HI everybody! This is really long, I highly encourage you to read this, but if you don't want to I cannot stop you.
So the last few weeks have been absolutely insane and I think I've had 100 mental breakdowns in the span of a week. I'm sure all of you know about the current COVID19 pandemic. Due to this pandemic many college students are being displaced from their own schools. Schools such as Harvard, Princeton, and Brown are forcing students to move out of their campuses in a span of less than a week. On top of that, rumors are circulating that New York borders will soon close and international airports may shut down temporarily (these are all rumors and I cannot confirm this to be true). I am unfortunately one of those people who is being moved from their schools with nowhere to go as home for me is abroad. This is an immensely stressful time for everyone, not just college students, and I wanted to take this time to highlight that.
COVID19 is NOT a small deal. It's a big deal. Of course, young and healthy people probably will not die if they come in contact with the virus. However, the elderly, the weak, and young children CAN suffer. In the current status quo, hospitals in Northern Italy are having to make decisions on who gets to live and who will ultimately die as resources are low and there is NO CURE as this is a new strain of coronavirus. Yes, the mortality rate is lower than that of SARS and MERS, but COVID19 has already killed and infected more people than either diseases. Please keep this in mind, please refrain from travel unless completely necessary, wash your hands, stay clean, wear masks, be healthy.
Speaking of masks, please do not be fooled by false information. You can find out on the World Health Organization site why, when, and how face masks can be necessary. At this time, since the US has not taken better precautionary measures, you really do not know who could be carrying the disease and experts claim COVID has gone "unchecked" in the US for weeks. However, I would also like to acknowledge the shortage on masks and in the current climate the sick and those who are near the sick need them more. If you are able to have masks, don't hoard them but just take a few for when you do need to travel or must go to crowded places. If you still believe masks are just an East Asian thing and I cannot change your mind, please still refrain from bullying and making racist remarks. People of East Asian descent have been facing increased racism left and right whether or not they are wearing masks. Even news sources like the NYTimes seem to be adopting a racist perspective... If you are unaware of this situation or any things about COVID19, I'd be happy to send articles. Keeping informed is critical now more than ever. I may not be a credible source myself, but I do have very credible sources and a wide range of perspectives.
While many are dying and many more are being infected, I also want to note that in Wuhan more people have recovered than have passed away! The situation in countries like China, Hong Kong, South Korea, and Japan are beginning to quiet as every civilian feels their civic duty to prevent the disease from spreading. My own mother has not left her home in weeks because she feels that everyone needs to do their part during this time. There are people who depend on public transportation to get something as simple as food and water. Do not put these people at risk and limit your ability to travel as best as possible and stay out of crowded areas!
While I truly do not understand the sentiment to capitalize on cheap flights and travel abroad for spring break, I do not want to end this on completely negative. While I am struggling to find a place to live, I am extremely privileged to be able to afford different options and to have amazing people in my community to help me. And I can't help but feel awful for those who cannot afford such luxuries. So I want to emphasize that now is not the time to be thinking about the economy, conspiracy theories, or fighting one another. Economies and businesses will recover. We can prove our suspicions after we've taken care of everyone and the world is healthy again. Right now, we just need everyone to do their part as a global citizen. It's not about you as an individual anymore, but about everyone. It's about low income families who cannot afford healthcare. It's about those in detention camps who do not have resources to fight this disease. It's about the countries where people cannot move with government lockdowns in place.
There is so much more I want to say about this issue, but I think I've already said too much. I'm not sorry if I wasted your time because everyone needs to care about this. If you have something bad to say, just don't say it. But if you need support during this time, I can try and help provide emotional support! It's a distressing time for us all, but if Britney Spears got through 2007 then we can get through this too!
Thank you guys so much if you read this whole thing and I hope you enjoy this messy chapter.
