A/N—Hey guys, happy...Tuesday? Yes, I think it's Tuesday. Though who knows what day it will be for you reading this. Finally got a day off from work so I'm posting a new chapter. Let me tell you, I've never appreciated time at home as much as I do now. I hope you're all staying safe and staying home because we want this to end ASAP. Love you guys! Hope you enjoy the chapter. :) Thank you for reading!


A plate was set down next to Logan's elbow. He didn't move. Ten seconds later a glass of water and a bowl overflowing with salad greens joined the plate, and this time a gentle hand settled on his heaving shoulder.

"I'm not very good at this sort of thing," Brooke admitted. "James rarely cries in front of me. In fact, I don't think he has since he was...maybe seven? Yes, he fractured his ankle and cried over that. My point is that I'm not sure how to make you feel better. I'm hoping the food will help. And if you want to talk about what you're feeling, I'll listen."

Logan lifted his head and grabbed a napkin from the holder sitting in the center of the table. He sniffled while wiping his eyes. The food did look and smell delectable, but he wasn't in the mood for it. There was nothing left he could do; James was determined to hate him.

Eventually Brooke left to grab her own dinner, returning with that and a glass of wine. The doctor in Logan wanted to warn her of the effects of mixing alcohol with whatever medication she might be on, but he thought her answer might be something along the lines of "What does it matter? I'm dying anyway."

And truly, she would have a valid point.

"You still want me to stay for dinner?" he finally asked. "Even after all that? What he said about me..." His cheeks flushed. "...you know."

"Of course. I can't eat all of this food myself, can I? I made up a plate for James, he'll eat it whenever he decides to grace me with his presence again."

"I'm sure it won't be until I'm long gone."

"His loss. Eat up, Logan. It's still warm but it won't be much longer."

Instead, Logan pushed back his chair and stood. "May I use your bathroom first?"

"First door on your left. Just past the staircase."

"Thank you."

He took his time in the small room, using it more to clean up his face and regain composure than anything else. He'd suspected James would react like that; it didn't change the fact that it hurt in a way nothing else ever had. He didn't see how he'd ever get past James' wall.

Maybe I'm not supposed to. When I first came here, my goal was to observe. To keep him safe. I was never supposed to be his friend. That was something I wanted, so I convinced myself it had to happen. But how am I supposed to keep him safe if I can't be near him?

Hopelessness descended, replacing the hurt. At the moment his future seemed bleak and dreary, with no chance of ever getting near James again.

Well, good news, Logan! If you fail, you'll only have to suffer two years max without James! Then it'll all be over anyway!

"Dammit," he muttered. He shut off the cold water he'd been using on his face. A hand towel worked to pat it dry. There was a delicious meal waiting for him. And he'd wanted time to talk to Brooke, hadn't he? Now he had it. Better to focus on the silver lining of James' absence.

Again.

Before returning to the dining room, Logan placed a call to Kendall. "Hey," he started once Kendall was on the line. "Sorry to interrupt."

"It's cool, Mom just told us dinner's in fifteen, so we've got some time. I'm assuming by the tone of your voice that it didn't go well?"

"No," Logan sighed. "Not even close. That's why I'm calling. He left here really angry and upset, so if he calls you guys..."

"Got it. We'll make sure to answer. Most likely he'll go find Mandy, though. She won't ask questions."

"I know. I'm hoping he goes to you guys instead, but...you haven't heard anything?"

"Not yet. We'll let you know if we do. Hang on, Carlos wants to talk to you."

Logan waited a beat for the phone to be passed over.

"Bro! You want me to bring you home some chicken strips? Mama Knight brought leftovers from the diner!"

"No, but thank you."

"Are you sure? They're even better without the salad, I promise!"

"I appreciate it. Brooke managed to order my favorite meal without even knowing, so I'll just eat here. You guys have fun. And we'll still go out Friday to celebrate, okay? My treat."

"You bet we will! See you later, dude. Did James forgive you?"

Logan's heart dropped into his stomach. "No."

"I'm sorry. He's stubborn. But he'll come around. It's gonna be okay, dude. I promise!"

Logan didn't see how, but he knew Carlos was trying to make him feel better. "Thanks."

"If you're cool, I'm gonna go. Bye!"

"Bye, Carlos. Let me know if you hear from James."

"Sure thing, but isn't he...oh, Kendall's giving me the knife across his throat gesture. That means I need to stop talking. I'll hear about it tonight."

