One more update for tonight! Hope you guys enjoy it! I've got to study for my Japanese exam tomorrow but I just had to post one more update haha. Once again, I hope I fixed all the errors. I just wanted to get this up on fanfic for you guys and with all my homework, I didn't have time to thoroughly check everything. I'm hoping to have a special Valentine's Day short story up on fanfic for you guys … but we'll see how I do. If it's not posted on Valentine's Day, hopefully it will be up by Sunday. It's just a fun one-shot. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and please review. Xoxo if I don't post another chapter before Valentine's Day.

14

Never Tear Us Apart

Sun seeped through my windows, trickling through the blinds to warm my skin. I turned onto my back, staring up at the ceiling with the image of Edward clear in my mind. My fingertips traced the curve of my bottom lip, remembering the feel of his fingers doing something similar last night. The way he touches me … the way he looks at me … God, I wonder how I manage to think straight. A smile tugged on my lips, and I quickly flipped onto my stomach, burying my face into my pillow as embarrassment overwhelmed me. I had never felt this way about anyone—ever. Every moment, I wanted to see him; every day, I wanted him to possess me completely. The past was forgotten. All there was, was him.

Slowly, my hands made their way down my body, toying with the edges of my underwear before they dipped inside, brushing over my trim line of hair and reaching the little nub, which always brought me pleasure. Seeing the toned lines of his body in my mind's eye, I worked myself until I reached my oblivion. As my fingers moved with determination, I allowed my imagination to run freely. My eyes closed as the vision of him overwhelmed me.

Just as I was about to speak, his fingers reached forward to gently silence me. Smiling the cocky smile I had quickly grown so fond of, he bent down to kiss my neck and ran his tongue along my collarbone as his hands made their descent along my trembling frame. His lips moved from my neckline to my exposed breasts, kissing their fullness before he paid special attention to my nipples, all while his hands made their way to where I longed for his touch the most.

"Edward," I murmured, just before a moan passed through my lips. My fingers tangled in his unruly hair, pulling and yanking as his mouth worshiped my breasts. I never wanted this pleasure to end, and I told him so. As soon as the words passed through my lips, he abandoned my breast to stare up at me, giving me another roguish grin before his mouth moved down my body, past my naval, to the apex of my thighs.

No man had ever done this to me before. Everyone I had been with in the past had been far too interested in their own orgasm to give a crap about mine. I would have been more frustrated if I had known then what I knew now. I had no idea I was missing out on something so amazing. Edward worked me until I was weeping, and only then did he rise above me and position himself at my entrance.

"Do you want this, baby?" he asked, his eyes glued to my face as he awaited my answer.

Too overwhelmed, I could only nod. He gave me a moment to make sure I truly meant it, which made me love him even more. He smiled as he watched my expression, and after I nodded one more time, he thrusted into me, tearing my world apart.

My eyes fluttered open as an orgasm ripped through my body. As soon as the pulsating morphed into a dull throb, my face flushed, and my body sunk into the mattress. For a moment, I recalled a time when I had been repulsed by this. But my nights, once riddled with nightmares, were now peaceful; my days, once filled with sporadic episodes fueled by my anxiety, were now untroubled. Edward had changed me. I had changed myself. Finding a man whom I cared for seemed to trigger something deep inside of me. If that were even a possibility.

Sliding out of bed, my muscles felt like Jell-O. I crossed the carpet to the bathroom with shaky legs. The smile that had been on my face since reaching my peak had yet to disappear. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe how much younger I looked—how much happier I appeared. After … him … I had felt used up. It was as if all my good years had passed me by in a flash, and I was only left with emptiness, acting like the darkness that swallowed me whole. With every smile, every laugh, every orgasm, I was crawling my way out of that darkness. I was traversing back to the Isabella I once was. The Isabella my family loved. The Isabella Edward might love. Slowly, I began to love myself again. Slowly, I realized everything would be all right.

With a 4H pencil in hand, I tried to focus on the paper in front of me; however, my eyes kept peering at the phone resting beside me on the couch. As usual, I had been messaging Edward throughout the day, always interested in any tidbit he wanted to tell me. Today, he was going to his first consultation with a therapist. Judging by his texts, he was nervous. Although, I had told him time and time again that he shouldn't be. Being able to open up to a stranger like that was a relief. They didn't know you, they wouldn't judge you, and they gave unbiased advice.