A/N: WARNING: Moderate Sexual Content
Kakashi woke up to Tsuru's sleeping face. Strands of light blonde hair fell across her face so he tucked them back. He should have felt vulnerable without his mask or his clothes for that matter, but he was comfortable. Maybe it was because the sun hadn't risen yet and the dark was covering up anything that could be exposed.
It made him giddy just thinking about the actions that had transpired just hours before. How he asked so many times if she was okay because he felt like his weight could potentially crush her bones. How she seemed to grow more timid as each layer of clothing found its way carelessly tossed in unknown spaces of the room. The way his name whispered from her lips.
"Kakashi-kun," Tsuru moaned softly.
Kakashi felt heat radiating from her neck as he bit and sucked on sweet spots of her flesh. Her fingers were clutching on to his hair keeping him close. Kakashi's hand glazed over her waist up to the side of her bare breast and back down her thigh.
Kakashi wanted to relive it all over again.
RING RING! Tsuru shot up into sitting position and buried her head in her hand tiredly and groaned. Her upper body was still naked and while it didn't quite register for her yet, Kakashi took that time to admire her. When she noticed Kakashi staring she pulled the blanket over her chest.
"That's no fair," Kakashi said defeated.
"Well you certainly don't like to play fair," Tsuru argued remembering all the things Kakashi did the night before to make her red even then.
Kakashi had a grip on her wrists with both hands above her head. She squirmed beneath him as his free hand dipped between her thighs.
"Be still," Kakashi commanded into her ear. "I promise it'll feel so much better if you do."
As mean as he could be, Kakashi was also extremely considerate.
"Is this okay?" Kakashi asked as he lowered himself between her legs. "Let me know if anything's uncomfortable."
Before she could protest or agree, waves of pleasure washed through her body.
It just made it all the more unfair. How was he good at this? Good at everything? So extremely good.
"I should get ready," Tsuru announced. "I still have a check up and acupuncture session."
"What about breakfast?" Kakashi asked with a suggestive tone. He grasped Tsuru's arm and pulled her back down into the sheets. Kakashi leaned over his skin touching her's. And there was that magical blush again.
Tsuru abruptly rose from out of the sheets and said, "I'm taking a shower!" Then, she rushed off into her bathroom. Kakashi raised an eyebrow confused at if he had just been rejected, but then she shuffled her way back into the room to say, "You can join me if you want to…"
Kakashi chuckled at her inability to make eye contact and decided he had teased her enough, "Just get ready."
Tsuru smiled at the man who was still comfortable in her sheets and retreated back into her bathroom. Kakashi, though tempted by the offer to get in the shower with Tsuru, decided he would give a level of some privacy. After all, he wasn't all too sure where her mental state exactly was, so the best thing he could do was make sure that she felt comfortable.
The man put his pants, tank, and mask back on and made his way into the kitchen. Kakashi rummaged through the fridge for various ingredients and clicked the stove on. A little bit of olive oil, salt, pepper, and a spritz of lemon. Sizzling sounds filled the kitchen and the most delightful smell.
Kakashi's sharp eyes heard Tsuru's shower water turn off. Soon she appeared in the doorway in her robe and her hair wrapped in a towel.
"Smells so good!" she cheered. "Kakashi-kun I didn't know you could cook!"
"It's a good skill to have," Kakashi commented. "Sit. It'll be ready soon."
Tsuru obeyed eagerly. In a few minutes, Kakashi placed in front of her a grilled fish with vegetables on the side, a bowl of white rice, and miso soup. Tsuru's eyes lit up with excitement and she thank Kakashi before digging into her meal. The first almost brought tears to Tsuru's eyes.
She didn't remember much from her own childhood, but she recalled the rare moments her mother would cook for the family. Neither Hyo or Tsuru were passed down her mother's skills and often had to manage with mediocre tasting meals. But now this. This simple, delicate, homemade piece brought all those memories back. Tsuru put her chopsticks down.
"Does it taste bad?" Kakashi wondered.
"No," Tsuru said, "it's perfect. Everything you do feels perfect."
