Ninth part : Thoughts

Song : Syml - Where's my love

It had already been a month since I was keeping an eye on Chris each night and Molly didn't know anything about it. I was so proud of myself for not letting her know I was staying at my best friend's side. OK, maybe it was not right but it avoided any conflict and I didn't need any of them by now.

The Szcenik case made me crazy: these guys were untraceable and the stolen money were nowhere to be found. Hondo was worked up, he was pissed off all the time. The mayor was pushing Hicks so hard that Hicks was on Hondo's back all the time. And because of that, Hondo was unpleasant with us. I was not mad at him. It was not his fault. It was because of all the pressure he had to deal with.

The moments I spent with Chris were the only one when I was feeling fine. When we were together, they were no pressure. Just two friends talking about everything and having fun. Oh my God, how I blessed these times. I knew deep down that they couldn't last forever. Chris was recovering fast even if her arm was making her hurt a lot. She didn't say a word. She didn't want me to know she was feeling pretty bad but I could tell she was just by the way her look was less shiny at some moments.

Tonight, she was hurting. She remained silent in the sofa. We were watching a movie. I could see she was making faces and it was not because the film was fun or creepy. It was her arm. I could feel it. I didn't know what to do, what to say.

"You need something?"

"No, it's OK. Thanks."

"Really? Not even a glass of water or…"

She cut me off. "No really I'm fine."

That was the moment I knew I had to tell her what I was feeling. "Chris, I know your arm hurts like a hell. You don't need to hide from me. Not after all we've been through. Not to me. If there's someone you can trust, it's me…"

She kept her eyes down for a while. After a few minutes, she finally looked at me in the eyes. I could feel all the hurting in them but she didn't say a word, she just nodded and smiled at me. I knew it was a way to tell me she was hurting. I knew she did and it was nice she shared it with me. I was there to make her life easy. She had to tell me when something was wrong.

Time fled so fast. It had been 6 weeks since I was living in Chris' apartment and as I had hoped for, Molly didn't know a word about it. It was a real relief. Chris was removing her plaster in one week and would probably be back to work in 10 days max. At that time, I will be back in my house and life could be back to normal.

Chris went to bed and I make mine in the sofa. We said good night and both went on our sides. That was when she told me "Thank you for having my six, Street". She was standing in the threshold of her room and was smiling. It was good to see her like that.

"Always. You know who can count on me anytime. Except when we play cards!"

We laughed to the jokes. We often played cards during the past months and when she lived in my house after Ty and Kyra dumped her. We were both bad players, we didn't like to lose. We could speak for hours to try to convince the other that we were right about the card moves we had just played.

She came closer and hugged me. She thanked me once again to be here. I was sure she was crying but Chris was Chris and I couldn't tell her I saw her like that. So I just stroked her cheek with my finger. We stayed there for minutes, looking each other in the eyes and then she went back to her room. Before closing the door, she wished me good night.

Sometimes, when she was asleep, I felt the need to kiss her on her forehead. I didn't know why, I just did. Tonight I made it when she was awake. What did that mean? I didn't know. I just knew I was fine.

As I was just sitting in the sofa, someone knocked at the door. It was Tan coming to see Chris. I told him she was already asleep and invited him to stay to drink a beer.

"What's up, bro? Is Chris OK? "

"Yeah, better and better. She's just a lot tired. Her arm is very painful these last days."

"That's good to hear. You think she'll be back on duty soon?"

"It is a matter of days. The doctor will take her plaster off in one week and if everything's OK, she will be back less than one week after. She won't be able to be on the field right away but she could stay at SWAT headquarters in the control room with Hicks. Better than nothing."

Tan nodded. We stayed here in the sofa drinking our beer quietly.

"I can ask you something?"

"Of course, why are you asking?"

Tan took some times before he started to speak. "What is Chris to you?"

I remained speechless for a while. I didn't see that question coming.

"What are you talking about?" I was puzzled. "She's my teammate, my friend, my best friend…"

"And nothing more? I mean you're so knowing on the field and outside. It's obvious you're more than just…friends."

I didn't know what to answer. Of course, we were knowing, Chris and I. She was my best friend, the person I could tell everything. I couldn't imagine my life without her….

"I saw you earlier… Through the window… the way you looked at her, the way she hugged you, the way you stroked her cheek… Some gestures don't lie. She's more than a friend to you."

The words Tan just said shaked me. I was once again speechless. My mind was blowing up but the words refused to go out of my mouth. It was as if I was deprived of one of my senses.

Tan got up from the sofa. He remained quiet for a moment….

"Be careful, bro. You are at the crossroads of your life. The question you have to ask yourself is: are you really in love with Molly? You can't continue a relationship with her if your heart is full with someone else…"

He left the apartment. I was alone in the living room, in Chris' sofa… And I had no idea what I was gonna do with my personal life…