SerenityxEndymion: yeah there's more of that coming to be honest. I just hope I did their little epic scene justice. That with tyler will be something I hope isn't TO OOC for him in this cause man did that take me a minute to write out. and she gets a bit of help but not a lot.
Princesakarlita411: yeah me to, I'm glad I wrote Minako as I did cause she reads a bit more like a second in command type of girl who will take over the leadership role once Usagi takes the throne in this story. Just my opinion though. And you will be getting more of carefree Usagi soon to.
Jaguarsolaris: yeah writing her as carefree after all the other crap is a nice change of pace. Lol its almost like writing her as a renewed person again. and yeah oh it was Artemis that left out to since he was on Minako's shoulder. But you get the point.
Rjzero00: lol I supposed that's a good thing. Lol yeah I was trying to make them more likable in the 'I'm human and have feelings to' type of thing but its easy to have them slip back into their old ways. Its why they get challenged to be better people. Glad I at least made you laugh. Lol she's only seeing things from her perspective. She's not seeing it from anyone else's so she still has a lot to learn. And in the beginning if I recall correctly she and Usagi weren't instant friends like Ami and Usagi were or even Makoto and Usagi were, Rei was more standoffish and Usagi tried to get her to be more outgoing it was Rei who kept trying to push her out unless it was senshi related. Rei wasn't ready to handle loving caring people just yet even though she really wanted it and needed it. and yeah she has a point it was just her way of going about it was rude. And your curiousness will be answered shortly. In a few senses that is.
SerenityDeath: you may just get your wish…😉
Yin - Yang M: nope not mean at all. 😊
Joanne Frances Tiano Cajilig: exactly the reason why things will go as I am making them. I just hope it flows right and isn't to OOC for how I've written them so far.
LoveInTheBattleField: I'll take that as a good thing.
CassieRaven: or will that even happen…? Stay tuned.
kera69love: you'll find out soon enough. On all three questions.
Jovemako: glad you think so, that barney comment made me laugh. Lol and I might just do that. 😉 for a few of those bit you said. Who knows. 😊 and Chibi Usa needed the wake up call. I'm looking forward to seeing how you all like it to.
mtillm21: thanks.
No extra's: lol I had a feeling that would get brought up. lol I never would have thought of that as a point of reference for their relationship, very nicely done description if I do say so myself. This is true on him being stupid, but in this case he's in crisis panic mode and its not due to an enemy so right now he's not thinking clearly. Is this an excuse no but its his reason for the moment. And they wont be back together right away, I've actually grown to like the tyler character a bit so he'll be making more than one appearance. The all talk and no action will be changing soon enough. I'm definitely going to have to listen to that song now. lol
Aiyoku: oh just wait for it, it'll sink it soon enough. Lol I don't know about the next chapter but maybe the following one after that. 😉 maybe…
setokayba2n: pluto will be mentioned in it but she's limited herself and that will be hinted at in some form. Though I do get your point.
InuKaglover4ev22: yeah he definitely told her off and it did humble her a bit, and things will hit home for her soon enough. In this story she's got the 'need to be redeemed' arc going for her like Mamoru and Chibi Usa do. and yeah I thought it was an oddly nice twist to have something so crisis like going on and the one person that could make it all go away is having a fun time with friends but its so well deserved for both parties to be going through what 's happening. And yes that will be addressed coming up soon.
Kasumi Yawa: yeah Rei could compete with Usagi for the title of 'most stubborn' but Usagi will win it for sure. No matter the world their in. I don't try to have people hate it just sort of happens. Lol yes and he will be showing up again a few more times to.
karseneau1: its gonna be hitting her really hard really soon. Thanks though.
Guest (1): I can assure you it won't be made to be about that. in fact I'm going for a different tactic here. yeah I thought about Chibi Usa over hearing Rei but figured she'd be to busy freaking out to pay much attention to it unless it was directed at her. as for Mamoru yes there will be actions coming up that will be speaking a lot louder than words. Yeah the right reasons will be something brought up, and as for Tyler I do plan to keep him around a little bit. I for some reason when I envision him imagine a blonde version of Tyler from The vampire diaries. I don't know why though. And while it would be fun to make him dark haired, I really want to make him visibly different than Mamoru so Usagi have odd issues with similar looks. I mean Seiya anyone? :/ they definitely looked a bit a like and I think that was one of the things that made her feel conflicting feelings regarding him, he reminded her of Mamoru so for this I want someone that DOESN'T remind her of him. and you will be seeing more of her and tyler together, I added in some scenes that weren't originally in this story cause it fit how things could progress.
AimlesslyGera: lol I didn't think of it that way.
phillynz: not they no, just Rei on that front.
vquinn19: will do.
Guest (2): not completely nope but it will tie in eventually. No were gonna get more of other stuff first. And your right, its why things are going as they are.
Selenity Hime 13: oh she's gonna get a full on one soon enough. Yeah Mamoru's figured that out now. and things definitely about to get better for Usagi.
24 reviews, really nice, things are about to intense in the next few chapters so you might want to buckle up so to speak. Please read and review!
