NOTE - This has been super edited down for explicit content as per FF rules. So much is taken out the continuity doesn't really work and the best stuff is gone. Please, PLEASE check out this chapter posting on AO3 for all it's... um... FUN!


Smiling softly as she watches on, Lizzy sighs and brushes the too-long hair away from her little one's eyes. He needs a hair cut but she recalls the struggle it was last time. Sammy put up one hell of a fight in the salon chair. He wouldn't admit why it was that cutting his hair was such a sin that time, he'd done so well in the past, but Lizzy thinks she knows what it is.

He wants to look like his uncle.

And of course he does. Sam is a wonderful, attentive, and really fun uncle. Any kid would be so excited to have Sam as their uncle. And, better yet, Sammy wanting long hair like Sam's would drive his father crazy. Dean's been on Sam to cut his hair practically their whole lives. And now round two starts.

But Lizzy doesn't care as she leans down and presses a small kiss to his forehead. They named their boy Samuel for a reason. If he wants to be like his amazing uncle, Lizzy will let it be what it is. There are far worse role models in this world and there are far worse things than her boy wanting long hair.

Like… her boy having supernatural, unknown powers.

She takes just another quick second to appreciate the serene moment, his pointy little nose he got from his uncle pressed to the pillow under his head. Even with the green of his eyes hidden behind closed lids, he looks just like his daddy. All she got was dark hair to make her mark on her son physically after eight pretty long and difficult months… and a scary as hell birth. But in the long run, Sammy's perfect. He's perfect, newly found powers and all. And looking like Dean Winchester? That's a pretty good deal.

Closing his door quietly, Lizzy walks into her bedroom with a new kind of grin on her face. Her son is settled for the night. He's content and resting. Now she has time for herself and the other love of her life. Despite the stress and fear of the day, when opportunity knocks she always will answer.

"Hey," Lizzy greets when she steps into their room and closes the door behind her.

"Out cold?" Dean absently asks as he sits upright in bed, his back to the headboard. He's bare-chested with the covers over his lap, an old book opened on his legs.

"You know it," she informs him as she leans back into the closed door. "He won't be moving until the morning."

"Probably needs it," Dean comments as he rips a piece of paper from the legal pad sitting next to him on the bed and marks the page he's currently on in the book. He then closes the volume and tosses it with the notebook onto the nightstand. "I'm not finding jack squat."

"It's only been a few hours," Lizzy reminds him gently.

"Our kid has powers," Dean strongly reminds her.

"And, again… we just found out," Lizzy cautiously yet strongly repeats. "And we've never even heard of a person being able to create a force-field around themselves. We don't even really know where to start….."

"No shit," Dean rubs his eyes, tone grumpy.

"So we need to find some patience with this one. As hard as it will be."

Dean shakes his head, unable to settle even an ounce through the discovery. "You really didn't see it?"

"Too busy being concussed in the other room," Lizzy explains yet again. "But Derek saw it."

"He's reliable?" Dean has to check.

Lizzy gives him a look of disbelief. "Have you seen those two together? Derek's so over the damn moon about being an uncle that I know he's not lying. He already loves that kid more than anything."

"Yeah," Dean trails off, in his own head. He leans back into the headboard, eyes closed. "So, we look through whatever we have from Bobby's collection?"

"The usual," she jokes, looking to lighten his mood. "Maybe Sam and Lou will find the mother-load and we will find something there."

Dean narrows his eyes at her with suspicion. "Why are you miss sunshine about this?" he lifts his head and looks right at his wife. "You're the worrier of the two of us."

"No… we're both the worriers," she laughs at him. "And seriously? We just discovered that our son can literally protect himself from practically anything. Anything! How are you not seeing the good in this?"

Dean sighs, nods to himself a little before answering. "We wanted him to be normal."

"And that was never going to happen," Lizzy informs him as she walks over to him. Lizzy straddles his lap on top of the blanket over him and circles her arms around his neck. "I've come to terms with some things recently. This just kinda nailed the coffin totally shut."

"Meaning?" Dean asks, his hands automatically landing on her thighs and squeezing. Contact with her in any way has always been a comfort for him.

"Meaning… we are hunters. In the thickest of the thick and there is no escaping it," Lizzy tells him, a hint of sadness in the background of her voice. "We have to stop fighting it. And we have to prepare ourselves in a new way."

