Since it keeps occurring: when people ask me when this fic is going to be updated, I genuinely have no idea cus I don't write most of it.

-HTTYD-

The snow crunched under Astrid's feet as she fought to keep her footing while running, occasional bits of water splashing up the back of her legs as she lifted her feet.

Where was Hiccup!?

His car was still there, thank goodness, but her mind was running on overdrive with the possibilities of what could happen to him, especially with the snow coming down as fast and as thick as it was.

She spun in place and saw one slightly fresher set of footprints heading off from the parking area, the marks of the treads still distinct despite the falling snow. Without hesitation, she followed the footprints.

It was more than a little eerie, walking through the dark woods with only the whisper of the falling flakes and her own footsteps making any sound, the snow crunching underfoot as she walked. She could only see because of the snow cover and cloud cover reflecting the light from the city, but it was enough to follow Hiccup's trail.

The question was, where had he even gone?

She found the answer soon enough. After what was probably only a walk of a minute or two, she found him standing at the edge of a rocky cove, looking down. Heart hammering in her chest with fear, she called to him quietly, not wanting to make him jolt in surprise.

"Hiccup?"

"Astrid?"

He mumbled in return, though his voice sounded muted.

"Yeah, babe. It's me" she answered gently, walking up to him carefully, afraid of spooking him "come on. Let's go."

"I… okay."

He replied quietly, and thankfully didn't resist as she took his hand and led him away from the dropoff into the cove. The walk back through the woods went quickly; it wasn't that far of a walk, and all she had to do was follow the trail. Easy.

Hiccup, on the other hand... Astrid glanced over at him.

He was following her, but the light in his eyes seemed dimmed. That he was in shock was without question to her, and mentally she raged at Stoick again, half-wishing that she'd hit him harder.

They reached the parking spot again, and to her surprise, she saw Scott standing there by Hiccup's car, their coats slung over his arms.

"How is he?"

He asked, concern audible in his tone as they walked over.

"In shock."

She replied flatly. He winched, nodded and handed their coats over.

"Keys are in the ignition, a bunch of the gifts in the backseat. Ruff is keeping them occupied. I'm… we're sorry."

Astrid looked at him and Scott wisely looked down, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped.

He didn't say anything more, but helped her get Hiccup into the car and buckled into the passenger seat before turning and going back inside. Astrid hopped into the driver's seat and started the car. When she glanced at Hiccup he was looking around, but his expression was worryingly blank.

Taking a deep breath, she put the car in drive and started to cautiously inch them out of the parking space. Her tongue held between her teeth, Astrid eventually eased them out of the long driveway and to the road without incident.

The drive home - straight to Hiccup's place - was fraught; the snow was coming down heavily, and his parents' comments from earlier were looking disturbingly prophetic. If they hadn't left when they did, they probably would have gotten snowed in. Not that it would have stopped Astrid trying.

At least the main roads were ploughed, but even then, it was slow going.

Almost an hour later, she pulled the car into the parking spot by his building. Pulling the key from the ignition, she slumped back into the seat, exhausted, but her work wasn't done yet. Getting Hiccup out of the passenger seat wasn't that complicated; he was physically responsive, at least. But mentally, he'd retreated inside himself… not that she could blame him.

Dark thoughts went through her mind as she guided her lover and Dominant into the building and up to his apartment. Oh, sure, he's 'abusive', Judge and Mrs Haddock! Sure! As if your accusations didn't practically make his brain crash and reboot into Safe Mode! Gah!

What followed made her think of all of the times he'd given her loving aftercare when they were done with a scene. She undressed him, wrapped him in a dressing gown, made him drink a calming tea, and tucked him into bed, all the while hoping that he'd be alright. Because while his body was unharmed, the wounds on his soul had cut deep, and he wasn't really present in that moment. Oh, sure, he was responding to her when she asked him how he was feeling, and helped her when she took off his clothes… but it wasn't Hiccup at the moment. No jokes, no sass, no nothing of him beyond the basics.

If you make Windows XP startup noises tomorrow morning, I'm going back and punching the Judge again… she thought grumpily as she spooned up to him in the bed.

His breathing evening out as she held him in her arms, she drifted off to sleep.


Hiccup groaned as a weight settled onto his chest, and opened his eyes to see a pair of vivid green eyes set in black fur staring at him from a range of five or six inches.

"Hey, Toothless!"

He managed to gasp despite the lack of air.

…then you're not really my son echoed through his mind and he blinked and moaned.

"Please… was that a nightmare?"

He groaned out. It had to be.

Next to him, Astrid stirred and rolled over.

"Astrid? What… are you okay?"

