A/N: Due to the recent Coronavirus situation, a lot of things are changing in my personal life and I need to get my ducks in a row before I can continue writing. I have a busy week coming up with all of the changes, so it's likely that the next chapter won't be released until two week from now. However, once I get everything sorted out, I should have more time than ever to work on the story, so expect chapters that are longer (and likely, higher quality) in the near future. Hope you enjoy this one!


Chapter 17: Operation Bait and Switch

When the group of boys had all gathered in front of Mr. Peeba's door, Token knocked cautiously. No answer. The boys gave a big sigh of relief and entered the empty classroom, locking the door behind them.

"Wow, you were right, Cartman," said Token. "Mr. Peeba is always gone at noon for lunch."

"Well, duh, Token," replied Cartman. "I know how to set stuff up. I'm not an idiotic, inbred trailer trash hick. No offense, Kenny."

"Screw off, fatass!" countered Kenny.

The group of guys gathered a set of desks in a circle and started their meeting.

"Okay, so let's take some attendance," said Stan, scanning the room. "Is anybody missing?"

"Butters isn't here," noted Craig.

Cartman put his head in his hands and groaned. "Damn it, that little douchebag needs to learn how to commit-"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door and a jiggle of the door handle.

"Oh, shit!" shouted Kyle. "Everyone hide!"

They all sprung from their desks and haphazardly left them strewn about the room. The boys crouched into every nook and cranny within the space, with Tweek even nestling himself firmly on a storage shelf. The pounding on the door continued and the boys remained as quiet as ever. A voice was finally heard through the other side of the door.

"Fellas! Let me in!"

"Butters?" asked Stan, recognizing the voice.

"Are you serious, Butters? You couldn't have just told us it was you from the beginning? You had to stir up some shit first?" Craig asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Kyle went over to the door and opened it, revealing Butters with Clyde partially hidden behind him.

"Is it okay if Clyde joins us on this? I know he hasn't been here with us planning, but I think it'd be nice to bring him in before the party."

"Yeah, of course," Kyle responded. "He's always been one of the bros."

Kyle fist bumped Clyde and the two late attendees walked in.

Cartman rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Fuck me, we're bringing Clyde into this? Damn it, Clyde, why aren't you getting social etiquette tips from your bitch?"

A significant portion of the group laughed. Clyde frowned but didn't say anything, averting his gaze from Cartman.

Stan spoke up. "Cartman, lay off him, okay? That's not cool."

"What, is it offensive to make those jokes now?" Cartman asked. "You were laughing at it yesterday! Stan, don't be such a hippy hypocrite."

Stan stayed calm and didn't raise his voice. "Cartman, just back off, okay?"

"Hmph…" whined Cartman, crossing his arms and looking away.

"We should p-p-probably fill in Clyde at where we're at," said Jimmy.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," agreed Kyle.

"Guys, it's okay, I know exactly what's happening," protested Clyde.

"Timmah?" asked Timmy.

"Really?" asked Token. "Dude, you haven't gone to any of our meetings."

Clyde turned over to him. "Well, Butters filled me in while we were walking here."

"Butters!" exclaimed Cartman. "You're really telling our sting to anybody now?"

Butters gulped and held up his hands. "Eric, it's not like that…"

Cartman's rage became a blinding fury. "Is this a fucking joke to you? Do you think this is just some horseshit or something?"

"Eric, Eric, please..." Butters backed away to the wall as Cartman grew closer.

"If we're going to bust our balls for you, you can't jeopardize the plan, you dumbass!"

Cartman walked away from Butters, his anger drained. The group was quiet for a moment, until the silence was broken by Kenny.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Cartman's got a point, Butters. We can't just tell anybody and everybody about this operation. If there's even a sliver of doubt that the location or the time is fake, the adults aren't going to bite on it."

"Yeah dude," agreed Token. "We all have to agree to the code of silence. If even one of us slips up and tells someone on the outside, the information might leak to everyone."

Stan nodded. "I haven't even told Wendy about this, Butters. This is really confidential shit."

"However," began Kyle, "Clyde is part of our planning group now, so the issue is resolved. But, from now on, we don't tell anybody else."

The group settled down soon after and Stan took the floor. "Okay, back to business… where in the hell can we pretend to hold the party that is both believable but will also shield us from blame?"

"What if we s-say it's at the Denver Com-Com-Commun-Community Center?" asked Jimmy. "I mean, come on, events are held there all the time!"

"That's a good idea, Jimmy," replied Token. "However, it isn't super believable. The community center definitely wouldn't sponsor something like this."