"He won't be a hunter," Dean grits out.

"No," Lizzy agrees. "He won't be going out and actively seeking cases and monsters. No fucking way."

"Good."

"But…"

Dean groans loudly, already hating what she has to say.

"But…" she repeats, patting him on the chest with both hands to get his attention fully on her and off his negative thoughts. "He will be prepared. And informed."

"No."

"Yes."

"L, no," Dean echoes himself louder. "If he knows, he will be a hunter."

"I know he's a lot like you… outwardly," Lizzy nods. "But I think deep down… he's more like Sam."

"No, he's not," Dean fights her instantly and quite petulantly.

Lizzy laughs at him. "I don't think he'll follow like a soldier… no offence," she makes sure he understands she's not insulting him. "He's pretty driven by his own wants. I think that if we steer him in the right direction… and only deal with whatever we have to deal with and stop seeking hunts… he could be okay."

"Oh, yeah," Dean nods sarcastically. "Totally fine."

He's not agreeing with her.

"Dean…"

"No, he'll have to go to sleepovers with holy water in his little water bottle and he'll have to line his dorm room doors with salt at night, good luck explaining that to his roommate…."

"But he won't run head first at anything wanting to eat his face," Lizzy explains once more. "He'll be living a quiet, calm life unless he absolutely has to be involved. We can do this, Hot Shot. We can protect him and educate him when the time comes. We can control how he's eased into everything and we know he'll always be safe if he can generate fucking force-fields." She grabs his face in both hands and makes solid eye contact before planting a hard and excited kiss to his lips. "This is the first time in a long time I'm actually hopeful for him because he's literally always safe. You can't take any solace in that?"

Dean doesn't answer because he really can't. He isn't sure yet. It's been so negative, so difficult, and every time they saw that little tiny pin prick of a light at the end of the impossibly long tunnel, it's been snatched away before they could ever really enjoy it.

"I mean, look at it this way," Lizzy tries to turn it around for him. "Did you ever think we could actually have a kid and keep him safe this long?"

"No fucking way," Dean huffs a disbelieving sigh.

"Did you ever think for a second we could even make a marriage between two hunters work?"

"We almost didn't," he reminds sullenly.

"We're here, aren't we?" she reminds him. "We made it. We've been tested and we came out on top."

"Barely."

"Well then, did you ever see us sitting here like this, in our bed… in our house?"

To this Dean has to smile small because he couldn't stop it. "Never."

"And did you ever picture before now us in our bed together, on a night off, in our house with our son fast asleep in the room next door…" Lizzy pauses to take out something from her back pocket and hold it out for him to see clearly. "While your amazing hunter wife lets you have what you really want?"

Dean inhales with a hitch as he take in the sight of his beautiful wife reminding him of all the things he has going for him that a hunter of his caliber should never, ever have. Lizzy's holding up the black Zorro mask in her hands.

His gaping mouth shuts for a second as he processes the offer she makes. "You serious?"

"I mean… I'll never really turn down the opportunity to smack you in the face," she smirks jokingly. "You just have to promise me something."

"Anything," he swears without hearing the stipulation. One second ago he was too worried to think about anything past his son's future. Now… his brain isn't even working.

"This isn't really my thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, seeing you get that wound up over something is super hot… but you gotta make sure I get mine before you do."

"Yeah, no problem. Seriously," Dean nods enthusiastically.

"Last time you passed out on me after you got what you wanted!" Lizzy points at him with a clear warning that it won't happen again.

"I said I was sorry!"

"All I'm saying is I'm not going to use my vibrator next to my snoring husband ever again."

"You used your vibrator next to me in bed?" Dean asks with childlike hope at the prospect. Something about that is way too much of a turn on.

"Just promise me you won't be a typical asshole guy and leave me high and dry. That's fucking rude and you're better than that."

Dean quickly thrusts his hand out in front of him, offering to shake on it in vow.

Hesitating since she's already been burned, she reluctantly seals the deal.

"Don't make me regret this, Dean…." Lizzy's high pitched yip of surprise when she's lifted right up and flopped onto her back.

"I failed you once," Dean says to her, wrapping her legs around his waist before leaning down close. He kisses her once, it burning with his instant want for her. "Won't happen again, sweetheart."