In the past, I had found therapy far more helpful than talking to a friend. Many friends had told me what I had wanted to hear—fearing the outcome of telling me the truth—whereas therapists had been gently honest. Sometimes, it was nice to just have someone listen. I had gone so many years feeling like I wasn't being heard. While Edward had never said as much, I believed he felt similarly.

A text from him illuminated my phone. Immediately, I unlocked the device and read it.

I don't know about this. It seems so clinical.

I smiled, knowing exactly how he felt. When I had first seen a therapist, I had believed it was awkward, too. Filling out the paperwork alone had caused me to want to run for the door. Yet, Alice had been outside, which had caused me to stay put. Although she was only a few years my senior, she was far more mature than I had been. After our mother passed away, she had taken me to appointments and had made sure I had the best of everything. I admired her for that. I still do.

No wonder she's such a wonderful mother to Cyndy—she has had loads of practice with me.

You'll be fine. I know you don't scare too easily.

As soon as I put the phone down and grabbed my 4H pencil, it pinged again. This time, his message made me grin. At least, he was joking around, which was an excellent sign.

Nothing scares me, sweetheart.

I sent him back a quick smile emoji before I placed my phone down and focused on the matter at hand. I gazed at the picture of Charlie I had printed off this morning, beginning to sketch a stylized version of his baby face. Perhaps one day, I could give these drawings to Edward as a gift, I mused. With how fast Charlie was growing, it would be nice to have images to look back on. His smiling face stood out on my page despite the scenery I had sketched around him. Soon, I would add color, but for now, I was only focused on getting his facial features right. I never expected a baby to become my muse, but since he had first inspired me, I had filled an entire sketchbook with images of him.

Day turned into night, and my pencil had turned into a nub as my phone began to ring. Edward must have finished his appointment. As I released my pencil, my hand ached from being posed in one position for too long. Eager to hear Edward's voice, I ignored the ache and reached for my phone, picking it up on the third ring.

"Hey, Edward! How did the appointment go?"

I heard Charlie squealing in the background. I must have been on speaker phone. He continued to squeal, causing a smile to tug on my lips. I heard Edward laugh at his nephew before he answered my question.

"It was fine." Charlie babbled in the background, and Edward paused for a moment to chuckle at his exuberant nephew. "Sorry, Charlie's freaking out in the backseat. He's just really excited to hear your voice."

With that remark, I felt my heart melt. I was happy to hear his voice, too. I looked down at the image of him on my page, and my smile widened.

"Aw. Well, you should bring him over tonight. I'd love to make dinner for my guys."

My guys. The phrase passed through my lips before I could give it any thought. For a moment, I considered correcting myself. However, Edward responded before I had gotten the chance.

"That'd be great." He paused for a moment, and I heard him rustling around before continuing, "Actually, I was calling to ask about tomorrow. I was thinking about taking Charlie to a pumpkin patch and was wondering … Well, I was wondering if you wanted to join us?"

I smiled at the nervousness in his voice. After everything we had been through, I wondered how he could still be unsure around me. Heck, I guess I'm equally as nervous around him. Nervous in the best of ways. Nervous for his body, heart, and soul.

"Edward, I'd do anything with you."

I heard him release the breath he must have been holding onto. "Perfect." I heard a smile in his voice. "I'll see you tonight, then?"

"Tonight," I confirmed.

"Is an hour too soon for us to drop by?"

It's never too soon.

"No, an hour is fine, Edward. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me, too." He paused for a moment, allowing me a chance to hear the kid's song on the radio mixed with Charlie's babbling. "Thanks for this, Bella. After today, a night with you is just what I need."

A night with you, is all I ever could need, Edward. I smiled at the thought. We said our goodbyes before I hung up, already beginning to plan for the relaxing night ahead of us.

It may have been a bit much, but I was certain Edward would like it. Who wouldn't want comfort food after a day like today? I had made a recipe that my mom had always made for me after a particularly difficult day at school, grilled mac and cheese. Which was a mix of two of my favorite comfort foods: macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese. Of course, she had never allowed us to eat this alone. She would force us to eat a plethora of vegetables, as well.