The sound of her voice was a little despondent. Kakashi took Tsuru's hands in his own. His hands were much larger than her's to the point it almost felt like she was a child.
Breakfast went on silently. The two got ready together and parted ways. Tsuru to her job and Kakashi to his. Tsuru was stubborn and didn't want to admit all of her insecurities. She was determined that she would execute her job perfectly.
Tsuru went about the first half her day seeing to the procedures she had missed the day before. Doctor after doctor. Everything seemed to be going fine. She was healthy or at least as healthy as she could be in her given situation.
There were so many things rushing through her mind as she raced up and down the corridors trying to perform one task after the next. Both personal and for work. Nurses would grab her roughly and pull her to different rooms to get her acquainted with all nooks and crannies of the hospital unknown to the average patient. It was difficult to absorb especially when thoughts from the previous night with Kakashi dominated her brain.
Kakashi had Tsuru trapped between his arms. One hand held her thigh to his waist as he rocked his body back and forth. Her body was addicting and he called out-
"Tsuru-san!" The nurse Ayame yelled.
Tsuru shook her head bringing herself back to reality.
"Sorry, Ayame-san," Tsuru apologized. "I've been a little out of it lately."
Ayame sighed and smiled, "That's alright. I know this is a lot, but I think we can actually get you started on the job now."
A smile formed on Tsuru's face excitedly. Ayame guided Tsuru to the daycare where Tsuru was met with the tiniest human beings playing with building blocks and stuffed animals. It was the most colorful room had ever seen in the sterile hospital. This place was adorned in soft pinks, baby blues, and pale yellows. Occasionally there were pops of lime green and vibrant red.
"Hey everyone!" Ayame said to the kids.
"Good afternoon, Ayame-sensei!" the children greeted back in unison.
"We have a new sensei here for guys!" Ayame gestured at Tsuru.
"O-oh," Tsuru stammered momentarily before putting on her brightest, friendliest smile. "I'm Tsuru! Nice to meet everybody!"
The room was awkwardly silent. The kids seemed to not take too well to strangers. Tsuru nervously laughed and Ayame put a hand on her shoulder.
"Good luck!" Ayame said quickly and rushed out of the door leaving Tsuru behind in discomfort.
There were so many things to do. Too many for one person to handle. First of all, everyone had to get their lunch at the same time Tsuru ate her lunch. However, someone would call her over every ten seconds for something new. Eventually there was no time for her to eat her own food as the next task involved playing. Tsuru had to entertain three different cliques at once and manage a fight between two others.
"This is all Tsuru-sensei's fault!" one child pointed their finger at the woman. "If she had never come here we wouldn't be fighting! She's the reason everything's off with us!"
"Huh?!" Tsuru exclaimed at the audacity of these children who had just made her the enemy.
So much for the perfect day at work… Tsuru was excused from her job a little early while she wanted to make her way back home, she recalled that she had promised Kakashi that she would meet his students. Unfortunately, she wasn't so sure how many more young people she could handle.
On her way to the training grounds, Tsuru felt her vision blur. She just needed to sit down for a second. It was just a moment of dizziness nothing more. Luckily, there was a stone bench on the side of the road. Tsuru buried her head in her hands and stayed still.
"You said that she would come!" a loud boy shouted. "I wanted to meet her!"
"Well," it was Kakashi. Oh, God. Tsuru felt her heart sink, but she was much too disoriented to move. "She's probably busy today. Anyways, I'll see you all tomorrow at 7AM sharp!"
"Yessir!" Naruto saluted before mumbling. "He's probably gonna be late…"
It wasn't long before Kakashi caught sight of Tsuru sitting alone at the bench. Kakashi rushed over to his feeble lover. Her head hung lower when he kneeled with strong hands placed on her shoulders. His students had never seen their "too cool" sensei show any amount of panic for anything.
"S-sorry," Tsuru apologized. "I wasn't planning on meeting your students like this."
