Stage Fifteen: Start!

Uzume Tennouboushi lived a fairly chaotic life. For as long as she could (initially) remember, she had fought a neverending battle in a post-apocalyptic world against the seemingly invincible Dark CPUs until she met Neptune and Nepgear after they accidentally arrived in the Zero Dimension. Ever since, things had come to a massive change, and for the sake of the story we'll refrain from spoilers. All the same, the one thing which remains the same is the fact that her world was devoid of humanity, which leaves Uzume for the most part alone, save for the number of smaller, more social monsters.

Still, when Neptune came asking for help with the Super Smash Bros. Tournament, Uzume was happy to answer. Uzume's tomboyish, hyperactive nature definitely earned her the admiration from the different Fighters. They really got to like her, and vice versa.

Uzume itched for a chance to fight in the Tournament herself, but because she was not allowed, she settled for training matches against any Fighter that came to her asking for a match. Being a non-biased source, Fighters like Little Mac, ROB, Meta Knight, or Greninja were able to have a fair fight with her that amounted to making sure their strengths did not wane. Uzume loved it, and the Fighters appreciated her neverending spirit.

But of course, it wasn't just fighting that she did in the Smash Tournament. She was called upon the other CPUs to help in maintaining the inner workings in terms of items or stages, and naturally, there was also checking up the other Fighters whenever they needed things outside of a match. And while she was the first to say she wasn't one with a gentle touch, she was always happy to help however she could.

"Okay Incin," she said to Incineroar, "don't push yourself like that again, alright?"

The Pokemon replied with a growling noise, thanking Uzume for patching up his cuts from his last fight. The Heel Pokemon was one of the Fighters who grew particularly fond of Uzume, and she in turn adored him for his wrestler aesthetic, not to mention his fuzziness. She patted his head before the Pokemon walked away. As he did, he crossed paths with Pikachu, who waved to the Fire Type before proceeding to waddle by Uzume as well.

"Oh, hello," Uzume greeted happily. Pikachu gave a happy squeak in response, waving a paw at her as he continued to waddle by.

Uzume narrowly avoided cooing happily in response, feeling heat rising to her cheeks at the prospects of that adorable squeek and his charming wave. But naturally reinged herself in by reminding her of what she did to control herself in front of the cute monsters from back in her own dimension. Pikachu wasn't far off from them, after all he was a "Pocket Monster" so the same rules should apply. He just happened to be a type of monster that she wasn't used to dealing with.

She marched along, repeating phrases in her head to maintain her appearance. Coolness. Combat. Bruises. Knuckles.

She thought quickly over what she might do next to rise her testosterone levels. Train with Captain Falcon? Feed Rathalos? Eat a bloody meal with K Rool and Wario?

"Hey Lady Uzume," she heard, causing her to stop and turn to see the Pokemon Trainer, or Red to his friends, sitting with one of the Inkinlgs. "Do you think you could give me a hand?"

"Sure thing," Uzume replied. "What's up?"

"Can you help me with this little thing?" Red asked. "They got filthy, no surprise there, and need to get cleaned before they go handling anything."

"Yeah, no issue," Uzume replied. "Neppy told me what happened when these guys first got wild, so I know how to handle em'." She walked over and sat down next to the Trainer, helping to hold the Inkling still as Red's Squirtle wet a cloth for him to rub the ink aside.

Uzume felt her heartrate increase as she did her best to hold the shifting Inkling still. The myriad of gurgling noises that came from them and their overall cutsey, downright chibi look made it hard for Uzume to hold back all the happy noises that threatened to come out!

Oh goodness, she thought, these guys are way too cute! Oh, I've seen them play around before but I never saw just how cute they are up close!

At one point, the Inkling let out a happy squeal as they flopped around and hugged into Uzume to get away from Red's attempts at cleaning them! Uzume laughed and held them back up, as the Inkling continued gurgling in cheeky delight! Oh, do they make noises like that normally? Uzume thought. It's too much! Uzume can barely take it! Would it be bad to try and have some Inklings live in the Zero Dimension too?

Oh we could have a whole little family living with the Baby Bugs and Doggoos! They could help paint the cities and make things all pretty and happy! Uzume could totally be like a loving big sister and protect the Inklings from all the mean, meanie monsters that would want to bully them-!

"All done!" Red said.

"Huh!? Wha!?" Uzume said, waving the stars from her eyes as she was snapped from her daze.

"They're all clean now," Red said. "Thank you, Lady Uzume."

"O-oh, yeah. Ha ha. No problem!" Uzume said, letting the Inkling go and quickly running off before she risked losing her edge!

The number of charming characters that she had been bumping into was starting to mess with her head. Handling characters like Pichu, Olimar, Isabelle, or Toon Link was something she knew she could not risk if she were to keep up her manly appearance, which is why she typically asked others like Compa or another Maker to help her with a situation like that, while she ran off to find something else to do. She needed something to up her masculinity before the next ball dropped!

Yeah! Hunting! Sports! Explosions! she thought fondly.

"Hey Nepgear! Uni!" Uzume heard Pit say. She looked curiously as the angel ran over to his two friends!

