XV

I'd surprised myself this afternoon by not shifting in front of her. It might have been partly due to Sam's injunction not to tell her the secret. I suspected differently. Bella was a soothing balm to my anger; her pain only made me mad at myself for allowing it to happen. Her face, staring at me from the back of my eyelids, begged me to find a way.

Sam didn't come to the house to get me, so I figured the guys were giving me time to mope. That was good. I had to think without anyone eavesdropping.

Memories flashed through me. Each one felt like I was putting my hand on a hot stove. Instead of shrinking away from the pain, I welcomed it, letting it fuel my frenzied planning.

Distantly, the phone rang again, and I groaned. Somehow, the sound had invoked a Pavlovian response in me, and each echoing ring produced a ghastly image in my head. Bella, arms crossed, face pale and eyes puffy from crying, biting her nails on the other end, waiting to hear my voice.

It wasn't her, though. When Billy picked up, Charlie's furious voice was demanding answers.

"I don't know what to tell you. Sam Uley is a good kid, he's been doing wonders for the reservation. I don't think he had anything to do with this," Billy defended.

"I'm not buying that. It doesn't make any sense." It was Chief Swan this time, not Charlie.

"Maybe…" Billy trailed off, and though I couldn't see his face, I imagined it drawn in heavy lines of thought. "Jake got tired of being just a friend."

"Don't you put this on Bella!" Charlie shouted. Even if I didn't have supernatural hearing, I probably would have caught it. His voice was lower when he continued. "Bella's made it clear all along that she and Jacob were just friends."

"That's not what Jake says," Billy lied.

"Well, if that was it, why didn't you say so at first?"

Billy started to answer, but the Chief cut him off. "No, Billy, I think she's right about this."

"What makes you think that?" Billy retorted, aggravated.

"Because I know my daughter, and if she says Jacob was scared before – "

"Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do," Billy snapped.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T KNOW MY DAUGHTER AS WELL AS I THINK I DO?" Charlie screamed.

"Ask her about the Cullens – " Billy began, but was interrupted quickly. That name was probably forbidden in Charlie's house.

"If you think I'm going to remind her about that, then you had better think again. She's only just starting to get over it, and mostly because of Jacob, I think. If whatever Jacob has going on with this Sam character sends her back into that depression, then Jacob is going to have to answer to me. You're my friend, Billy, but this is hurting my family."

Billy was silent for a moment. Then, his voice barely a whisper, he responded.

"I guess this means you'll be watching us, then?"

"You got that right – those boys set one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. We'll be keeping an eye on the situation, you can be sure of that." I imagined him strapping on his badge as he spoke.

"I have to go," Billy said quickly.

"Fine. Yeah. Goodbye." Charlie's side of the conversation ended.

Billy called some other people, but I stopped paying attention. His conversations couldn't drown out the buzzing between my ears.

At one point I must have passed out from exhaustion, because I found myself dreaming.

It was weird because I knew I was dreaming. It wasn't even really a dream. My subconscious had dragged a memory of my old life out of the vault, projecting it like a movie. I was alone in a deserted theater, watching idly, distracted until I realized what was going on.

It was Bella, sitting on the beach beside me, her eyes alight with curiosity.

"Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from – the Quileutes, I mean?" I began, trying not to smirk.

"Not really," she confessed, eyelashes fluttering against her flushed cheeks as she glanced down.

"Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood – supposedly, the ancient Quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive like Noah and the ark." I smiled. "Another legend claims that we descended from wolves – and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's against tribal law to kill them.

"Then there are the stories about the cold ones." My voice dropped lower.

"The cold ones?" She asked, genuine intrigue dripping from her tongue.

"Yes. There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land." I rolled my eyes in an effort to distance myself from all the superstitious mumbo-jumbo.

"Your great-grandfather?" She pressed, urging me to continue.

"He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf – well, not the wolf, really, the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves."

"Werewolves have enemies?"

"Only one."

She stared at me, eyes sober and impatient, begging me to continue.