Breaking point ch.16
Mamoru POV
I just watched helplessly as Rei went over the options, we had for Chibi Usa. When Minako, Artemis and Motoko left out I felt sullen and a bit more in despair than before. I had a feeling that Minako may have had a solution, but she was unwilling to help other than to tell us in her own words where to stick it. I couldn't blame her though; her first concerns were on Usagi and Chibi Usa had become an antagonist towards her.
It's why I didn't raise my voice to her words. How could I when I was in the wrong. Ami was still giving the pink haired one a scan trying to find a possible way to help but even that seemed near futile as we still both saw her fading in and out of existence here. Rei looked like she was having a mental struggle on how to feel and what to believe as she looked out the window next to me. I saw her hug herself as she cast me a look.
It was barley there for more than a second, but I saw the slight longing for human contact. From me…it made me uncomfortable as I looked away. Rejecting it as she was also partially the reason why Usagi was at odds with us. She was looking for sympathy and she wouldn't be finding it with me. Perhaps it was mean of me, but I didn't care. I really didn't. Her words earlier had upset me.
Though I think what upset me more was how much of them I let her get away with beforehand, after all she did imply that I hadn't called her out on it before. I was just as upset with myself on it as I was with her. She cast me a parting look before resigning to herself. "We deserve this." I muttered to her, she looked up to me. I could tell she had scathing words to say so I cut her off, "We deserve her silence. We deserve her wrath." Rei made no sound.
As if perhaps she was listening to me, why me I didn't know. Correction…didn't want to admit to. Sometimes I had a bad feeling that she MIGHT still hold some residual feelings for me and ignored them in favor of peace with Usagi, and now that Usagi and I were on a 'break'. I felt uncomfortable in her presence now without the majority of the girls. Ami and Chibi Usa in the back were the only ones keeping this from getting worse.
"We deserve to be punished for how we treated her. Even if we felt it was justifiable at the time, we both knew deep, deep, deep, down…it wasn't. Yet we still continued. Rei, you are, and I are two of the biggest contributors of this problem." I looked down at her, like looked down at her as she faltered under my gaze. "It's time we admit it and own our shit. Chibi Usa is dealing with hers on a new level…" I stopped myself.
My words losing their meaning as I came to an icy conclusion. I saw Rei turn back as she seemed to now be in her own internal struggle however, that was the least of my problems at the moment. So is Chibi Usa's predicament…the voice in my head said. I didn't want to see it but he…I was right. It was my icy conclusion. I sighed and let the tension that had been building up in my body go.
For the first time in what seemed like hours since Chibi Usa ran to me for help, I forced the helplessness towards my future daughter down and realized that once I let that go all I felt was the need to make things right with Usagi. I focused on the talk I wanted to have yet hadn't had with her yet. The one I told her I wanted to have but kept getting busy on. Chibi Usa's half-hearted words coming back to haunt me as I thought on them.
The idea that she was out with another guy, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching if I tried. My nails biting into my palm as I glared out at the bright light. My eyes narrowing at the thought of another guy sweeping her off her feet while we were on a break. Her charming nature drawing him in, her unaware of how her friendly nature could be considered flirty and with how innocent she was in different ways, she wouldn't see certain things coming.
A part of me said she knew more than what she lead on, that I was knocking her down in a sense but if I admitted to her knowing then it would mean I had to admit that she had grown more and I had missed it. I had been to wrapped up in my own head and had missed that with her. I didn't want to think about her with another, but my mind now wouldn't stop tormenting me with the visions of her wrapped up in someone else's arms. His edging towards kissing her and her not seeing it and it happening.
I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to push the angry and jealous thoughts aside. Anger for losing her and jealous that another would get to have what I so stupidly lost. I wanted the weather to reflect my current mood. For a brief moment I noticed the weather shift, dark clouds beginning to gather on unsuspecting people as if obeying the will of my thoughts but my notice of it broke the weather back to normal again.
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to reign in my feelings and thoughts. I initially brought Chibi Usa here to be saved, in reality I got the wake-up call of a lifetime. Thing was though, it wasn't Chibi Usa nearly disappearing on me that frightened me. I mean it did but not to the point where I was fearful of her existence, I was fearful of losing the one woman I loved above anyone else in this world.
I was losing the most precious gift I had ever been given. I was losing the brightest light in this world. My Usako. How long had it been since I had even called her that? How long had it been since we'd kissed? Since we'd touched romantically? To long for any of it. Way to long. I yearned for her, had been and I had let too much happen on the in between. I needed to fix this, but not for Chibi Usa…for her.
For the woman that made my life bright with just her being in it. For the woman that made me feel weak in the knees. For the woman I would do anything for. If she wanted me to apologize in a tutu on my knees I would. I needed to see her again. A week was to long as it was, and we had gone months. I felt like I was on the verge of a mental break down when Ami interrupted my thoughts, "I have a temporary solution." Both Rei and I looked to her, even though she didn't have my fullest attention.