Cutting the engine after a slow ride down a nearly hidden dirt road that they passed twice before seeing , Lou sighs. "Well, that was fun."

As the sarcasm drips from her mouth, Sam rolls his eyes. "At least it was quick."

"True that," Lou nods in agreement and gets out. Only fifteen minutes in the car is a good deal for them. They pick up hunts across the country sometimes. But this time it felt like dread-filled hours for both of them. No one talked. It was stifling.

They both look over the building in front of them. It's larger than either expected and it is old. Long abandoned and long without care, it leaves an ominous and imposing impression on the wilderness that's slowly taking it over.

"You sure this is it?" Lou has to check.

"GPS says so," Sam shrugs, assuming this has to be the place.

"So, the mother load of supernatural everything is supposedly… this shit hole?" Lou disbelieves, her neck craned to see the top. Her hands drop to her sides with loss. "Did we just get got?"

"I don't think Larry was lying. He died trying to protect this place." Sam pulls the small wooden box out of his pocket. He slides it open to take out the very old metal key. "Only one way to find out though."

Sam leads the way to the big archway. A few concrete steps down and the metal door comes into closer view. He kicks away some weeds from the surrounding overgrowth and sees the covered lock. With Lou standing right behind him, he pushes the key in and turns. Instantly, like the door hadn't been unused for decades, it gives way.

Sam shares a very surprised look with Lou. She returns it.

"Uh… that was…."

"Too easy," Lou finishes and pulls her handgun out of the back of her pants.

Sam narrows his eyes with confusion. "No one's been here for years."

"That we know of," Lou returns with and aims, ready to go in on high alert. They know nothing about this place. "That door just opened like it's used every day."

"But I had to kick weeds out of the way to even think about opening it."

"Just get your gun out and play it safe for me, huh?" Lou pleads with an edge, hoping he'll be smart with her. She's been feeling extra protective of him these days. Herself as well.

Sam rolls his eyes but takes his gun out also. He doesn't admit what a good point Lou makes, but she does make a good one.

Together, Sam leading, they walk slowly through the doorway and down a short flight of metal, industrial stairs. They come to a second door, this one also locked. Sam takes a chance and uses the key yet again and it works. He nods to Lou to make sure she's ready and with him. She nods back and silently Sam pulls open the door.

Dust falls from the door frame and makes him cough. As it clears, the stale air from the dark room on the other side hits them both. The sound of Sam's cough echoes through the room and it causes Sam to stop. The echo makes the place sound cavernous.

"Hello?" Sam calls out into the door and again, the sound echoes and confirms his suspicions. "Hm."

Lou follows her husband as he walks through the doorway into the darkness. With her free hand, she pulls out a small flashlight from her pocket and clicks it on. It's hard to see much because clearly there's too much space. The one tiny beam of light practically disappears in the vastness. Searching the cinder block wall next to the door, about ten feet down she finds an old fashioned, bulky lever that looks like it belongs in an old black and white Frankenstein's Monster movie. She has to put her gun back into her waistband to grab hold of the handle. It takes a lot of muscle but she manages to pull it down.

Immediately, mechanical sounds start up. The buzzing of electricity, a whirring from across the building, some pipes clanking… the place instantly feels alive with it all. Lou's free hand reaches out to Sam's forearm as they both dart their eyes around the darkness, unsure of what it is she just did.

The lights all around the wide area turn on with a few jerky blinks. The whole room illuminates as a slight breeze can be felt from a vent above their heads. Some computer boards below them flicker to life, the technology old but working.

In mere seconds, the building appears fully functional.

"What the hell?" Sam awes to himself as he takes a slow step forward, stopped by the grip on his arm. He looks down to see Lou still holding tight. They make eye contact and she releases instantly, almost embarrassed of her show of fear.

Sam saves her when he brushes right past the moment and starts to descend the grated metal staircase leading to what looks like the main floor.

"This place is massive," Lou comments as she follows closely, their boots thudding on the metal and filling the quiet space with sound.

"It's a command center," Sam figures out as he looks at the light-board map table in the center, measuring tools and markers scattered about on it. The old computer boards, the world map, the multitude of seats… "This is where they worked from."

"Who?"

"The Men of Letters. The group Henry was in."

