Chapter 10 Country Song

P O V: Olivia Benson

"Mama, what did that lady mean when she said Aunt Amanda was kissing Presley? In her letter, she said she was in love with you. Why would she kiss another lady?"

The water ripples as Noah skips stones while Alex, and I sit on the bank of the river so many confusion thoughts rush through my brain. Was it a waste to come here? Did Amanda give up on me that easy? Am I that easy to get over, how important can I be if she couldn't even wait a few days? Alex's arm is across my shoulders; she's silent as we sit, letting me process the news.

How worthless am I?

Am I too needy? Too closed off? Too hard to read? Do I put off some aura of self-importance that turns away people? Maybe my dedication to work pushes people away. Do I give too much of my time to the victims? Should I apologize for that? Their voices matter to me their fears, their pain getting justice for them matters, does it matter too much though? Have I lost perspective?

Amanda gets that she's as dedicated as I am. Or at least she was what could have happened to her? How could she just leave?

How long has she been seeing this Presley woman? Was she always around waiting around for the right opportunity to take Amanda away? Did Amanda simply give up on me because I took so long and call her to help mend her broken heart? Was it just a matter of timing?

Why couldn't I pick up the phone earlier? Why am I so damaged? Or is it her that's damaged? Can she possibly view sex as something to take lightly? She's an SVU detective. She knows the risks, doesn't she? Maybe I should have dived into her personal life more got to know who she was dating or sleeping with, made her see she is worth waiting for the right person. That giving her body to some stranger isn't the answer.

Presley, whoever she is to her, isn't a stranger though, according to Carrie, she's an ex-girlfriend. So she must matter to Amanda, she must have a place in her heart for her. How close in her heart? Does she care about her more than me? Did I hurt Amanda so bad she turned to her ex-girlfriend to heal the pain?

"Olivia. I know that whatever I say isn't going to stop the racing thoughts inside your brain right now. Still, I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't t least try."

"I don't know what to believe in Alex anymore."

"You are in a tough situation, Olivia. You're between a rock and a hard place; I'm so sorry you have to face this kind of problem right now. I could be wrong, but it seems to me like you care for Amanda. Right now, as hurt and scared as she take it from me as a woman who came out late in life as a Lesbian, all she needs is love and acceptance even if you can't give her your requited love. Give her your friendship, acceptance."

"You are a fool Captain if you believe my daughter turned to that hussy Presley when she's clearly in love with you." Standing up, we turn to face Beth Anne and Kim. "Why do you care last time I saw you, Beth Anne? You slapped Amanda in a court of law and told her she was dead to you, and the only daughter you claimed was Kim."

"Family's complicated Olivia, don't judge. Mom and sissy have always had a strained relationship. Love is love, though."

"So you think your niece is lying, Beth Anne?"

"Oh, I know the little bitch is don't get me wrong I do think she took off with Presley probably to Memphis. Just not in the way Carrie wanted you to believe. Presley has been her best friend since she was thirteen, and Amanda crossed that friendship to lovers line a few times with the little hussy. However, she's married now."

"Amanda is a lot of things, but she is not the other woman type of gal, ever. She once slapped a boy so hard when she was in high school for cheating on his girlfriend with her; the poor boy needed braces for years afterward."

My heart squeezes as I brush myself off, "So Presley's married?" "Yes, Ma'am has been for five years now, plus she and her wife Aisling have an adorable five-year-old boy. They sometimes bring him to play with Manson. I can't stand Presley at all. I could slap the little smart-mouthed, golden slut she's the whole reason Amanda is what she is, but her wife Aisling is a real peach tree."

"You want to get Amanda back, Liv; you better be prepared to do some explaining and accepting."

"Mama maybe you should start doing some of that yourself, you seem to think Presley turned Amanda gay or something, she didn't Amanda is who she is and she would have come out no matter what Presley just gave her the courage to do it sooner."

"You hush now Kimberly, you ain't Amanda's parent, you be a mother to that little boy that you haven't seen since your sorry butt got locked up and you let me be Amanda's mother. Both of you follow me will go get that child,"

"She's 39 mom. She ain't a child."

"She's always going to be my child 39, 55, 70 a mother is a mother for all time."

