Chapter 15
Salve for the Wounds
Severus's mind was working faster, now- filling in the blank spaces between the large revelations he found hidden in his mind. He remembered how quickly the rest of the summer had passed, his time divided between studying with Lily in the park or the church basement, and brewing potions in the run-down shed off the back of his house.
The last date he shared with Lily had doubled as a celebration, for they'd received 10 O.W.L. s each, with quite a few outstandings between them. The next day, Lily had run over to the park directly from church, carrying a letter in her hand.
"It's from James. He's asked us to go to Diagon Alley with him to pick up our books, and then to stay the evening at his house."
Severus took the letter from Lily, looking it over with a frown. "He lives in a cottage? That's surprising."
Lily sighed. "I do want to see him, but shopping with him- that would be too much, wouldn't it?"
Severus nodded, handing the letter back. "I don't want him to watch us scrounging around for used books. Or worse- offering to pay for new."
"Ew- no. I hope you understand, now, how I feel when you offer to keep me in the lap of luxury. I'll just write back and tell Potter we've already promised to go with Mum to Diagon Alley on Wednesday, and then we can go to his house when he comes back from shopping with his friends on Saturday. By the way, Mum has finished hemming your new robes. You can come by to try them on before you go back home."
Severus nodded and stood to follow Lily. "Do you know how much the fabric cost? I'd like to pay her back."
"Oh no- don't do that. The fabric was a steal, really. Keep your money for your school things."
"My robes are school things. Besides, the apothecary is paying me more now that I have my O.W.L.s."
"Then you'll be able to keep your schoolbooks and make margin notes, instead of having to sell them back at the end of the year," Lily said. "If I ever have money, I intend to keep a Library- I'm already starting to collect books. The wizard-muggle exchange rate has stayed so good this year that I went ahead and bought used copies of the Calculus and Mechanics books, so I'll be able to bring them to school after all."
"I'll add 'library' to the list of things I'm going to buy you when I make my fortune," Severus said, "and don't say 'ew.' I won't take no for an answer."
"Ok then- add computer to the list. There's one in the basement of the university, and I'm dying to learn how to program one. You can scratch a telescope off the list, because Mary McDonald was able to get her hands on a ten-inch mirror and a set of eyepieces, so the astronomy club can build one after all." Lily turned back to Severus as she walked. "What are you going to buy for yourself, when you get your fortune?"
"A place of my own, for starters," Severus said. "A big place, with a brewing lab instead of a shed. I suppose I'd invest the rest of the money, so I can retire early."
Severus and Lily spent a very happy afternoon together, dreaming of the future, and when Severus went home that evening, he put his new robes away in his trunk with a sense of satisfaction. Just a week and a half, and he could drag the trunk out of the shed and get away from this grimy town once more.
Severus was, therefore, completely blindsided when he entered the house, and his father was waiting for him, a scowl on his broad, ruddy face.
"Where have ye been, boy? I haven't seen ye all summer," he growled.
"I was out," Severus said, ducking his head and trying to move past him.
"Out? Is that how you talk to your da? Shoulda been out working- earning your keep."
"I have to study. I'm trying to make something of myself."
"Trying to be a bloody magician with a useless bag of tricks, more like," the man said. "Lazy and weird- no wonder the neighborhood thinks you're on drugs."
Then, in an almost careless gesture, Severus's father swiped the backside of his fist across Severus's face, hitting him in the eye. Before things could escalate any further, the television's volume rose, and the sound of "gooooooooooooooal" filled the air.
"Take that, Liverpool!" Severus's father cheered, and Severus ducked past him and ran upstairs to his room.
Severus's mother, however, had seen the exchange. She emerged from her dark corner and followed Severus up the stairs.
"Let me take a look at that."
"It's fine, mother. Leave it alone."
"You'll get a black eye. I have some dittany."
"I said leave it alone," Severus said before slamming his door.
An otherwise perfect day- ruined.
Severus looked into his cracked mirror, and he saw that a bruise was already blooming around his eye. Even with the dittany, he would still have the bruise when he went shopping with Lily, and it might even be there when he went to James's cottage.
The mirror began to rattle as the room started shaking.
Severus took a deep breath to calm himself. "A week and a half. That's all. Don't explode. Just keep going."