Lou stares, quietly contemplating the sight before her. "You think?"

"Has to be," Sam nods, his thoughts running as he observes.

"Shit, how many of them were there?" Lou asks, the magnitude of the operation they're viewing much more than they could have ever guessed.

"I don't know… but it looks like a lot. Whoa," Sam gets interrupted when his eyes land on the adjacent room up a couple steps. Like a moth to flame, his feet carry him without recognition and the next thing he knows he's standing in a library. A serious, legitimate collection with a card catalogue and all. Big, heavy wooden tables with vintage green glass lamps stationed down the middle of each. Sigils of protection are worked into the tiles detailing the walls and floors. Ancient weapons that he can only assume hold supernatural properties are adorning the shelves and put on display.

"Wow," Lou says with surprise when she glances around. "Guess I'm no longer my own husband's fantasy."

Sam huffs a laugh as his sights continue to move about, taking it all in. "Shut up."

"Seriously, this is like the Sam Winchester wet dream of all wet dreams," Lou laughs a little.

"This place is amazing," Sam returns with, in true amazement. He walks to a random shelf and runs his fingertips along the spines all lined up perfectly and in some specific order. "Demonic Possession and Cult Leadership: a Study of Asahara, Jones, Manson and others. Demons in Leadership… There's about fifty books in the series, from Nero to Hitler to Khan…." Sam's wide, ecstatic eyes snap over to Lou. "It's a whole library of what we do."

"I'm getting that," she grins wide, not having seen her man like this in a very long time. His happy, kid-on-Christmas level of enthusiasm is quite refreshing after the last few days.

"But… there's so much here," Sam gestures around. "This place makes Bobby's house look like... like…."

"Jack with a side of squat, boy," Lou says in her best Bobby-voice.

"Yeah," Sam laughs out at her way of responding. "I mean, we know about as much as any hunters out there…"

"More," Lou corrects, leaning her hip into one of the tables, crossing her arms and watching him.

"But clearly we don't know anything," Sam says with golf ball sized eyes that can't stop moving around. "I'm saying, tip of the iceberg. We probably don't know even half of what the Men of Letters does… did. We can… we can find answers. To anything."

"It'll make hunting a shit-ton easier," Lou huffs a laugh.

"No… I mean, yeah. Definitely. But big picture here, Lou. In, in all this there has to, has to be answers. For everything we have on our plates. For Sammy. For his fate. We can stop his fate. Figure out his powers. Prevent the Second Coming. And… and… hell, we can make sure our own fate doesn't happen."

Lou's heart stops when he says this.

"What if the answer is here," Sam tells her with his arms sweeping around the room. "What if we can find the answer to stopping it all in this room. We could… change everything. For our family and… for us."

Barely holding it all together, her heart hammering in her chest at the possibility, Sam gives her the first little sliver of hope she's needed to hear in a very long time. This place may be the key to it all. The key that they've been looking for.

Lou stands tall, eyes on her feet, blinking a few times. She swallows hard and asks him, "Would you still want that?"

"Want what?" Sam asks her, unsure.

"That life? Without an evil kid but, like… a kid?" Taking a deep and shaky breath, Lou catches his eyes and sees the sincerity already settling in with her question. "Even in all this? Even with the whole world being a fucked up mess and needing us?"

Sam pauses and thinks. He should be more realistic. He knows in his heart he should never have kids and never put their family at risk but he's never been able to be selfish before in his life, at least not for long. He's never gotten anything he's ever wanted. But this place gives him a new perspective. "There's protection sigils everywhere. That control panel out front, pretty sure it's a security system. This place is…." He stops. Instead of go on a rant about everything he sees in this bunker, he nods several times before his small yet sure voice lets her know, "Yeah. I would."

Lou nods and gets misty-eyed. "Even if he might turn out evil?"

"If we can find answers… if we can change it? Then yes. And he won't be evil… or she. I mean, could be a she." Sam huffs an awkward laugh before sighing as he runs his hands over his long hair. "I just want… what everyone wants. Without the evil part."

She has to look away to admit what she's been thinking lately. It's too hard when looking right at his eyes. "What if… I changed my mind?"

Sam can't dare hope that she's saying what he's only dreamed she said. "About?"

"What if I… kinda might want that too?" Lou lets spill out. "What if I… want a family?"

