, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"If I'm back in time, do you want to go get lunch together?" I asked.

"Sure." He twisted his neck to kiss my jaw.

I turned to face him, kissing him briefly on the lips. "I'll be back soon, I think."

I slipped on a pair of black ballet flats and walked out into the hallway.

It only took me a few seconds to remember that I was on a new ship, and I had no idea where I was going. I slowed to a stop in the middle of the hall.

My fingers twisted the garnet ring around my finger as I looked up at the ceiling. "U-um, Anton? Where's Professor Anders?"

"The professor is in her laboratory, five floors below you."

"Thank you!"

I found an elevator and made my way down to her lab.

When I pressed the intercom her voice buzzed out. "Who is it?"

"It's Tawny."

"Got it."

The door unlocked. She was typing on a keyboard, but she turned to face me when I walked in.

"Thanks for coming." She offered me a smile.

"Of course." I smiled back and sat in a free chair. "What did you- what did you want to talk about?"

"Your abilities." She held her hands up in a placating gesture. "I know, you have more. You don't know what they are yet. I was thinking, until we find them out, maybe we could use what you already have."

"I-in the field?"

"In the field." She nodded. "I've drawn up schematics for a suit that would help support you. It's thick, armored - obviously - but compressed, too. You'll essentially be wearing a giant brace."

She pulled up the hologram and I looked it over. The suit was plain black, with thin armored plating over my shoulders, arms, elbows, knees, legs, torso, and back.

It was sleek and modern. It hadn't been designed with the aesthetic in mind, but it looked good.

I gazed up at the suit with wide eyes. "I...I love it."

I couldn't believe someone would do something like this for me.

"It's going to have a helmet, too," Anders said with a distinctly pleased air. "The suit's dead, but the helmet will have a Heads Up Display and an IFF tag, so you can keep track of the SPARTANs, and they can keep track of you."

"It's perfect." I looked down. "I...I still don't think I'll be able to keep up with the SPARTANs, though."

"Oh, you won't." She pushed her chair over to another hologram. "But with your abilities you might stand a chance. I know you can levitate things now. Here, catch."

She tossed a datapad.

I reached my hand out, but the datapad was still several feet away from me and careening towards the floor. So I surrounded it with ultrasonic waves and halted it less than a foot off the ground.

I floated it into my hand and handed it back to Anders.

She set it down on the desktop beside her. "Not bad. I was thinking, I saw you when you got these new powers. In the core of that planet. You were floating."

I nodded. "I did it when I collapsed the sun, too."

"Really?" She leaned eagerly forward. "Do you think you could do it again?"

My heart sped up. "M-make myself float?"

"Essentially."

I twisted my ring around my finger. "I can try."

She watched expectantly; she wanted me to do it now.

I wasn't entirely sure that this was a good idea; what if I fell? What if there was a limit to how high I could push myself, even if I succeeded?

Anders cleared her throat and made an impatient motion.

I surrounded myself with the thick waves, rising slowly into the air. I was only a few inches off of the ground, but I was in the air nonetheless.

I was flying!

My concentration broke and I fell, staggering a bit on my feet.

"I-I can do it," I quickly insisted. "I just need to practice."

Anders nodded. "That's what we're going to do here. You're going to keep practicing with your powers, and hopefully you'll be ready for the field by the time we reach this ring."

She pulled out a small camera and started recording.

"Do it again."

oOOOo

I limped back into John's room.

When the door slid open he turned around, his eyes scanning over my body.

He immediately noted the awkward pose I was in to keep weight off of my right leg. "What happened?"

I made my way to the duffle and pulled out a brace. "I fell on my ankle."

"What were you doing?" He leaned forward, his arm out to catch me in case I fell.

A grin quickly spread over my face. "Flying."

"What?"

"I-I was flying. Like when I destroyed the sun." I couldn't keep my elated smile down.

"That was Professor Anders's idea?"

