[Posted: May 18, 2019]


It was painfully obvious how nervous Ivan was as he thought
about where to start, what to say, and how to say it. Finally,
he let out a heavy, drawn-out sigh, and closed his eyes.


This chapter is pretty heavy. Sorry in advance.

Content warning(s): Sexual themes. Past manipulation, human experimentation, forced prostitution, sexual slavery/abuse. Hurt/comfort.


Gilbert expected to feel Ivan's fingers touch his nipples or for him to lean down and start kissing him, but his large hand simply rubbed at his skin, fingers ghosted down to his belly before going back up to his chest. Each second made Gilbert tense, his body twitched slightly at the touch, and his mind raced to what Ivan had in mind, and even if he wanted to really go through with this.

After a minute, Ivan's hand stopped over Gilbert's heart and stayed there for a while to just to feel the quickened beat.

That was all he cared about. Feeling the fast thumping of someone excited and expectant for everything he did; someone with a desire for him and him alone. A true want, not forced or fake. Just true love and lust. It was something Ivan never dreamed of having and he wanted to savor it as much as he could. However, there was something Ivan couldn't ignore.

"I do appreciate your offer, Gilbert...and maybe I would take you up on it, if I didn't see how scared it made you."

"What? I'm not—!"

Ivan covered his mouth with his hand.

"I can tell. The second I started touching you your entire body tensed up. Your heart is beating so fast, you feel scared."

Gilbert couldn't look at him, which only proved Ivan's point, and it wasn't a playful shy thing from Gilbert — Ivan could tell the difference. As much as he wanted to deny it, Gilbert knew he couldn't.

"It's fine if you're nervous, but I don't want you giving yourself to me if you're scared of what I might do."

Gilbert suddenly grabbed Ivan's wrist and pulled his hand away from his chest. The expression on his face surprised Ivan; Gilbert's pink eyes were narrowed and nearly glaring at him and pink colored his cheeks from embarrassment; however, he was looking at him with purpose and intensity that Ivan wasn't sure what to make of.

"I told you, I'm not scared of you. I'm a virgin, not a saint. I'm not stupid."

Ivan stared at him and blinked a few times, still unsure of how to react.

"I don't think you're stupid... I think you're inexperienced and scared."

Gilbert rolled his eyes and then closed them.

"I know you well enough to know that you probably won't fuck me, not yet," Gilbert spoke so casually and Ivan recoiled back as he blushed. Gilbert continued.

"I didn't really say that with the idea of us actually doing that, but I don't know... I thought maybe we'd do something that we did before."

Ivan brought a hand up to his mouth and covered it in embarrassment.

"So sex never crossed your mind..."

"Maybe a little, but I don't want to, not yet. Wouldn't feel right, y'know?" Gilbert asked and looked at him.

When he saw Ivan blushing even darker and hiding a part of his face, he felt a smile tug at his lips — it was unusual for Ivan to get this embarrassed. It was also nice to see a side of Ivan that was embarrassed by these things; it made Gilbert feel not so alone and like Ivan shared his insecurities. It was a good thing that Ivan was focused entirely on him and not anything else.

Another thought also crossed Gilbert's mind — maybe Ivan wasn't ready to have sex either.

"I'm sorry, I just assumed that you..."

Gilbert laughed loudly at how honestly shy Ivan was presenting.

"Relax! I just wanted to distract you." Gilbert wrapped his arms around Ivan's neck and pulled him down some.

"I mean it though, if you need me to help you relax and relieve tension, I'll do it. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

Ivan smiled cutely and shyly but then pressed his palm to Gilbert's chest once more to feel his heart.

"I appreciate the offer, but...this right here... This heartbeat is all I need right now." Ivan leaned his head down and gently kissed the skin over Gilbert's heart.

"Although...the thought of having you pleasure me in whatever way I want also sounds nice..."

"Oh, is that right?" Gilbert ran his fingers through Ivan's hair. "And just what would you have me do?" he inquired sensually.

Ivan moved up to Gilbert's face and hummed in his throat as he rubbed his thumb against a pink bottom lip.

"I've kissed these lips so many times, but... I'm curious what else your mouth can do."

"Pervert," Gilbert mocked dismissively and tried to ignore how hot his face and body felt.

"You asked," Ivan pointed out and then kissed him, lingering for a moment. "Your lips are a little chapped, you need to drink more water."

