bluexaphyre - I always promise a happy ending! But life ain't always easy, especially when you're pregnant.
Boris Yeltsin - Thanks!
Guest - Angst is not my thing and never has been. But admittedly, this fic does deal with some darker/heavier issues than fics in this series has in the past. If you want, I can tell you this fic will finish up around the end of May and it will absolutely no doubt be a happy ending. If it's easier for you to wait and come back knowing the ending is there already. I heartily encourage you to keep writing and even if you feel it's not right - just go for it. Proof-reading/editing is important but you get to a point where you're not even reading your work properly any more because your brain has read it so often it's subbing in words you're missing automatically. This is where beta-readers can be great, to catch the things you miss. But even without one, you could never post anything if you're waiting for it to be 'perfect' because it never will be. But it's probably pretty darn great - so go for it! Worse case scenario is you learn how to write better next time. It's still a great position to be in :)
Chapter Eleven
Tara sat down on the couch and slowly exhaled a long breath.
Her hands moved over her rounded belly and she closed her eyes, grateful for a moment to breathe after the rigorous exertion of carrying the laundry hamper down the stairs.
Robyn was standing in her playpen underneath the bay window, standing on her tippy toes and watching the world go by.
"Woofy!" she announced happily.
"I'll take you to see Woofy later, honey," Tara called over to her in a comforting tone.
"Woofy!" Robyn repeated insistently, trying to stand taller.
"Robyn, I said later," Tara said curtly and immediately regretted it, "Baby, Mommy just needs a little rest."
She looked over and spotted Robyn pressing her face right into the glass. Tara quietly whined to herself for a moment before forcing herself to stand.
"Robbie, I know Mommy's told you not to press your face into the glass like that. I can't get down low enough to clean it anymore."
She walked over and pulled Robyn back but as she did so she noticed that Robyn was saying Woofy's name because he was running around out on the lawn of Mrs. Potts's house. She could hear faint barking when she got close to the window. Tara peered out and around the street but saw no sign of Mrs. Potts.
"What is he doing out there alone?"
"Woofy!" Robyn said again, looking up at Tara earnestly.
Tara frowned and stroked Robyn's hair.
"I see, sweetie. Good girl, you showed me Woofy. Why don't you come color, okay? I'll get you your coloring book."
Robyn was agreeable and liked being able to break free from her playpen to sit at the coffee table and color. Tara took her coloring book and crayons from the drawer and made sure she was happy with her picture selection before leaving her.
"Will?" she called out from the base of the stairs, "I need to step out for a minute. Can you keep an eye on Robyn?"
"On it!" Willow's voice called back down.
Willow came down the stairs just as Tara was closing the front door behind her.
She went into the living room and smiled.
"Hey little bean," she said, sliding onto the floor behind Robyn so she was sitting between her legs, "Coloring your monkey?"
"Yah," Robyn replied affirmatively as her brown crayon scribbled back and forth on the page.
Willow looked over her shoulder and frowned.
"Oh, honey, you're not staying inside the lines."
"Nope," Robyn replied, the casualness of it making Willow frown deeper.
"Why not?"
"Don' wanna," Robyn replied as she happily rolled the crayon all over the page.
Willow felt her heart start to beat a little faster with anxiety as she watched it.
"Why?"
"Fuhn," Robyn announced with a heavy emphasis on the 'F'.
"But it changes the picture," Willow said, having to close her hand to stop her from reaching out to put Robyn's hand back in line.
Robyn drew a squiggle that was meant to be a tail for the monkey.
"Make bettah."
Willow slowly smiled and her hand released back to a tension-free state. She remembered the box of Tara's childhood drawings and how beautifully free they were.
"You know what you are?" she asked, squeezing Robyn around the middle and repeatedly kissing the top of her head, "You're my tiny Tara."
Robyn didn't protest the affection.
"I'm Wobyn," she replied simply.
Willow smiled against her daughter's hair.
"Yes, you are."
She happily peered over Robyn's shoulder to see what fantastical creation she would end up making until she heard the door opening again and then the rustle of a dog as he ran into the living room.
"WOOFY!" Robyn shouted excitedly and launched herself at him.
