15. Dejected
Hans remained quiet for the evening. He spoke only sparingly to the doctor, admitting that he wasn't in a mood to chat, while his bandages were changed as usual. He said nothing as the doctor tutted at him for snapping a stitch, and fixed it. As usual he refused pain medication, and went right back to laying down. He didn't acknowledge when food was brought in, and by the time Elsa arrived, still hadn't acknowledged the tray. He never ate in front of people, but usually he at least ate, barring when he slept through pain. If anything, he seemed as isolated from reality as he had when he had awaited trial on his ship. Silent and far-away.
Elsa had wondered if it was a good idea to visit Hans today at all, after her chat with Anna earlier that day. Yet, she'd promised to visit him to the best of her availability. She thought she should at least try to visit him, if briefly to check in on him.
On her way to his room she crossed paths with the Captain. He knew where she was heading and decided it was best to advise.
"I wouldn't visit him today. If I were you, Your Majesty," he cautioned. "He might not be in the best of spirits for having company right now."
Of course he wasn't going to stop the Queen if she still wished to visit, he just thought to give her a friendly warning.
The Captain's words concerned her, now giving her more reason to go check-in on Hans. As soon as she opened the door she could feel an unpleasant aura emanating from the room. The chamber felt dark and cold, even to her. As soon as she laid eyes on him she saw how distant and dejected he looked, she knew something had really gone awry. Elsa would have apologized for coming by so late, but he seemed so out of sorts to even care for trivial formalities. Instead she made her way to the bedside. She took note of the untouched food on the bedside table. Once she was close enough to really examine his face up close, she noticed a few discrepancies that weren't there before. Firstly, she noticed that his cheek was inflamed, and she could have sworn it had already healed; Secondly she noticed a slight puffiness to his eyes, that did not look like they came from tiredness. She sat beside him, and gently touched his hand. "You haven't touched your food," she stated, knowing she couldn't directly ask him if he was alright.
"I'm not in the habit of eating with others around, and it seems I keep getting visitors." He replied, his tone light, but not remotely matching his face. He had some odd ability to do that, it seemed. Perfect voice control, even while not bothering to try with his face. It was a lie through and through, and it was perhaps an indicator that he didn't want visitors to begin with. It was most obviously a lie in that the food was cold, and he couldn't possibly have had that many visitors in a day. "I'm sorry, but I'm not in much a mood for chatting today. I've said perhaps more than I ought to, lately, and done precious little. Perhaps when my wounds are healed." That could be weeks, however, and was a far cry from his desperate desire for conversation before. Perhaps this was the Hans that escaped the Southern Isles, the one that hated being there and did all he could to go unnoticed. He even spoke quieter.
Elsa was greatly afflicted; she had never seen Hans this despondent, it was quite disheartening and she was afraid of leaving him alone.
"You don't need to speak, if you don't wish to do so," she said softly as she brought her hand against his reddened cheek.
Hans closed his eyes and turned them away from her, just slightly- but it also brought his cheek a little closer to her hand.
"Please," He muttered, but 'Leave me be' went unspoken. He couldn't bear to ask her to leave, not when her presence and sympathy brought him so much company. The lightness dropped from his tone, he was clearly miserable, and just didn't want to share that with her. No, as usual, he tried to hide his pains, even if they didn't leave marks. The slap to his cheek was nothing, he didn't even feel it anymore. It was the rest that hurt. Everything else, everything Anna had said, bit at him worse than any blade could.
Elsa let her hand linger on his cheek for a long moment, looking at his forlorn face. She let out a sigh, as she slowly retracted her hand, she was going to grant him the space he wanted even if it hurt her to do so.
"Please try to eat, alright?" she coaxed, as she shifted to get up. Elsa would have attempted to feed him herself, but it seemed he had enough of people for one day.