I had bigger fish to fry right now. "What is it?" Rei asked, Ami looked to her, "I need a charm from you to help encapsulate the energy needed." Rei nodded as I was guessing she was trying to figure out how to do that, "And Mamoru…" her look to me was different a bit more clinical than usual and honestly I think I needed it. to be a bit more separated from this experience than I currently was.
"I need a channel of energy from you." I nodded as I walked towards the sleeping child on the bed. She looked so helpless, so…unlike the child that recently was a total brat to her future mother. It was almost hard to imagine that that had even happened…yet it did. It all had happened, and THIS was the result of EVERYTHING that had happened. I sighed, "Chibi Usa when we fix this, things are going to change."
I wasn't sure if the words right now would fall on deaf ears considering her predicament, but I needed to see if it was at least registering. Her fear was preventing anything but that to surface, "This isn't a fix Mamoru." She turned to Rei as that got Rei's attention to. "What do you mean?" the priestess asked her. "This isn't a fix, it's a temporary solution." Rei looked upset. Normally Ami would cower down and buckle into trying to find a permanent solution, this Ami seemed different though.
Resolute even, "What I mean is Chibi Usa is a product of Mamoru and Usagi correct?" the obvious question irritated the priestess but she passive aggressively spun her hand in a 'yeah what about it?' motion, "Therefore since Usagi and Mamoru are NOT together…" she looked to me specifically on that one, "It would stand to reason that the magic that created her through two very powerful magic beings themselves, would…deteriorate." I never though Ami could word something as my future daughters' existence to a near trivial thing.
Was it bad that I didn't see a problem with that? I wondered to myself. Considering everything that has happened…the voice in me said. I had to admit to defeat on that one. "Meaning what?" Rei huffed, "Meaning until I win Usagi back over Chibi Usa will continue to deteriorate into nothing. Its why we need to put the temporary solution in place, to give her time." The fiery priestess looked horrified and scared and angered…at me. "How are you so calm about this?" she demanded.
Her voice torn between high levels of anger and low levels of disbelief. Plus, a need to more than likely keep her voice down to avoid alerting her grandfather to the situation. I looked away from the child on the bed and towards her, "I'm far from calm…but I have come to the conclusion that my priorities were mixed up. My first priority should always be Usagi." she looked ready to scoff at the notion.
"Not because she's my princess, or my future Queen, not because she's the moon senshi…" I swiveled my head down and around to look at the child…our child, as she whimpered in fear of what was going to happen. "Not because she's saved my life more times than I can count…" I saw a smidge of guilt in her eyes. It was barely there due to the fear, but it was there. I then looked to Ami, "But because she's the most important person in my life…and its high time I acted like it."
I saw a part of Ami who must have seen something in me when I said that. Rei obviously didn't know what to say to that as she remained quiet for a moment. It was Ami who spoke next, "As she should be." She then walked closer towards me as she told Rei, "I need you to cast an enchantment of sorts on her. When Mamoru gives her his energy through touch, you'll bind it to her." I went to go stand closer to Chibi Usa.
I saw her hope grow but still remain fearful more so than anything. It was at the forefront of everything right now, other than her guilt. Rei stood next to me now as she cast the enchantment, using her spirit guides to help her out as sweat grew on her forehead quickly. "Now." she told me as I placed a hand on Chibi Usa's forehead to send her a huge dose of my energy. I felt her body taking it in as we connected but I also felt other things to.
Being connected with her I saw what she had seen. It was blurred and rushed but I saw her encounter with Usagi. Saw the young man that was with her. His face was a tad blurred but he looked at her fondly. This only gnawed away at my own heart. I felt her fear, her rejection, her jealousy over Usagi. That last one stunned me. I had no idea she was jealous of her…not to this extent anyways.
I saw how she'd overheard my conversation with Saori, Motoki, I saw so much in her mind as Rei bound my energy to her. Chibi Usa eventually was able to move herself enough to grip onto my arm. I felt the energy reserves within her deplete slowly even as I fed her more. I used my own healing powers of the body to focus on hers. I saw that this wouldn't never be enough. I opened my eyes as I saw both Ami and Rei focusing.
"It's not going to be enough." I muttered. "Shut up and don't let her hear that." Rei muttered back. I refocused and connected back in again as I felt for her own power source. It was small, right now anyways, but still there. Barely more than a hiccup but enough to feel it. I touched it with my own power source and gave it juice…so to speak. It would last but not for long. It was a step above a Band-Aid on a broken leg at best.
I released my hold as Rei's binding agent worked to keep the 'juice' in the battery…so to speak, "She looks better." Rei commented, "For now." I told them. Rei tried to usher me away, grabbing my arm to drag me away, but I broke her hold and stayed put. It was time to stop hiding Chibi Usa from the truth of things. "Mamoru what is wrong with you? To say stuff like that in front of her!" Rei barked.
"It's the truth. She's fading away. It's not going to change and frankly while I will always care about my future daughter, Usagi is my biggest concern. We've done all that we can do here. I put my energy into her to give her some time. It won't last forever. I'm not even sure how long it will last." I tell them truthfully. Could be days…weeks…maybe longer, it just depends on Usagi and myself working this out.