"Oh look, Woofy came for a visit," Willow smiled and gave the dog a little scratch as she passed by back out into the foyer, "JJ, Woofy is here!"
JJ came down the stairs two-by-two and physically leaped over the baby gate to come to see the dog. Tara put the dog bed in her arms, which had his toys and bowls sitting in it, by the foot of the stairs.
"Jake why don't you take Woofy and your sister out to the back yard to play."
"Does he have his ball?" JJ asked excitedly, bending down to rub Woofy's face when he saw him.
"Yeah, I think I grabbed it," Tara replied absently.
Willow noticed she was distracted.
"Here."
She picked the ball up from the collection of things and Woofy's tail immediately began wagging. She passed it to JJ who hollered for Woofy to follow and Robyn toddled along happily without even being told.
Willow watched them leave until she heard the sliding door to the back yard open and approached Tara, taking a gentle hold of both of her arms.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
Tara's mouth trembled and then her eyes shut tight and tears escaped.
It took a moment, but then Willow put two and two together.
"Oh. Shit."
"She was in her chair," Tara said through a quiet cry, "She looked peaceful."
"Oh, Tara…" Willow said softly, closing her into a hug.
Tara accepted it and nuzzled into Willow's neck for a minute or so until she was able to quieten her sobs. She swiped at her eye with her sleeve and Willow fished out a barely-used tissue from her pocket. Tara took it and wiped it under her nose.
"I don't know how long she's been there. She was cold. Woofy dug himself out of the back yard, the poor thing."
"Oh my god!" Willow exclaimed, visibly doing a double-take.
Tara nodded with her cheeks still wet.
"He seems okay. I gave him some food and more water while I called the ambulance."
Her eyes welled up again.
"I was going to go see her yesterday but I didn't because I was so frickin' tired. I'm always so frickin' tired."
Willow gripped Tara's arms again.
"Baby, don't do this," she said in with a resolute shake of her head, "You could not have been kinder to the woman."
Tara inhaled shakily.
"She was my friend."
Willow began rubbing Tara's arms up and down.
"I know she was. And you were hers. Okay? She knew that. Oh, come here sweetheart."
She gathered Tara in again but Tara squeezed her eyes shut tight to try and stem the flow.
"I don't want the kids to see me like this."
"It's fine for them to see you cry," Willow replied softly, "To know that it's okay to cry."
Tara nodded quickly.
"I just want to explain everything calmly. No one they know has ever died before."
Willow nodded understandingly.
"Take as long as you need."
Tara took a moment to take in a deep breath.
"The ambulance is coming. I'd like to see her off," she nodded to herself as she exhaled, "Oh, someone needs to call her children."
"I'm sure someone else can do that," Willow said with a small frown.
"Who?" Tara asked and Willow didn't know, honestly.
She nodded again.
"What can I do?"
"Keep the kids outside," Tara asked, "I don't want them to see the ambulance."
"We'll do a backyard picnic," Willow said, squeezing Tara's hand, "They won't even know anything is happening."
Tara gestured toward where she'd put Woofy's things.
"I brought the dog's bowls over, can you make sure he has some more food and water?"
"I'll take care of everything here," Willow promised, then gently took Tara's cheeks in her hands and kissed her softly, "I love you, okay?"
"I love you too," Tara sniffled and wiped the tissue over her face again before turning to head for the door and go back across the street.
Willow rubbed her face with her hands for a moment then physically shook herself and went off into the kitchen, closing the door firmly shut behind her.
She went to the open sliding door out to the yard and watched as JJ threw the ball and both Woofy and Robyn chased after it; the latter giggling and clapping her hands as she went. Willow leaned against the doorframe and smiled softly.
"Hey, who wants to have a picnic?"
She kept the kids busy and brought them inside to the kitchen when she spotted flashing lights reflecting on the side of the house. Thankfully, there weren't any sirens and the children didn't notice anything wrong.
Robyn was allowed to sit on a stool at the island and reveled in being allowed in a 'big girl chair'. Willow made sure to really sell the distraction with creamsicle floats.