"Yeah. Have a good time with Kendall."

"Always."

Logan put his phone away and slunk back to the dining room. "Sorry about that."

"No apologies necessary. Forgive me for not waiting, though."

Brooke's salad was mostly gone. "No problem." Logan took his seat and sipped at the chilled water. "I'm surprised you have an appetite. Are you doing chemotherapy yet? Radiation therapy?"

"For now it's just chemo. Makes me sick as a dog for a few days and then I'm good for a few more. Eventually I'll experience the joys of radiation, and once that happens it won't be long."

He chewed on his salad, using that to give him time to think. Since James' theories hadn't been expounded yet, chemotherapy and radiation were the most common ways to treat terminal cancer in this time. Then again, even James' theories couldn't cure those who already suffered from it. He knew that sometimes chemo and radiation worked to put cancer on a hiatus, but in Brooke's case it wouldn't; she would be dead before the year was out. Knowing that made him even sadder because he'd grown to really like the woman. "That explains why you look as healthy as you do."

"That won't last. Give it time and I'll lose my hair and my figure and..." She set down her fork.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill your appetite."

She waved a hand. "It's not you. I just don't talk about this often. Obviously I do with my doctors, and I'm quite stoic about the whole thing in general. Sitting in my home and thinking about how alone my son will be, though..."

Logan bit his lip, wondering if he could tell her anything of the future. No. No, you can't. Don't even think about it. "James is going to have an incredible life. That much I guarantee."

"You can't know that, Logan. And if he continues to let my illness weigh him down like this, he'll never reach his potential. It's changed him. He's not the boy I raised, he's angry and moody all the time. I admit I wasn't home a lot before all of this, but when I did see him he smiled. He laughed. He made better choices about who to spend his time with. I don't like the direction he's going."

"I don't either." Salad devoured, Logan moved on to the plate of pasta. Brooke had loaded it up with tortellini, lasagna, and some sort of chicken served over noodles and bathed in a golden brown sauce. "Neither do Kendall and Carlos."

"That's because they're smart boys. They get into trouble here and there, but it's nothing mean-spirited or dangerous. It's just them being teenage boys." She cocked her head, a fork poised over her plate. "Somehow I don't see you that way. I think they could benefit from your company. You'd probably keep them out of trouble."

"I don't know about that," Logan chuckled. "They're pretty strong-willed."

"True," Brooke nodded. "But they look out for my boy. I'd rather James was at Jennifer's or Sylvia's than sitting home alone or out raising hell. I never minded him staying over because at least I knew he was cared for and enjoying himself there. Now...I rarely know where he is. And I hate that."

"Me, too," Logan sighed. He waited for Brooke to continue eating, then asked, "Can you um...tell me about him? Like what he was like as a kid? Was he always into hockey and acting, or was there more?"

"James? He's always wanted to go out there and be a star. Doesn't matter what genre it's in, he wants to be the best. He doesn't like to settle for anything less. I think he refused to speak to Kendall for over a month when Kendall was chosen as the captain of the team. James was determined to be that."

Logan had just tried a bite of the chicken recipe. He slowed down his chewing, absorbing the taste along with her words. "When was that?"

"Oh, early on in the friendship. I'd say they were about six maybe? James told the coach he wanted to be captain, and the coach said sure, if he proved he could handle it. Two weeks into practice Kendall was named captain and James held that against him for a long time. Kendall hadn't even been trying for captain; the coach decided he would be best."

"So...James refused to speak to him?"

"He did. He asked to quit the hockey team and wanted nothing to do with Kendall. Which was difficult, of course, because Carlos was still on the team and talked about Kendall all the time. I remember he had a 'No talking about Kendall' rule and Carlos couldn't abide by it for long."

Some things never change, do they, James? Now it's me no one's allowed to talk about. A second bite had Logan asking, "What is this chicken thing? It's really good."

"That's Chicken Marsala. It's a wine-based sauce. My favorite."

"You have excellent taste."

"I'm aware of that, but thank you. James prefers the lasagna. I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I went with cheese tortellini."

"You chose well," Logan smiled. "It's my favorite dish. Even better in this ti—place. This place."

"I'm glad you like it."

They ate in silence for another minute. "How did Kendall get James talking to him again?"

"Pardon?"

"Back then, when they were kids. How did Kendall get James to forgive him?"

