Look at this! A super fast update. I have a feeling I'm going to have plenty of time to write in the coming months... let's make the most of it and write as much as I can. Maybe we'll get this story finished... hahaha. Sure. Although, who knows?
Anyway, this chapter was fun to write. You'll see Severus with a teacher he hasn't really spent much time with so far and I hope you'll like it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I like the thought that this particular teacher is the only one who can boss him around and I think that he genuinely respects this teacher, he did as a student too.
Anyway, enough talking and onto the chapter. I hope you enjoy it and please do let me know what you think.
A quick thank you to everyone who has stopped by to read, to those who have left comments, added me to alerts and sent me PMs. I really appreciate every single one of you so thank you!
Stay safe, stay healthy.
Happy reading xxx
Chapter 15
Severus sat at the staff table observing his target as she dragged a second year Slytherin into the hall and directed him to his table. The boys face was flushed red, he had obviously been caught doing something he ought not to. And from his own house! He watched her berate him, that look in her eyes that he knew meant she was giving the boy strict instructions to report to her for detention.
On the outside, the Deputy Headmistress seemed her usual self. Strict, eagled-eyed and confident. But Severus knew better. She had of course tried to keep up appearances with him too after their encounter three weeks ago but he saw right through it. He could see that something bothered her, that something wasn't quite right. She was quieter than usual, seemed to want his company but would keep him at arms length, never allowing him to touch her. He was confused, irritated, even a little angry with her. While he did not feel he was owed an explanation, he had at least thought she would confide in him. He smirked to himself, never had he thought he would be close enough to someone to wish they would confide in him.
"You look like you've got something bitter in your mouth," Minerva said as she sat down.
"What has Brook done now?" He asked.
"Spying on people he shouldn't be," she tsked.
"I would have hoped a Slytherin would have known how to remain undiscovered when spying," he said bitterly. "Was he in the girls toilets?"
"It wasn't the girls he was spying on," she smirked.
"Boys?" Severus considered it with interest. Brook didn't seem the type.
"The female staff toilets," she tilted her head and Severus almost choked on his dinner.
"On you?"
"It's been known that a few students have harboured a crush on this ageing witch," she started to put food on her plate.
"I'd say more than a few," he mumbled. Minerva smirked.
"Even you?" She challenged him.
"I may have," he raised an eyebrow and she laughed. The truth was, he had harboured a crush for her. In fact, most boys had. He couldn't help but think of one particular time when she leaned over him to correct a wand movement, the way her body pressed against his shoulder lightly, the delicate touch of her fingers on his wrist. It had kept him awake for many nights as a youth. "I have a feeling serving detention with you may bring him more joy than the lesson you endeavour to teach him."
"I'm not a novice teacher, Severus," she smirked. "He will be helping you to harvest Newt spleens, I believe you will be teaching your fifth year students how to brew an Ageing Potion next month. I thought you could use a little help with such a horrid task." Severus shook his head, a feeling of pride welling inside him.
"I like seeing that Slytherin side of you," he leaned back in his chair. "I look forward to receiving the help."
"I thought you might," she grinned. "Besides, Newt spleens have the most terrible smell and I would rather not have you in my quarters with the lingering scent of it. It may even be enough to have you banned for a time." He watched her smile and he suddenly found himself coming back to what he was thinking about before she distracted him with Brook's transgressions.
It was moments like these that made him wonder if he was seeing problems where there was none. But he knew her better than that, he knew she was hiding something.
"Will you stop by my quarters tonight?" He asked her and he watched her shake her head.
"I'm sorry but I have a meeting with Albus," she said. "Perhaps another time?"
Severus felt himself become angry and he suddenly stood up from his chair. "Never mind," he said to her before he slipped through the side door and fled to the dungeons.
Deep down he knew storming off was not the way to solve the mystery but his anger got the better of him. In the end, it was better for him to walk away rather than cause a scene or upset her. Whatever it was, he hoped that in time she might share her worries.