After a quick peek checking that the ambulance had gone, she sent them back out to the back yard and JJ, on a sugar high no doubt, chased after Robyn who was trying to kick a soccer ball about with her tiny feet.
Willow heard the front door close as she loaded the dessert glasses into the dishwasher and waited for Tara to appear. It only took a moment for the kitchen door to open and Tara just stood there, looking distressed and disheveled.
Willow walked up and opened her arms, which Tara fell into; well, as much as she could with the bump in the way.
"Baby," Willow comforted softly, stroking Tara's hair, "I'm so sorry."
She kissed her cheek.
"What do you want to do? Do you need a night off from the kids?"
Tara shook her head immediately.
"The opposite," she said, swiping at her eye with her sleeve, "But we need to tell them."
"We don't have to do it right away if you're not up to it," Willow replied gently, "The funeral probably won't be for a couple of days."
Tara held her face in her hands and looked up helplessly.
"I don't know. I don't know what to do."
Willow took a firm, rooting hold of Tara's shoulders.
"I'm gonna run you a bath and you're going to have a long soak. I will order the kids some pizza and when you're ready we'll all sit down on the couch. Okay?"
Tara nodded quickly, appreciating the direction.
"Okay."
"Okay," Willow comforted again, kissing Tara square on the forehead, "Go on upstairs, I'll be up in just a minute."
Tara nuzzled for a moment, then turned to make her way up to their bedroom.
Willow walked back out to the yard and called out.
"Kids, pizza for dinner, okay?"
"Yeah!" JJ exclaimed enthusiastically and Robyn matched it while clapping her hands together, mostly to mimic her brother.
"Watch your sister, please," Willow requested and left the door open as she turned to follow Tara upstairs.
When she got there, Tara was sitting on the end of the bed, slowly pulling her clothes off. Willow came over to help her get her pants down her legs.
"You're outgrowing the Belly Belt."
Tara leaned back on her arms and accepted Willow's help with a grateful and tired sigh.
"Pants, in general, are becoming a real pain in the tuchus."
Willow smirked up from her position kneeling at Tara's feet.
"Hey, you're not allowed to become an old Jewish Bubbe before I do."
Tara smiled softly despite everything and lay back down fully to unbutton her shirt. Willow saw the energy it was sapping from her wife to do such a simple task and frowned.
"Baby, when did you last eat?"
Tara mumbled something and started to rub her eyes. Willow stood and came to the head of the bed where she noticed beads of sweat visibly forming on her wife's brow.
"Tara," she said in concern and when she reached out to touch Tara's shoulder, she felt her trembling, "Shit!"
She yanked open the nightstand drawer and pulled out the glucose monitoring kit that was kept in there. Trying not to shake as well, she took Tara's fingers and pricked it; staying with an anxious bounce on the balls of her feet as she waited for the reading to pop up on the screen.
Once it confirmed what she already knew — that Tara's sugars had dipped way too low —she popped open the little pack of glucose tablets.
"Baby you need to chew this," she encouraged as she got it between Tara's lips, "I know you feel really shitty right now. It will pass soon, I promise. Just chew that and this one too."
Tara was groaning quietly but complying with everything Willow said; chewing on each tablet as it was pushed into her mouth. When she'd swallowed the third one she felt her extremities tingle and then as a few minutes ticked by the fog that had started to descend over her brain evaporated.
Her eyes opened and Willow was right at her side, holding her hand.
"I got you, baby."
Willow touched Tara's clammy cheek and stroked her skin gently. Tara reached up with a weak hand to hold her there.
"I forgot to have lunch."
"And you were running around figuring things out," Willow replied, breathing easy too after a tense few minutes, "We won't let that happen again, yeah?"
Tara just nodded and closed her eyes again, exhausted.
"I don't think I feel up to a bath."
Willow moved onto the bed and gently turned Tara onto her side so she could rub Tara's back.
"Just rest for a bit. Everything is okay."
She closed her eyes too and just listened out for Tara's even breathing and the faint happy hollering she could hear carrying through the house from the backyard.
When another set of minutes had passed, Willow gently squeezed Tara's arm.
"How you doing?"
"I feel better," Tara replied, sleepily but clearly.