Sam blinks a few times and takes several deep breaths. "You've always said…."

"Well, maybe it kicked in," Lou shakily explains away, not sure she should spill every marble. This is all hypothetical. Yes, she knows now that she wants a child. No, she doesn't know if she can have this child right now. They need to know more, they need to see if they can stop their fate, they need to have so many things happen first… but she wants to be honest. "I'm not getting any younger."

"Neither am I," Sam half smiles with hope.

"I just… Sammy's so awesome. And he was a major mistake and they should never have had a kid. But I look at them and… I'm so glad they fucked up, you know?" she asks him as silent tears roll down her cheeks.

"I do," Sam nods.

"We've had so much taken away from us," Lou continues. "And now that I know, really know that I want that? How do I let our lives take another thing away? How do I keep letting it all be so fucking unfair?"

"Guilt," Sam nods a little. "Guilt that we create a life and it… it shares this fate."

"I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone," Lou shakes her head. "Maybe Crowley."

Sam laughs at that.

"Dick bag," Lou mutters about her least favorite demon.

"So… what do we do?" Sam has to question once he sees Lou is turning around.

"I don't know," Lou admits and wipes her face. "Just do research? Hope for answers?"

"And if we find them?" Sam asks once more.

Lou shrugs. "I guess… I don't know. Maybe we… we go for it."

The most genuine, true, soul-deep smile Lou's ever seen from Sam breaks out across his face as he closes the distance between them. He picks her right up off the floor and hugs her tight, Lou hanging on with arms around his neck. They don't really say anything more for a long time. They just hold each other in the silence of the massive library, comforted for the first time in their lives by the hope surrounding them.

And the rest of the tension, the fighting, the silent treatments… they disappear.


She giggles a little, still thinking this particular kink is truly ridiculous, before leaning down to him. Chest to chest, Lizzy presses sweet kisses to his neck, jaw and cheek while feeling his entire form relax into the comforter.

"You still alive?" she jokes with a grin, kissing the spot right under his ear as she know he is alive. She can hear as his heart is beating wildly.

"More than I've ever been," Dean jests right back, finally turning his head around to look at her. Immediately she frowns. "What?"

"I wish you didn't like me hitting you so much," she says with reluctance. Gently, her fingertips run down his very red cheek.

"Even if it makes me come like a fucking rocket?" Dean smirks out.

"I just… I don't like hurting you," Lizzy admits to him. "It sucks. And I'm… strong."

"Strong like a girl," Dean pokes fun just to get a rise out of her.

"Fuck yeah, like a girl. I'm stronger than you are," she fights right back. "And you say that again and your other cheek will match."

"How do you know I won't just get off on it, huh?" he tries to turn it around while bringing an arm around her shoulders, Lizzy settling into his side and pulling a sheet over them.

"Fine, I'll make it a black eye then," she warns.

"Okay, okay. You've given me one of those before. Not good," Dean admits and closes his eyes. "Damn, I needed that."

"I know," Lizzy tells him, snaking an arm across his chest. "I have no idea why I'm getting so comfortable."

"Why not?"

"I need to clean up," she laughs. "You've been holding that one in for a while."

"Gross," Dean comments with her discussing after sex clean up. He then pulls up the sheet to look down at his own self and sees the damage. "Double gross. Get me some tissues?"

"Yeah," she answers and pulls the sheets back, getting up. She leaves the room to head for the bathroom, Dean's eyes never once leaving her bare ass until she's out of sight.

"Finest of asses," he comments to himself before laying back, closing his eyes once more and enjoying the silent room and afterglow.


"This place has… everything," Sam says without lifting his sights from the book open in front of him as he hears Lou's footsteps come closer to him. When he located a copy of the self-dubbed Demon Dictionary that Bobby had held dear for years, this one looking perfectly preserved and nearly new, he was absorbed instantly. Bobby's was faded, wrinkled and torn, and some pages had been missing. This one? Not at all the case.

"Oh, how right you are," Lou comments happily while walking up the few steps to the library from the big open map room. She stands next to Sam and places a hand on his shoulder, peering at what has him so excited.

"Check this out," Sam tells her, closing the book to show her the cover.

"Shit!" Lou smiles, running her fingertips down the embossed cover. She holds a lot of memories reading through this very book in the comfort of Bobby's old house.