With his evening now completely free, Severus wandered through the corridor for a time, trying to rid his mind of that woman. He stopped at the end of the hall and sighed. Sometimes it really annoyed him just how much she got under his skin. In an attempt to truly distract himself, Severus doubled back the way he came and decided to pay the greenhouses a visit.
"Severus my boy," Filius, who had just been leaving the Great Hall, waved to Severus as he stepped out into the courtyard. He stopped walking and turned to look at the smaller wizard as he rushed to catch up. "Do you have a minute?"
"Just one," he mumbled but followed the other man when he beckoned him into one of the arched walkways off the courtyard.
"I've been wanting to speak with you," Filius said as he scratched at the back of his head. "I wanted to apologise... for what I said to you while Minerva was away..."
"There's no need," Severus shrugged it off and started to walk away. He wasn't looking for an apology from him, he knew he was to blame for their argument just as much as Filius was.
"I over stepped the mark again," he quickly said, preventing Severus from getting away. "I made that mistake last year and I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again but I did and I'm sorry. I just hated seeing you hide away and I wanted you to know that you didn't need to."
"I don't need looking after," Severus said through gritted teeth. "I kept my own company because I was working on new potions for the Hospital Wing." It was a lie of course, as he'd confessed to Minerva, he had found the social structure of the Hogwarts staff harder to navigate without her guidance.
"It's not about looking after you, my boy," Filius said with a sigh. "There are those of us in the castle who enjoy your company just as much as Minerva does." Severus scoffed. He found that hard to believe. "I miss our conversations, even our debates, when we would meet to get you ready to take over as Head of Slytherin. It's good for an old man like me to have a younger man around to keep him on his toes."
Sometimes Severus forgot that Filius was alone in this world. His only son died during the war and his wife shortly after. It had never occurred to him that Filius had come to him seeking company. That a still bereft father was looking for the connection he so deeply missed with his son. But Severus was not looking for a father figure and he was sure he would not be the type of person who would fit into being the replacement son. He was too acerbic in his words and his manners, he knew he would never be able to offer Filius what he needed. But then again, Filius had become somewhat of a mentor, perhaps he'd even go so far as to call him a friend. He could almost hear Lily urging him to reach out, to extend a hand toward someone who needed it.
"I have a student who seems hell bent on destroying himself after his father was carted off to Azkaban," Severus sighed. "Perhaps you will be able to advise on what I should do." He watched the other man's face light up.
"Anything I can do to help," he nodded. "Stop by my rooms one evening, we can talk about it."
"Thank you," Severus said and made a hasty getaway.
Being the one to offer an olive branch didn't come naturally to him but he knew Lily would have been proud of him... he knew Minerva would be too.
Severus continued to walk through the courtyard and headed down to the greenhouses where he knew Professor Sprout had dashed off to after a hasty dinner. As soon as he walked in, a bag of compost was thrown at his feet.
"Grab that," Professor Sprout shouted to him as she headed back into her store cupboard. Severus eyed the compost bag but left it where it was until she reappeared. "If you want that plant for your potions then I suggest you pick up that bag of compost."
"Why are we carrying the bags and not using magic?" Severus grumbled.
"Because I don't want any potential lingering magic to mess with my new plants," she replied. "So pick up that bag and follow me."
Severus let out a sigh and reluctantly picked up the bag before following her through the greenhouse into the section where she kept her own projects.
In the months Minerva had been away, Professor Sprout had surprisingly been the person he had spent the most time with. He liked the way she worked, she was methodical in her own way, mostly talked to her plants and very rarely asked him questions.
"They're doing well," she said as they each put down their bags of compost. Severus walked over to look at the tall wheat like flowers growing across three large boxes. They had grown a lot since he last checked on them a month ago. "Did you get much from the samples I gave you?"