Gilbert chuckled. "I've been drinking nothing but water lately."

"Are you getting more sick?" Ivan's expression suddenly went from alluring to concerned.

"Maybe, I was just outside for a while so the cold probably dried my lips out."

"Are you sure? Are you feeling okay?"

Gilbert seemed to think briefly.

"I feel hot," he said.

Worriedly, Ivan pressed his palm against Gilbert's forehead to check his temperature; he did feel slightly warm.

"Does that happen when you get sick?"

Gilbert grabbed Ivan's wrist again and pulled his hand down to his mouth.

"It happens when you talk about me sucking you off," Gilbert spoke coyly, full of allure, and kissed Ivan's fingers before he softly nibbled on one. He watched Ivan's face twist with sudden arousal, mouth gaped in shock.

"I don't know what to do with you, Gilbert..." Ivan mumbled in embarrassment. "You're shy and inexperienced, but then you act like this and it gets my blood flowing."

"Said I wasn't a saint," Gilbert reminded.

"I got that," Ivan chuckled and then relaxed more. "Can I tell you what I really want?"

"Yeah, tell me," Gilbert answered and showed a bit of his eagerness in his voice.

Ivan took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I want you to kiss me and touch me, but not in a sexy way. Kiss me like you did before."

Gilbert felt his heart palpitate but he said nothing.

"I just want you to be with me, that's all I need right now."

Gilbert finally nodded slowly as if his brain had lagged behind a bit, caught by Ivan's sweet words.

"Okay...I can do that," Gilbert agreed. "Switch places with me."

Gilbert pushed on Ivan's arms and met no resistance. The larger man shifted and moved with Gilbert's body so he was under him again, resting comfortably on the soft sheets. Gilbert climbed on top of him and ran his hands up Ivan's arms.

"W-Wait, Gilbert..." Ivan's voice stammered slightly, his previous fear and anxiety pushed aside by the beginnings of arousal.

"Relax, I heard you; no sexy stuff. It's just easier to kiss you this way." The beautiful smile Gilbert gave him was so full of light; it made Ivan's heart skip a beat.

Gilbert leaned down and gently kissed Ivan's lips. He felt Ivan smile against him as he did and held at Gilbert's waist. The kiss lasted for several minutes and was soft and slow, while Ivan's body eventually relaxed with him. Gilbert's lips were soft and moved so lovingly with him, his body pressed down on Ivan's and gave the kiss weight but not enough to make it deep, sensual, or cause any discomfort.

It was just pure love; even if Gilbert didn't know it himself yet, Ivan could feel all of it entering through every spot that their skin connected as Gilbert touched all over his arms, his neck, chest, and stomach without venturing too far.

Over time, Ivan dropped his hands to the bed and just enjoyed the affection; it made him feel safe and warm and finally that chill that haunted his naked body was replaced with a glowing warmth that made his heart beat just a little bit faster. He kissed back a few times, but Gilbert led most of it; he wouldn't let Ivan do much else since he wanted Ivan to only focus on relaxing. Ivan needed it more than he did — he needed all the love Gilbert had, and Gilbert did his best to give it to him.

After several minutes, Gilbert felt Ivan fully relax but he kept kissing him for several more seconds until he heard a soft noise in Ivan's throat. He pulled back and saw a beautiful sight — Ivan had fallen asleep and a few soft snores escaped him.

Gilbert moved off of Ivan as carefully as he could and brushed some of his ash-blond hair from his forehead. Ivan was a handsome man and Gilbert studied his features more now than he ever did before. He took the time to just appreciate the man in front of him, lingering on how he had the faintest of freckles on his cheeks and nose, how nose was slightly larger than average and bulbous at the tip, and how his cheeks were a bit rounded rather than angular like Gilbert's face.

Smiling, Gilbert sat up and watched him for a long time. All he wanted was for Ivan to sleep, and although it wasn't exactly how he imaged tiring Ivan out, he was happy how it ended, rather than a more sexual alternative. It felt better this way; neither of them really wanted to solve the issue with sex, even if it did come from love.

He slipped off the bed quietly, turned back to Ivan, and pulled the duvet up to cover Ivan's still naked body.

"Goodnight, Ivan," he said as he brushed his hair away again, and then kissed his cheek lightly.