"It looks like it's brand new… but it's over a century old." Sam huffs a laugh with delighted shock. "I mean, the binding cracked a little when I opened it."

"That's… huh," she hums. "Were they preserving written works or something?"

"It was just sitting on a shelf covered in dust," Sam huffs with surprise.

"Hm," Lou drifts off with her thoughts, eyes scanning around the library. "You think this place is, like… magical or something?"

"Like, you think there's magic at work right now?"

"Maybe."

"Huh."

There's a silence as they both let the thought settle in, wide eyes wandering the place with concern.

"Should probably look into that," Sam says, catching her sight. "You feel any different?"

"No. You?"

"No," Sam calms down. "Good. Just, maybe… pay attention to…."

"Everything?" Lou laughs a little. Sam nods and she just smiles at him. Their tension seems better. They've had a lot of unresolved disputes but at least this massive sign of hope has been able to break through all that. "Hey, I want to show you something."

"What?" Sam asks, forehead wrinkled.

"You didn't notice this place was more than a library?" Lou asks, pulling Sam up by the hand and keeping it clasped in hers.

"I guess… uh…" Sam says, realizing he instantly became sucked into the extensive array of knowledge before him.

"Nerd," Lou laughs off and starts pulling him out of the library and down a hallway off to the side of the map room.

"I'm curious," he corrects her, smiling slightly also as he can feel the air between them clearing.

"In a nerdy way," she jokes back as they continue walking.

Immediately, they are in a long, cold hallway. It appears to go on for a bit with intersecting hallways up ahead along with several big, heavy wooden doors on both sides.

"Whoa…" Sam startles when his brain registers what he's seeing. "Uh…. This place is…"

"Humongous? Yeah, you have no idea," Lou comments as she stops them in the first doorway to the right. She lets go of his hand and gestures for him to step inside.

"A kitchen?" Sam questions, seeing the sterile, smooth metal counter tops along with the industrial sized sink and wall of wood and metal, early-century refrigeration units. It lacks all homey comforts but displays a solid value of efficiency and organization.

"An old school galley kitchen," she explains. "My grandfather was an army man. He was a cook at a base in the US during Viet Nam. He showed me some old faded pictures when I was younger and he worked in a kitchen that looked just like this. Would turn out hundreds of meals a day as the military took in drafted kids and trained them. This is a kitchen meant for turning out large quantities of food for a big group of people."

"What people?" Sam asks.

"Apparently, the Men of Letters had several members."

"And you think they were all here?"

"Many of them, yeah," Lou nods and waves him to follow her as she continues down the hallway. As the make their way around the beige cinder block walls they come across dozens of heavy wooden doors, all labeled with a number. "And check this out."

When Lou opens a door, Sam steps in to find himself in a small living space. A bed, a dresser, a desk, and a sink. The most basic of amenities. "A bedroom?"

"More like a dorm room," Lou tells him. "Between the library, the dorm-like rooms, the galley kitchen… there's even a huge bathroom for everyone with shower stalls. I think… this might have been like…."

"Hogwarts," Sam lights right up with the possibility.

"I was gonna say training school or college… but yeah. I think Hunter Hogwarts is probably a good description." Lou laughs. "Man, knew you'd dig that series."

"Yeah… so, uh… what do we do?"

"With this place?" Lou asks.

"Yeah," Sam wonders. "I mean, it's huge. And chock full of information."

"And weapons and other items," she lets him know. "The storage room is sick. It'll take days to go through it."

Sam smiles with that. "So, again… what do we do?"

Lou bites her bottom lip and scans around the hallway. Enough rooms for at least fifty people. Enough information for every hunter. Long term, the possibilities are endless. But right now? With everything she has on her plate?

"I have no idea."


"Here," Lizzy says as she enters their bedroom with tissues in hand. She climbs into bed and hands them over.

"Nice," he comments, seeing that she brought more than one. One is never enough. "Three this time!"

"Didn't want to hear it," she snarks back. Lizzy lays there and waits until Dean's done cleaning up before returning to her place cuddled up under his arm.

"Ah," Dean sighs with contentment once their still and comfortable. It's a perfect moment.

"Okay… spill," Lizzy cuts into the quiet.

Perfect moment lost.

"Already did," Dean quickly quips back.