"Then give her more!" Rei barked, I shot her a look, "It wouldn't matter in the slightest." I told her in a chilling voice. That's when Ami stepped in, "He's right, as long as her existence in this world is in debate, he could feed her power from sun up till sun down, she would still be in some form of a continuous loop of unknown with her existence here." She looked over at Chibi Usa who was sitting up a bit now.
"What we've done now is given her a little bit of time. As powerful as we are, even we cannot cheat fate of what we change or of what it wants from us." Ami's words were true and powerful as I nodded, accepting this if it was to be my new fate. It was what I had deserved. Rei looked more distraught than even I did. I knew it spoke volumes about what we have bother learned and accepted so far about ourselves.
"So that's it? We give up?! We're the friggin' senshi!" she cried, trying to keep her voice low, "That we are, but were not gods. And Chibi Usa is from the future. Her existence here was always going to be temporary." Ami's words were cold, and calculated, yet regretful as she packed up a few things and prepared to leave. Rei grabbed her arm, "You need to help us fix this for good. I felt that the energy won't last forever." So, she had sensed it. I wondered that during the power exchange.
Ami broke the hold and shot Rei with a cool look of 'don't!'. Rei backed off, "I only stayed here to help out as it is my duty as a future doctor. It's in my instinct to help those in need, even if they're not completely innocent….however…" she stressed, "There is NOTHING more we can do and frankly…" she looked out the door as she said, "There's nothing more I want to do." her tone was low so Chibi Usa didn't hear it but we did.
I had never heard Ami sound like that never once. The quiet, petite, nose in her book Ami was fighting back verbally and not taking shit anymore. In a way I admired her for it and wished I had started to do it sooner myself. Before Rei could say anything regarding it, I said, "As much as I'd like to leave Chibi Usa here, the spell is still on Usagi's family. I need to take her home before they worry." I wasn't sure how strong the mind control was from Luna P but future Ami made it so it would have to be strong enough…I hoped.
Rei looked at me, "Are you sure?" having the same worry as me probably. "Unfortunately, I'll have her call me if something arises so I can pick her up and bring her back here if need be." She nodded and as I saw Chibi Usa walk out, standing up now and no longer looking like she was wobbling. Yet the fear remained in her face as I walked her back home. Rei didn't say a word as we left only shut the door behind us.
The walk back was a quiet one as we both were in our own head space and thoughts. I hadn't even realized we were at the Tsukino's front lawn till Chibi Usa made a turn to go into the house, "Mama – Ikuko!" she greeted. I watched as she gave her a hug, a big one to. Almost like she was saying 'sorry and I love you' all in one. Ikuko didn't I know get the meaning but knew it meant something. "Mamoru – san." She greeted.
"Tsukino, Ikuko, it's good to see you, may I speak with Usagi?" I asked, "Oh dear, she's out with friends right now. She should be back later this evening." I nodded. Before I could say anything further, I saw the look she gave when she looked back in Chibi Usa's direction. Almost like a question in her eyes. I wondered if the mind control was fading even in the slightest as I swore, I heard her mutter 'who is that child?'
It made me panic a bit so I said, "Chibi Usa can be quiet a handful as Usagi's cousin." A gentle reminder of who the child was to them to keep the mind control strong. I saw it reflect in her eyes as she shook her head just a bit, "Yes, yes she can be, but most kids are." She responded gently. I had to try to keep the mind control in place. I had no actual control over it, but we were at a fragile state of what to do. If the control was gone then she'd have to stay at Rei's but if it was still in place, then it had to be their residence.
That way they didn't send out an Amber alert for her being missing. We didn't need to get the police involved on this magical issue we were having. Its why calling me was the back-up plan, if the Tsukino's forgot who she was then I had to be there to get her to a safe place. A safe place would be back in her own time-line…the voice inside said. I rolled my eyes at it a bit agitated internally…while that would be optional and at this point a bit preferred…even if I felt guilty for thinking that way a bit.
It didn't even come close to the guilt I felt for what I had done to Usagi. She came first. I had to show her that. We don't have the means to do that. Besides, the problem for that lays here in this time…then I had to admit to myself as I started to back up from the house, that letting go completely of Chibi Usa may have to be something I came to terms with. I loved our future daughter, I did…but I loved Usagi more. Whether we have one kid or ten kids, I love my Usagi the most.
My other self said…telling me doesn't do much…you need to not only tell her but PROVE it to her. "Thank you for your time, have a good evening." I walked back from the house and down the street. I texted Usagi but no response. I had to find a way to talk to her and soon. There was something in my gut telling me it was urgent that we talk. Besides the Chibi Usa thing…then I stopped and shoved my phone away.
I didn't want to tell her about that. That was my burden and even Rei's now to bear. Ami had done what she was willing to do due to her medical profession, Minako, Makoto and Artemis washed their hands of the situation. When it came to Usagi though, I didn't want her to feel guilted…even if she did…into being with me for the sake of our future daughter. This had to be based on my feelings. To prove that she was as I stated she was, my love. Nothing from the past, nothing in the future, just us…now.
