List of oneshots part 4

chapter 16

The characters of Star Wars read the script for the Last Jedi and...give their reactions.

Author's note: If you like the movie, don't read this. This is just opinion wise so don't get uppity for a different opinion than your own. If you can't handle someone hating on your movie, then you have to realize this is life.

Series: Star Wars

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We find ourselves at a studio, a studio that was working on getting ready for the next big film for a great sci-fi franchise, Star Wars. Numerous stage hands and workers were getting things put together while you could see a few real Stormtroopers and Ewoks at the catering table, with some troopers practicing aim with their blasters with a few imperial officers walked to their trailers as we zoom in on the main studio.

"So, you guys ready for the next film?" Asked a girl in a white sweater and jeans. This was Rey, the main protagonist in the new franchise.

"You betcha." Smiled Finn, Rey's ally and former stormtrooper while they sat in chairs reserved for themselves. "I could hardly sleep a wink last night when I heard we were gonna get a look see at the scripts."

"Yeah, I can't wait to see them, I wonder if I'm going to get some major character development. In the last movie I had just killed my father and suffered a horrible defeat, I wonder if I'll become more serious and stop acting like a kid?" Asked Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, the main antagonist.

"I just hope we get that big battle scene. I mean we built up some kind of rivalry in the first, so it makes sense if we show more scene with us." Spoke a stormtrooper with silver armor and a cape, Captain Phasma gesturing between her and Finn. "I wanna do some awesome moves and not be seen like a Boba Fett copy."

"Well I can't wait for the epic space battles, I mean they made sure to point out how I was the resistance's best pilot, they're obviously setting up for an epic space battle, full of fast ships, dogfights and so on." Said a guy in a leather coat, this being Poe Dameron, the ace pilot of the resistance.

"And I can help show off my great techniques to Rey here. I mean I learned from Ben, so it makes sense I do the same and teach her." Smiled Luke Skywalker while adjusting his robe. "I also look forward to their reason I was hiding, and I wonder if they'll show me training other jedi as well."

"Yes, and I can't wait to see how the resistance differs from the rebellion, I wonder if they'll show other alien worlds with our allies on them now that we have a larger budget?" An older woman asked with a smile, this being Leia Organa/Skywalker, the general of the resistance.

"All I know is that whatever comes next will be unique, well thought out and well coordinated." Smiled Rey before a man in a snazzy suit and sunglasses walked over with a smile.

"There they are, my big stars up bright and early, just the way I like it."

"Well when you told us we'd be looking at the scripts early, can you blame us?" Smiled Finn.

"No I cannot, so are you all excited for this brand new chapter in Star Wars? We're throwing out the book and making it new, bold and modern!"

"Uh...ok, so where are the scripts?" Rey asked curiously.

"Right here." He snapped his fingers before a man ran over holding them and started handing them out. "Now first off before you read them, I wanna introduce you to two new faces we're bringing in who are gonna play a huge part."

"Well that's to be expected." nodded Kylo. "So who's joining the cast? What are they bringing to the story?"

"Well first off, say hello to Rose Tico." he gestured to an asian woman who walked over with a smile.

"Hi everyone, just wanna say I'm really excited to be here and hope we can all get along." She said with a small nod. "I'm Rose Tico, and let me just say it's an honor to be in this movie."

"She's gonna be a mechanic for the resistance, and will be playing a big part with Finn here."

"Sweet, I like it already." Nodded the man.

"And next up is Amilyn Holdo." Said the man as a middle aged woman with bright dyed hair entered the room. "She will be a close friend of Leia and will play a pivotal role in the film."

"Hi, really excited to be here." She waved with a smile. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous, first real film I'm gonna be in."

"That's fine, this is a large film, but just try your best and I'm sure everything will be fine." Leia said with a smile.

The two took their seats and got the scripts.

"Ok! I'll leave you kids alone and let you read up on what's gonna be going on. I'll be back later when we're ready to film." Chuckled the man as he left the room.