"Let me check again, okay?" Willow asked and Tara just raised a finger to offer the drop.
Willow repeated the test and exhaled when she saw the numbers back where they should be.
"You've leveled out again," she said, squeezing Tara's shoulder, "I'll make you some grilled chicken and zucchini for dinner. Rest and I'll check in on you in a few minutes again. I'm going to go get dinner for everyone."
She kissed Tara's cheek, covered her up with the blanket and stroked her hair once before leaving to go back downstairs again, leaving the door open again so she could hear, just in case.
She popped her head out to check on the kids but they were still having the time of their lives and Woofy was lapping up all of the attention and opportunity to run around freely.
She returned to the kitchen and called in the pizza for the kids while she heated up the grill pan. She cooked everything in the one pan to make it easier for her to clean up later on.
She called up to Tara after a few minutes but left her alone when she got an affirmative response back until the pizza arrived at the door.
"Tara? Dinner's ready. You coming?"
"Yeah," Tara called back and Willow thought she sounded a bit stronger.
"JJ! Robyn! Pizza's here," she called through to the back yard and the two kids came skidding in excitedly with Woofy panting at their feet.
Willow left the open box of pizza on the table in the dining room and put a slice on JJ's plate and cut up Robyn's for her. She kissed Tara's cheek again as they passed in the doorway who smiled as she fixed the tie around the robe she'd thrown on.
Tara kissed the top of both kids' heads and gave Woofy a little scratch for good measure before sitting near the top of the table. Willow brought in two plates and sat with her.
Tara covered Willow's hand with her own as she sat.
"You don't have to eat the boring dinner with me. Have some pizza."
"No meal is boring with you," Willow smiled, scooting in on her chair, "Hey, I was thinking, why don't you pick out some maternity dresses you like online? Then you just have to pull it on and off. They make really pretty ones these days."
"Thank you, that's a really good idea," Tara sighed softly as she began to eat, "And this is not boring at all. It's delicious. Did you use mirin?"
"I did," Willow smiled, "And I added some sesame seeds."
Tara leaned in and pressed her lips against Willow's.
"Delicious."
Willow was pleased to see Tara in better spirits and getting some good food into her.
When everyone had finished eating (and, admittedly, Willow may have wrapped the last uneaten slice of pizza away in the fridge for later), Tara put an arm around JJ's shoulders and a hand atop Robyn's head.
"Hey, kids? We need to talk to you."
Willow looked over as she walked out of the kitchen.
"Tara, are you sure?"
Tara just nodded and Willow nodded back that she was with her.
They brought the kids into the living room and all sat on the one couch, huddled up together. JJ was starting to seem concerned but Robyn was happy to relish in the family snuggles.
"We have to tell you both something," Tara said softly, dropping her head into the top of Robyn's head to inhale from her and gather some strength, "You know Mrs. Potts across the street? Well, something happened to her today. She died."
"She did?" JJ asked, his eyes creasing slowly as he figured it out, "She's dead?"
"Wat ded?" Robyn asked in a curious up-speak tone.
Tara looked to Willow for help, who nodded that she had it.
"When people die, their body stops working and they can't eat, walk, or play anymore. You won't be able to see her anymore."
Robyn's lower lip protruded.
"No, see?"
"No. bean," Willow said sadly, "You won't see Mrs. Potts anymore. Her body stooped working."
Robyn's eyes lit up and she suddenly jumped down from the embrace and toddled across the room to get her doctor kit. She brought it back and presented it to them.
"Fix!"
Both Willow and Tara had to swallow a lump but a voice of calm reason came from somewhere unexpected.
"No, Robbie," JJ said, his green eyes suddenly setting deeper on his face, "You can't fix it."
Tara cleared her throat.
"When a body stops working, it can never start again," she explained with tears filling her eyes, "There was nothing anyone did that made her go away. And we can't bring her back again. And it's okay to feel sad about that."
Robyn looked at Tara, forlorn.
"Mom-mee sad?"
Tara sniffled.
"Yes, baby. Mommy's sad."
