Chapter 10
BPOV
"Angela, he's absolutely perfect." I ran my fingers over the soft, downy hair on her newborn baby's head. "How does it feel to be a mom?"
She groaned as she sat down beside me. "Honestly? I didn't know I could love another human being so much. Being pregnant was a bitch, but looking at his face, his little fingers, and that nose—it's so worth it."
I gave her a small smile, trying to swallow back tears. Honestly, while I was growing up, I wasn't sure if I wanted children, or if I ever wanted to get married. I hadn't exactly gotten the best example on how to be a mother, or what a truly loving relationship looked like. My parents were amicable with each other at best.
I loved my mother, and she'd done what she thought was best with me. In the end, though, she was selfish. My life consisted of a different house every few months because she was never content. I'd become an expert on packing and on keeping to myself, never getting too close to anyone because I knew I'd have to say goodbye sooner or later. That was no way for a child to live, and I'd always promised myself that if I did have a child, I'd give them every opportunity I never had.
On the other hand, while my father was my stability for a few months out of every year and a calm, quiet place for me, I'd often wondered why he didn't fight to have full custody. When he died, I was pretty sure I finally understood his reasoning. He didn't think he could give me everything I needed because he went out and risked his life daily. Regardless of understanding his reasons, I was bitter over it. I was angry that he'd taken away my chances of any sort of normal home life.
It wasn't until my sophomore year of college when I snuck into a bar with Angela and our friend Rose where I met the most beautiful man—inside and out—that I realized what love truly looked like. My relationship with Edward was easy; loving him was easy. Being loved by him in return was my first true home; something I'd never felt before.
Then late last year things started to change for me once again. I had this feeling deep in my belly as I watched Edward cradle his cousin's new baby in his arms; something stirred inside me. I wanted—no, needed—that with him. I needed to watch him hold and coo at our babies, I needed us to watch our children grow and thrive together. I loved him so much that I wanted physical proof of it walking around in the world.
"Bella?" Angela said, knocking me from my thoughts.
"Huh?"
"I asked, how are you holding up?"
"Oh. I'm fine, Ang. Really."
Angela narrowed her eyes, giving a soft hum before scooping her son from my arms. "What are you not telling me, Isabella?"
"I'm pregnant," I blurted out before slapping my hand over my mouth.
"Bella!" Angela squealed. "Oh! Bella—wait, why don't you look happy?"
I leaned my head against the couch, wiping my eyes. I was so tired of crying. "Before Edward left, we had this huge talk about how it's just not the right time for a baby, and—"
"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there. It is never the right time to have a baby, Bella, and not for nothing, but this isn't just on you. He gladly stuck it in without a condom, fully knowing how babies are made."
"I know, but—"
"No," she said sharply. "There are no but's here, Bella. You know how I feel about Edward. I literally love him like he's my brother, but don't you think it's a lot for him to ask you to put your dreams on hold for him?"
"He's never going to be home, Ang," I whispered.
"He'll be home plenty, and when he's not? You have me, you have his parents, hell, you know as flighty as your mom is, you have her too. It's going to be fine; no, it's going to be amazing."
Tears were streaming down my face at this point, so she pulled me in for a one-armed hug. A few moments later I heard her giggling. "What are you laughing about?"
She snorted as her laughter grew. "Oh, God. You're going to have a real reason to call him daddy now!"
"Ang!" I shouted, but I couldn't help dissolving into giggles as well. As our laughter calmed down, I gave her another squeeze. "Thanks for today."
"Always."
—BtMO—
I groaned as I pulled into my driveway a few hours later, finding Esme's car there. I loved her with all my heart, but I didn't know how I was supposed to keep this secret from her. I didn't have a close bond with my mother, but I'd taken to Esme instantly.
As soon as she saw me turn off my car, she stepped out of hers. "Bella! I just wanted to come over and see if you're doing alright."
I walked over to her, greeting her with a warm hug. "I'm fine, Esme, but thanks. I can definitely use the company."
She grinned at me, brushing a few strands of hair out of my face. "Good. Oh, I almost forgot, I brought you a treat!" She opened the back door of her car, pulling out a foil-covered pie dish.
"Oh! Did you make me a quiche?" I absolutely loved her quiche. I took the dish from her as we made our way inside the house, placing it on the counter and pulling back the foil. The smell of eggs, cheese, and spinach hit my nose, and my mouth began to water—and not in a good way.
"Oh, no." I covered my mouth, rushing over to the trash can and emptying the contents of my stomach.
"Bella? Sweetheart, are you alright?" Esme rubbed soothing circles on my back.
I nodded, pushing out a deep breath before turning to face her. "Yeah, sorry. I don't know what happened."
There was a grin on her face. "I'm going to be a grandma, aren't I?"
I gave her a small smile in return. "Yeah. Yeah, you are."
"Oh, Bella!" she cried happily, pulling me to her. "Does Edward know?"
I shook my head. "No, not yet. I'm not sure how to tell him. I don't know if it should be over the phone, but I still have two weeks until I join him, and..."
"And what, honey?"
I took the opportunity to give her a rundown on the conversation I'd had with Edward, along with my fears of telling him about the baby and how to handle it if he wasn't happy.
"Sweetheart, I know my son. I promise you, even though he's nervous and unsure if he can handle this right now, he's going to be ecstatic. You know how much he loves you, Bella." She grasped my hand in hers. "But, that being said, you know him as his wife. In your heart, you know the right way to tell him."
I nodded, knowing I needed to tell him in person. I needed to see his reaction, to look in his eyes and see how he truly felt.
I prayed that she and Angela were right and that even though things were up in the air, he'd still be happy.
Yesterday, we lost an amazing member of our fandom, Dee Creston AKA DataByteDL-FangirlinGranma. Every time I opened my E-mail and saw that I had a review from her, I knew it would be encouraging, loving, and oh so sweet.
I don't even know if you started to read this story, Dee, but either way, this one is for you, you lovely lady. You are deeply missed.