She blinked blearily at him for a moment, before sitting up a bit and sucking in a sharp breath.

"Hiccup… what's the last thing you remember?"

Sorting through his foggy brain was difficult, but eventually, memories began to trickle back in.

"What happened? I… did my dad just… did he disown me?"

She swallowed and gave a small nod.

"I mean… he said that you're not his son if you… if you're involved in BDSM. He thinks that it's abuse."

He slumped back onto his pillow. On top of him, Toothless settled onto the duvet and purred. Hiccup basked in the feeling of his cat's adoration, reaching up to scratch the smartass feline behind the ears.

"What happened next?"

"I… got away from him before he could try to put me in protective custody 'for my own good', found you outside by the cove, and got you home."

She said simply. Hiccup felt that there was a lot going unsaid in that summary, but nodded.

"I just… this is my worst nightmare" he sighed (as heavily as he could with Toothless' weight on his chest) and added "a nightmare that I've had for… ten years?"

Astrid snuggled in closer.

"I understand."

They laid like that for a while, and then… the memories hit.

The memory of his mother looking at him like he was a threat.

Of his father looking at him like a stranger, like someone that was dangerous.

Slowly, he realized that he was crying and that Astrid was holding him as he shook.

Eventually, he found his voice and managed to choke out through a throat thick with phlegm and tears,

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Astrid asked, her voice soft.

"For… for being such a mess."

She gently pushed his hair from his face, which he hadn't even noticed falling over his eyes.

"Hiccup, I love you, and you're my mess. It's not an imposition that you need to apologize for."

"But-"

She kissed him gently on the lips, and then again on the tip of the nose.

"No buts."

"I… I just…"

He stammered, only to pause as she stroked his cheekbone with her thumb.

"Hiccup. I know. It's a mess. You lost almost everything. Your mother, your father, your family…"

He felt his body shrink in on itself a bit.

"Thank you for summing that up."

She levered herself up on one arm.

"So the real question is... what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

She walked her fingertips across his arm. It tingled lightly.

"From my perspective, you have a few options. Well, two, really."

He swallowed.

"Which are?"

Astrid took in a deep breath.

"Option one… we… you accept it "she bit her lip "so you're not their son, they can't accept your lifestyle, we part ways from them and forge our own path."

Hiccup felt her words like punches - and not the fun playful kind. She looked at him with concern, obviously reading his reaction in his face. and nodded.

"Yeah. I wasn't thinking that you'd want that. But I still had to mention it."

He swallowed hard and nodded.

"And option two?" he asked thickly.

"Option two is we" she put a strong emphasis on the word "fight for it."

"It being…?"

"You being part of their family. Getting them to accept that you can be both their son, the child of two people who protect abused women, and a genuine, loving, caring Dominant who occasionally paddles my ass raw. Though maybe we don't tell them that part... but just... getting it through their thick skulls that it isn't abuse."

Hiccup blinked. And then blinked again.

"Tall order."

He choked out.

"Yeah. But all of the ideas I had boil down to those two."

She admitted quietly.

"And how do we go about doing them?"

He asked. Astrid shrugged, then smiled.

"That's your department, babe. They're your family… that is, if you still want them."

He winced.

"I do. I really do. But… but my dad is stubborn like a mountain! And my mom isn't much better!"

She snickered softly.

"Hiccup, I have to inform you, as someone that has seen the scars on the countryside… mountains can be moved."

"Yeah, but I don't have a mining cartel on hand."

He rebutted. She smiled.

"You have me. And your thick stubborn head!"

He laughed; it was a bit watery and sad, but it was still a laugh.

"Are you saying that I can out-stubborn my parents?"

"Yup. That's exactly what I'm saying. You have them both in you, so you have twice the stubbornness, right?"

He sighed, a small smile on his lips.

"That's definitely how biology works..." the smile faded as another thought occurred to him "there is a third option, though."

"What's that?"

"I… I give it up. I go vanilla. I say that it's not who I am and I come crawling back asking for forgiveness."

He spoke the words hesitantly, waiting.

It was dead silence for a moment, and Hiccup could feel the weight of it. For a moment, he wondered if Astrid would do what Cami had done when faced with that same choice…

And if he could blame her for doing so.

She looked at him with an expression of shock, only to have her eyes narrow.

"And are you considering it?"

Hiccup swallowed hard as he juggled the question in his mind. It had been a question for years, after all, going all the way back to when he'd first realized his own leanings as a Dom, and filled with the self-loathing that had come to this very conflict. And he'd tried to deny those desires at first, tried to separate them from himself, wall them off… and that had gained him nothing but misery.

