Layla nervously bit her lip as she glanced up at Simon before dropping her eyes back down to her hands that were resting on the picnic table. Simon had led her out into the back yards of the sanctuary where he knew it would be fairly quiet because most everyone should be working at that time. Simon couldn't say he was too worried about what she was about to say. Negan may have a shit load of issues, but he knew that he was very stern on his views and rules about rape. He knew he wouldn't have forced himself on this girl, but that didn't mean he didn't pressure her, which he didn't think was much better then pinning her down and just taking her. But, again, who was he to judge?
She had to move her hands to her lap when they started shaking. She had managed to stop the tears, but she was still visibly upset. She took a shaky breath as she thought about how she wanted to say it. Should she just come clean and tell him everything? She didn't really trust this man, though. It didn't help that he was Negan's right hand. But she needed to get somebody's advice, even if they just told her she was being ridiculous.
She sighed deeply and began to speak, "Negan and I have... Since last night... Well, you see, he, uh... He sorta walked in on me." She said awkwardly as she wringed her hands together.
His brows furrowed, "Walked in on you doing what?"
She looked him dead in the eye and said as calmly as she could, even though she still wanted to just crawl into herself and die, "He caught me with my hand down my pants." Simon wasn't quite sure what to say, but this conversation was getting strange. But luckily for him she continued to speak, although her face was turning a bright shade of red, "After he walked in... Some stuff happened between us, and again this morning. I mean I can't blame him for what happened because I started the shit, but..." She sighed and no longer looked at him, "Fuck, I don't know. I wanted to, I did, don't take any of this wrong. But... Oh, lord, I don't know how to say this."
He crossed his arms, "Then just say it."
Just when she was about to say something else Negan came walking up, baseball bat slung over his shoulder. He had been contacted and told that she had bolted from the nursery after some kind of spat with the other women. He didn't even bother talking to the women, not yet anyway, not until he knew that Layla was fine and safe. He didn't know what the argument was about, but it didn't really matter. He just had to know that she hadn't somehow managed to get out of the Sanctuary's walls and was now out there with the walkers.
Just thinking that could be a possibility terrified him. He would never and has never admitted when he's afraid, but this was the scariest thing in the world to him in those moments. What if he lost her? What if she died, or was going to die? What if she got raped again? He didn't know if he could handle that.
He may not know that much about her personally, but he felt like he did truly know who she was. He didn't give a dick's fuck if this sounded stalkerish, but he'd been watching her, observing her since they brought her back with them. She was an obsession of sorts to him, he didn't know why. He didn't know what it was about this girl, he didn't know why he liked her so goddamned much. But it was a feeling he just couldn't shake, and at this point didn't even want to.
He wanted to protect her, keep her from getting hurt ever again. He wanted her to be at his side through everything. Well, maybe not everything. He didn't want her to have to see him when he had to punish anyone. He wanted to keep her from seeing the things he had to do.
Since the first time he saw her she was all he could think about. Every moment was flooded with thoughts of her. He hasn't even desired to be with any of his wives in months, or any other woman for that matter. Don't get that wrong, though, he has fucked almost every night. But he wasn't thinking about his wives when he was pounding into them, no, he was thinking of her. Always her.
Relief instantly washed through him when he got told that she was spotted in the yards with Simon. But within a few seconds anger and jealousy started coursing through him. Why the fuck was she talking to Simon? Why hadn't she gone to him with her problems? He set his jaw as he quickly made his way to the back of the large building until he made it to the door that led outside. He opened the door and just watched them for a moment, anger rising in his chest. He couldn't stand seeing them sit together, he trusted Simon not to do anything to her, but he couldn't stop the doubt running through his head.
He quickly made his way over to the table and said, "What are we talking about?" He ran his hand down the back of her hair, finding comfort in seeing her unharmed, and took a seat next to her.
Layla stared at him wide eyed. She didn't know how to handle the situation, she didn't think she'd have to confront him yet. But now she had to, and it didn't matter whether or not she wanted to. She bit her lip and tried to come up with a good lie that he would find to be acceptable, but her mind went blank and she couldn't think of anything to say. When she looked back up at Negan and saw the worry etched in his eyes she couldn't help but wonder how he really felt about her. Even though a smile was plastered on his face she could tell that he was bothered.