"I don't think he did on his own," Brooke replied. "I remember Kendall visiting numerous times, begging James to come out and play or at least talk to him. James always refused."

"So what changed?"

"He was lonely, I think. One day he informed me that he wanted to join the hockey team again. I took him down there and he had to get the coach to agree to take him back. It wasn't hard, James has always been talented on the ice. I never asked why he wanted to go back. I think he just missed Kendall. Once Kendall stopped trying to gain forgiveness—and believe me, that took some time because Kendall doesn't know how to give up on anything—I think James realized how much he missed Kendall. And that's what it took."

Logan debated that. "So...he had to miss Kendall. Once Kendall stopped trying..."

"Exactly. If you're thinking you should stop trying, I don't agree. It's different with you, he's only known you a few days. It would be easier for him to let you go than it was with Kendall."

Is it, though? I just caught him watching our show. I'm 99% sure he read my text and took it to heart, at least the part about you. I don't think he's having an easy time letting go of me at all.

That was his answer. He needed to back off and give James a chance to miss him.

What if that doesn't work, though? What if Brooke is right and he's fine with walking away from you?

Logan would tackle that problem if it proved to be the case. For now, he thought Brooke's idea that James simply got lonely would be enough. After all, he was already feeling the need to avoid his two best friends because of Logan's involvement with them. Mandy certainly wasn't going to fill that void.

Give him time, Logan. It's not something you have a lot of, and he held out for over a month with Kendall. But it's your only option at this point; getting in his face definitely isn't working.

He felt the buzz of his phone against his thigh. Logan pulled it out and hungrily read the text message from Kendall.

"He's here. He was going to go meet up with Mandy but we convinced him to come here instead. Promised him you wouldn't show up, so stay away."

"He's at Kendall's," Logan shared with relief. "They talked him into going over there instead of out with her."

"Thank God," Brooke replied, her shoulders sagging. "Will he be home tonight?"

Logan asked, and Kendall answered that Jennifer would drive him back to make sure he ended up home instead of out with Mandy.

"Wonderful. I'll text him that he has dinner waiting and I'd like him to check in when he gets home. Thank you, Logan."

There were many things that Logan wanted to say to James. Instead, he restrained himself and focused on the meal with Brooke. At his request, she shared anecdotes from James' childhood and teenage years. It was like getting a peek behind the scenes of his most favorite movies or books, and Logan spent much of the time laughing as he imagined it all playing out in his head.

What was lacking was a mention of James taking an interest in anything scholarly or of a medical/scientific nature. A faint voice in the back of Logan's head screamed that something was wrong, but he ignored it. There was still time to change that.


"So, how did it go with James' mom?"

"Not bad," Logan answered honestly. He and Carlos were both in bed for the night, the light off and Logan trying to keep from worrying about the future. Or past, technically, but from his current place in time it would be the future. "We talked a lot about James."

"After he stormed out, obviously."

"Obviously," Logan chuckled. "How did it go with him?"

"Okay," Carlos replied. Logan heard the mattress squeak as Carlos turned onto his side. "I'm just glad we got him to come over there instead of hanging out with her."

"Did he eat dinner?"

"No. Mama Knight offered him food but he said he wasn't hungry."

"What else did he say?" Logan needed to hear every harsh word spoken about him.

"Mostly he just yelled a lot, at least when he first got there. He was so mad at his mom for inviting you behind his back. Kept saying things like 'I don't even feel safe at home because Mom's just gonna ambush me.' and 'Isn't it bad enough that I have to deal with him at school?'"

Logan bit his lip, trying (unsuccessfully) to not be hurt by that. "I'm sure he felt betrayed. And I told Brooke that would happen. I wanted to be wrong, but..." He sighed and closed his eyes as heaviness settled over his chest. "You said when he first got there? Then what happened?"

"He finally stopped yelling and that's when the real talk started. We went to Kendall's room after dinner, and—"

"Hold on. Are you saying that all the yelling happened outside the bedroom?"

"Yeah, in the dining room. When he showed up we were all eating dinner, so—"

"So Jennifer heard all of that? And...Katie?"

"Yeah. Sorry, bro. They don't know why James hates you, though. Mama Knight did ask him at one point what you did that pissed him off, and he didn't tell her. He just said something like 'It's not worth talking about.'"

Logan wasn't sure how to take that; he hoped James had refrained from sharing the truth because some tiny part of him deep down still cared and didn't want to make Logan look bad. It was probably that the truth embarrassed James, though. He moved on. "So what happened in the bedroom?"