Then the screen started burning at the edges, and Bella's face faded in a billow of smoke, replaced by her hollow, empty stare. It was all I could see. Then, in a distant echo from the past, my words came back to haunt me.

"It's just that, I know you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down – I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"

I would never, ever hurt you…

How wrong I had been.

I bolted up in bed.

Before I could think anything through, I'd already opened the window with a loud shriek, and was halfway outside when Billy's chair started squeaking down the hall. I was in the forest by the time he reached the door. I heard his tentative knock, then his sigh, and his wheels scraped back to the living room.

I didn't dare turn into a wolf. I ran the whole way to Bella's house barefoot, hardly noticing the mess of mud climbing up my calves. The others would smell me soon enough, if they didn't already hear me crashing through the forest.

I scaled the tall spruce on Charlie's lawn in half a second. Before even glancing at the house, I perched myself on the highest branch, the tree bowing under my weight. Thankfully, the branch didn't tear off. I started swinging, angling myself toward her window. The tip of the branch scraped across her closed window like nails on a chalkboard, and I winced.

A shape appeared in the window. Bella's skin glowed in the darkness, her face a pale moon set against a black backdrop. The clouds hanging in the sky reflected against the glass and hung like curtains over her face, sending shadows across her.

I swung harder, this time scraping myself on the siding. A high-pitched squeal chirped against the window as the tree scratched itself against the house again.

"Bella!" I hissed, trying to get her attention.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, swinging back against the siding and earning another scratch. "Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

Two seconds later, the window flew wide open, and Bella poked her head out.

"What are you doing?" She gasped, eyes wide.

"I'm trying to keep" – I huffed, shifting my weight as the tree bounced me up and down – "my promise!"

Bella blinked. "When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?"

I snorted, unamused, and started swinging again. "Get out of the way," I warned.

"What?" She asked, blinking again.

I swung my legs again, back and forth, increasing my momentum.

Bella's eyes got even wider in the dim light filtering through the clouds. "No, Jake!" She hissed, but hopped to the side, because I'd already jumped.

I grunted, launching myself through the open window. I landed on the balls of my feet with a low thud, looking over to the door automatically and holding my breath. Charlie's breath hitched, then picked back up into a muffled snore.

I grinned, pleased. Sometimes, being a werewolf had its advantages. And it was always good to see Bella.

Even when she was not as happy to see me.

"Get out!" She hissed, venom dripping off her voice.

I blinked, surprised. I hadn't expected her anger, though I should have. It made sense that she would hate me right now. The way she saw it, I had dumped her for Sam a few hours ago.

"No," I protested. "I came to apologize."

"I don't accept!"

Her hands slapped against my bare chest, pushing furtively, trying to shove me back out the window. She dropped her hands away quickly, like my skin had burned her, staring up at me with wide, furious eyes.

I was speechless. I wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, explain everything and hope she would understand, but the words got caught in my throat. Bella swayed on her feet, eyes rolling into the back of her head.

"Bella?" I whispered anxiously, grabbing her elbow before she fell. I steered us over to the bed, where she plopped into a limp heap on the mattress, looking a lot like my pile of dirty clothes at home. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked, eyebrows flying up to the top of my forehead.

Bella looked up at me, and I got my first good look at her. Her eyes were red and puffy, cheeks still wet with tears. She must have been crying before I got here.

"Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?"

My face fell. "Right," I agreed, guilt flooding my stomach. "Crap. Well… I – I'm so sorry, Bella." I apologized sincerely, hoping she could hear the gravity in my voice and understand how much I meant it.

"Why did you come here?" She asked rudely. "I don't want apologies from you, Jake."

"I know," I whispered bitterly. She wanted answers. She deserved answers. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

She shook her head slowly, eyes still half-closed. "I don't understand anything," she whined.

"I know. I want to explain – " I broke off abruptly, words getting choked off.

I sucked in a deep breath. "But I can't explain," I growled in Sam's voice. "I wish I could," I added.

Bella's head fell into her hands. When she spoke, her words were muffled. "Why?"