He sighed a little, too, and reached up just a little. Not enough to take her hand, but enough to brush it. Not away. Just, a touch. Then he retracted back into himself. Was it strange that he felt he cared for her more in that moment, than any other time? He didn't have to express everything to her for her to understand his pain. He didn't have to pour his heart out for her to sympathize, and most telling of all, she cared about him. Even if he didn't deserve it, she wanted him to recover and be happier. It was too much, in truth. He trusted she would leave, as he curled in on himself a little more, and felt a new wave of tears threaten to fall. He listened for the door. He couldn't cry in front of anyone else, it was bad enough that he had tears at all. Men weren't meant to cry. Not in his family.
Elsa looked back at Hans one more time, before she let the door click behind her. She let out a sorrowful sigh, something or more likely someone had greatly affected him. He mentioned he'd kept getting visitors today, and that made her wonder: Had Anna come to confront him? That's the only explanation she could think of why he'd be so visibly upset. What exactly had they said to each other? It had to be pretty bad if even Hans was having trouble hiding all of his pain like he normally did. She had to go to find Anna to find out, especially considering Hans was noticeably distraught, she could only imagine her little sister would be in a similar state as well.
It wasn't hard to find the pair. Kristoff was in Anna's room- which, with anyone else might have been alarming, but Kristoff was a gentleman among gentlemen. He wouldn't do anything without Elsa's say-so, for certain. Indeed, at the moment, he was humming and holding Anna in her room, easy enough to hear from the other side of the door, trying to calm her spirits and make everything -he hoped- a little better. He was always a pretty even-headed young man, and not one for rash decisions.
-
Knock Knock
"Anna, may I come in?" Elsa called through the door. "I wish to speak to you."
Anna was less than happy about an intrusion, but she pulled herself away from Kristoff to meet Elsa at the door, with a sheepish and clearly not-super-happy attempt at a smile.
"Hey, sure, come in." She had a suspicion what it was about. It had to be Hans, right? "Soo, I'm gonna guess you visited him and he wasn't his usual self, huh?" Why else would she be there? At least she knew his dejected look had to be real, then. "How bad was it?" She couldn't help but cringe. This wasn't going to be a fun conversation, but she had to know.
"Pretty bad," Elsa said with a nod as she made her way in. "Bad enough to the point that I think he'd possibly been crying? His eyes looked pretty puffy to me. What exactly did you tell him, Anna? And did you strike him? His cheek was pretty red as well."
Anna cringed a little. Crying was a little... unexpected.
"I did." She admitted, looking only a little regretful about it. But she huffed and crossed her arms. "He did try to kill us. I'm- I just can't believe he's not here for something bad. He told me what his plans were when he got here, he was trying to use me to fix his own problems! So, yeah, I got mad." She still sounded a little defeated, though. She suspected Elsa was going to defend Hans on this one, and that didn't help her mood.
"I didn't think I said anything that bad." And yet, she could pinpoint where he shrank, and when he stopped being all there. She didn't know why it upset him so much. Nothing she said after that seemed to make anything any less bad. She shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to admit where things had gone horribly wrong. It felt like Elsa would just get mad at her- even though she totally had every right to be angry at Hans for what he'd done, right? What sane person wouldn't be mad?
~~*~~
"Anna," Elsa disappointingly sighed. "I don't know what was said, but this is exactly what I feared would happen, actually it might be worse than I imagined," she continued with a shake of the head. "Was he hostile towards you, as well?" Elsa asked, curious to know if the quarrel was warranted to escalate or if it was one-sided like she suspected.
Anna cringed a little, realizing that, really, it was pretty one-sided. "He was... just fine. He was super polite and it made me nervous. Remember, that's what he was like before too." She pointed out. "How are we supposed to know what he's really like, after everything we went through? After everything I went through? You didn't talk to him before the winter like I did, you didn't get to know what he was like. He seemed so genuine back then, too."
Kristoff seemed thoughtful, at that. He didn't say anything, but knitted his hands together on his lap and watched everything unfold in silence, as he had with Hans.