Severus had been surprised when Professor Sprout had given him three samples of Sideritis Scardica, a plant she had brought back from Greece that was believed to help with neurological conditions. He had of course spent hours testing them to see how they worked with his potion but it wasn't enough for him to make any kind of progress. Over the Christmas period, Severus had spent time watching over the tiny buds, carefully tending to them while Professor Sprout visited her family. As the plants grew, she gave him more and more samples, allowing him to test more of his theories.
"It helped," he said. "I need more."
"They should be ready soon," she said as she moved to stand beside him. She knelt down in front of the boxes to get a closer look at them. "You can have two boxes, the others I will keep here to grow more."
"When will I be able to take them?" He asked.
"When they're ready," Professor Sprout shook her head and patted him heartily on the back once she stood up. "They will be ready when they're ready, you can't rush nature."
"There must be something you can do to hurry it along," he said.
"I have a few charms up my sleeve but you said using magic at this stage could jeopardise your potion," she reminded him. Severus glared at her but she paid him no mind. "I've been thinking," she said as she lifted the compost onto a table and tore it open. "I know that your research has shown that the plant works best when it's dried but... the man I met in Greece put the fresh plant into his tea. Have you tried a variation where you use fresh ingredients?"
"It must be dried," he said adamantly. "It needs to be finely ground to make a paste or the potion will not combine correctly."
"You're making this potion from nothing," Professor Sprout said as she began to place fresh compost on to the Sideritis Scardica. "Only you say it has to be dried. What's the harm in trying it?"
Severus knew she was right. Everything up until this point had told him that the plants needed to be dried but he had yet to experiment with fresh ingredients. It was foolish to resist, he knew that too but he felt like he was so close with his current progress that he didn't want to waste valuable resources. But for all he knew, the fresh plant might be the answer to all his problems.
"May I take a few samples?" He asked. Professor Sprout looked over her shoulder at him and nodded, she knew he had just agreed to trying her suggestion.
"If you're willing to get your hands dirty and start helping me with this, I can give you some of the ones that are further along to test with." Severus set to work almost immediately.
Putting in fresh compost was a tedious task, especially when the plants were delicate and the boxes were so large. But Severus was eager to help if it meant keeping Professor Sprout on his side long enough for him to get what he needed. They worked in silence, the only noise was Professor Sprout's whispered words of encouragement to the plants she had given so much time to.
"Minerva told me about Lydia," Professor Sprout said all of a sudden. Severus stopped what he was doing and looked over at her. "You're making this potion for her, aren't you?"
"The prospect of creating a new potion was too enticing to pass up," he muttered.
"I can believe that," she said. "And if it was anyone else, I would believe that the challenge was all that attracted you to the project but as its Lydia... does Minerva know you're doing this?"
"No," he said quietly.
"She will be touched by this, you know that don't you?" Professor Sprout said. "You should tell her..."
"I don't want to give her false hope," Severus interrupted and he cursed himself for saying too much. He'd been working on the potion since he had returned to the castle after they retrieved Logan but he had yet to speak to Minerva about it at all. He didn't quite know what he was working on, his potion would most likely not cure Lydia's disease but it may help with symptoms... he didn't want to inform Minerva of it until he knew exactly what it did. "I want to know what this potion can do, then I will tell her once I have all the facts."
"Don't you think she'll start to wonder why you're down here?"
Severus frowned. "Why would she?"
"She notices everything," Professor Sprout laughed. "She'll know you're up to something."
That gave Severus a moment of pause. Was that why she was keeping her distance? Had she noticed he was keeping something from her? It frightened him sometimes to see how easily Minerva could read him at times but he was sure that he been careful enough to not give anything away on the matter.
"But I understand what you're doing," she continued. "Lydia and Logan are everything to that woman. But no matter the outcome, she will appreciate what you're trying to do for her family."
"What I will do for her family," Severus corrected her. Professor Sprout nodded in agreement and they returned to their task in silence.