The mirror stopped rattling, and Severus took another deep breath. Somehow, it was growing easier for him to control his anger.
Somehow, he was able to get through the rest of the summer without incident.
He had to empty his entire bag of Slytherin tricks on Wednesday, but he managed to smuggle his money out of the shed and his new schoolbooks into it without his father noticing, even as his mother did her best to keep his father distracted. Saturday came, and he was clean, dressed, and ready to leave before the sun or his father were up. He met Lily in the park, and the two spent the morning together, filling notebooks with their plans for the school year.
"We should probably go soon," Lily said as she closed her notebook. "We'll need to take two buses to get there."
"Alright," Severus said, closing his own. He reached out to help Lily stand.
They were silent on the way to the bus stop, and Severus's nerves sung as they went. Finally, he had to break the silence.
"You look amazing," he said to Lily.
Lily had dressed herself simply but elegantly, in a white, strapless dress and heeled sandals. Her hair was pulled up, but it fell in loose tendrils here and there.
"Thanks. This is the best dress I have for this heat," Lily said, a blush painting her cheeks. "Besides, tonight is important."
"So- you've made your decision," Severus said.
Lily nodded. Then she turned to Severus and sighed.
"I'm selfish, Sev. I've made a selfish decision, but I have made one."
The bus arrived, and Lily and Severus were able to find open seats easily, since the bus was going away from the busy city center, out into the countryside where there would be few to witness them embark on the second part of their journey.
Severus blinked hard as he sat, willing himself not to cry. Lily's tone had been so apologetic when she spoke of her decision that he knew she must have chosen James, and Severus could feel his heart breaking. Then Lily reached over and touched Severus's face so tenderly that he almost became undone.
"Let me see that eye, Sev. I have some dittany in my purse-" then Lily gasped, looking into Severus's eyes.
"Sev? What's wrong?"
"I understand, Lily. I hope you are happy," Severus said.
"Hey- don't jump to conclusions," Lily said, frowning. "I don't want to tell you what I've decided until we are all together, but if you look at me like that, I won't be able to stand it."
"No- it's fine, really," Severus said, pulling away. "I understand why you would choose him. He's funny, and warm, and handsome, and good- so much better than I ever gave him credit for, and…"
"And you have feelings for him too, don't you?" Lily said softly.
Severus didn't answer.
Lily reached out and turned Severus's face toward her once more, and started dabbing at his eye with a handkerchief spotted with essence of dittany.
"Remember what I said, Sev. I love you. I'm not going to hurt you, so please, trust me."
Severus took a deep breath. "I do trust you, Lily."
Lily took Severus's hand, and she didn't let go when the disembarked from the muggle bus, or even when they stepped on board the knight bus. The two clung to each other for dear life as the bus whipped them over the country roads, through a lush park, and over a sprawling green lawn.
"Here we are. Godric's Hollow," the bus driver called out.
"Do you know which way Potter Cottage is?" Lily asked as she stood, somewhat shakily.
The bus driver pointed up the lawn, to the palatial stone manor in the distance. "Potter Cottage is straight ahead."
"Of course it is," Severus sighed.
Lily and Severus disembarked and headed across the lawn, but they had not gotten far before Severus stiffened and clutched Lily's hand even tighter.
"Black," he growled.
Indeed, the handsome, dark-haired figure of Sirius Black was walking toward them from the house. Sirius paused when he saw Severus, and held up his hands as though to prove he had no wand.
"No need to panic; I'm just one my way out. James told me to make myself scarce tonight, so I'm going to stay with Remus. Oh- and call me Sirius. I'm over my surname."
Severus didn't answer, but stayed perfectly still as Sirius passed. Sirius paused, leaning down to whisper into Severus's ear.
"You hurt my best mate, and you're a dead man."
Then Sirius continued on, whistling a tune.
"I wonder if I should feel insulted that I didn't get a death threat," Lily said as Sirius walked away.
"Don't worry- I'm sure it's entirely personal," Severus replied.
Sirius's tune broke as he let out a bark of laughter behind them.
Lily and Severus continued onto the house, clattering up the gravel walk until they found themselves at a heavy oak door. Before they could pull the bell the door opened, and James appeared, a wide grin on his face.