She stole a glance at Simon who said, "You see, sir-"
She shook her head. She couldn't lie to him, she didn't want to. That urge to tell the truth baffled her, she had lied countless times to get out of shitty situations, but she couldn't then. She needed to tell him the truth, even if he sent her away and didn't even want to look at her anymore.
"You." She interrupted Simon. Then her jaw clenched remembering what had gotten her so worked up in the first place. His manipulation with his "wives". The thought made her want to gag, the fact that he had wives bothered her more then the fact that he was possibly manipulating them into having sex with him. That baffled her as well, she would've thought that would have bothered her more, but it didn't. Just knowing the fact that he was sleeping around and touching other women is what was truly getting to her. The fact that other people besides her or him were giving him pleasure.
"What about me?" He asked sternly. He didn't take lightly to being talked about behind his back and he really didn't want to have to get mad at her, although he probably wouldn't really do much besides yell a few choice things. But Simon. Simon on the other hand, if he was contributing to any negativity towards him, especially to Layla, then they were going to have to have a few very private moments. But he did amend her for telling him the truth from the get-go.
Layla didn't break eye contact the entire time she spoke, "I've been through a lot of really bad shit in my life, things that not even you could imagine and I got scared. I'm not ashamed to admit that. But then on top of my already present fear some things that I hadn't thought about or didn't even know were brought to my attention and I got even more afraid. Afraid of you. Afraid of this place. Afraid of what you've done, what you're capable of doing. I got worried that something I never want to happen again was going to happen. I was afraid of being hurt and betrayed again. I don't want to have to go through that horse shit again when I'm not even over the last time it happened."
Before Negan responded he turned to Simon and gestured for him to leave, which without too much hesitation, he did. Negan sighed deeply as he tried to take her hand, but she pulled away and scooted back slightly making him sigh again, "Layla, do you remember what I told you when we first met? When you were afraid we were going to hurt you?" He wanted to be upset that she would think he would hurt her, but he had to remind himself she was hurting.
"You said you don't rape." She answered, expression unwavered.
"Yeah, that's right, and I meant it. I would never hurt a woman. Not like that, not ever. And I would never hurt you, Layla, not in any way. I like you, sweetheart, I really do." He swallowed hard and hoped she believed him.
"You say you don't rape, but what did to Sherry was no better. You took her from her husband and practically forced her to be your wife." She said the last word with disgust.
"I didn't force her to do anything." He said starting to get mad, "I gave her a choice and she chose to be with me, that's it. I didn't make her do that, that was her decision not mine." Who the fuck was talking about his personal life behind his back? He deserved more respect than that.
"Well I don't!" She said tears welling in her eyes, "Not if you go around fucking other people. Not if you touch another woman before me, how the ever loving donkey fuck am I supposed to know if you just screwed one of your so called wives before I gave you a blowjob? How am I supposed to know what you do when you're not with me?" Tears streaked her cheeks as she sniffled.
He had to bite down hard on his lip in order not to smile. She really did like him, didn't she? And god fucking damn, she was jealous. She was jealous of his wives. Man, he could just scream out of pure happiness. He felt his chest tighten in a way he had never felt before and it scared him. Was he having a coronary? A heart attack? He knew it wasn't either of those things, but he didn't know how to explain, even to himself, quite how he was feeling at that moment. Definite relief, though.
He straightened up and looked at her in complete seriousness, "Do you want me to get rid of them?"
"Why would you do that?" She asked in disbelief. He didn't even know her and yet he said he was willing to stop seeing them? That seemed extremely unlikely.
"Because I don't need them. Yeah, sure it was nice for a time, but I'm over them. Layla, I haven't been able to keep you out of my mind. And it's not like I just wanna fuck you, either. I think about us, I think about how much I want to get to know you. I want to know everything, Layla, I want to know it all. I want to be there for you when you're happy and when you're having a really shitty day. I want to be there for all of it. Darling, I want to make so many good days with you our hearts won't know how to handle it." Shit that was sappy, but he didn't give a rat's ass. He needed her to believe him, to need to be with him, "So if I need to make them go away I will, do you want that?"
"You're not going to kill them, are you?" She may hate their slutty guts, but she still didn't believe that they deserved to die.
"Only if that's what you want." He said seriously. He didn't give a damn what happened to them.
"No. I want them to be sent back to work. Hard work." They deserved every bit of work they could get, "I want Sherry to be able to be with Dwight again. I want it to just be us."
"I think I can make that work." Negan said with a chuckle.