Noah's hand squeeze's in mine as we walk up the dirt road. His eyes dart all around, reminding me this is the first time he's seen the country in his whole life. I should get him out of the city more, pulling him close I quicken my paces to keep up to Beth Anne's.

Memphis, Tennessee Four hours later

"Since Presley and Aisling live in a high-security area, we won't get in without Clarence Mama. Let's head to Aisling's restaurant; it might be our best bet; I'm sure we won't get anywhere at her studio."

"You might be right, child, lead the way."

"Restaurant? Studio? What does Aisling do for a living? How can she afford to own both?"

Kim leads us down the sidewalk of an alive Memphis where on every corner, a street performer is crooning love songs and heartbreak. The city of lights memorizes Noah with it's dancing feet. I'm starting to think taking him here was a mistake; his smile is enormous; his hands are clapping as he stomps his feet. Alex and I have to keep pushing him to keep up with us. Even his growling stomach does little to motivate him.

So for a while, we stop and watch there's a young boy in the middle of the street performing his heart out he's wearing jeans, a black t-shirt that has a golden star in the middle of it, a gold cowboy hat despite his flashy outfit though it's his voice and his moves that are spell-bound

ing.

I'm a fire starter, make your blood run faster
I melt hearts like water
Yeah yeah oh oh yeah yeah oh oh yeah yeah
I'm a fire starter; I'm a sweet disaster
I melt hearts like water
Yeah yeah oh oh yeah yeah oh oh yeah

"Mama, that boy is amazing how do you learn to sing like that?"

'Honey, he ain't singing that song." Noah looks at Kim strangely, "Is he lip-singing?" "No, dear." "So if he isn't singing that song and he isn't lip-syncing? How is that song coming out of his mouth?" Noah's confused expression has me smiling.

"Baby, that boy ain't singing that song, he sa~~ng that song, boy he tore it up."

Noah laughs, finally getting it "How do I learn to sing like that?" "Boy ain't no one ever taught you Nuthin'bout soul?" "What's soul, mama?" "Oh, I'm going to let Kim tell you sweet-pea." the cop in me is looking around at the very crowded streets looking for pickpockets or any signs of criminal activity somehow, I don't trust this boy's performance is purely innocent. I can't help it as much as I want to be in the moment it's drilled into me.

"Boy, you don't learn to sing like him, you are born with that talent sure you can take lessons for structure and technique, but real talent is born and bred into you."

"How do you know if you have that talent, Kim? I've been taking dance lessons for months, and I love it. I am trying hard, but everyone is always talking about that It factor, all my friends in dance are going to auditions, but I don't know if I have it. My friend Dustin keeps telling me that the more I know how to do the better my chances are, he sings, he plays guitar he's teaching me how to play, but I want to wow an audience as this boy does. He hardly looks older than I am."

"That's a great question, sweetie one. I think Aisling would be perfect for answering." "Why, Kim?" My eyes scan the crowd again just as they land on a wandering hand into an older woman's purse who is watching the young kid.

My feet take off before my brain can register. This isn't my city, my jurisdiction. "Stop Police!" The man's fingers grip the wallet as he starts to take off "Police!" I yell once more, my feet pounding the hard concrete as I push my way through the crowd. "Stop, Police." "Out of my way, excuse me, police." "Move now." Some days I don't know how I manage to keep chasing these bad guys when every muscle hurts so badly. I do it through every heartbeat increases my motivation to catch him.

The older woman has no idea she was just robbed. She's clapping and dancing to this young boy. She's in for a heartbreaking surprise. When she looks for her purse, how can anyone steal from the elderly? It's disgusting to me. They've worked hard their whole lives to be able to save up for retirement to spoil their grand-kids. Sometimes I get sad thinking about the fact Noah won't ever get that love or attention since my parents are both dead.

Without knowing this city, I am at a disadvantage; however, I am quick on my feet and with my eyes. I am spotting a metal garbage can holder up ahead, which I quickly use to launch myself off catching hold of the metal pole, which is part of the structure of the stairwell leading up to apartments above a pizza place.