"Is everything okay?" Kakashi asked.
Tsuru didn't reply.
"You have to talk to me," Kakashi said sternly. "What's wrong?"
The woman gave a mere one word answer, "Dizzy."
"Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"
"No."
Kakashi sighed and took a seat beside the girl with a hand on her back. His hand moved soothingly back and forth. Slowly, all of Tsuru's anxieties began to fade when she felt the subtle waves of chakra from his fingertips. He was always strangly gentle. How could he be so good at everything?
"It's not fair," Tsuru whispered.
Kakashi raised his brows.
"You're so good at everything," Tsuru raised her head slightly to reveal a deep blush and tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked.
"Everything!" Tsuru exclaimed in pure frustration. "You're so good at the whole 'boyfriend' thing and I feel like I can't do anything right!"
"Tsuru?" Kakashi said her name softly.
"What?"
"Look at me."
Before Tsuru could register that Kakashi's mask had flown off his face, his lips were pressed up against hers in a sweet kiss. He then pushed his forehead into hers and looked straight into her stormy eyes.
"While I am glad you think so highly of me," he began to say with a playful smile, "you shouldn't forget all the awful things I've already done to you."
"But I want to give you as much as you give me," the woman responded stubbornly. "I've just always wanted to do something with my life and give it my all, but I feel like I just can't do anything right.
Even now, you're doing everything right and I still can't stop complaining."
"After everything you've been through, don't you think you deserve everything? That you deserve nothing short of perfection?
To be honest, I'm not very good at expressing myself. I don't say very meaningful things. It's hard for me to say things like 'I love you.' So, if I can't say it, I can at least show it."
A siren went off in Tsuru's head.
"What did you say?" Tsuru brought her question out to surface. "Did you just say that you loved me?"
Tsuru saw sheer panic and splash across his pale skin causing her to giggle. Kakashi frantically tried defending himself. The man waved his hands in front of himself while saying things like "I-I didn't mean to spring that up on you so quickly! I thought you probably knew!" He clearly didn't like being in such a vulnerable position
"Kakashi-kun," Tsuru injected lovingly. "I love you too."
So maybe it was okay that Tsuru wasn't the perfect person. The unlikely pair were perhaps just two pieces missing for each other. Each mismatched feature made to balance one another. He was always so sound, rational, and confident. Kakashi relied on facts to come to conclusions. Tsuru was compassionate and sought to understand people and their feelings.
Kakashi recalled their conversation the night before as the two lied in bed together skin touching skin and both breathless.
"Kakashi-kun," Tsuru began.
"Mm?" Kakashi's voice was content.
"Do ever think about time?"
"What do you mean?"
"Time we have left in this world."
Kakashi hesitated. He didn't like this topic very much. "Yes and no. My greatest regret in life is thinking and re-thinking my past. Everything I've done wrong. Everything I've lost. All of it, I've come to overanalyze. Frankly, I have to admit, that I still do. Back when I was younger, and subconsciously now, I try to fix all those things. Yet, the future is something I've accepted that can't be predicted.
Tsuru raised her brows in mild astonishment. It was an answer that she hadn't expected from Kakashi—the hard edged man who once tried to control all aspects of his life.
"You've changed," Tsuru noted.
"Have I?" Kakashi asked. "I think I've always been this way, it just took a while to get to this place."
"How very philosophical," Tsuru giggled as she drew circles across Kakashi's chest. "I guess I can't help but think about all the things I can and can't have. The dreams that will never be achieved and aspirations that will never be fulfilled. Yet, I've come to accept those things as a part of my life and to be happy with now. I have everything I do need and I don't need to ask for more even if I really want to."
"It's always okay to want things even if you can't have them. I don't believe in things like fate or miracles, but I believe that life will surprise you. If there's something you want, you'll find yourself still chasing after it and maybe, without you even knowing it, you'll get what you've always truly wanted."