"I got you these awesome crepes! You have to try them!"

Nepgear happily took hers, as Uni looked skeptically at Pit. "Really?" she asked. "Why would I ever eat that junk food? It's nothing but sugar and fat and it will destroy my body."

"Oh," Pit said, looking over the crepe in his hand with a tilt to his head. "Okay. No problem there."

He turned, looking hungrily at the two he was holding, licking his lips in delight. Uni looked at him with a shocked look, quickly running over and clutching his arm! "W-wait! D-don't just go eating it!" she said.

"Why?" Pit asked. "You said you didn't want it, right?"

"W-well..." Uni said. "I-I just don't want you to waste it, is all!"

"But I'm going to eat it," Pit said.

"Well you bought it for me," Uni said, "so it's only right that I eat it! To... to... to acknowledge your generosity, so there!"

She took it back, her face now beat red, taking a bite. She promptly let out a happy sigh, as she was amazed at the flavor!

"See?" Pit asked. "What'd I tell you?"

"D-don't get a big head over it," Uni said.

"Woah! Oh!" Uzume said from nearby. "How cute! Pitsy is all friendly with Gearsy and Unisy! Ooh! Pitsy should totally go on a date with Gearsy! And they could fall in love and get married and live happily ever after! Oh, Uzume would love to see such a happy couple spending time together!"

"Agh! Cough! Cough! Ahem!" Uzume struggled to regain her composure and force all the moe out of her system! She was determined to just march along and have her pride remain intact until the end of this Tournament! Not a single person would see her go 90s valley girl if she had a say in it!

She moved along until she found Sonic not too far away. He was merely sitting at an umbrella table with his arms reclined behind his quills, enjoying the cool afternoon between matches. Having grown attached the hedgehog, Uzume quickly ran over to him. She had a perfectly cool conversation topic she wanted to bring up with him!

"Hey, Sonisy," she said.

"Hm?" Sonic wondered, having heard the CPU approaching. "Oh, hey Uzume. How's it going?"

"It's going well," Uzume replied. "Say, Sonisy, there's something I wanted to mention to you."

"Sure thing," Sonic replied. "What's up?"

"I was thinking of getting a tattoo," Uzume replied.

"A what now?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah," Uzume replied. She moved her already open shirt to the side a bit to show off her belly and hip to her left side. "Y'see, I've been playin' this MMO lately, and my in-game avatar looks just like me. But I added a tattoo on her that looks super cool! Like some kinda spiky, wavy pattern thing! It looks awesome, so I was thinking of actually getting that tattooed onto my belly like in the game!"

"Huh. Not bad," Sonic replied. "But you sure you wanna do that Uzume?"

"Sure!" Uzume replied. "Why? There a problem?"

"I dunno," Sonic replied. "You just look fine as it is."

"Aw, thanks Sonisy," Uzume said. "But I'm sure the tattoo will make me look 10x cooler!"

"No," Shadow said firmly. Both the hedgehog and goddess jumped up in shock as the black hedgehog spontaneously appeared beside them!

"Shad! Where'd you come from!?" Sonic said, catching his breath.

"I sensed something idiotic going on with you and one of our goddesses," Shadow replied. "And shock of all shock, I find you acting childish once again."

"I am a child," Sonic said. "Need I remind you I'm only fifteen? And seriously Shad, you're not physically fifty! You were in some kinda suspended animation or something! So you don't have to act like some bossy grandpa!"

"Somebody has to make sure that you don't go encouraging our goddesses to do something foolish," Shadow said. "It just so happens that I'm the one."

"Ah, come on Shadsy!" Uzume said. "Look, if I showed you my character, you'd know how cool it'd look!"

"No," Shadow said. "I'm not gonna let you just jump right into a choice like that. Let alone a tattoo so... lewd."

"Oh~" Uzume said. "Is somebody all flustered~?"

"I'm just making sure you make smart choices," Shadow said. "You're the single CPU of your own dimension, so it's only natural that you learn how to act maturely and responsibly since you have a literal civilization on your shoulders alone."

Uzume smiled as she knelt down and patted Shadow's head. "You're too kind, Shadsy," she said.

"Don't patronize me," Shadow replied.

"yo, uzume," the goddess in question heard, causing her to look over at Sans as he was standing next to her.

"Oh, yeah Sansy?" she asked.

Sans suddenly held up Kirby to her. "hold this for me," he said.

Before she could react, Kirby was plopped into her arms, the baby Star Warrior looking up at her with a curious look.

"Where did you get Kirby?" Sonic asked.

"where else?" Sans replied. He didn't elaborate, both hedgehogs clearly not seeing that as a proper response.

"That... that doesn't answer anything," Shadow said.

Uzume on the other hand didn't even bother questioning it. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks again as both she and Kirby made similar looks at one another. Don't do it! Uzume thought. Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't you dare do it! For the sweet love of Sega don't-!

"Hi~" Kirby said, waving happily at Uzume.

That did it.