For now, he'd let Ivan sleep; the man deserved a rest.

.

"So, how's he doing?" Ludwig asked him. Gilbert had entered Ludwig's room and sat on the bed while his brother sat at his desk. Gilbert hadn't said anything other than a 'hello' upon entry and Ludwig had become a bit unnerved by his silence.

"He's finally asleep."

"That's good."

"He was really scared," Gilbert said and brought his legs up to sit cross-legged. "I...I want to know what happened, but I don't want to push him."

Ludwig turned towards him. "Just let him know that you're there for him. He'll talk when he's ready."

"But what if I bring up bad memories again?"

"You probably will, but I think that sharing painful memories with someone can help you cope and move on, to know that there's someone there to support you."

Gilbert watched him for a few seconds. "You're...not talking about Ivan, are you?"

"I was, but it applies to you too."

Gilbert sighed lightly. "I don't blame you, you know..."

"I know," Ludwig said.

"It's just... When ma and pa left me with you, I was scared."

"I know."

"I did whatever I could to make you smile and I just..."

"You forgot how to smile."

Gilbert shook his head. "I knew how to smile, it just wasn't real."

Ludwig rubbed at his neck. "I'm sorry," the blond apologized and leaned forward. "You suffered a lot and I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most, but now you have two people who are here for you."

Gilbert smiled a little and Ludwig lifted his head curiously.

"What about that smile? Is that one fake?"

Gilbert's eyes widened but then his smile widened. "No, it's real."

"Good, that's all that matters." Ludwig leaned back in his chair. "I hate to bring it up again, but this whole thing with people coming to get Ivan, do we have any plan?"

Gilbert rubbed at his chin. "Not really. I was planning on just being careful and if anyone comes back we'll confront them."

Ludwig seemed to think about it. "I guess we can't do much else. We don't exactly know where they're coming from."

Gilbert nodded but then something hit him. "We don't, but Ivan does. He knows exactly where they're coming from, and how many we're dealing with."

"You want to ask Ivan about it?"

Gilbert didn't answer for a second. "Maybe... Maybe later, if he's alright with it, just so we have an idea of what we're dealing with, but for now I just want to help him relax and keep an eye out for anyone coming around the cabin."

Ludwig nodded. "Seems like our best option. What are you going to do while he sleeps?"

"Restring my bow, maybe wash some clothes. Just stuff to pass the time." Gilbert sighed. "What about you?"

"Sharpen my axes."

Gilbert laughed. "Calm down there, we're not killing anyone."

"Just in case," Ludwig said with a little chuckle. "Gilbert, I know you don't like when I get mushy, but I am sorry."

Gilbert groaned softly. "Stop it. I get it, and it's okay, you don't have to apologize anymore."

Silence.

"Mom and dad would be proud of you," Ludwig said. His words sliced right through Gilbert's mask and his eyes welled up.

"God, Lud..."

"Sorry," Ludwig chuckled a bit. "Just wanted to let you know."

Gilbert wiped at his eyes, stood up, and then took a shaky breath. The emotion he felt from what Ludwig just said overwhelmed him.

"You know mom would love Ivan," Ludwig said.

Gilbert laughed. "Oh she'd adore him. She'd call him cute and scratch his ears all the time."

"Dad would appreciate the extra hands too, Ivan's strong and would help us hunt."

"He still can," Gilbert said. "If we need to go hunting I'm sure he'd love to go with us."

"Maybe, we have enough food to last us a few weeks, but we might want to stock up before winter really hits."

Gilbert nodded. "Just let me know. But I'm going to go check on him, make sure he's still sleeping."

Ludwig nodded, Gilbert said his goodbye and then left.

.

Gilbert half expected Ivan to be awake again when he entered the room, but he was still sleeping soundly and hopefully peacefully. Gilbert grabbed his bow, pulled a chair beside the bed, sat, and began to work on his bow. As he unwound the string, he couldn't help but watch Ivan's face. Ivan was a handsome man, and there was something so beautiful about him as well. While Gilbert didn't fully understand Hybrids, Ivan had a magical quality about him that seemed out of this world and he couldn't really describe it.

Several minutes later, As Gilbert pulled a fresh string to the tip of his bow and began to wind it around, never taking his eyes off the other, Ivan shifted and his eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" Gilbert asked him.