Chibi Usa POV
I went up to my room to feel somewhat safe from everything that had happened and what still would happen if Mamo – chan didn't get things taken care of. I hadn't told him completely of what I'd seen in the park, to wrapped up in my own fears over my own existence clouding my judgement. Before I realized that it mattered a great deal to tell him we were at Usagi's parent home. At once point mama – Ikuko seemed to look at me as if she didn't know me, it made me fear the mind control I had on her and the others was fading.
I quickly went to my room to get her away from that thinking. I was incredibly worried now. I sat in my bed holding Luna P unsure of what to even ask it on how to help matters. I could feel Mamo – chan's power within me. The tight net that Rei used her prayer on to keep it in place like a temporary battery for me to use. In reality, something I hadn't wanted to admit to was that it felt like I had a cheap life support monitor in me.
There was no guarantee this would last. They said so themselves. I was now living on borrowed time. My future was at stake and I knew now that I held partial blame in this. Even if I hadn't wanted to admit to it, hearing Motoki talk about me in there a bit made me realize my own actions had helped cause this rift between my own parents. Mamo – chan now knew it to, and before we had left the temple, I knew he would pick her over me. I saw it in his eyes. They reminded me of papa in the future.
It was always right after I'd done something really wrong. Something that mama was too angry at me to even scold me for. Like she was afraid she'd do something worse than spank me. When papa was mad, he got scary. He never laid a hand on me that left a mark, but his towering fear imposed on me was enough to make me not want to do anything bad in the future again. In the past though he was different.
He was sweet and caring all the time. He took my side almost always. He was so different compared to the future. It made me wonder what changed from this time to the future for him to have such a change in attitude. Or maybe what was happening now was the reason for the change? I wondered now if I had damned myself in the future with my actions here in the past. I cried silently to myself thinking about this as I curled up on my bed.
It was when my stomach grew hungry that I finally ventured downstairs for some food. Papa – Kenji and mama – Ikuko were in the living room watching tv when I heard mama - Ikuko say that Usagi was out with friends. It reminded me of earlier. The guy that Usaig had been out with, so I listened in my closely. I heard papa – Kenji say, "I'm glad she's out tonight with her friends. Plus, I hear that Jeremy and his brother come from a good family." This made my own pulse quicken with how calm he sounded.
"Darling she is dating that young man Mamoru, though we haven't heard much about him at all in the last few months." I couldn't help but worry over mama - Ikuko's words. "Yes, I've noticed that to, thing is we don't know much about him, where he comes from…" and they were all valid points that papa – Kenji was presenting. The problem was when did Usagi have the chance to really introduce them to Mamoru when the enemy and the I popped in.
I couldn't help but feel guilty over that, "We know this family. Why do you think I didn't mind them staying out past curfew if that happens?" his words startle me as I hope that she didn't stay out late with them. It would only encourage her to be further away from Mamoru, I needed her to want to be with him. My very future depended on it. My first thought was to go use my powers to spy on them but remembered that my energy source was coming from Mamo - chan right now, I didn't want to risk using it all up on a spy job.
That was my life right now. "How about the fact that he's what 21-22 almost." Mama – Ikuko told him. That was even older than Mamo – chan. "Right now they're just a couple of friends out at a gathering, but if it does turn into something, let's just say I had a chance to talk with the young man earlier and was able to get a gauge on him. He seems genuine and I wouldn't mind it if they dated, so long as he respected her virtue until it was appropriate. Like 18 appropriate." Papa – Kenji muttered.
This was causing me to feel like I was having a panic attack, I had to get Mamo – chan out on this. If papa – Kenji was even on board with this then…I didn't even want to think about it. The legend of his wrath on boys near Usagi was talked about as lighthearted but serious discussion in the future when mother would talk about how over-protective her father was of her. In one of the stories there was a mention of a shot gun.
I had to put an end to this. I took off, forgetting about the need for food and called Mamo – chan up on the phone upstairs in Usagi's room since she was out. Luna herself was gone so I dialed. It seemed like forever when he picked up but really was mere seconds, "Usagi?!" his voice was hopeful. My own little heart skipped a beat hoping to hear my name instead, but I should have known better.
I just got so used to him near catering to me that I didn't – would you stop for a second and get this out! My mind scolded me. "Its Chibi Usa, Usagi is out with friends tonight and I think you should get in on it." I told him; my voice hushed. "Chibi Usa it's just friends, I can talk to her tomorrow." Oh, he wasn't getting it! "One of them is a guy and he's her date. I even heard papa – Kenji talk about how he wouldn't even mind if the two dated." That had to light a fire under his butt now.
"Where?" his voice was quick and direct. His question however was something I didn't have the answer for. "I…I don't know." My face fell, "Can't you feel her with your bond or something?" I asked instead. I heard him grunt something before he said, "Gotta go." And hung up, not even so much as a goodbye. Please make it. Please stop her from dating someone else. I pleaded as I quietly left her room and towards my own hoping that he could save their relationship before it was irreversible.