"We finally got him to tell us how it went down, which wasn't much since he left right after you got there. And...bro, I'm so sorry. I don't know how to say this."

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to hear whatever Carlos was about to impart. "Just say it."

"He said that...well, he feels like we betrayed him, too. Me and Kendall. And that we're taking your side. Kendall said that's partly true because he's been such a dick and is overreacting about the whole thing. James started to get mad again, but Kendall told him to knock it off and just...what was it he said? 'Be a human.' So James said he's afraid of losing us because of you, and he begged us to eat lunch with him and Mandy tomorrow. I'm sorry, I feel really bad because I swore I wouldn't abandon you, but—"

Was that all? Logan could live with that. Easily. He'd been afraid of something much worse. "Carlos, it's fine."

"No, it's not. I'm your brother and I'm supposed to—"

"You don't have to babysit me. I appreciate that you care enough to try, but I'm not here to disrupt your life. Your friends come first."

"You are my friend."

"But so is James, and he needs you more. He's going through so much and I'd love to help him through it but right now I'm the last person he needs to be dealing with. I just cause him more stress. It's fine. Just...take care of him. Be there for him."

"Really? You're not mad?"

"Of course not. James is scared and I don't want him going through it alone."

It was a good thirty seconds before Carlos spoke again. "You really love him, don't you?"

I do. With everything in me, with my entire heart and soul. "I've only known him a few days, Carlos," was what he said out loud.

"So? Love can happen fast. My dad asked my mom to marry him on their second date."

"I can see that," Logan laughed. "Your dad's so...he doesn't hold back on his feelings."

"Nope. He's the best. I never have to guess if he's mad at me or proud of me or...whatever. I always know. It's kind of cool."

"Yeah, it is," Logan agreed, thinking that Carlos shared that same quality; he was practically incapable of subtlety. "So go ahead and eat lunch with James from now on. Just make sure to keep me posted on how he's doing. Because I do care." Maybe this was how he was going to complete his mission—from afar, as he'd originally planned, and by using Carlos as his spy.

"I will. Thanks for understanding, bro. I wish we could just all be friends, the way it was Saturday. Remember when we were heading out for pizza and James still liked you and—"

"I remember," Logan interrupted abruptly. He didn't need to be reminded of better times. "But things have changed now."

"Maybe he'll get over it and we can go back to that. Kendall says he just needs time. I mean, he really did like you. It's been obvious since the first day you met him. Or...I guess the second day, technically."

"Yeah, once he got over his hangover and started treating me like a person and not some slave with no feelings," Logan mused. And hadn't there been some secret conversation about him with Carlos as well? "Hey. After he left here that day...did you guys talk about me?"

"Who? James?"

Were we talking about anyone else? Carlos was always entertaining. "Yes, James. He mentioned that you told him some things about me."

"Oh."

Logan waited for more—then waited...and waited. "Carlos?"

"Please don't be mad! It's so hard being stuck in the middle, and I don't want either of you to hate me!" He sounded as if he was about to cry.

"Carlos, no! It's okay! I'm not mad about it."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. I just want to know...did he ask about me?"

"Yeah," Carlos said. "He left with Kendall and then when he got home, he started texting me."

"Do you know that he talked about you the whole way home yesterday?" Logan suddenly recalled Kendall saying that. "About me?"

"Uh huh. He just had questions, you know? Like where you came from and what your life was like before. That sort of thing. I'd already told him and Kendall about your parents, before you came. So they knew that part. Though...I think James didn't really care that much. Not until he met you."

Logan nodded. It made sense; to James, he would be just another foster brother here and gone—no sense caring about or getting used to someone who would just leave in a matter of months. Kendall had seen him as a threat in more ways than one, but to James he was just...passing through.

I'm not, James. I'm not leaving you. Not until you can stand on your own. "So he was suddenly curious about me? Wanting to know more?"

"Yeah. And he never asks about my brothers, dude. He's nice to them but he doesn't consider them friends. You're the first he's actually cared about. That's why I think Kendall's right, and he'll forgive you eventually. Because he really likes you. He's just hurt right now, you know?"

"Right, because he thinks my motives for befriending him weren't pure." And they weren't. Logan had come here with the express intent to manipulate James and his friends if need be. He felt like a monster for it now.