I couldn't allow this to go on. It wasn't only hurting me, staying away from her. She had gained some weight in the past few months while we were friends, but now her face was thin and sallow again, like a skeleton. Her arms trembled under the weight of her head, and new tears spilled out from the corners of her eyes.

I focused hard on the lump in my throat, trying to find a hole in Sam's edict. There had to be a loophole. My face puckered in concentration, teeth clenching, trying to spit it out.

Bella turned her head to look at me with one glassy, bloodshot eye. "What's wrong?" She asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

I exhaled heavily, letting go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. "I can't do it," I muttered, frustrated.

"Do what?"

I ignored the question. "Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?" I asked knowingly. Her face twisted in guilt. "Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom…?" I pressed. "Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"

Her eyes tightened suspiciously. "I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, though it didn't describe the chasm of guilt I'd fallen into. "This is so frustrating."

We stared at each other for one long moment. From the hopeless look on her face, I knew she was feeling the same despair that gripped me. We didn't need words to communicate; a look was enough for me to know she was just as desperate to know the secret as I was to tell it.

"The part that kills me," I said as a thought occurred, "is that you already know. I already told you everything!"

"What are you talking about?"

I sucked in a startled breath, the first time I met Bella Swan swirling around in my head. I leaned forward, trying to impress on her the importance of my next words.

"I think I see a way to make this work out – because you know this, Bella! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it, that would let me right off the hook!" My excited words burned intensely, fast and eager.

"You want me to guess? Guess what?"

"My secret! You can do it – you know the answer!"

I was surprised this idea hadn't come to me sooner. It seemed foolproof, but Bella was intent on proving me wrong. She blinked twice, face blank, looking up at me with confused, glistening eyes.

"Hold on, let me see if I can give you some help," I panted. I screwed up my forehead in concentration, fighting against the pull to follow Sam's orders.

"Help?" She breathed, eyelids fluttering shut and then opening wide.

"Yeah," I responded, still breathing hard. "Like clues."

I took her face in my hands and held it a few inches from mine. Her cheeks fit easily in my palms, fingers twisting in the roots of her hair. Her eyes were wide and trusting, though I didn't deserve it.

"Remember the first day we met – on the beach in La Push?" I whispered, heart beating a hundred miles an hour in my chest. She was so close, lips parted in surprise, her soft skin under my hands and pulsing with her heartbeat.

"Of course I do," she replied.

"Tell me about it."

She took a deep breath, still staring up at me with wide, distant eyes. "You asked about my truck…" I nodded, urging her to continue. "We talked about the Rabbit…"

"Keep going," I insisted.

"We went for a walk down the beach…" She trailed off, cheeks growing warmer beneath my burning skin. I nodded anxiously, stomach turning at the memory.

"You told me scary stories… Quileute legends," she mouthed.

I closed my eyes, then opened them again slowly. "Yes," I said feverishly. I tried to make my voice slower so each word had time to soak in. "Do you remember what I said?"

Her face flushed bright red, no doubt thinking of the Cullens.

"Think hard," I pushed.

"Yes, I remember," she breathed, voice creaking like a door whose hinges needed oil.

I inhaled deeply through my nose. The lump in my throat was bobbing up and down, making me nauseous.

"Do you remember all the stor – " I got cut off. My mouth hung open, choking against the word.

"All the stories?" She finished.

I nodded once, unable to do anything else.

She started to shake her head, a resigned look on her face.

I groaned and jumped off the bed, pressing my fists against my forehead. My breathing was fast, angry, biting at me with every inhale.

"You know this, you know this," I muttered to myself.

"Jake?" She asked, grabbing my attention. "Jake, please, I'm exhausted. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story," I added bitterly, slumping back onto the mattress beside her. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?" I asked, hiding my eager curiosity behind a thick layer of sarcasm. "I've been dying to know."

"A question about what?" She asked, eyes narrowing.

"About the vampire story I told you."

She glared at me, a sudden spark lighting up her eyes.

"Did you honestly not know?" I asked, voice becoming thick in my throat. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"

Her teeth clenched together, and she stared back at me defiantly.