"Yeah, wasn't talking about your jizz, smart ass," Lizzy shuts him down. "Tell me why men hitting on you makes you so weird."

Dean makes a loud, overly exaggerated groan of complaint.

"Hot Shot, I gotta know."

"Why?"

"Because it's weird," Lizzy tells him. "And not you. You're an accepting, pretty open dude."

"Thank you," Dean prides.

"But my brother lives here and he's not gonna stop hitting on you. Okay? So… maybe telling me why you get weird will help you get not-weird."

Silence.

"Dean?"

"You're not gonna leave me alone about this, are you?" he asks, already well aware of the answer.

"Not. A. Chance," Lizzy emphatically answers. "Because I love you."

"Because you're nosy."

"Changing the subject again."

He sighs, the moment replaying in his head like it was yesterday. "I… may have… had a bad experience before…."

"A bad experience?" she asks, needing clarification.

"Yeah. With a guy."

Her eyes as big as golf balls in an instant. "Did you experiment?"

"No!" Dean leans up and turns to look at her in the eyes. "No, I didn't experiment."

"Because I've asked you before and you said no…."

"And I didn't lie, L," Dean stops her right there and leans on an elbow. "And you're super weird fascination with the idea that I might have experimented with a dude is super weird, by the way."

Lizzy just shrugs. "Don't shame my turn ons. At least I'm honest."

"So am I!" Dean reminds.

"Fair enough," she smiles kindly and cups his face in her hands lovingly. She presses her lips to his once and questions, "What happened?"

"I've… kinda… always attracted… dudes," Dean spells it out for her.

"Duh," Lizzy answers. "You're hot."

"I'm used to it by now… kinda. But… there was this one guy. At one of the high schools we were at. He was your typical popular jock but he… he was clearly gay and didn't know what to do with that. He made me… so freakin' uncomfortable every day I was there."

"What'd he do?" Lizzy asks, worried to find out.

"Nothing much. He was just always looking at me in a way that…" Dean shudders with the heebs. "And he said a few choice things that weren't great. Degrading shit. And the guy did it when no one was looking. And it got so bad one day… I broke his nose when he grabbed my ass."

"Well, shit," Lizzy responds, not having been ready for that.

"Yeah, and I got kick out of school when no one believed me. That kid ruled that school. Quarterback, prom king, the whole nine. No one believed the drifter with a two buck shirt from Salvation Army claiming that the straight as an arrow Arkansas boy was gay and into me and being a little too damn much about it. And when dad found out?" Dean huffs a disgusted laugh. "Not like dad normalized being gay in our household. Or car-hold. He got so mad at me about getting kicked out and ratting some kid out and getting in trouble again that… I said fuck school and quit. Hunted full-time from then on."

Lizzy just stays quiet, staring at him with eyes that show true sympathy for his experiences.

"So… I'm just…."

"I get it," Lizzy nods her reassurance. "I'm a girl. I've spent my life having my ass grabbed and having men tell me about my looks. And that's on a good day."

"I have no idea how you all live like that."

"Well, I mean… I, too, have broken a lot of noses in my past."

"I only have the one."

"Lucky you then!" Lizzy smirks at him, knowingly. "Don't let one asshole ruin anything for you. Derek is harmless and nothing but a flirt. Not unlike yourself. And don't let that fucking douche from high school make you feel uncomfortable for the rest of your life."

Dean nods, agreeing with her assessment.

"And seriously… you're walking around with a face like that. You're going to get hit on until the day you die."

Dean shrugs and accepts that. "Yeah, Derek really isn't all that… intimidating."

"He's just a clown," Lizzy laughs. "I do hope you can get used to him though. And I can tell him to tone it down."

"Nah… let him be himself," Dean tells her, settling once more into the same position they were in, their 'default' in bed. "The guy's had his whole life taken away. Can't take his personality, too."

Lizzy smiles and feels pride well up in her chest. She doesn't say it, but she is proud of him. Every time she can watch Dean become a better person, grow and evolve, that pride grows.

"I love you," she tells him, kissing his chest as she closes her eyes for the night.

She's given the sound of deep, even breathing in return.

"Knocked him out cold, she smiles to herself before drifting off.


Hope this helped ease some stress/boredom/fears right now. Stay healthy, kids! Love you!