Uzume ended up in a ball on the ground, holding Kirby close to her chest and babbling like a 90s valley girl all the while, with numerous Fighters, Makers, guests, or even NPC citizens looking at her with rather confused looks! "He is so cute! Uzume can't stand how cute he is! Uzume just wants to cuddle and squeeze him till he pops!"

"good work kid," Sans said to Kirby. "works every time."

Sonic merely let loose a sigh, as Shadow rubbed his brow. It looked like Uzume's chances of getting out of the Smash Tournament without letting a single bit of moe slip was up in flames thanks to one trolling skeleton.


A/N: This one was just a quick little chapter that I thought of making as something of a joke. Anybody familiar with Uzume Tennouboushi, like you should because she is Uzubae, you'd know she has a bit of a habit of breaking down from her tomboyish outward appearance into what the games describe as "a valley girl from the nineties." Typically it happens when Uzume is "daydreaming". And naturally, I figured that somebody who at her core is a nice girl with a positive outlook and tendency to fantasize, I thought she'd get a bit overwhelmed by the amount of cuteness from Fighters in Smash like Pikachu, Inkling, and of course Kirby.

Nothing more than that. Like the Rei Stage this was done mostly just to mess with a character with a fatal flaw. This one was done a bit more wholesomely because I freaking LOVE Uzume.

On a side-note, the whole Uzume having a tattoo thing is in reference to her redesign in Cyberdimension Neptunia: 4 Goddesses Online, where she does in fact have a tattoo positioned around the left side of her waist. It looks freaking metal, and somebody obsessed with being cool like she is, I thought she'd consider actually getting it.

Initially I was going to have Sonic go full on "Dad mode" like he was with Nepgear and try to keep her from doing that, but then I remembered that Sonic is still immature and has the same coolness factor Uzume does, so he honestly wouldn't care that much. So that lead me to Shadow.

Recall that Sonic Adventure 2 was released initially on the Sega Dreamcast, the console which Uzume personifies, and was the last main series Sonic title released on a Sega console. Naturally, since Shadow was technically "Born" on the Dreamcast, here you have the perfect work-around "dad character" for Uzume. Perhaps some more with that can be thought of in the future.

Not much else to say about this. Just a fun, and if I may say so myself, "cute," chapter about Uzume losing her cool. (getit?)

Review Time!

To ChimaTigon: Thanks a bunch for the link! I actually found an article not too long ago that mentioned Inside-Games did a poll with over 3k people and Reimu was ranked 13th place most requested character. A couple other more "niche" more Japanese related characters were listed as well like Arle Nadja from Puyo Puyo, at 9th place, Altria (Which I believe means specifically "Arturia Alter") from F/GO at 15th place, which surprised me. Namely because it was specifically Arturia Alter and not just base Arturia Saber, but hey. People like edge. (I mean, do you know how many people prefer Jalter over Jeanne D'Arc?) But I digress. I can see a lot of people want to see Reimu, and I'd be interested to see if she could make the cut! I, uh, don't need to tell you what "niche Japanese" game series I'm pushing for, yeah?

To 3 Question Marks: I can certainly assure you that Sothis will have a presence in the story to come. And perhaps, she will be noticed by a certain, other goddess as well~ To give you a hint, it's another goddess with green hair.

To Zindakku Hirokai: I can totally agree that Blanc should take a break eventually, and hey, that premise fits with Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Maybe she takes a day-off or something and without the goddess of Nintendo around to keep everyone else in line things go to chaos? That's a fun idea. And I think that Playstation All-Stars idea works well too, I'll keep that in mind! And as for Hatsune Miku becoming a Fighter, that one is a bit of a hard say. While technically Miku is related to Sega, and has had a number of rhythm games, do you think she necessarily counts as a video game character? I mean, technically, she started as just a program. A voice synthesizer. She didn't even have a real character! Personally, I wouldn't be opposed to it, but there'd be a lot of rough specifics to talk about there.

To Neptunia56: Yeah, Terry and Ken will certainly have to pay Blanc back for the stage! Maybe they provide her some funding to go to one of Nook Inc.'s islands! XD In all seriousness, I haven't considered R-18 island as of yet. Although I feel just a conversation about that with some of the more "innocent" Smash girls would be interesting and entertaining to see. And I think Umio and Pirachu should show up at some point, totally! (Kinda dropped the ball to have Umio show up in this chapter but, eh, what can you do?) And I think Pirachu meeting Pikachu would be hilarious, so I will definitely do a chapter about that.

And to the guest who mentioned Plutia being in Akame Ga Kill. No! N-O! The multiverse at large cannot contain the insanity of Iris Heart beyond the borders of the Neptunia series! Even this is bad enough with all these intermingling characters! Which reminds me, I need to do a follow-up chapter of Plutia "punishing" the other naughty Smash characters.

With all that said and done, let me know your thoughts and suggestions! I'm gonna be going more into request based Stages now that this series has gotten off the ground some, so if you guys have any suggestions for how to change up the flow, let me know! You guys have some great ideas, so hopefully now that you've seen what this series has to offer, keep the requests coming! Until next time, thank you for reading, have a wonderful evening, and take care!