"I'm so glad you both made it," he said, pulling each of them into a one-armed hug so that all three of them were squished together tightly. Then, just as Severus was losing his ability to breathe, he let go. "Come in! Did you have any trouble finding the place?"
"How could anyone possibly have trouble finding this place?" Severus said.
"Seriously, James," Lily added. "Just because a building is made from stone, and has ivy growing in the front, that doesn't make it a cottage."
James blushed a little, but his enthusiasm was unabated as he ushered the two inside.
Severus had expected to find an ostentatious interior, but the house was neat and simply furnished in the Georgian style. The style of the house did give Severus pause, because the Potters were a very old family- the oldest in Godric's hollow according to Narcissa Black- and Severus knew that Godric's hollow had been founded by Godric Gryffindor himself. Severus wondered to himself why the house did not reflect its medieval origins.
"We saw Sirius on our way out," Severus said as they walked through the foyer. "Apparently he's no longer going by the name 'Black.'"
"Oh yeah- his mum kicked him out at the beginning of the summer, so he's been living here."
"It's nice of you, and your parents, to let him stay," Lily said.
"Eh- my parents are hardly here, to be honest. They're going into retirement, which apparently means being as difficult to find as possible." James's mouth twisted in an uncharacteristically bitter expression, but it only lasted for a moment before his bright smile returned. "So that means we have the place to ourselves."
"You mean you lured me here when you knew your parents wouldn't be present? I can't believe you, James. What kind of girl do you think I am?" Lily said sternly.
James's face went red, and he stammered until Lily broke into giggles.
"Oh for heaven's sake, James- for a renowned prankster, you sure are gullible," She said. "Come on- give us a tour of the house. Sev and I are wild to see how the other half lives."
#
James led Lily and Severus through the house, seeming both bored and nervous about the whole process. He glossed over Severus's questions about the portraits in the halls with the vague response that they were ancestors, and then rushed them past the portrait of one I. Peverell, who shouted at Lily and Severus to mind their own business. When Lily spied a library through an open door, James shut the door quickly with the excuse that it was being renovated. When Severus asked about a winding staircase that seemed to go nowhere, James just shrugged and then rushed them through to the back gardens.
"House tours and ancestral portraits are all incredibly boring," James said. "It's one of the reasons I'm glad I'm with the two of you, instead of being engaged to some pureblood socialite who would insist giving tours weekly once we're married."
"But we aren't engaged," Lily pointed out.
"I hope we will be some day," James said.
"Wait- you're proposing to Lily, or-"
"Not just Lily- I want to marry both of you," James said breezily. Then he pointed into the distance. "Come on- I want to show you what's growing in the greenhouses."
"Wait," Severus said. "Potter- you can't marry both of us."
James turned back, looking hurt. "Why not?"
"Because that happens to be illegal in this country," Severus said. "Both on the wizard and muggle sides."
"Pffft, laws." James scoffed. "What do a bunch of rules written by crusty old bureaucrats have to do with our feelings? If a law is unjust, we should just ignore it and do whatever we want. That's called morality."
"That's the most Slytherin thing I've ever heard," Severus said. "Aside from which- wasn't Lily supposed to decide between us?"
James cocked his head, frowning. "Do you still want her to?"
Severus's breath caught, and then he turned to Lily, who was looking at James with a very strange expression.
"Weren't you going to show us the greenhouses?" she said quietly.
"Oh- yes." James turned back up the walkway just as a chiming sound began echoing through the gardens.
"Sorry," James said. "That was the dinner bell. I guess the greenhouses will have to wait."
#
James led Lily and Severus into a small but elegantly furnished dining hall, which was lit with candles whose light danced on glittering crystal.
"Oh- James," Lily sighed, spinning to look around. "It's lovely."
"I thought I'd go all out. We don't really dine like this every night- usually it's just me and Sirius in the kitchens."
There were three places set, and the three teens spent a few moments looking at each other shyly, as though hoping that the others would sit first. Finally, James pulled a seat out for Lily, and Severus sat quickly beside her, afraid if he waited too long James would do the same for him.
As soon as the three had settled themselves, food appeared on the china dishes, and something that looked suspiciously like sparkling wine appeared in the crystal goblets, which turned out to be plain water with a glamour cast on it.