Ivan grunted and turned his head to see Gilbert sitting beside him with a small smile on his face and his bow in his hands.

"Not sure," Ivan answered.

"Sorry if I did. You should go back to sleep though, it hasn't been that long at all. Need me to lull you back to sleep?"

Ivan shook his head. "I want to stay up with you. I don't want to be sleeping while you're awake and I just—" Ivan stopped when he noticed Gilbert staring at him almost dazedly.

"What's wrong?"

Gilbert smiled, leaned one elbow onto the bed, and rested his chin in his palm.

"You're pretty."

Ivan blushed and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out at first.

"Wha-What are you talking about?"

"I mean, you're handsome and sexy, but you're really pretty too."

Gilbert's hand fell forward and he touched Ivan's flushed cheek.

"Your eyes are gorgeous, I've never seen a color like it before. And...I never really noticed but you have little freckles across your nose and cheeks."

"Stop..." Ivan blushed more and he pulled the blanket to cover half of his face.

Gilbert placed his bow down and leaned forward more, resting his upper body on the bed.

"I like when you're like this too," he spoke sweetly. "When you're the submissive one."

Ivan squeezed his eyes shut.

"Did something happen?" Ivan asked although slightly muffled by the blanket.

"No. Why?"

"You just...surprised me..."

Gilbert stroked Ivan's hair. "I was watching you sleep and just thinking of all the things I like about you."

Ivan opened his eyes and peeked out.

"Like what?" he sounded eager.

"Well...lots of things. I keep thinking back to the night we met, actually. I remember you being hurt but you trusted me and wanted to help me. You've changed since then too."

Ivan's ears perked up. "How?"

Gilbert watched him before he answered. "You don't act like a pet anymore," he said and then leaned back in his chair. "At first, you acted like I owned you; you even asked me to be your new master, but now I think you're more comfortable and feel like we're on the same page."

Ivan smiled. "You made me feel comfortable and like I wasn't property. Although I don't think I'd mind being your pet now, if you wanted me to."

Gilbert's cheeks burned and he scoffed a bit. "Be quiet, I would never..."

Ivan chuckled and sat up. "You're still as shy as the day we meet," Ivan said. "The first time you saw me transform back into a human you were so shy."

"That's because I thought you were just a really smart wolf but then suddenly you were a naked man on my bed. I wasn't exactly expecting it."

Ivan chuckled ."I know. I appreciate your honesty, though. I knew from the beginning that I didn't need to be scared of you at all."

Gilbert crossed his arms and looked outside. "It makes me sad that you had to feel that way at all. I can't imagine what you went through."

Ivan smiled a sad little smile.

"It wasn't good," Ivan said. He reached over and touched Gilbert's thigh. "I'll tell you about it if you want to know. I know you've been thinking about it."

Gilbert frowned. "Only if you're really okay with telling me, I don't want to bring up bad memories."

Ivan shook his head and then squeezed Gilbert's thigh. "It's better to talk about these things, right?"

Gilbert gave him a comforting smile before he joined Ivan on the bed. He crawled up next to him and Ivan cuddled into him as they sat up against the headboard. It was painfully obvious how nervous Ivan was as he thought about where to start, what to say, and how to say it. Finally, he let out a heavy, drawn-out sigh, and closed his eyes.

And so Ivan told him what happened to him and who he was before.

.

When Ivan was a child he was orphaned at a young age and never found work or education growing up. He learned things from other street children in Colossus but life was always harsh. When he was in his early twenties, a curse masquerading as a blessing found him — a man who Ivan only referred to as his Master as he told Gilbert the story.

Master promised him safety, a roof over his head, food and clothing not riddled with holes, and a way to earn money. It was too good to be true, and Ivan knew that. The first few weeks were like paradise, but that all changed when he was called to Master's quarters, privately. Master mentioned the experiments and Ivan vocally refused to be a lab rat, but his drink was drugged.

Ivan admitted to Gilbert that he blocked out the experiments and didn't remember much of them, but he knew they were experiments to alter human bodies and enhance them with animal traits. Something else that kept coming back to him was the dark room, screaming, and long metal syringes that repeatedly injected things into him. Gilbert thought that maybe those syringes were why he was so squeamish about being stitched up before.