I suppressed a bitter laugh. "See what I mean about loyalty?" I murmured, voice getting low and grave. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…" My eyes closed at the memory of fire burning through my veins, turning me into a monster.

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" She whimpered. I felt her ice-cold hand reach around to the nape of my neck, twisting her fingers in my hair.

My hands trembled. I didn't dare open my eyes to see her. "No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence." I laughed bleakly. "Longer, maybe," I added.

"No, Jake," she moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"

"It's not something I can run away from, Bella," I whispered, eyes fluttering open of their own accord. "I would run with you, though, if I could."

Her eyes bored into mine, cutting right through me.

My shoulders started shaking above my hands. I took another deep breath. "Look, I've got to leave."

"Why?" She asked, lips trembling.

"For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep – I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

"And why else?" She insisted, as if that wasn't good enough.

I frowned. "I had to sneak out – I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am." My mouth twisted into a scowl. "I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything," she hissed.

"All the same, I will."

Anger flashed, white and hot, across her face. "I hate them!" She exclaimed.

My eyes widened in surprise. "No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before – it's me. Sam is actually… well, incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul is kind of…" I trailed off, then continued. "And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there – the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam…"

Bella glared at me in disbelief. "Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" She demanded.

"It's not safe," I mumbled, looking down at the floor.

She didn't answer, but I heard her heart start to beat erratically, and her breathing sped up.

"If I thought it was too… too risky," I whispered reassuringly. "I wouldn't have come. But Bella," I looked up at her again. "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."

Her nose turned up in confusion.

"After that stupid movie," I reminded her. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"

"I know you didn't want to do it, Jake," she said softly. "It's okay."

"Thanks, Bella." I took her hand in mine, trying to warm it up. "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised." A grin pulled up the corners of my mouth at the idea of seeing her again. "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it."

She grimaced, but her voice was too tired to have any bite. "I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon," I promised, then sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."

"Don't listen to them."

"I'll try," I vowed, shaking my head doubtfully. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out," I said, then hesitated. "If you… if you want to."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?" She asked.

"Oh, I can think of a reason," I answered harshly. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"

She nodded too quickly, swaying off balance for a second from the force.

"At least call me – if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that," I begged.

"That won't happen – " she began, but I held up a hand to cut her off.

"Just let me know."

I stood and headed for the window.

"Don't be an idiot, Jake," she complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."

"I won't get hurt," I muttered, but turned for the door. She didn't know about the super-fast werewolf healing, and I didn't think Sam wanted me showing off, though he hadn't expressly forbidden it.

I hesitated as I passed the bed, feeling the same tug in my chest as before, like someone was ripping the heart from my chest. I held out my hand, eyes pleading. She took it without hesitation, and I yanked her into my arms.

She fit perfectly, clicking into place like a key in a lock. I sighed, hoping this wouldn't be the last time I ever saw her.

"Just in case," I muttered into her hair.

"Can't – breathe!" She gasped.

I dropped her immediately, keeping one hand on her waist to keep her upright. I pushed her gently back onto the bed.

"Get some sleep, Bells. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this."

I was at the door in one stride, opening it quietly, then walking silently down the stairs and out the back door.

When I was outside, I disappeared into the trees, then quickly undressed. Shifting came easily, like a welcome relief, though I was not greeted with a kind reception.

Who the HELL do you think you are? Sam roared immediately.

Jacob Black, reporting for duty, sir, I replied, smug.

That went better than I planned. I didn't kill her, which was definitely a priority, and she didn't scream to wake up Charlie, so that was good, too. But she had also forgiven me for hurting her today, even offered to run away with me, and that was what had me feeling lighter than air.

SHIT! Paul exclaimed, JACOB, YOU LOUSY SON OF A – "

Hold on! I interrupted. I followed orders. She doesn't know anything. We just… reminisced.

Oh, can it, meat-for-brains, Paul retorted. There was a REASON you weren't supposed to talk to her. Do you have any idea how bad it would be if you killed the Chief's daughter? You think they're after us NOWjust wait until Charlie sends every hunter in Forks after the 'mutant wolves'!