Tonight, however, we were having the sandwiches, chips, and iced tea. I left a small portion of macaroni and cheese for Charlie, too, sure he would want something other than his typical baby food. Hopefully, Edward would like this. If he would want it, I could do this for him every night. I liked being able to take care of him and Charlie. Edward focused all of his energy on his nephew—he needed someone to look after him.

Edward knocked on my door early, just like I believed he would. I opened the door to find Charlie restless in his uncle's arms—his curious eyes darted around my apartment before they found me. When he captured my gaze, he smiled, wiggling in Edward's arms as he reached for me. With a giggle, I took him, holding him close as I ushered his uncle inside.

"I made something simple tonight. I hope you don't mind."

"Simple? Simple's perfect."

He followed me into the kitchen, and I turned back to look at him, finding him smiling at my little setup on the kitchen table. There was a small mountain of grilled mac and cheese sandwiches, a pitcher of iced tea, and a huge bag of Edward's favorite potato chips. His eyes scanned the table before he looked to Charlie as I placed him in his highchair. Charlie's eyes were wide and animated as he took in the small pile of macaroni and cheese before him.

"Holy fu—" Edward stopped himself, nearly blushing as he looked at me. "I mean, this looks really good, baby."

Baby. My face flushed, and as cheesy as it seemed, my heart skipped a beat as the endearment slipped through his lips. Hearing his rough, masculine voice utter the word always caused the most delicious sensation between my legs. A sensation I was far too embarrassed to tell him about.

"Thanks. It wasn't any trouble to make. It's an old family recipe."

We took our seats, and I felt weightless—my world felt sunny and unclouded. The warmth radiating between us was overwhelming. It was as if we were one happy family. It's like we've always been. If this became a routine, I knew my heart would feel full every night.

It hadn't taken long for Edward to open up about his day—the words had flown out of him as if they had been bubbling in his breast since he had left his therapist. He had talked about his frustrations—the lack of faith he had in the therapist—before he had revealed some of his fears. I wasn't sure if it were a guy thing, but the subject of fear had always been difficult for him. I supposed one of his fears was being in a position of vulnerability. It was scary to open up completely, taking off a mask to reveal one's true self. I knew this fear intimately. Hell, I'm too afraid to open up to him. The fear I experienced every day was visceral.

I feared if I talked about my past—if I uttered the words out loud—it would make everything real. I wondered if he experienced something similar. Maybe, despite the strength he constantly displayed, he still hadn't accepted his brother's death. How could he? Not much time has passed! He hasn't gotten the chance to breathe, let alone grieve.

"So, you don't think you'll be able to open up to him?" I questioned as soon as he finished explaining the short consultation.

The consultation he had described seemed normal enough. His therapist, Dr. Russel, asked him basic questions and inquired after what Edward wanted to get out of the sessions. Edward had expressed he wanted to feel more in control of his own life, which Dr. Russel had explained would be difficult, but doable. However, Edward hadn't seemed convinced by the psychologist's assessment; he didn't believe therapy would help him. In my heart, I knew there was more than his brother's death troubling him. Maybe one day, we could both demolish the walls we had built around us and let each other in.

Edward took a long sip of his tea and ran a shaky hand through his hair before leaning forward to answer me. "I don't fucking know. I don't know about this sort of thing. I just don't see how merely talking about something is going to help me. What is he going to do, cure me? I don't think I'm curable. I just need to pull my head out of my ass—" He stopped, looking at me with an apology swimming in his eyes. "Sorry. I'm trying not to be so negative, Bella. I'm just not used to any of this."

"I know. Edward, no one's comfortable with this sort of thing at first. Opening up is hard."

"I know." He leaned back in his chair, shoulders slumping as his gaze turned to his nephew. "I just never liked talking about this shit. I don't want to open up to some complete stranger."

"Edward, sometimes that's the best thing possible. A stranger won't judge you; a stranger will listen to your problems and give you the best advice. As hard as it is, sometimes you just have to trust people and trust yourself."

I wished I could trust myself. Maybe one day, I'll blossom, becoming the most authentic version of myself. I was sure that once I did, I would feel a profound sense of relief. Perhaps I wouldn't feel so bottled up—so repressed.

"I don't trust myself," he murmured, so softly, I barely heard him.

"You will. One day, you will."

"Do you trust yourself?" he questioned, his eyes shooting up to meet mine.

"I'm starting to."