I went into my bedroom and watched the door the rest of the night. Hoping that I would see the light go on in her room from here before too late. Hoping that I would have something to feel positive about in the end of this. I would end up watching that hallway as the lights would turn off, everyone would go to sleep. Everyone but Usagi. I watched the clock, and not once did I notice her. I did eventually fall asleep that night, but she wasn't there when I passed. That night would turn out to be the longest night in my life.
Usagi POV
I couldn't believe how much fun I was having. I had actually forgotten what it was like to have fun out on the town without the girls there. Don't get me wrong the girls and I did have lots of fun together but most of the time it came at a cost of things turning towards senshi business or even being all about Chibi Usa at some point or another. This was just pure unadulterated fun with friends as we four enjoyed the night life that was Tokyo. I hadn't had this in far too long and I was smiling more now than I had in a long while.
We had just gotten out of the theater about ten minutes ago and were walking along down the strip as we talked about the film. Tyler and I were even joking on how often Umino tried to feed Naru popcorn from his hand rather than from the bucket. Umino really was a good guy but sometimes his aim was off but at his intention was at least good and pure. I remember Tyler had given me some whenever I ran out and I had been grateful that he never once made a comment about my voracious appetite.
It was…refreshing. The whole evening was. I had almost debated coming out tonight, feeling that perhaps staying at home to self-reflect would be good but this was better. I needed this more than more self-reflecting. I needed to live, and this was living. I hadn't even minded when Tyler put his jean jacket over me shoulders later on when the sun set and the weather had chilled a bit showing that the temperature was lower.
I hadn't minded it one bit and it felt it was actually kind of nice when he made sure he was on the outside of the sidewalk and made sure I wasn't in some form being pushed towards the street. I realize Mamoru didn't do that for me, or if he ever even did. I pushed that thought the back-round as I enjoyed my time tonight. I marveled at the fact that I didn't have a nosey cat on my shoulder whispering things of what not to do like an over-bearing mother figure that should know that I was capable of making rational decisions.
Especially considering how often I put my life on the line to save the world. I finally let myself acknowledge that instead of feeling it would make me sound boisterous. No tonight was making me think on other things to especially with how little I was around the other girls. True I had been starting to hang out with Minako, Makoto and Ami again but it wasn't as often as one might think or presume. It was maybe a once a week thing, whereas I was out with either Naru and Umino plenty.
We did study sessions together like we used to and hung out like we used to. I think it was one of the reasons why they invited me out tonight as they did. They knew they could trust me to keep the hang out up and while I felt guilty for the past of not being able to they didn't let me dwell on it, especially when I brought Tyler along with me. They both seemed happy for me even though I told them he was new to town so we or rather I was showing him Tokyo for a small tour this evening. They still smiled.
So I marveled at the sights even as I was happy that I also didn't have a whiny brat next to me telling me what to do with the looming threat of everyone being on her side even if that wasn't the case anymore. I was so happy that I had none of that here that I felt at peace. Something that I had nearly forgotten I could feel in this type of case. At one point when I shivered from a cool breeze Tyler had even wrapped his arm around me in an effort to stop the chill. I couldn't help but blush from the contact.
It only lasted for a few minutes but those few minutes were more than the last five…wait has it really been FIVE months since Mamoru and I last had had any physical affection with each other?! Or had it been longer? This thought nearly paralyzed me and I was glad that Tyler, Naru and Umino had stopped at the sidewalks button to press for the intersection and hadn't noticed my stunned moment.
I tried to count the party encounter but that had been more like the affection someone would give a younger sister rather than a girlfriend. I had to face facts that perhaps Mamoru treated me as he perhaps subconsciously viewed me. I knew he loved me, I mean I love him but was that it now, loved on his end…not love? I kept the heart wrenching moment to myself as we began to walk across the street. Tyler made sure to keep my focus on the buildings as he asked me questions almost in an effort to pull me from my negative mulling's.
Almost as if he could sense that I was treading down a negative pathway of thinking. I forced the thoughts of Mamoru away even though they would never truly be gone. I wanted to enjoy tonight. I wanted to remember this night for the rest of my life. I wanted more nights like this. To feel free from duty, even if it was for just a little bit. Luna made sure duty and schooling was my life for so long I had forgotten that it was okay to have fun and be a teenager. I think we all did but I was the one with the most pressure put on.
The moment my status was found out it was like things took a dramatic turn. now it was like I was to remember what fun was like. What friends that weren't connected to the senshi world was like and I missed it so much. I loved my girls to, but this was something I needed as much as they needed to have their own friends that was just theirs to, I needed this as well. I was out for the night with my friends and was loving it.
One could actually breath and NOT think about moon kingdoms or senshi. My mind was clear and free to enjoy the night life with people I cared about. I even felt a renewed sense of vigor being out with Tyler. He was very sweet the whole evening as I showed him around town after the movie. He'd been a perfect gentleman and very charming at that. I could even feel my princess self being charmed by him.
I was enjoying his American accent and how he talked to be about some of the customs as I told him of some of ours. Not really comparing them but seeing the differences and similarities within them. I couldn't remember the last time Mamoru and I had conversed like this, and soon enough while talking with Tyler I stopped giving subtle comparisons and stopped thinking about Mamoru all together.