An hour later, Severus walked away with a small bundle of Sideritis Scardica. He moved through the halls of the castle as quickly as he could, wanting nothing more than to get behind his cauldron and experiment with his latest samples.
As he stood in front of his heated cauldron, the basic ingredients already simmering away, he looked over his notes and thought back to what Professor Sprout had said. The plants would be more potent if used fresh but there was a chance the potion could become unstable. However, the woman was right, he had try it. He placed two samples in the potion and he watched his light blue potion immediately turn dark blue. It hissed slightly and the tendrils of purple smoke danced above it. Severus squinted his eyes as he looked at the smoke, it looked like a woman... it had never done that before. He let the potion simmer a few more minutes before he began to bottle it.
The problem with experimenting on new potions was that test subjects were hard to come by. As a callous student, he had often used unsuspecting students or house elves. As an adult, he knew better.
He summoned a house elf and was surprised when Minerva's elf, Teensy, popped up in front of him.
"Master wants something?" She asked, her large eyes peering up at him from the other side of his desk.
"Professor McGonagall is fine with you taking orders from others in the school?" He asked her. Teensy' sears dropped slightly and the tiny elf tugged at the hem of her dress.
"Teensy is a free elf, sir," she said. "Teensy stays with Miss Neva willingly. She lets Teensy do as she pleases."
Severus hadn't realised that Teensy was a free elf. She had always been so dedicated to her mistress and it had seemed that she served only her. He nodded his understanding.
"In that case," he picked up one of the vials. "If I collapse or become ill, I want you to transfer me to the infirmary. You can give this to Madam Pomfrey and let her know I'm working on a new potion. The list of ingredients are here on my desk." He handed Teensy the vial. "Do you understand?" Teensy stared at him, fear clear in her eyes as she hesitantly took the potion. "Do you understand?" He asked again.
"Yes master," she nodded and took a step back from him, the vial clutched tightly to her chest.
Severus picked up another vial and popped out the cork. He used a pipette to take a small sample and after a deep breath, he squeezed a couple of drops onto his tongue. At first he didn't feel anything as he swallowed. He could taste the sweet plant on his tongue more prominently than his previous experiments but everything else seemed the same. He had hoped the potion would boost his magic or memory but he felt nothing out of the ordinary.
"Master?" Teensy stepped toward him. "Is master ok?"
"It appears I called you for nothing," Severus said with disappointment. "You may..."
It hit him like nothing he'd ever felt before. His entire body felt like it was coursing with electricity, every nerve ending seemed to be twitching with magic. It was too much. At least, he thought it was too much. Until the memories started.
His father towered over him, his leather belt hanging from his hand as he staggered toward him. Severus cowered in the corner, his tiny body becoming even smaller as he willed himself to sink into the wall he was pressed up against.
The memory quickly moved along, switching instead to his mother, her lifeless eyes staring at him from where she swayed from the rafters. His father was a crumpled heap in the corner of the room. The scenes shifted as though he were flicking through a picture book. Scenes he had long ago blocked from his mind, memories he had hidden away deep inside him.
It was all becoming too much, it was overwhelming him and he could feel his mind becoming consumed.
Then all of a sudden, a hand touched his cheek, cool fingers breaking through the torture and guiding him back. His room slowly came back into his line of sight, the horrors of his past faded back into the depths of his mind.
"Severus, are you alright?"
As his eyes finally focused, he realised who was sitting in front of him.
"Minerva?" He made an attempt to stand but his legs felt weak. "What are you doing here?"
"Teensy came to me," she said, linking her arm through his and helping him to his feet. "What in Merlin's name were you doing?!"
"Don't chastise me, woman," he said with some annoyance. "I had taken precautions."
"Telling my house elf to summon Poppy isn't adequate precautions. You should have at least checked to see if she was here, if you had you would have found that she was in London on a course," she snapped. "Is this going to become a habit?" She asked as she helped Severus make his way toward a chair.