James toasted, "to food!" and then Lily cleared her throat.
"I want to say thank you to both of you for going along with this," Lily said. "You've both been so patient, and you've acted in such good faith that I feel guilty."
"Don't feel guilty," James said. "I think I know what you're going to say, and I'm all for it."
"Really?" Lily said, her face lighting up. "How about you, Sev."
"As I said before- as long as you're happy together, I understand."
James buried his face in his napkin and let out a loud groan. "There you go again- looking for the worst. This should be obvious, Sev." He unburied his face and turned to Lily. "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"
"No- I will." Lily took a sip of water, and then looked up to Severus.
"Sev, I spent a lot of time this summer soul-searching. My feelings for both of you were difficult to discern, even though they've been staring me in the face this whole time. Sev- you've been my friend since I was a kid, so I hardly noticed my feelings for you as they changed . I wasted a lot of time worrying about you, but you've shown me that my worry was moot. We weren't growing apart- our feelings were growing stronger, and it was confusing.
"And James," Lily said, turning to him. "I've always thought you were so ridiculous, because you've gone out of your way time and time again to get my attention, but you didn't need to. I've always seen you- clever, funny, and loyal to your friends. That's why it always hurt me so much when you tormented my best friend, and when he fought you in return. I guess that's why I couldn't figure out my feelings until that was resolved. My reasons for this game were ultimately selfish- as is my decision."
"It's not selfish at all," James said. "Why push someone you care for away, if you don't have to? Society's rules are stupid and arbitrary- don't tear us apart just to conform."
"Wait- Lily, are you saying… you choose both of us?" Severus said.
"Yes, if the two of you feel the same way," Lily whispered.
"I do," James said. "I care for both of you. I want to be with both of you."
Then James and Lily both turned to Severus, the same, shy smile on both of their faces.
"Do you think you would be willing to try?" Lily asked in a soft voice. She brushed a lock of hair behind her bare shoulder, and then leaned forward. "It's ok if you say no. This is even weirder than my game was, and I don't want to pressure you to do anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable."
Severus hesitated, and then carefully grasped a crystal goblet, taking a long drink of water to soothe his parched throat. "If I said no," he asked, "would you- would the two of you…"
"Would we be together without you?" Lily finished for him.
"No," James answered firmly.
"Without you Sev- no. It wouldn't work out," Lily added.
"It would have to be a secret," Severus said slowly. "No one would understand- least of all the Slytherins."
Lily cast a sly glance at James. "That means no bragging about it."
James's eyes went wide with an expression of mock innocence. "Would I ever?"
"Yes!" Lily and Severus said together.
James laughed, a high-pitched, nervous sound. Then his expression grew sober. "I meant what I said. If you want me to keep your secrets, I will. Whatever you need, Sev."
"Yes," Severus blurted without a second thought. "I want to try. I want to make this work."
"Are you sure?" Lily said. "You and James have grown so much in a few short weeks, but I know how things have been between you. Are you sure there's wouldn't be any resentment- any jealousy?"
Severus turned to look at James- at the boy who had, up until this summer, been his bitterest enemy. Now, as Severus stared into those burning dark eyes, focused on those soft, tempting lips, Severus couldn't even remember what their enmity had felt like.
"I don't know, Lily," Severus said honestly. "I don't think so, but…"
"Well, I'm a scientist," Lily said, standing. "So I will test this empirically."
"What does that m-" James started to say before Lily cut him off by pressing her lips against his.
Severus could not describe, even to himself, what he felt as he watched James sink into the kiss, or as he watched Lily close her eyes, letting a little sigh escape as he did. Perhaps it was something like fear or nervousness. But most of all, he was enraptured by the sight- unable to look away.
Lily broke the kiss, and then turned to Severus. "Are you okay?"
"I- yeah," Severus said.
Lily rushed to him and pressed her lips against Severus's. Then, not to be outdone, James's kiss soon followed, and Severus found himself breathless.
Afterward, the three stared at each other for a few awkward, silent moments. Then James burst out laughing, and Lily and Severus followed- first at themselves, and then at the absurdity of the situation, but then, ultimately, they laughed for Joy.