"Ok, so, let's see where this movie will take us, I personally think we'll get a timeskip." Finn said as he opened up his script.

(After they were done)

"Uh….is….is this real?" Asked Rey as all of them were silent and flipped through her script. "It can't be real, it just can't."

"No… this can't be… they completely flipped my character from a cool pilot to a cocky guy?" Poe asked in confusion. "Also, Leia, can you use the force? How are you flying in space?"

"I have no idea." She spoke, shaking her head. "I mean sure me and Luke are compatible with it, but I never did any training on screen. This is going to come out of nowhere to avid fans who've watched every single movie. All I've done is lead the rebels and resistance and use blasters. I don't even know if you can use the force like that if it's SPACE, as in, no air around me."

"Also speaking of force training, what did they do to me?! This isn't Luke Skywalker, this is not the man who saw good in Darth Vader, a man who has slaughtered thousands if not hundreds of thousands!" Spoke Luke flipping through his script with a frown. "I mean, I go to a complete remote planet, just to die, but in the first movie I literally gave clues on WHERE I was! If I wanted to do that, why would I give someone a chance to find me? And just throwing my lightsaber away? At the very least I'd hold onto it, even if I WAS ready to die!" He said as he shook his head. "Also it wasn't even originally mine, it was my father's...also HOW did they get it, do they explain that here?"

"I'm not sure they do." Spoke Finn rubbing his head. "But….oh lord, what even is this? Me and Rose? We literally do a side plot that is completely dumb and pointless. I mean, we look for a codebreaker, can't find him, but just happen to find another who betrays us? That's….really convenient."

"Yeah, I may be new to Star Wars, but is pushing a message this hard normal? Also why is every other word that comes out of my mouth a lecture? Also me and you kiss at the end after I stop you from sacrificing yourself to save everyone in a way that by every right should have killed us and gets everyone else killed. I've known you for less than a day, also what is my game plan after that, how did I expect for us to get back to the base in one piece? Even if we survived we should have broken some bones, right?" Asked Rose looking confused.

"I feel like I'm meant to be in the wrong when I try to take control of the ship from you." Spoke Poe looking at Holdo. "I mean, you know the plan, but you never tell me, and yet, the way this is written sounds like YOU'RE in the right for not telling us vital information that we need in a crucial time. What sense does that make?"

"None from what I can tell, and I personally think you're right, even if the excuse here was that I thought there might be a traitor I should have told you that, at the very least it makes my plan to not tell anyone somewhat logical, right?" Holdo asked in confusion.

"And even if there was, wouldn't I already have an idea on who?" Asked Leia. "I mean I know everyone more, and I've helped lead the rebels during the original trilogy, so wouldn't I be able to sniff a traitor out without any trouble?"

"No, apparently you're in a coma after using the force, only to suddenly wake up and stun me when I try to take over the ship… personally Holdo I gotta say, in this script it kind of seems like you would be the mole."

"Yeah, I mean you'd make the most sense. Put in charge, people have to take your word, and you could keep your lips sealed if someone bugged you with the others believing the one doing that is the traitor if you said it. That'd actually have been a cool twist." Admitted Rose. "Heck, it'd be a great twist if it went down that I was the traitor, but….is it just me, or does it feel like where me and Finn go and what it's like feel like some kind of…..subtle jab?"

"It's definitely a jab, but this is anything but subtle, this is more or less bashing war profiteers, and while that's not a bad thing that should never take up a quarter of the movie, am I right?" Spoke Finn. "Plus, I wasn't gonna bring this up because it might be a push, but does it also come across as anti-white? I mean all of them are like that, when wouldn't it make sense to show all kinds of species? I mean this IS Star Wars."

"Yeah, like bringing in some faces from the Trade Federation, they would have been great cameos." Spoke Luke. "But also isn't it weird that after they fail their mission at first instead of trying again they agree to let this extremely sketchy guy who's also in jail with them do the job?"

"Maybe they were trying to make him out to be Han."