It was as if talking with Tyler showed me that Mamoru wasn't the only one, I could talk like this with. that I could enjoy a conversation with another guy that even I could tell liked me. It was nice and I couldn't help but like him back. He was a good guy and my own instincts told me I could trust him. So, I did. So, when he put his arm around me the second time that evening from the cool chill I let myself sink into his side.
Same that Naru did with Umino when she gained a chill from the air to. "Seems like both of you two get chilled a little bit." Tyler joked as Umino nodded in unison. Naru giggled and affectionately slapped Umino on the arm with literally no force as I couldn't even muster up the courage to do that. No, I merely looked up towards Tyler with a red blush staining my cheeks as he looked down at me with kind expressive eyes.
I looked back after a few more seconds and saw Naru giving me an encouraging nod. I had a feeling something would be leading out of this evening and wondered if I was truly ready for it to happen. Even my inner princess wondered it to. Her doubt made me realize how much Mamoru's actions had affected us both in this timeline. Perhaps things weren't as destined as originally thought to be.
Instead of mulling over it much more I just enjoyed my time with them. We even went by a vendor that was selling meat buns, one of my favorite dishes. "Usagi we should totally get some!" Naru was definitely feeling the hunger vibes I was. The popcorn at the theater was nice but definitely not a filling meal to be had. I nodded, "Yeah you ever had one?" I asked Tyler. He looked at me, "Nope, first time for everything though right." He commented as we got four of them. he really was enjoying his as he got the hit of the flavor of the meat.
"What do you think?" I asked as I dove into mine, "Really great. The bun is rich and soft on the inside with a buttery flavor on the outside and the meat is packed with flavor." He dove in for another bite. I was happy about it to, it wasn't every day I was able to have a conversation with someone about food. I loved food and its different textures and flavors. I loved the different ways you could mix it with others and so much more.
"Totally, I think there are very few vendors that make them great like this, some don't even give it a brushed on buttery topping before baking." I told him as he looked to me quizzically. "You sound like you know a lot about it." he stated, "I've noticed the differences whenever I went to different vendors for them. Some did and some didn't. The ones that don't are still good but the ones that do gives an extra burst of flavor." He smiled at my words.
"Ah so you did your homework. That's good though, researching why gives us the answers we didn't know. Plus, if you ever decided to make them yourself you now have the means to do it yourself." he nodded as we continued to eat. I was chewing on my second to last bite as Naru came up to us, "Hey we were going to go get some ice cream you want some?" she asked. I had to admit I was a bit full.
I looked over and noticed Tyler looked about the same, so I answered, "Maybe later on, lets walk off a little bit of the meal we just had then revisit the idea." I suggested as she nodded. So, there we were, the four of us walking together downtown in Tokyo as we took in the sights and sounds once more. By this point with so many people out and about Tyler had gotten used to, and so had I, with having his arm wrapped around my shoulders.
I initially took it as a protective gesture but perhaps there was more to it now than I had initially thought. I even had the urge to kiss him on his cheek for being so kind and thoughtful towards me this evening. A friendly gesture that for some reason whenever I even thought to do so made my body blush scarlet. I didn't know why though. Perhaps it was because my only intimate time beforehand had been with one guy.
My body was unaccustomed to being attracted perhaps to another…or unaccustomed to having another be attracted to me. and there in lay the shocker. I was attracted to Tyler and from some of the looks he sent my way the feeling was mutual. There was a heady sense going on inside of me. Feelings of mounting guilt were beginning to seize me as I got bombarded with images of Mamoru and I together both in the past and the present.
Yet those memories took a backseat and reigned in control when the memories of the last what five months came into play. When his treatment of me came into play. When seeing Saori kiss him came into play. The guilt began to evaporate as did the seizing that had nearly taken over my body. I had no reason to feel guilty. Instead I pushed that to the side and decided to seize the night life like this with Tyler as he gave me this renewed sense of life.
I hadn't realized how much I had missed out on for so long when I was too busy being a senshi to notice the beauty of it, so I reveled in the sights, the sounds, the bustle and hub as we took the night in. Even Umino was having fun in new and exciting ways that made us all laugh and join him in the evening. Though Naru did have to lead him away from looking at matching tattoos for them to get.
Tyler and I laughed at that as he remarked, "Yeah I don't even have one yet. I think he's high on adrenaline and happiness." I looked over to see them as Naru laughed and Umino kissed the side of her cheek. I hadn't seen them happier. I held a very strong feeling that they would wed someday. All I felt for them was happiness. Before my thoughts could turn on me Tyler asked, "What about you would you ever consider getting one?" I didn't know what to say at first, so I told him, "I'm undecided at the moment."
He nods as we continue to walk along the sidewalk, "Maybe if it were a special occasion, and I'd had some time to think about the design I would consider it more in depth." I expressed. He smiled and said, "That makes sense, you'd want to make sure it was something that held deep profound meaning and not just a stupid drunken night." That's when he looked down to me and I couldn't help a small rising blush.