"Is what going to become a habit?" He sat down heavily, his mind still fuzzy from the after effects of the potion.
"Me being summoned to your rooms because a potion went wrong," she said and Severus thought back to the previous year when he had ended up at St Mungos.
"It's not that serious," he mumbled.
"Isn't it?" She moved to sit opposite him. "I should think you having some kind of seizure to be serious."
"You're overreacting," he felt exhausted. "I'm fine." Minerva gave a heavy sigh of defeat and shook her head.
"What were you working on?"
"It was an experiment," he rubbed at his tired eyes.
"I hope putting your health at risk was worth it," she said sarcastically.
"It was actually," he said looking over at the work on his table. He was surprised by his experience and he wondered how long it would have lasted, and what the effect might have been, had he taken a larger dose.
"You're not doing anything else tonight," she told him in that stern voice he remembered from his school days. "You can continue tomorrow when Poppy is back on duty and you're not so exhausted."
"I'm fine, I just want to make some notes," he tried to stand but fell back into his chair, his legs still hadn't regained their strength. He looked up at Minerva who was watching him with a look that said I told you so. "Fine... while you're here you might as well make yourself useful and pour me a strong drink."
Minerva narrowed her eyes at him. "With the mood you're in I'm half tempted to leave."
"Then why stay?" He challenged her.
"If I wasn't so worried you might collapse at any given time I would have left already," she bit back, causing him to scoff with amusement.
"I'm still waiting on that drink," he reminded her.
Minerva laughed a little and went to the cabinet where he kept his drinks. He watched her pour them both a drab of whiskey and then return to him. The whiskey felt good going down. He watched Minerva closely as she sipped her drink and closed her eyes as she savoured the taste.
"You've been distant," he said before he even realised what he was saying. He watched Minerva slowly open her eyes and stare at the floor by his feet.
"I've had a few things on my mind," she said.
"Clearly," he said tersely.
"I thought I hid it well enough," she said with a slight smirk.
"You did," he agreed.
"But not from you," she lifted her eyes to meet his.
"You can't hide from me anymore," he tilted his head a little.
"I don't want to," she said.
"Then don't," he replied simply. He watched her smile but he noticed it didn't quite erase the sadness in her eyes.
"I'm working through some things..." she said vaguely. "Give me time."
Severus frowned at her. He'd been confused before, now he was worried. He looked down into his glass to avoid her eyes. "If I have done anything to..."
"Heavens no," her voice was soft but she spoke in way that let him know he was way off the mark in thinking he was to blame in some way. He chanced looking up at her to see her rise from her chair and move toward him. She knelt down in front of him and he watched her cover his hands with her own. "You have done nothing to cause this. I'm just... I have a lot on my mind. I don't feel myself at the moment and it's..." she sighed and shook her head. "I don't know yet."
Severus pulled his hands away to put down his glass and then took hold of her hands again. "When you do, I hope you'll come to me." She gave him a soft smile but he could see the sadness behind it. It was a strange look on her and he could understand that what she was feeling made her feel like a stranger to herself. He'd been there before, had been so confused by his thoughts and feelings that everything he did felt foreign to him. Like he was watching himself from the outside.
"You'll be the first person I come to," she said softly. Severus nodded, not knowing what else to say or how to relieve her of some of her sadness. "How are you feeling?" She asked after a moment.
"Fine," he said with a shrug, noting that he really did. He still felt some tingling in his body, it was unusual, perhaps like the moment when his wand chosen him as a boy. "I do wish to write up some notes, I learned a lot from what happened."
"I hope you will then get some rest," she smirked.
"I think I may sleep like the dead tonight," he mumbled, truly feeling so exhausted that he could sleep for weeks.
"In that case I'll leave you," she said, standing up and moving quickly to the door. Severus followed her, glad his strength had returned to his legs. "Please call on me if you start to feel unwell..."
"I will," he promised.