"I just don't want him to do to you what he did to me. It's all smiles and easy laughs and chivalry until you need him, and then he's-" She took a deep, angry breath, trying not to snap at Elsa too, for falling for it. Couldn't Anna be stupid enough for both of them? Did they both have to fall for the same monster's tricks? "Door unlocked and now he's got a sword. I sure hope you know what you're doing."
Elsa listened to Anna's concerns; they were all valid considering what happened between them.
"You're right, I didn't get a chance to know him back then, yet I don't think he's the same person he was back then anymore, but neither are we. I believe he's changed Anna or at least trying his best to. When he first arrived I also thought he was the same deceptive monster from the fjord, but then I realized he was only human, one that's made terrible mistakes, just like me. I'm not saying you should forgive and forget his monstrous actions as if they didn't happen -even though you seemed to do easily do that for me- you don't even need to trust him, I know that's too much to ask, after what he's done, but at least give him a chance to prove that he's not the irredeemable monster you fear he is.
"I won't let him hurt me like that, I haven't given him my heart, but I trust he won't try to harm me nor Arendelle. He was already there when I, when Arendelle needed him, if Hans hadn't fought to protect Arendelle during the invasion, I don't think we would have managed without him. He's bedridden right now, because he got injured defending us, and that's on top of the inflictions he already incurred. He couldn't have aided us at all if the door hadn't been unlocked. As for the sword...well, it's a symbol of trust, in more than one way you can say," She acknowledged, she was giving a blade back to the very man that almost struck her with one, after all. "It's a Southern Isles tradition, and he seems to take them to heart."
Anna listened, but she still didn't seem too thrilled about any of it. "Hey, don't start with that 'I'm just as bad as he is' stuff, okay? He locked me in a room to die. You accidentally hurt me because you have unknowable powers nobody could expect you to have a grip on when nobody taught you how to use them, alright? It's not the same." Anna was still quick to comfort Elsa and try to pull her away from those thoughts. "I don't talk about it, or try to think about it too much, but I'm pretty sure I died for a minute on the fjord. I'm not ready to put that behind me. I had a lot of trust for him once, too. I won't say it's impossible for him to be a decent person, but I'm definitely not looking to believe him, either. ...Wait why was the door unlocked before the attack?" This cake seemed to have layers, and she wasn't sure she liked the flavors.
"Safety." Kristoff offered, from the back. He truly did listen to everything, even if sometimes he pretended he didn't. "With things required for healing, they couldn't confiscate everything from him for his safety and ours, and there's no windows into that room from the hall. A prison has bars, you know what to expect on the inside. A bedroom doesn't, so the guards could check him quickly without being invasive. In a way, it's as bad as a prison, he gets the illusion of privacy with none of the perks. I imagine it's a lot easier to be a smart mouth toward guards when there's a barred door between the two, you'd have to go through extra motions to unlock it to bridge the gap, and in that there's more time to decide it's a bad idea. The room has none of that." Kristoff knew full well that wasn't the reason, but it was a reason that satisfied Anna, at least. He nodded to Elsa, as if to reassure her that he was doing his best to temper her a little.
Elsa tried to hold her tongue and fight back the words itching to come out, especially with Kristoff trying to help her put Anna at ease. She tried but to no avail, she couldn't conceal the truth anymore.
"Anna, I know it's not the same, but I'm still the one responsible for putting you in that situation in the first place, there's no denying that. My mistakes didn't just affect you either, it was our entire Kingdom, I brought it to shambles. I hurt countless people both directly and indirectly with all my bad mistakes. What's worse is I'd almost ended up killing two men, deliberately, up at the Ice Palace. If Hans hadn't snapped me out of my darkness at that moment I'm afraid I would have actually become the monster everybody feared." Elsa looked down at her hands, She never told Anna the last part, it had been brushed under the rug, and hadn't ever been brought up in conversation, since Hans' villainous deeds were all anyone ever seemed to remember. Where was she going with this? She forgot for a moment. "What I'm trying to say is people still got hurt regardless of my intentions, especially you. With or without Hans in the equation, the fact still stands that I almost lost you, because of the frozen heart I inflicted on you, even if it was accidental. It's not a matter of thinking I'm just as bad as him or not. I just don't think it's fair that I got away with only a slap on the wrist, with all the damage I caused; And it's also unfair to continue to shift all the blame onto Hans, when I should be held accountable for what I did as well." Elsa had spoken her mind, but this time she was doing it more matter-of-factly rather than out of the darkness of her guilt. It was all the truth and oftentimes the truth is what hurts the most.