"Our parents are really stupid though," argued Craig. "Remember the time Kyle's mom started a war with Canada?"

"Don't remind me," groaned Kyle.

"That's more of Kahl's mom being a bitch than being stupid, though," Cartman rebutted.

"Shut up, fatass!"

"You want to fight me, Jew boy?"

"Oh Lord, not again…" complained Clyde to himself. He popped an Ibuprofen and rubbed his temples.

"MY POINT BEING," interrupted Craig, "who's to say that they won't fall for this?"

"It's just too easy," answered Token. "They'd figure out that it's fake. Like, who the hell has ever hosted a party in the Denver Community Center, let alone, a high school party? Not to mention, even if they fell for it, they could easily call the community center and find a reservation there of some sort. It's best to just keep it in the home. Our parents have been through high school, they know what it's like. They know that parties are always held at someone's house."

"GAH! But if we say we're holding it at someone's house, that person will get in trouble! They might even rat us out!" yelled Tweek.

"Well, why can't we just fake that the party is being held the next weekend or sometime later?" asked Kenny. "That way, whomever we throw under the bus doesn't have a chance to retaliate and ruin our party!"

"It'd look very fishy though," Stan responded. "On the contrary, if we pretend it's being held earlier than it actually is, our parents will let their guard down by the time the real party rolls around. That way, it won't look suspicious when everyone leaves their house to head to the real party."

"Well, shit," said Craig. "Where do we go from here? I mean, the day and time that we'll write pretty much has to be tomorrow after the game. As for the location, we shouldn't throw someone under the bus, but we're forced to choose someone's house."

"One of us could take the fall for it," suggested Kyle.

"Well, who could it be?" asked Clyde.

"I guess we could just choose someone randomly," noted Butters.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Kenny replied. "We'll omit you since you already are hosting the real deal."

Stan nodded in agreement. "Okay, let's have everyone write their names on a sheet of paper and we'll see who we draw."

The group of them quickly ripped out pieces of paper, scrawled their names out, and placed it within a box they found on Mr. Peeba's desk.

"Okay, Butters, you can do the honors," said Token.

"Oh, alright."

Butters fished around in the box before selecting one of the sheets. He unfolded it and read it aloud.

"Eric Cartman."

"WHAT?" yelled Cartman. "Are you serious? Shit!"

"Sucks to suck, fatass," Craig responded dryly, as per usual.

Cartman's eyes shot daggers at him. "Swallow cum, Craig! At least my voice doesn't make Ben Stein sound interesting."

"Well, I'd rather have my voice than the one of a fatass bigot."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that insult, cock goblin! It's hard to pay attention to what you're saying when your crooked-ass teeth are clogging your whole mouth!"

Craig sighed and flipped off Cartman.

"Cartman, I don't care if you agree with it or not, you have to respect the lottery," interjected Kyle.

"Why don't we just make Clyde do it?" pleaded Cartman. "He's the newest member here! Why should we punish loyalty and reward new membership? Isn't this what this group was founded on? Is it fair that-"

"Shut up and just do it fatass!" cried Kenny.

"Jeez, Cartman. You're not even going to be in trouble with your mom if you do this. She lets you do whatever you want!" Stan exclaimed.

"That's not true, she-"

"Buys you everything you want?" suggested Kyle.

"No!" yelled Cartman. "She-"

"Lets you get away with your racist thoughts and ideals?" answered Token.

"No, damn it! She-"

"Enables your b-b-behavior?" proposed Jimmy.

"No! She-"

"Timmah?" asked Timmy.

Cartman had enough. "Okay, this is it! I only have one thing to say to you all!"

"Is it 'respect my authoritah?'" asked Craig.

"NO!"

The remainder of the boys burst out laughing.

"GAH! Is it 'I'm seriously, you guys?'" asked Tweek.

"NO!"

The boys laughed even harder now, with Cartman burning with fury.

"Is it 'screw you guys, I'm going home?'"

The boys howled with laughter while Cartman scowled.

"No- I mean, yeah! I mean, screw you guys, I'm staying here!"

Cartman crossed his arms and huffed, knowing he had been beaten.

"Fine, I'll do it!"

The rest of the guys cheered.

"Excellent!" exclaimed Stan. "Token, write down the fake details on a sheet of paper so we can plant it somewhere later tonight."

"Way ahead of you, dude," responded Token, waving the slip of paper with Cartman's address and the fake date and time on it.

"Meeting adjourned, boys!" shouted a triumphant Kyle. "Let's roll out!"

They all threw up their fists in celebration. "Yeah!"