Sam and Paul were running the outer perimeter of La Push, so I joined them. Paul was blowing a blood vessel over Bella, his dream from the other night replaying in the back of his mind. Sam was on a whole new level of anger; disappointment. Somehow, this made me feel worse than if he had been yelling with Paul.

Am I doing this wrong, Jake? He wondered, almost to himself. Would you rather be Alpha?

No, I insisted, but I can't be away from Bella. We're a package deal.

I see that, Sam barked back. There was an edge to his tone, though, something I couldn't name.

What is it? I urged, sensing he was deliberately not thinking about whatever lurked beneath the surface of his thoughts.

Nothing. But I wonder… He trailed off, and just as I was about to get a glimpse of whatever it was, Paul howled.

The resort, he panted, pushing himself up to the edge of the forest. It stinks!

Sure enough, Paul had stumbled upon a fresh trail, snaking up from the border to the resort near the hot springs. I turned too quickly, spraying dirt behind me, and raced Sam to Paul.

Shit! Paul thought, catching the scent of blood, and then…

SHIT! He yipped anxiously.

There was a wailing screech, and I saw through Paul's eyes a portly middle-aged woman in a bathrobe with a towel twisted on her head. She had one hand holding a cellphone to her ear and the other clutched to her chest, eyes wide with fear.

Get the hell outta there! Sam roared.

Don't need to tell me twice, Paul replied, already running back into the forest, following the scent the leech left.

Jake – take the east, Sam ordered.

On it, I replied.

We caught up with Paul, pursuing the vampire through the woods. She had a shockingly bright head of wild red hair, making it easy for us to spot her. The leech was careful to stay in the trees, out of reach from us, launching herself forward through the air in fifty-foot leaps. We kept up until we'd chased her halfway to Canada, then turned around.

Jake – stay on patrol. Keep clear of the crime scene. Paul, come with me to Harry's. I need to talk to the council. Sam was in full-on crisis control mode.

Don't think you're off the hook, he warned me before turning human again.

Paul smirked. He's gonna kick your ass.

Not before I kick yours, I replied, switching directions with the intent to teach him a lesson.

He laughed, then his voice disappeared, and I was alone as a wolf.

This was the part of being a werewolf that I liked. The freedom was electrifying – I could let go of the human side and immerse myself in the wild. I tried to circle around the spot where Paul had smelled the leech while also avoiding the rapidly increasing number of police and state troopers, but I couldn't find another trail.

The rain was beginning to let up, and the sky was lighter than usual, though I didn't trust it to last. Soon, the rain would wash away whatever scent remained, and we would be left in the dark again. This game of cat and mouse was not amusing, I thought glumly.

Embry came to relieve me at three in the morning, looking worse for wear.

Man, I wish I could get a full night's sleep… He groaned.

Do you know about Paul getting caught yet? I asked eagerly, ignoring him.

Now I do, Embry replied, momentarily scanning the memories as I brought them to the front of my mind. Hmm, he added. How does she keep getting away from us?

No idea, I replied, already halfway back to my house. But I'm gonna sleep on it. I'll let you know if I have any revelations.

Like how to get around Sam's order?

I cringed. You caught that, huh?

Hard to miss, Embry chortled. Good for you, man. Stick it to the man, and all that jazz.

Sam is still in charge, I replied carefully.

Oh, yeah, of course, Embry agreed quickly. But you didn't agree with the injunction, right?

'Course not, I growled.

So you think Sam was wrong?

I hesitated, rounding in on the trees surrounding my house.

I don't care, I finally decided. It doesn't matter whether or not I imprinted on her. I love her anyway.

You think she feels the same way?

Maybe… I trailed off, gazing at the familiar worn porch. I could see every single chip in the paint, crack in the wood, speck of dirt. I saw Bella just as plainly.

She could, I said doubtfully, not like that, though, not right now… I sighed.

Doesn't really matter though, if she can't get over the werewolf thing, Embry thought flippantly.

Whatever, I rumbled, I'm going to sleep. Have fun running, I added smugly.