Anna wasn't sure how to respond to that. She still felt like it wasn't the same, but she couldn't find the way to express her frustration or feelings on the matter. Kristoff stood, with his usual ponderous slowness, and meandered over to set a hand on Anna's shoulder. "Now is probably a good time to stop and reflect a while, before someone says something they don't mean." He proposed.
"We're just discussing, we're not getting into an argument." Anna protested, perhaps a bit too much.
"No, I know you are babe. But you've both had a long and stressful day already, full of things to do. Best to finish this conversation in better starting spirits. Anna, when you're stressed you have a habit of hitting a person's weak spots without knowing it. Elsa gets stressed and makes ice. I'd rather neither of you get stressed about anything for any reason."
"I do not." Anna said, but it sounded more like a question.
"Tell Hans that. You're taking a break." Kristoff patted Anna's head, like one would with a rabbit. Heavy but not aggressive. She settled a little, that way.
Elsa took a deep sigh. Kristoff was right, he was a neutral party for the most part, carefully listening, but when he spoke he truly was the voice of reason.
"You're right it's been a very long day, and it's probably best we leave this discussion here and get back to it later, once we had some time to sleep on it. We could all use some rest," Elsa agreed. She still had no idea what exactly was said to upset Hans so, but it was probably best she didn't know, at least right now, because Anna was right in assuming it would also upset Elsa more. Everyone was already upset enough. That's why Kristoff was wise to stop their discussion for he knew it would devolve into argument sooner or later if they continued it with deteriorating spirits. Elsa felt like she was cornered in this dispute, because she cared for both Anna and Hans. Hans had hurt Anna deeply, she knew that, but she still wished Anna could at least give him a second chance. Anna had ended up hurting Hans too, and that too was heartbreaking, but she also didn't wish to fight her sister over it. She could understand why Anna felt like history was repeating itself. But Elsa really didn't wish for Hans to drive a wedge between her and her sister. In fact, Elsa wished she could somehow be the bridge connecting Hans and Anna, she wanted them to get along, without hurting one another anymore. She knew that wouldn't come easy considering their tragic history, but she could at least hope, because all this hurting was really taking a toll on her too.
Anna and Kristoff both nodded, perhaps all involved relieved that the conversation was ending.
"May I walk you to your room, your Majesty? If it's alright with Anna, of course. I'll be right back." He promised sweetly.
"Hm? Oh, yeah, of course. Just come back quick, alright?" Anna smiled and kissed Kristoff's cheek. She was more than happy to let Kristoff be alone with Elsa- because she suspected sooner or later he was going to ask for permission to marry her. Probably not the best time at that particular moment, but hey, at least he was likely to keep it a surprise, and that was always fun. Kristoff returned the kiss to the top of Anna's head, sweet and affectionate and not-too-intimate when they were still dating. More than friends, but not inappropriately so. Moreover, it was an excuse for Elsa to have time to talk to Kristoff, who knew he could be the more even-headed- and wasn't as afraid of telling the truth, if Elsa asked it. "Shall we?" He proposed, gesturing for Elsa to lead. "Unless you've things to do, of course. I shouldn't assume."
"Oh, of course, I have nothing else to do, and how could I refuse such a kind gentlemanly offer from Lord Kristoff?" She smiled and took the lead towards the door. "Goodnight, Anna," she said softly with a smile. Even though they were having a disagreement, Elsa didn't want to leave things sour with her sweet sister.
"G'night Else!" Anna didn't seem to hold any hard feelings, either. She was frustrated, but not angry by any means. And who knew, maybe Kristoff would help sort things out. He always seemed to.