Minerva turned to face him before she opened the door. "Goodnight Severus," she said and he was pleased that she leaned in to kiss his cheek softly. He couldn't help the way his body reacted, the burning heat he felt as soon as her lips touched his flesh. He couldn't help the groan that left his mouth as she drew away. "I have neglected you recently, haven't I?" He felt her lips return to his cheek.
"Don't tempt me," he warned her. It felt like such a long time since he had last felt her lips on him.
"Is that a promise?" She pulled back enough to look up at him and he felt her hands on his run up his chest.
It was the first time she had touched him in this way since her first night back. The night he had gently washed her back and dried her off before leading her to her bed. They had spent the night exploring each other as if it had been their first time together and the sight of her eyes looking up at him with so much regret had yet to leave his mind.
"Would you come with me to the cottage?" He asked.
"Yes," she gave him a slight smile and he leaned in to kiss her. "Goodnight Severus," she said again before slipping through the door, leaving him alone.
Severus stared at the door for a long moment after she left. His stomach twisted into knots at the thought of something being wrong. While they had talked about what had happened during her Ministry interview, she had said very little about what happened during her suspension, and he could tell from her behaviour that something had indeed happened. It wasn't just that she had felt the need to offer her resignation, the woman was so damn honourable that the act shouldn't have come as a surprise at all. But something else had happened, something she wasn't telling him about. It also concerned him that she had said very little about their time in Russia. Not that he felt the need to revisit what happened but knowing Minerva as he thought he did, she would normally most certainly want to talk about it… especially her reasons for resorting to using Coven magic. It worried him that if anything, she seemed to want to avoid those topics at all cost. It was as though she wanted to deny it ever happened…
"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders," Sir John said from his portrait above the fire place.
"Sometimes it feels like I do," Severus grumbled.
"You are worried about her," there was concern in the painted man's voice.
"She's hiding something from me," Severus turned to look at his Dolor Altor. "She's never done this before."
"Not with you," Sir John cryptically uttered. "Severus frowned. "I could only watch from afar of course but when her husband died, she retreated into herself, focused only on work. She became cold, a shell of the vibrant young girl I knew when I was alive... it was Albus and Filius who were there for her during it. They helped her through the worst of it."
"How?" Severus asked but Sir John shook his head.
"I only know that it was her who made the first move," he said. "She was the one who eventually spoke first."
"So you're saying I have to be patient and wait until she wants to talk to me?" Waiting had never been something he was accustomed to.
"You have plenty to occupy your mind," Sir John nodded to the cauldron. "It seemed you've made quite a break through on Lydia's potion."
Severus turned to look at his research. The old man was right, he had made a huge discovery tonight and yet all he could think about was Minerva... he marched toward the cauldron in an attempt to put her out of his mind.
"I think I may have found a way to bolster Lydia's memories and her magic," he said as he looked up at Sir John. "I just need to refine it... I fear I have made it too potent but I need a test subject who is weakened in their mind and magic..."
"I hope you're not suggesting trying it out on Lydia..."
"I wouldn't give her the full dose," Severus said. "It would be a small sample, much weaker than what I think the finished potion will be..."
"You can't be serious," Sir John gasped. "You can't use her as some kind of unwilling test subject."
"She wouldn't be unwilling," Severus said. "Once I have explained to her what I have found, Lydia will be a willing participant." He was sure of it.
"And how will you get her on your side without Minerva's help?" Sir John asked.
Severus thought for a few moments and he suddenly remembered that night in Russia, being woken up by the glowing mirror and seeing a familiar face. A man who seemed to know Lydia quite well. Once his potion was ready to be tested, he knew who he needed to speak to.
We're finally getting around to Lydia and her illness, a storyline I've been building to since we first met her in First Cut. I hope you're looking forward to seeing what happens with it.
Also, what did you think of Sprout and Severus? I hope you enjoyed it but please let me know down in the comments. I hope to write a bit more for these two.
Thanks for reading and see you next time. Stay safe! xxx