Robyn frowned and put her doctor kit on the floor again. Instead, she reached for her favorite soft toy, Stripey the Tiger, and toddled back to Tara, thrusting the animal in her face.
Tara couldn't stop the tears from falling.
"Thank you, sweetie."
She closed Robyn in a hug with the toy between them. Willow patted JJ's back.
"How are you doing Jakey?"
JJ looked up at his mother with sad lines in his brow but acceptance in his eyes.
"Was she sick?"
"I don't think so honey," Tara answered the question, "She just fell asleep and never woke up."
JJ immediately looked stricken.
"That can happen?"
"She was old, sweetheart," Willow said gently.
JJ's eyes darted back and forth.
"Grandpa's old."
Robyn's head popped out from Tara's arms, bright eyes suddenly wild.
"Ganpy ded?"
"No, no, your Grandpa is fine," Willow said, quickly waving her hands back and forth, "He's not old like Mrs. Potts was. And he's very healthy."
"Your Grandma makes sure of that," Tara added with a reassuring nod, "Grandpa is fine, I promise."
Robyn snuggled back into Tara and JJ needed a minute but he seemed to calm too until he saw their house guest laying on the floor waiting for more fun to happen with his tail wagging back and forth patiently.
"What about Woofy? What's gonna happen to him?"
Tara glanced over at the dog and a large exhale left her body.
"Well, we'll…we'll watch him—"
JJ's mood immediately shifted to elation.
"We're keeping him?!"
"Whoa, whoa," Willow interrupted, furiously waving those hands back and forth again, "No, we're not keeping him."
Robyn immediately started to cry.
"Woofy go? No Woofy go!"
"Where's he going?" JJ asked antsily, "Why can't we keep him? He needs a home!"
"Because we're already adding two more to this household in a few months," Willow replied, gesturing at Tara's swollen belly hidden under a Robyn-shaped lump, "Baby, back me up here."
Tara glanced at Willow, then glanced away. Willow's eyes bugged.
"Um, kids…go play with the dog for a minute."
Neither objected and shimmied off the couch to play again. Willow scooted up close to her wife.
"Tara, you can't honestly be suggesting we get a dog right now. You're pregnant and diabetic and we're about to drop thirty grand on a new car."
"I know but—" Tara started but Willow cut her off quickly.
"We talked about pets when JJ started asking for a dog, we said not until the new babies were toddlers at least."
"We're not getting a dog, Willow, we're inheriting one," Tara corrected softly, "It might help the kids process."
Willow arched an eyebrow.
"We're making a 10+ year commitment for some processing? Even we're not that gay."
"Willow, what are we supposed to do?" Tara sighed, "Send the poor thing to the pound? He's the one who alerted me. He's not a rowdy pup and he knows us. He's going through trauma too. This will be his third home in practically as many months."
"Tara…" Willow replied in a long, drawn-out tone that eventually became resignation, "I knew what I was getting into when I married someone with a heart like yours."
She dropped her head back against her palm with her elbow bent against the back of the sofa.
"I guess we have a dog now."
JJ, who had been not-so-covertly eavesdropping, leaped up on the spot.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah! You hear that boy? You live with us now! We're your family!"
"Fam-lee!" Robyn repeated, clapping her hands.
"JJ you have to keep taking him on his walks," Willow said with a firm nod, "And you both have to help us feed him and clean up after him and make sure he has water."
Robyn crawled over to the coffee table where she snatched her sippy cup up.
"Woofy wan' watah?"
Even Willow couldn't deny her heart melting at that.
"Woofy eats and drinks from special bowls, bean."
"I'll show you, Robbie!" JJ said, already running out to the kitchen with Woofy, naturally, at his heels.
Willow rubbed her temples as she heard the clacking of the dog bowls.
"They took the news well."
"It's just dog fever," Tara replied with a soft sigh.
Willow reached out and held Tara by the shoulder. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Tara's tenderly. Her hand naturally dropped but Tara pulled away when it brushed her thigh.
"I'm sorry, I'm really not in the mood."
Willow was startled by the statement.
"What? No, I wasn't trying—" she cut herself off, just shaking her head, "I'll…I'll start settling the kids."