The suspect is caught in a crowd, unaware of where I am, making it easy to land right on his back, flattening him. "Your under arrest for larceny." reaching for my cuffs, it dawns on me. I don't have them once again, reminding myself this isn't my city." Looking for this, Ma'am?" A young man comes over his shield on his hip dangling cuffs in his hand "Yes Sir; they would be what I need." "Thank you, Ma'am, that was bad-ass I am Chief Daniels with the Memphis Police, you got to him sooner than I could. We've been watching this son and dad duo all week; they've been striking all week."

"Happy to help Sir' I am Captain Olivia Benson NYPD SVU."

"NYPD, an honor Ma'am, let me get this creep to a patrol car, and would you mind if I buy you a thank you drink? Purely platonic. I assure you as I am happily married for ten years with two kids. That woman he robbed is my grandmother."

"Well, I am delighted to have helped, and yes, a drink sounds lovely. I'll meet you inside of uh..."

"Memphis Legends Music Cafe has the best food and live entertainment on Beale Street."

"Sounds just like what I need. See ya' there."

The walk back seems longer, more painful sweat drips down my back as I stretch my aching muscles music is all around me, giving me the pulse of life to keep going one step one foot at a time. The thought of Amanda, being in one of these bars getting drunk over me, fills me with more determination to find her.

"Superwoman's back." Kim's voice causes me to smile; her tone is tight teasing. I can picture her and Amanda teasing each other as teens. There's a lightness to Kim now I see that has Amanda always coming to her rescue. "Sorry, I guess I never stop being a cop." "No worries, Liv, you can't take the cop-out of you any more than you can take the country out of a country girl. Now Let's get some grub."

"I got a recommendation from a fellow cop Memphis Legends Music Cafe."

"He has an amazing taste that's Aisling's restaurant."

"Let's do it then."

The cafe's packed with people standing at the bar holding drinks listening to the bands performing. We wait for eyes scanning for empty tables. "Liv?" I smile wider as I see Chief Daniels come up with the young boy squirming in his grip. "Sorry for the delay we're waiting on a patrol car to come to pick up this little guy and bring him back to St. Jude's Children Hospital. It turns out he is a patient there since his dad will be in jail for a while with this outstanding warrants for previous crimes, the hospital has agreed to take him in till placement can be found."

"No problem. It looks like we will be waiting for a table anyway."

Kim squeezes to the bar. I assume to order drinks, "What's your name, young man?" The kid's arms are crossed as he breaths out heavily. "My name is back off, lady." My eyebrow arches to Beth Anne, who smirks, "We have a mini Amanda, I see, she was always full of sass as a kid."

"Are you hungry backoff, lady?"

No verbal answers just huffing mixed with excessive eye-rolling. "So do you enjoy singing, or did your dad make you? Cause you are amazing, bro. I wish I could sing like that. Maybe I would have a better chance at auditions."

Noah's excitement seems to be contagious because the young boy smiles his face lighting up "no, my dad hates when I sing. He says it's for sissies, but he likes the crowd it draws. I love singing; it's how I express myself; it's when I feel the most alive. Having Cancer sucks. It's lonely and painful, but when I sing, I can forget my troubles and just enter a whole new world. I want to be a country singer so bad."

"I've never tried singing for real would you teach me? I can teach you some new dance moves to help you out; I saw you struggling with some moves. I am a dancer."

"That would be chicken wings smothered in hot sauce awesome." Both boys slap hands, laughing, "Mama, can we go to the stage?" "I'll have an officer keep an eye on them, Liv." Chief Daniels nods to me as he radios for an officer. "Sure, babe, stay where I can see you though it's crowded here." "Chill, Mom, we're not stupid. We know not to go off with strangers, parents, am I right, bro?"

"for sure." both boys laugh as they head to the stage elbowing their way through the packed bodies. Just as Kim comes back with a server, which leads us to the table. "how did you get someone so quickly?" "I called Aisling, she's on her way down, and she told them to serve us on the house."

"Wait, you know the owner?" Chief Daniels seems impressed, which makes me wonder all the more who this Aisling chick is and why everyone is in awe of her. "Yea, she's best friends with my sister Amanda."

"Wow very cool all my friends and I always had the biggest crushes on her when we were younger, she was like a goddess straight out of our wet dreams. I've tried meeting her several times since becoming Chief down here. Some of my officers have met her and say she's lovely, but she's always out when I come with my kids."

"Yeah, I've known her since I was eleven. She's a sweetheart."