Kristoff was happy to lead Elsa out, as proper as anyone could ask. He wasn't fond of the 'lord' thing, or of trying to be proper, but he did it because he loved Anna and wanted to spend some time in her life. He made it clear enough that he would be happy living his old life, but he chose to spend time in the castle because he loved Anna dearly.
"So, anything else on your mind?" He asked, when they were some distance from Anna's room, and could safely talk without being overheard. "I love Anna, but I know how she is sometimes. I was there, if there's any questions." He didn't consider it 'going behind Anna's back' per se. He loved her dearly, but this was something he felt needed to be explained fully, if questions were to be asked.
"I know. I love her too, but sometimes she can be a bit...much and she says and does things without thinking them through. Am I safe to assume that's what happened?" She inquired. "I have a lot on my mind, it's truly been a long day, but I only have one question I really wish for you to answer, that is if you can." Elsa admitted. "Do you know what Anna said or did exactly that made Hans so...dejected? I need to understand so I can do what can to address it tomorrow, and at least try to console him. He tries really hard to mask all pain, so to see some actually seep through, especially to that extent, is well... disheartening, to say the least. He was pretty...broken and it worries me, I was almost afraid to leave him alone."
Kristoff nodded, looking concerned as well. "I had the same fear, actually. I can tell the guards to keep an ear out for anything that sounds suspicious, before I return to Anna?" He suggested, looking intrigued and, perhaps, almost equally worried. Kristoff didn't have fear for Hans for any attachment to the man, but simply because he valued life for what it was, in all creatures. Even the wolves that hunted Sven deserved quick deaths, he thought, and he would never draw their pain out. Perhaps his opinion would change if one ever significantly hurt his friend, but he hadn't felt that yet.
"Yeah, actually. I think I can pinpoint it." He thought back and frowned a little, tilting his head. "It was such an odd exchange. In the conversation, when Anna was getting angry, Hans said something along the lines of 'What would you like me to do to be useful'. Something in that phrasing struck me as odd. It had nothing to do with what either of them had been saying before. Anna replied with 'Why are you asking me? I have no use for you'. and after that he looked like a kicked hound. I sort of tried to encourage Anna to leave and be done with him after that. Maybe not as fast as I should have. Even she seemed to feel bad about that. I wasn't joking when I said she knows how to get to weak points. It's her type, in the same way you and I tend to be calm in the face of true danger and anxious around social situations, she's driven by matters of the heart. Everyone has a type, and there's different markers for it. But... Now I'm just getting into the things I've learned from home. Sorry, you're probably not interested in that." He scratched the back of his neck a little, awkwardly. He figured Elsa wasn't interested in what the trolls had to teach him, least of all when it was about personality types. "I hope they're both feeling better tomorrow, and can address this again differently."
Elsa nodded at Kristoff's suggestion of having someone keep an eye on Hans, just in case he let his darkness consume him. She trusted Hans, but he wasn't really in the right head space at the moment and it was better to be safe than sorry.
"I see," Elsa responded rather meekly at the reveal. So, he thought he was useless, that was indeed a low blow. Being considered useless would hurt anyone's confidence, but maybe even more so the 13th Prince of the Southern Isles, already being deemed unlucky and the extra of an already 'perfect' dozen.
Elsa let out a sigh. "I really hope so, I don't want them to continue harming each other, they've done enough of that already. They need to start healing. I guess for now, all we can only hope for a brighter tomorrow," she said pensively. "Thank you for clearing things up a bit for me, by the way, Kristoff... oh, and also for taking care of Anna, I appreciate it more than I'm able to express," she softly said, gently touching his bicep. " We're really lucky to have you." Elsa meant it, she admired him greatly, for his gentleness, wisdom and his undying love for her sister, to name only a few of his outstanding qualities, among the countless others that made up his character.
Kristoff seemed uncertain for a moment, shifting just a little in place. "It means a lot to hear you say that, your Majesty." He assured.
