17 – Ianto

I am left a little shell-shocked by his affection. So raw, easily given and not afraid to do so in front of the little one. I feel … kinda nice actually. Lisa was never a touchy sort of person, none of my previous lovers were into shows like that and I wonder if that would change over time or if he was always affectionate with those he cares for.

I was thinking on this as he pottered about in my kitchen and I heard a soft knocking at the door rising to open it with a slight buzz of happiness I didn't expect what I found.

Two bedraggled children, one in tears as the other stood defiantly with his cast out of its sling.

"Oh my god, get in here out of the cold!" I am shocked, slightly angered and overall I am upset. Did this look like how Granny would have seen it? Opening the door to little waifs with dirty faces and torn clothing. Did we make her heart twist like this?

"Who was it Tiger?" Jack is calling out and he entered from the kitchen, the frilly apron I had forgotten was even in the drawer. Soap suds are sliding down his gloved hands to his arms as he stares at the kids and then says "Oh. Hot chocolate then."

He disappears and I am eternally grateful that he did not respond any other way simply accepted and moved away to give me a moment as I knelt and gathered them both to me, much as Granny always did. They are both shaking, cold and I suspect afraid.

"Come on, Alice has the telly on. Go get changed out of those dirty things into something better from your drawers and have a quick wash. Then come sit down and have a hot chocolate. I might even have some marshmallows if I look" I even sound like her as I rise and the shock if all of this recedes, replaced with anger. Rhiannon has not contacted me to sat they were missing, did not think they might come to me and clearly something has happened to upset them. They have NEVER run away before, not even when their drunken arsed Da was yelling and hitting their Mama. Wait … she did call not so long ago.

I pick up the phone and call, the one answering not her "Yeah?"

"Is Rhiannon there?"

"Who is this?"

OK. I am a bit bristly here "Her brother. You know … the Nancy Boy!"

Jack has slid around the doorframe again and is listening openly where I can see him, his eyebrows rising as I click over to speaker phone.

"She is still upset with you and would rather you pissed off for a while until the stick is out of your little cock loving arse! She rang to see if you were willing to apologise, clearly not."

"GRAY!" Jack roared making me jump "What the fuck!"

"Jack?"

"Hang up" Jack demands "Clearly she doesn't care about the kids, and he does not either. Hang up. Fuck them both!"

I have already hit the button and stare at the phone for a moment with confusion "Why is he acting like that? I mean … I loves you. Why be so horrid so someone else?"

"I don't know. He is playing some sort of game, trying to be what she wants… I don't know." Jack sighed "I had hoped he would change, that this was real and they would be something… better for him. Clearly he is still playing one if his games and I have to warn you sweetie … it usually ends in tears."

"What do I do? I can't just take them back and dump them on the front lawn. Something has happened to upset them and… I don't know" I blurt, almost in tears now as I do not want these kids around that mouth.

"I will make a few calls, hang on. Finish the hot chocolate would you love?" he asks before pulling off the gloves and finding his own phone. I don't like terms of endearment, little love tokens and shows of affection ya know but … he said it with such ease, like it was second nature that I does not feel like he is trying. He really does care. For some reason I do not feel that customary bristle I expected when the 'sweetie' and 'love' fell out.

I find three kids cuddled on the sofa watching shit TV and they accept their drinks without speaking so I sit and watch them with mild concern. Then Jack comes in from the bedroom and motions me away.

"I just spoke to a friend of mine in child services…hey… off the books OK? I know you don't like them ... this was a friendly chat only. She says that keeping them here is allowed since this is a place they come to regularly. It's not like kidnapping as they came to you, you do have an unofficial form of shared custody with the fact you care for them such a large portion of their lives … she said you could apply for guardianship so they can come anytime they want and it would be accepted in the eyes of the law. If Rhiannon becomes rancid she can't keep them from you, you could apply for a custody agreement then."

"Really? This is a form of protection. Sounds good, shall we do that then?" he is so sweet and the relief on his face is raw. I have to accept this help, I have to do whatever I can for these to kids. No one helped me and Rhiannon and the times I cried at night as I wished on a star that someone would come to love and care for me … I have to act.

Thank the Gods Jack is here.