I nodded. "I think it's going to work. We-we still have a month until we reach Installation 04."

He held my gaze intensely for a few seconds. "Don't push yourself too hard."

"I won't." I sat on the bed and floated my notebook over to me. "I-I promise."

"Are you hungry?"

"I-" I paused. I'd been about to deny it. "I am, actually."

He pulled his boots on and stood. I grabbed his arm as we walked out into the hallway.

It was crowded, and none of the people were familiar. I found myself shrinking into John's side.

"Are you alright?" He turned his head in my direction but kept his gaze ahead.

I nodded, keeping my gaze ahead. "It-it's just not...it's not the Spirit of Fire."

John was sympathetic, though he didn't say anything. I just stayed close to him, trying to avoid eye contact with the plethora of curious soldiers and crewmen.

The mess was just as crowded. It wasn't hard to spot Fred and Linda, though.

After we got our food we walked over to them. Fred moved over to make room for me, and John sat beside Linda, across from me.

"How'd things go with the professor?" Fred nudged me as he grabbed another bite of fried chicken.

I grinned up at him. "Pretty good. You'll never believe."

"Believe what?" Kelly walked up behind me.

"Kelly!" I twisted to face her. "I'm learning to fly!"

"You're learning to what?"

I scooted over, patting the bench next to me. "Professor Anders is teaching me how to fly."

"How?" She sat beside me.

"It's something I can- I can do now, I guess. I'm still shaky, and I can't control it very well, but I-I know I can get better. It's like when I first started training with Dr. Halsey."

John sat back. "I don't like it."

"I know." I looked down. "B-but I'm not going to stop trying. I mean it, I can help you. Things happen to me when I'm around stuff that the Forerunners made. What if something unexpected happens on the ring?"

"We can handle it." His voice was unwavering.

"You have before, but this is different. You've never dealt wi-with the Flood, or Halo."

"We'd never dealt with the Covenant, either."

"It's...it's not the same. The Covenant are flesh and blood, like you. The Flood," I shook my head, "they're not. They're parasites, rabid parasites, and they're on a completely different scale."

"She may be right, Chief." Linda glanced up at him. "Whatever's going on with her, she knows more about this than we do."

She hated admitting that, I could feel it.

And I felt bad for her.

The connection I had with the Forerunner artifacts...it was beautiful. It felt amazing. If I could have, I would have shared it with the entire galaxy.

John sighed through his nose. "She's a civilian. It's our job to protect her-"

"I stopped being a civilian the moment ONI took me from my home." I looked up at him with a serious expression. "It doesn't matter what my record says, I'm-I'm in this war now. Same as you."

"She's right." Kelly placed a hand on my back. "I believe in her."

I smiled up at Kelly.

oOOOo

I was fifteen feet in the air, above Dr. Anders' head. "Y-you want me to what?"

"Try a flip. Or a spin. Do something!"

I twisted my ring around my finger. "I don't know. I still can't- what if I fall?"

"You won't."

I felt John's aggravation.

He'd insisted he come along to watch my training sessions with Anders. He didn't really like her gung-ho attitude.

I didn't entirely blame him.

I took a deep breath. "Are you- are you sure?"

"I'm sure, do it!" Anders called.

I curled in on myself, tumbling over. Everything became a jumbled blur.

My focus broke and I dropped. My heart stuttered in my chest.

Terror flashed through me and I held my hands out in front of my face, but the impact never came. I dared to open my eyes and I saw John below, his arms out to catch me.

But I wasn't touching him. I was still floating.

I'd caught myself.

I landed shakily, sitting on the floor.

"I caught myself." My voice was breathy with disbelief. I rooted my fingers in my hair. "I thought I was going to fall."

"You did fall. This is too dangerous." John looked over to Anders, who had stopped recording. "She has to stop."

"She has to keep practicing! She saved herself, you saw it."

I pushed myself up. "I'm okay. I-I want to try again."