"While you're thinking that, may I ask something else? I don't want to seem... hm, overzealous? But it's important to me. Maybe I shouldn't ask, but I've already started talking, so here goes." He slowed to a halt so they could talk, especially further from Anna's door; nervousness increasing with every step. "Right now, I'm not asking to marry Anna yet. But, I would like permission from you sometime before I do ask, to bring her to my home for a night. It's a lot to ask, and I know how that sounds, but hear me out." He was quick to put on hold any thoughts of what a man could do alone with the princess for a night. "I live in the forest, within my means. I hunt, I clean pelts, I garden, I fetch water, I arguably live almost like I don't earn an income at all, because I want to live parallel to nature without conflicting with it. But I'm dating a princess, and I can't assume she'll be okay with my lifestyle. I swear I have no ill intent, but I have to know how she feels about my home and the way I live before I make any eternal vows. I don't think I could be comfortable in a castle forever, I assume she would be just as uncomfortable in my home, but if we can both tolerate each-other's lives, I hope we can find a middle ground, or at least a timeshare of some kind. I feel like it would be unfair to both of us to jump into anything without knowing, you know? If you don't like the idea, I'm open to other solutions?"
No wonder he was nervous, if the people heard there would be tittering for months. He knew Elsa tended to overreact when she was upset, so his ask was spoken humbly and carefully. He never wanted to overstep his boundaries, no matter how open the sisters tried to make them. "I don't need an answer right away, but I'd like her to visit before the winter ice harvesting season opens, if it's possible at all." Definitely not a short wait. Kristoff was a patient man, and one who understood caution better than most. Caution was his job out on the ice, after all.
There was no denying that Elsa was a bit surprised by the request at first. It wasn't the boldness that took her by surprise though, but the idea of her little sister growing up so fast, she felt like they'd barely got reunited, it was hard to believe that marriage (a proper one) might be looming right around the corner for her dear Anna. Deep in Elsa's heart Anna was still that little girl asking her to build a snowman. She didn't doubt Kristoff, she knew well that he bore no ill-intent towards her sister, he was a gentleman through and through, and wouldn't deliberately do anything to harm Anna or tarnish her reputation. Even if Kristoff and Anna loved each other with all their hearts, they undeniably were people from different walks of life. Kristoff was a man of the wilderness and no matter how hard you try to disguise it (with trifling things like suits and titles), it was a part of who he was, a mountain man. Though he did try his best to adapt to Anna's lifestyle without losing himself in the process, yet in order to have a lasting relationship there had to be a compromise, the adapting had to go both ways. A real relationship couldn't stand forever if it was one-sided, there had to be a give and take, to create a perfect balance so they could both live happily together. Kristoff had already given a lot of himself, it was only fair that Anna meet him halfway, especially if they intend to get married in the near future. Anna needed to know if what she and Kristoff had was the right thing for her or not. Elsa briefly paused to ponder, but didn't hesitate at all in giving him her verdict.
"Kristoff Bjorgman," Elsa began. "I, Queen Elsa of Arendelle, grant you permission for your request." She smiled. "I trust your devotion for my sister and I know you mean no malice. You just want her to be able to decide without any doubts, if she wishes to continue and wants to take the next step. And I too want Anna to know for certain if that's what she truly wants to pursue, as well."
Kristoff breathed a visible sigh of relief, and nodded. "Thank you." He bounced a little on his toes, thinking about how to plan to ask her and what to do. "I'll... I'll go ask the guards to watch Hans. And make plans, I suppose. I want to make sure I get this relationship right." He was clearly doing his damnedest, all to protect Anna and make her feel safe and loved.
Elsa smiled at his excitement. "Thank you Kristoff," she nodded. They had reached her room already, so she started opening the door. "I know you do. Thanks again for everything. Have a Good Night Kristoff." Elsa made her way in her room, but still looked at him as she addressed him.
He nodded, and was off; adding an excited little bounce to his step as he went, as he considered the possible date with Anna on his way to checking on Hans. He was a good young man, doing his best.