Ivan told Gilbert that Master always called him the "lucky one" because he survived the experiments and became the most successful Hybrid he'd ever made, and allowed him downtime to rest from the experiments, locked in his room and under constant supervision. Master came by daily, pet his head and told him what a good boy he was, how proud he was of his pet, and how happy Ivan would make him. The praise and slight comfort infuriated Ivan, but he craved it at the same time.

Then, the day came where he discovered that a friend of his, Roman — an average looking boy with short brown hair and blue eyes who he met as a child — had survived the experiments as well. The boy was frail and weak and small due to malnutrition his whole life, and he had been mixed with a rabbit.

One day, Ivan and Roman were brought before Master in chains. That was when Ivan found out about Master's other businesses — adult entertainment and prostitution of Hybrids. Ivan and Roman were just two of the options of entertainment for the rich who paid to watch them have sex on stage, who then were often rented out to the highest bidder. Ivan was Master's favorite and kept him to himself, and the venom in Ivan's tone as he spoke about it frightened Gilbert.

Many things were beginning to make sense to Gilbert now; how Ivan acted around him, how protective he was, why he wanted to make sure Gilbert knew he wouldn't hurt him, why he didn't want him to fear his fangs or any other part of him. It must have been things he told Roman as well. Gilbert also realized that Ivan saw Roman in him, and it made him feel unbelievably sad.

What concerned Gilbert was that Ivan seemed to not care about what happened to him and sounded more angry than scared. His voice only started to break once Roman was mentioned. He was always more worried for Roman, and now Gilbert. Gilbert wanted Ivan to worry about himself and take care of himself.

After that, Ivan stopped speaking and just laid in Gilbert's arm. Gilbert knew there was more to the story but he didn't need to know it; all of the other details were insignificant at that point.

For what felt like hours Ivan held onto Gilbert so desperately. Throughout telling the story he slid down and hugged around Gilbert's waist and buried his face into his chest. Gilbert could only attempt to soothe him with soft rubs and stroking his hair. He knew no words would make him feel better, so Gilbert tried to be there as much as he physically could to show him that he wasn't alone.

Gilbert held around him tightly, lowered his head, and kissed into Ivan's hair.

"I'm here, okay? I'm right here..." He buried his face into Ivan's hair and squeezed his arms. Ivan nuzzled against him and turned his head a bit.

Ivan sniffled lightly. "Thank you."

Gilbert sighed in relief that Ivan wasn't crying or silent anymore; any reaction from him was good. For Ivan, he felt so light and free — tired and exhausted, with a slight headache, but he felt good. It felt so nice to be allowed the space to feel weak and get the comfort and support that he needed. Everything he needed was already in his arms, and the warmth of Gilbert's body and soul made him feel like nothing could touch him.

"Try to sleep, okay?" Gilbert whispered and stoked Ivan's hair, pulling the blanket up over Ivan's shoulders and holding around him protectively.

.

Several hours later Ludwig went to Gilbert's room to tell them both that dinner was ready, but when he knocked and got no response, he cracked the door just slightly.

"Gil?" he inquired quietly.

Inside he saw Gilbert in bed with Ivan nearly on top of him, their arms splayed off in different directions, blankets tossed and crumbled messily around them, and both were sleeping soundly.

Ludwig smiled softly. He didn't need to know what happened, all he knew was that they were happy and doing alright.

"I'll just let them sleep," he whispered and then closed the door.


I'm happy to finally have written this chapter. I was dreading this one so much but it's done and over with. Hopefully I still have some of you on board for this fic; I've been worried about losing the few people I have reading because I knew this fic would get dark.
I really do want them to be happy but I have to get all this other stuff out of the way first so I can repair it and build up the story and relationship more. Next chapter I promise will be lighter.

Author's notes/thoughts:
-For the part where Ivan tells Gilbert his past, I wanted to try out a new way of writing where instead of the characters speaking through dialogue, I write out what Ivan's story was with bits of what the characters were doing peppered in there. Despite the horrible topic, I liked how it turned out.
-I like writing dark themes because it challenges me and makes me uncomfortable. It scares me but I like exploring those parts of my mind. Hopefully I did alright with it.
-I cut about 500 words from Ivan's backstory. There was a lot of needless details that I wrote to build the visual more, but during revision I felt like it wasn't necessary, so I cut it down.

Thanks for reading!
Remember to leave a comment if you enjoyed! Thank you!