So he shook his head.

"No. But it is an option."

She nodded.

"And I wouldn't leave even if you made that choice. I know that you're scared I would, so, let me say it now, just to put that to rest" she smiled and poked him gently in the ribs "you are stuck with me, Hiccup Haddock."

Relieved, he slumped, not having even realized how much the tension had lifted him up off of the mattress.

They laid there in silence for a while before she caressed his side.

"Do you know which option you want?"


Having asked that deadly question, Astrid looked at Hiccup with concern. He wasn't as broken as he'd been last night, thank goodness, but he was still pretty brittle. Part of her was wondering if she was pushing him too far, too fast… but the rest of her pointed out that letting him sit and stew would just send him into a death spiral. He functioned best with a goal, she knew that quite well, both from years of friendship and months of romantic relationship added.

As for herself… she didn't know which option she herself wanted.

On the one hand, walking away and cutting off his judgmental parents and extended family would give them the freedom to be who they wanted and do what they wanted. And there was nothing saying that such a separation had to be permanent; there was always the possibility of reconciliation down the road. Plus she really didn't appreciate what they'd done last night. She was willing to make some allowances for the shock of the moment, yes, but the Judge's actions had been incredibly unprofessional given his assumptions. And she was still really pissed with Stoick for what he'd said to Hiccup. So part of her was really hoping that Hiccup would decide to just…

Walk away.

But the rest of her didn't like that. It felt too much like giving up. And on top of that, Hiccup loved his family, she knew that. Separating from them would hurt him so much.

Even if they didn't deserve his love and loyalty. Honestly, they deserved the separation, because so far from what Astrid had seen, they damn well didn't deserve Hiccup.

Back and forth she went in her own thoughts, prompting the amused observation in the privacy of her own head that Hiccup wasn't the only one in danger of death-spiraling outside of a seemingly impossible goal.

Finally, he sighed.

"So… yeah."

"And?"

"I… I want to try to get back on good terms with them. Maybe it's naive, or stupid, or something, to believe that I can change their minds… but it would just eat at me if I didn't at least try" he looked her dead in the eye "but if they're not willing to hear me out… then I'm not going to force them. If it comes down to it, we walk. I'm not giving up you, or the lifestyle that makes us so happy. Not to please them. It wouldn't be real, it wouldn't change who we are."

Internally, she cheered, while outside she just let herself smile.

"Okay. Do you have any plans for that?"

He snorted.

"Ha! No! Let me think!" he started pulling himself out of bed "and before that, I'm making breakfast first."

"Hiccup, you don't have to-"

"Astrid, please. You… you took care of me last night. I remember a bit of it. Please. Let me return the favour. Even if its just something as simple as breakfast."

She nodded and smiled.

"Okay. Think I'll hit the shower while you're prepping."

As he puttered around the kitchen, she watched him for a moment, smiling. There was a bit of self-care in him cooking for them, not just caring for her. He was at home there, knew his kitchen with his eyes closed, and it was a place where he was in full control, she realized. And he would need that confidence and centering in order to help haul himself back to stability.

Watching him move around as she leaned against the pillar, she got lost in the moment as he searched the cabinets and the fridge, filling and turning on the kettle for tea, and doing all of the little things that were needed for what he'd decided to make for breakfast.

It was peaceful, it was homely, and the light reflecting from the snow outside gave it a soft air that detached them from the rest of the world.

As he started rinsing some vegetables in the sink, he turned and smiled at her. Really, actually smiled.

"Weren't you going to go shower, milady?"

She gave an amused pout.

"I kinda want to shower with you, actually. I'm enjoying the show."

With a smile, he started to prep the vegetables with ridiculous, exaggerated motions, juggling them, making them spin as he put them down on the countertop, and other such antics. Astrid clapped and grinned as he clowned around, relieved beyond words that he was doing better and able to joke. She was just debating whether or not slipping off her dressing gown and asking him to come shower with her was a good idea...

And then the doorbell chimed, and they both looked up.

"Who could that be?"

She wondered, possibilities running through her. His father, showing up to apologize? Or his mother? Or showing up to condemn him? Or something else? She had sent the Judge crashing to the floor, after all…

Hiccup's smile had faltered, and she cursed whoever it was outside.

"You stay here," she said. "I'm checking it out."

He nodded, his expression grim. Making sure that her dressing gown belt was tied tight enough to stay closed as she crossed the living room, Astrid went over to the door and looked out through the peephole.

She blinked in surprise.

It wasn't Stoick. Or Valka. Or anyone else from the dinner last night.

It was Cami.

-HTTYD-

*dramatic music plays in the background*