"We all know no one can do Han like Han does." Spoke Leia while nodding over to said man at the nearby buffet.

"Yeah, and then they act surprised when he eventually betrays them? This guy is clearly a criminal, we have no idea where his allegiance lie and yet they brought him on a critical mission that could determine the fate of the resistance?"

"That's nothing. They literally just….ruined me." Spoke Rey shaking her head. "The second movie I'm in, the very second, and they made me so overpowered it's not even funny. I can get some jedi are prodigies, but I'm up against Luke, THE Luke Skywalker, and I'm already showing how to use a lightsaber easily, beating him, and can use the force like a master? I've never done any training like that. Hell, that's just a reminder of what I did in the first one against Kylo, and all I knew what to do was use a staff!"

"Agreed, also apparently we're force connected now? And it seems like they're trying to push some sort of romance between us, I've spent not even half a day with you and most of that time was dedicated to torture and attempted murder." Kylo Ren said as he looked at the script. "Also did you see the part with you and that pit?"

"Yeah, that one really had me confused. I mean, is it meant to be a set up for the next movie?"

"Um… I don't think so, I think they're trying to say anyone can use the force, even if you aren't from a big powerful family like the Skywalkers I think."

"Well the force does expand out to ever living thing, so technically it's true, but realistically not everyone CAN use the force." Spoke Luke. "I mean if that was the case, the war that went on would have gone completely different, and there would have been no need to make clones."

"Yeah, plus it seems like they forgot about even if you're gifted in the force you need to train hard and long to be truly proficient in it, it isn't just like flipping a switch. Also It seems like Rey doesn't even finish the three lessons you were teaching her Luke." Kylo Ren said with a frown.

"Thank you! I think they just wrote me into being a mary sue." Groaned Rey. "I mean, I'm alright with being shown as a badass, but this? It's like I could just go up to the new order and beat them without any of this."

"Yeah, also what is up with the fight you and Kylo have with the supreme leader's guards? It seems like they don't do that good a job, also why are they attacking, who are they supposed to be defending? If anything Kylo Ren is their new boss, right?"

"Yeah, I mean they just saw Snoke die, albeit from me, but I could easily tell them to stop." remarked Kylo. "What did they even expect to happen? If Snoke, the person they built up in the first movie as being so powerful can't even sense a lightsaber near him before dying, what chances would they have? Or are they meant to be suicidal?"

"I don't know, but why is there a large flammable curtain in the room, that thing is apparently capable of going up like a firework, something you don't want on a spaceship." Hondo said with a frown. "Also, speaking of spaceships, what is this about me sacrificing myself to destroy the giant ship? If that was possible why didn't we have one of the smaller ships evacuate and then do that so we could escape?"

"I'm more confused on HOW it worked?" Spoke Phasma. "I mean, if hyperspace could do THAT much damage, then why wasn't it shown before? Why not use it more often? Why not have several ships do it to each death star? That would cost less and take away a lot of tension."

"Yeah, and….god I could just keep going on, this script is horrible, who wrote this?" Finn groaned.

"I don't know, but this better be a joke." Spoke Leia with a frown. "It's full of so many holes swiss cheese would be green with envy, just raises more questions than it answers."

"Yeah, and if they make this movie it'll be the end of Star Wars, hell the prequels never got this bad!" Luke groaned.

"Maybe when the producer gets back we can talk it over with him." Spoke Finn. "I mean, it just needs some fix up here and there, nothing too big….right?"

"No, if this is going to be good it's gonna need a complete rewrite, or at the very least major changes." Said Poe as the door opened up.

"So kids, I take it you finished reading the script?" Asked the producer with a big grim. "Is it movie gold or what?"

All of them looked at each other with Luke standing up.

"Actually, we feel it might have….problems."

"Oh? What kind of problems? Just some small stuff that needs tweaking?"

"Actually, it needs a rewrite." Spoke up Rey with a sigh. "It's….to be honest? It's a disaster."

"A disaster?" The producer asked with a frown.