"If you ever start to feel like what you're doing is a bad thing, remember all of the good that will come out of it. Remember that you're saving the population and all future generations, giving them a chance to make the world a better place. Do what it takes to accomplish this for that reason alone."

This time he let Roger's voice finish the thought in his head. He'd needed to hear it.

"James just doesn't trust people easily," Carlos stated. "And with you, he trusted you right away. So I guess it hurts more that you betrayed him, you know? I mean not that you did, but in his eyes—"

"I know. I understand. Brooke told me about a time years ago when James wouldn't speak to Kendall for a long time."

"Oh dude, that was horrible! I just realized, I feel the same way now! Like I'm not allowed to be friends with you because James will get mad. But I don't want to lose James, either!"

"You don't have to choose between us. I'm not going to make you do that. I'm going to do what Kendall did back then and...back off. Give James space. Let him miss me."

"That's really smart."

"Yeah? You think it'll work?"

"Well, what you're doing now isn't working, so...what do you have to lose?"

"I had the same thought earlier," Logan smiled. "Thanks, Carlos. It helps to know that you want me to succeed in this."

"Man, I just want the fighting to stop. I love you both."

His spirits now lifted a bit, Logan joked, "Just not as much as you love Kendall."

A gasp was followed by, "Oh my god, Logan, I'm gonna punch you!"

"You don't have the guts."

"Want to bet?" In three seconds Carlos had pinned Logan to the bed as a wrestler would to the mat. "Take it back!"

"No! It's true!" Was he actually laughing? He was, and it felt good.

"Shut up, dude! You're such a jerk!"

"Carlos loves Kendaaaaaaaall," he sang, not even recognizing this side of himself; had he ever been a kid?

"Oh yeah? Well how about...Logan loves Jaaaaames."

"Guilty. I can admit it, bro. When will you?"

The fight went out of Carlos. He collapsed next to Logan. "I hate it. I don't want to love him."

"I still think you should tell him."

"No way."

"How does he feel about having lunch with James and Mandy? I'm assuming Denise will be there?"

"Probably Mindy, too. She's like a wannabe Mandy."

"That's somehow worse."

"Right?" Carlos shifted up onto his elbows. "Kendall said it was fine."

"Is it, though?"

"Doubt it. He hates Mandy. And Mindy."

"What about Denise?"

"He hates her most, which is weird because she's so nice!"

"Hmm. Wonder what reason he could possibly have to hate Denise," Logan hinted.

"I don't know, because she's not like the other two. She's honestly cool. If I have to date someone, she's a good choice. And she likes me."

"You know who's a better choice? Kendall."

"Fuck you!" Carlos yelled before punching Logan on the arm. "You're such a jerk!"

Light spilled in from the hall. "Boys! What is going on in here?"

"Logan's being a jerk!"

"I kind of was," he admitted, finding the situation hilarious. He was a college professor being scolded by his "mother" for cutting up after bedtime. What had his life become? "I was purposely provoking Carlos."

"Well, knock it off. Both of you. It's late and you need to sleep."

"Sorry," they intoned at the same time. Carlos dragged himself to his own bed and climbed in.

"We'll go to sleep now," Logan promised. "Carlos? I'm sorry I kept needling you. But my point stands and you know it's true."

"Dude, stop talking. Just...go to sleep."

"Goodnight, Sylvia. Sorry for the commotion."

Logan could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't truly annoyed. "Goodnight, boys. Sleep well."

"Night, Ma! Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"

"Absolutely not, it's a school day."

"But we did last Friday!"

"That was Logan's first breakfast with us. It was a treat."

"Man, no fair! I never get anything just because I want it."

"Right, because we didn't just have a special dinner from your favorite Chinese food place last night."

Carlos groaned. "Fine."

"No pancakes tomorrow. Sorry."

"Whatever. Night."

"Night, Carlitos. Don't oversleep or you'll miss waffles." She winked at Logan before closing the door.

"Waffles!" Carlos sat straight up in bed. "Did you hear that? She said it, right? I heard waffles!"

"You heard waffles," Logan confirmed with a laugh. "But if we don't get to sleep soon, we'll lose those privileges."

"Night, Logan!"

Now it was a race to see who could fall asleep faster. Logan was almost there when Carlos asked softly, "Is your arm okay?"

"It hurts," Logan admitted. "I'll have a bruise. It'll heal, though."

"Okay. Just checking on you because I know you're a wimp and you're not used to that sort of thing."

"Thanks, I guess? I'm fine. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, bro."