John looked down at me with a serious expression. "Fall one more time and you're done."

"If I fall again, I'll stop. I promise."

He took a step back and crossed his arms.

I floated myself up, rising to the top of the room.

I turned to face Anders. "Do you want me to flip again?"

"If you can."

I took a deep breath, exhaling shakily, and flipped over.

I cringed into myself, opening one eye. "Did I do it?"

"You did." Anders grinned. "You did it. I guess that's all for today."

Relief exploded from John as I slowly touched down.

I waved to Anders as we walked out the door. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

When the door shut behind us John started down the hallway. "That was dangerous. You could have gotten hurt."

"But-but I didn't. You can't lecture me on safety, John, I've been in your mind. Y-you've almost died way too many times for comfort." I wrapped my right hand around his left hand. "I want to see you safe just as much as you want to see me safe."

He didn't say anything. His hand tightened around mine.

"I don't want you to get hurt. S-something is telling me that I need to be down there with you, on the ring. Please, John, don't worry so much. How much danger can I really be in with four SPARTANs?"

He still didn't respond.

We walked into his room and I settled on the bed.

He sat down at the desk and pulled up the holopad, but he wasn't reading it. His back was tense.

I couldn't focus on anything; his anxiety was too intense. That meant he couldn't focus on anything either. Aside from memories of horrible, horrible tragedies that he'd experienced.

"I've seen what can happen out there, Tawny," he finally said.

Memories flashed through his head, so intense I could see them without reaching out. Thousands of dead bodies; young cadets. Terror was frozen on their faces. The Covenant had slaughtered all of them.

"They don't spare anyone."

A different place, a city. A young man, stabbed through the chest with an energy sword nearly as big as him. Children, lifeless on the streets. A pregnant woman who'd bled out from a gash on her neck. Two young children riddled with gory plasma burns.

"You wouldn't be any different to them."

He was even younger, in this memory. He was with Blue Team, but there was someone else with them. Another SPARTAN. Sam.

"They would kill you, without even thinking about it. Don't you understand, Tawny? SPARTANs have died in this war, what makes you think you stand a chance?" His voice was fierce.

Sam's armor had been breached, pierced by an enemy round. So he stayed behind to detonate a nuke. It was only his second mission, he was fourteen.

They were all only fourteen. Only children.

The door closed between Sam and the rest of his team. His helmet was off, his gun up, and he was firing on the Covenant. They didn't even know what the Covenant was.

They'd lost a teammate to it, though.

Not just a teammate. A friend. A confidant. A brother. Not by blood, no, but by choice.

They'd been raised, in adversity, together. Survived live-fire drills and the harsh realities of the military, since they were only six years old, together.

John couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else like he'd lost Sam.

I looked up at John, my eyes slightly teary. "John...I'm not Sam."

Everything froze.

Grief, rage, guilt erupted from John.

His eyes were hard. "Get out."

"What? J-John, I-"

"I said get out."

His emotions, all too severe to properly identify, hit me like a physical punch. They filled the room, echoing off the walls to hit me several times over. And at their pit, their pain-wracked core, was John.

I'd only meant to help him.

I stood, grabbing my duffle bag from beside his locker. "I didn't mean it like-"

"Just go." His eyes were focused on the wall. He was feeling everything so intensely, and none of it was anything good.

I backed out of the room with tears rolling down my cheeks.

How was it that, despite being able to literally feel what other people felt, I always said the wrong thing?

I walked across the hall. My room opened for me. I hadn't even stepped foot in it, in the week or so that we'd been here.

It felt cold.

oOOOOo

Author's Note: Sorry about this bit, I know it sucks.

John is scared for Tawny, and Sam is largely the reason. John has a lot of trauma from Sam's death that he still needs to process.

And Tawny isn't the best at saying the right thing at the right time. She knows what makes people tick. What she thinks will bring out a strong, positive reaction may bring out an equally strong negative reaction instead.

Really it just be like that sometimes.