"So, will someone tell me about her?" "Yeah, sorry Liv, so Aisling and her twin sister Keavy O'Connor became famous in 1988 when they stared on a show on the Disney Channel which launched their careers as pop stars. They're the daughters of actor/ producer Collin O'Connor and Legendary actress/singer Actress Moira Callie Rose."

"Wait, you mean the Hollywood Legend who broke barriers for women in Hollywood who started the "StandForTheSilent against the sexual harassment and abuse in the Entertainment industry? The same woman who was found dead by mysterious circumstances the day after she blew the whistle on two of the biggest Producers and Studio owners of the eighties?"

"Yes ma'am, that very same one, she was killed when the twins were only seven."

"Their dad never really recovered from the loss of his wife, he was distant, and aloof verbally abusive traveled most of the time, so music and acting became their soul. When they were ten, they got their big break; they became a household name to anyone with kids or teens. As they grew, so did their careers expanding to everything in the industry dance, music, acting, clothing, writing, and producing."

"Asling owns studios in LA, and here plus this restaurant where she holds auditions and competitions for future country songs. She has her tenth studio album in the works."

I notice she hasn't mentioned Keavy, but I don't push her because the waiter comes to take our orders, and I am starving. "Did she say if Amanda is here?" "No, but she wouldn't not till she saw us in person and sized us up she's very protective and let's face it Amanda's relationship with all of us is strained. I'm sure she is here though."

"How did they meet?"

Neither lady would answer me instead of turning to the stage pointing my lips twitch in anticipation of questing them it's what I do best, but the questions die on my lips when I see my son on stage with a guitar in his hands standing next to back off lady kid who is on the keyboard.

How could I see you when I was so blind
How could I grasp you when I was far behind
How could I hear you when I was so deaf
How could I get up when I had been left

But You said, don't worry
For I've healed the blind man
And I've set the captives free
And You said, don't worry
For all you've gotta do
Is put your trust in me

"Wow, both boys sounds awesome!" "Yeah, Kim, they really do. I love the twist they put on that song; somehow, they made it country."

The joy on Noah's face makes me smile; he seems peacefully relaxed, almost like he has grown up on stage. The way he works that guitar and controls his voice. Tears are brought to my eyes, seeing him so happy.

"Kim? Beth Anne?" the magical linger of an Irish accent catches my ears. I turn to see one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, standing before me. It's as if she's stepped out from the pages of a magazine. Long flowing curly blond hair to her mid-neck gorgeous green eyes, which seem ablaze with a million emotions. Her skin must be the wealthiest shades of Ivy to ever come across the Irish sea. It's so soft so creamy I want to make a milkshake out of it.

"Aisling lovely to see you, dear, how are you? how's your son?" "He's well, thank you as am I what brings you here to Memphis?" She doesn't sit down or shake their hands. I notice her eyes are almost cold towards them while she's polite. She's not overly talkative "Aisy; this is Olivia Benson, Amanda's captain and friend from NYC."

Her eyebrow raises, "Captain Benson, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ma'am. What brings you to my fair city?" "I'm searching for Amanda she and I left on terms I am not quite happy with have you seen her? I would love the chance to talk to her to listen to her. I need to say a few things. She left in such a hurry; I hadn't been giving enough time to process all that she trusted me with."

"Well, you are right. Manda trusted you with her most personal and deepest feelings if I tell you where she is I need assurance you aren't here to break her heart or her spirit. Because so help me god, if you are Ma'am, you will be taking me to jail tonight."

To show her I mean every word I say I stand to meet her face to face holding out my hand "I swear on my son's life I am here to talk to Amanda, not hurt her in any way. So do you know where she is?"

Aisling seems to debate if she should say anything biting her lip, flipping back her hair. "Yes, I do she's at St. Jude's Hospital."

"Hospital? Why would she be at a hospital?"

"Amanda has Acute Myelogenous Leukemia; this is her fifth relapse. She's very sick. She's in isolation right now. So you won't be able to see her, but I can take you to the hospital Kim, Beth, you may get to go into the room since you are related. I have to warn you all though this morning she slipped into a coma. So if you want to talk to her, you're too late."

A/N: Lyrics belong to Katy Perry and Demi Lovato.