I shouldn't be blushing around him so much and yet I couldn't help myself. This was the umpteenth time that happened. It was like…did I actually like him as more than a possible friend? Even though I had just admitted that I was attracted to him did that mean I liked him like that to? It was possible to be attracted to someone and NOT like them. That was initially how Mamoru and I started out.
I was definitely attracted to him, but his rude ways definitely weren't attractive. It wasn't till later on that we became friends and then that turned into something more. This was something new and I was trembling with as much trepidation with it as I was with excitement at it. I tried to ignore it, but he had been so wonderful to me tonight and we got along really well. "Your very insightful and smart Usagi." And he had been complimenting me half the evening to. It was nice to be in the receiving end of flattery for a change.
"I just speak where my thoughts are on the subject, doesn't always go my way." I laughed off, "No I'm serious, your more mature than any girl your age I've ever met in my life to be honest. Your witty, your funny and fun, your sweet, caring and…" that's when he turned away the blush on his own cheeks was very apparent. I stopped him with a hand to his arm and said, "Whatever you need to say its fine. You've been nothing but sweet and kind to me all evening." I told him as he looked a bit beat red.
He looked around for a moment as if he was afraid of what people might think as they passed us by but seemed to tell himself to forget it as he said, "Your all those things and your very…" he stepped closer to me, not to close but closer, "Your very beautiful." I couldn't help the red that went from my cheeks all the way down my neck from his compliment. I couldn't remember, other than a certain dark-haired man, tell me this before in this manner. And he never said these exact words to be before.
As if he was afraid of what he said he continued with, "I mean that in more in a sense that you're not just pretty beautiful but your personality everything about you that I've gotten a chance to see this evening, you're a beautiful person inside and out." I nodded, "I don't know what to say, your very kind and I must admit I've very much been enjoying my time with you this evening." I began as Umino and Naru looked towards me encouragingly.
I guess they could see something sparking here that I had been somewhat trying to avoid but to no avail. This wasn't just a sightseeing tour for him. This was a prospective date for us both. To get us both out there and see if sparks could fly and I couldn't deny it, there had been. I didn't realize how much things could spark between another guy and me till Mamoru flaked as a boyfriend himself. It didn't hit me till this evening that he wasn't the only guy out there in the world, that I was capable of been seen by another.
And not someone who was obsessed with me. That was a hugely nice change. I was just shocked it was with someone who was what 20? Yet I couldn't help the feeling of being complimented, what it was like to enjoy a night out without it being senshi related. I wanted that, and more of it and as I looked at him, I saw a possibility of seeing more of that WITH him. I didn't feel any guilt of feeling that way.
With how things had gone between Mamoru and I whatever guilt would have been there was being replaced with possibilities and chances to know happiness. Cause what Mamoru and I had now, that wasn't happiness. We were barely even together before Chibi Usa came in. We had a few good months and that was it. The sex had been amazing, and it was every time afterwards till we got interrupted…continuously.
This evening however, I had had more fun with Tyler just being with him than in the last few months before my 'break' with Mamoru. I felt wanted, seen and heard. I felt that way by both Naru and Umino as even now they were given us a respectful privacy and yet still keeping us within hearing and sight range. I wanted more of this and I honestly did want to see more of him, so I told him.
"I really have and I'm not just saying that but really I mean it. You're an absolute delight and if you'd like I'd like to definitely see you again after this evening." I felt the heat rise to me face as he smiled, "I was hoping you'd say that. I highly doubt we've seen all of what Tokyo has to offer this evening." I agreed that we hadn't. As we continued to walk, I told him, "And I'll definitely get in touch with that artist that way you can meet her."
His smile never wavered before he said, "I appreciate that I do, but to be honest, I'd kinda rather spend my time with you. If that's okay." I felt a lump in my throat on it, yet the answer came to me easily. "For sure, yes. I enjoy my time spent with you to." without thinking any further I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. It had been a momentary lapse in thinking on my end. He'd just been so kind.
So thoughtful, and his arm was STILL wrapped around my shoulders. It took mere seconds to land the sweet and very short-lived kiss on his cheek. He turned his head back towards me in a stunned manner. His own blush rising. I suddenly felt foolish for letting the impulsive act out. I shouldn't have done that. Before I could apologize though his hand came out and gently brushed under my chin to raise my head up again as he gently brushed his lips tenderly against mine. My heart rate skyrocketed.
I had only ever in my life been kissed by one other man than Mamoru and that had been by force by none other than Diamond in the future. This however wasn't even close to that. This was sweet, it was nice, it was…tender. It was so many things I couldn't even think of as the simplest of brushes made me both yearn for more and feel the trembling of guilt all at once. Yet I didn't pull away…I didn't stop it.
Not even as his arm tightened up around my shoulders, pulling me in just a little bit deeper. I didn't feel trapped or anything of the sort. I felt wanted, protected in a sense…safe. Things that I hadn't felt in so long. The very things I shouldn't have ever stopped feeling. The very things that made me begin to encourage him as I willingly pressed myself a little bit further into him. He must have noticed it to as I felt his mouth begin to open my own more widely presumably to deepen the kiss right before everything changed completely.