"Yeah, it's filled with nothing but plot holes and stuff we think fans are just gonna hate."

"Yeah, we can't in good conscience make this, I'm sorry." Rose said as she shook her head.

The producer sighed and crossed his arms. "Alright, I'm gonna be real with you people. It doesn't really matter what your conscious says about it. This movie WILL go on, with all of you in it."

"Wait, what? But this script is horrible, you have to change it, the fans won't like this."

"FUCK THE FANS!" He snapped while looking pissed. "Those bunch of pimply faced mama boys can kiss our ass! They don't know jack on what they want. We had writers who knows what they're doing, and this is a new story going on that they're gonna learn to love."

"But this isn't Star Wars! Thi-"

"It doesn't matter what it is, because you all signed contracts to make this film!" He cut him off and got up in Luke's face. "Besides, an old geezer like you only has so much use before getting replaced by that hot piece of ass over there, so shut up, do what you're told, and be grateful." He said as he pointed over to Rey.

"Excuse me, but what did you just call me?!"

"You heard me! And you just shut up, you're getting the fast track to being the new face of Star Wars, you should be applauding us for making this movie!"

"This movie is trash!" Spoke up Finn with a glare. "It makes no sense, spits on established lore and physics, not to mention it's like someone's personal fanfiction that was given a budget! And not any good kind!"

"Look, Star Wars is over fourty years old, it's an old franchise that needs to go in a brand new direction, and this is that direction." Spoke the man taking a deep breath and smiled. "Besides, consider yourself lucky. You get to be in the spotlight as one of the few black guys in this franchise."

"...the hell you just say?"

"You heard me, this franchise is as stale and white as an old piece of bread! There's only two black guys in this universe so we need to diversify, first you and Rose so we can get the african american and asian demographic and a few movies down the line we'll just keep adding on and improving."

"Whoa whoa whoa, you can't just push diversity in a movie for diversity's sake, you have to introduce it naturally, now me, that made sense, but you can't just say you added us just to sell more tickets!"

"Of course we can! We're motherfucking Disney! We can do whatever the hell we want." He spoke, only for the studio doors to slam open, making them turn. "Hey, who are you two?"

"We're here to fix this shitshow."

"You've been replaced." Remarked one, who was literally covered in a black cloak as they walked inside. "You won't have to worry about being fired, we'll just say it to your face."

"You can't fucking fire me, I work for Kathleen Kennedy!"

"Hmm, good point. Jack, what do you have to say to that?" asked the person to the first one, who looked like a scientist.

"I say we banish him to Tatooine."

"Works for me." Grinned the cloaked figure rubbing his hands. "You get tons of time off it seems, congrats! Hope you packed sunscreen."

"Wai-" The producer said, only for the cloaked figure to clap his hands and have him disappear.

The others went wide eyed and jumped to their feet while the scientist looking one cleared his throat.

"Now then, I am here to say you will not be making this dumpster fire of a movie."

"W-Who are you two?" asked Rose.

"He's Jack, I'm Yui, and this script doesn't exist." spoke Yui snapping his fingers before said scripts burnt away into ash while he pulled out new ones from his sleeves. "Consider us fans of your work who have come here to prevent a horrible disaster from happening to you and the Star Wars franchise."

"Yes, and while it may be too late in our universe we can save yours."

"So read these and be warned, it might make you orgasm with joy." Joked Yui handing the scripts out to them.

They hesitantly looked at the scripts, only to widen their eyes in amazement.

"This… now this is the Star Wars I know."

"It's….It's beautiful."

"Yep, now you go out and you make a film worthy of being called Star Wars."

"And use some stuff from the comics, it can be very useful."

"And the old source material as well, the fans will like that."

"Wow, all of this is a movie I can get behind." Smiled Rey. "Thank you two."

"No problem, now go make us proud." Jack said as he and Yui disappeared.

"Who were those two?" Asked Kylo.

"I don't know, but what I do know is we've got a real movie to work on."