She shook her head again as she stood and made her way into the kitchen to corral the children into some calmness despite the excitement of their house-guest-turned-family-member.
Bathing Robyn took twice as long as normal because she kept trying to call for Woofy to get in with her. Willow had to put him downstairs just to wash her hair and was ready to tear her hair out by the time both lights were out for the night.
At the base of the stairs, Woofy was lying patiently waiting again and Willow couldn't help giving him a pet.
"You are cute, I'll give you that. You were a good boy today."
She scratched behind his ears and he diligently followed her back into the living room.
Tara sat up straight as Willow walked in.
"I-I'm sorry. I upset you earlier."
Willow sat back into the seat she'd vacated earlier, at a bit of a distance.
"I just didn't want you to think I was trying something on in the midst of the day you've had."
Tara ducked her head.
"I know I haven't been very receptive lately."
Willow scooted closer.
"Tara," she said softly, "I'm not a pubescent boy. I can wait. I don't want it unless you're 100% into it too."
Tara looked up, embarrassed.
"Feeling a bit loopy lately."
"I remember baby brain," Willow replied, not-so-fondly, "Just wait 'til you forget your keys in the freezer."
Tara chuckled and Willow smiled.
"We're okay, okay?"
Tara linked one set of fingers together and nodded toward the television.
"A movie just started."
Willow smiled some more as she wrapped her arm around Tara's shoulders.
"Bet you wish you could have a glass of wine."
"Bottle," Tara answered without hesitation and they both laughed.
Willow kissed the top of Tara's head and nuzzled her nose into Tara's hair part.
"Put your feet up. Have you had enough to eat?"
"Yes," Tara replied as she snuggled into Willow's shoulder.
They got comfortable and just relaxed together; staying close. About halfway through there was the telltale signs of scurrying feet and clacking of plastic on plastic as someone climbed over the baby gate.
Sure enough, moments later Robyn appeared through the doorway, dragging her blankie behind her and rubbing her drooping eyes.
They extricated themselves into a sitting position and Tara pivoted her body toward the door.
"What's wrong honey?"
"Dawk," Robyn replied sleepily.
"You don't need to be scared of the dark, sweetie. It's just the absence of photons," Willow reassured, then frowned defensively when she got a look from Tara, "What? She didn't get above-average verbiage from dumbing things down for her."
Robyn padded toward them and looked up with her deep, bright eyes.
"Woofy sweep wif Wobbie?"
Willow turned her head toward Tara and spoke quietly.
"Jeez Tara, why is your genetic material so damn cute?"
A pout that was all Willow started to protrude on Robyn's face and she knew resistance was futile.
"Alright, then. Come on, I'll take you up."
Robyn clapped her hands excitedly.
"Come bed Woofy!"
Tara held her hand out for Willow to help her up.
"I'm just about ready to turn in too."
"I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the movie," Willow replied apologetically as Robyn reached up with a tiny arm to drag her mother back to bed with Woofy at their side.
Tara turned off the television and returned the remote to its place.
"Wasn't watching it anyway," she said in a sweet tone with a not-so-sweet crease in her eyes.
Willow grinned and threw a wink before flicking the light switch and they all walked upstairs. Tara helped tuck Robyn in again and left Willow to stay with her until she fell asleep. Willow found herself petting Woofy's head as she breathed in sync with Robyn and had to admit he was an adorable little thing and clearly loved the kids as much as they loved him.
"Poor little fella," she cooed quietly. He must have had a very rough day or more and here he was, happy to curl up with people that made him feel safe.
Willow thought she might learn a thing or two from him.
When Robyn's sucking on her pacifier had slowed until it just half-hung out of her mouth, Willow gently extricated herself with a kiss to her daughter's head and a last scratch for Woofy between the ears. She left Robyn's nightlight on and the door ajar so Woofy could get out if he wanted to and walked into their bedroom, where Tara was already passed out with the robe untied but still on her body.
Willow changed and brushed her teeth and got enough of the blanket out from under Tara to cover them both up.
She put an arm around her wife's swollen belly and hoped even through sleep she could make Tara feel safe.
The little smile on Tara's face told of a task surely won.
