Author's Note: I lost my mojo for a while. Writer's block is real; however, I finally got some inspiration!

Please be advised that this is total AU story. I am thinking this will be a two part story, max three.

What would have happened if Tara would have left with her boys at the end of season 4 instead of remaining in Charming with Jax?

Hope you enjoy!

And, please stay safe during this pandemic that is claiming the lives of so many.

Please review and respond.

XOXO

Completely AU

So I pick up the pieces

I get on the midnight train

I got my reasons

But darling I can't explain

I'll always love you

But tonight's the night I choose to walk away

-"Midnight Train," by Sam Smith

Midnight Train

Part 1: The End

Tara had a period of deep mourning. Merely getting up every morning was devastating for Tara, however, she pushed through it. The only thing that kept her moving forward was the fact that she was a mother of two wonderful little boys that relied on her just like she relied on them to keep her sane. In a span of a few short months, she lost many things that completely turned her world upside down. And in that time of deep mourning, she blamed that damn club.

When she returned to Charming after the ten year absence, she never thought she would reignite her turbulent relationship with Jackson Nathaniel Teller and SAMCRO. Yes, she was running away from an abusive relationship and the psycho man who would not leave her alone, however, she thought that she would have the strength to keep away from the chaos that came with club affiliation. But like always, shit does not work out like one hope. Within a few months of returning to Charming, she laid on her old bed while Jax made love to her and Joshua Kohn's body lay dead a few feet away.

At first, everything was pretty great. She loved the time she spent with Jax and Abel. She loved those nights it was just them three, bonding and falling even deeper in love with one another. Tara always knew she wanted to be a mom and Abel was the biggest love of her life at the time. She, of course, never told Jax that, but she believed Jax knew that his son eclipsed him in Tara's heart. Plus, it wasn't like Tara didn't show Jax how much she loved him. On the contrary, actually. In those few months after they made it official, Tara made it her business to be there for Jax as much as possible. She accepted things about the Club that no normal woman would have and she believed that it would be enough.

But of course, if you give SAMCRO an inch, they want a fucking mile and God, did they take from her.

She turned her head every time something awful happened, while praying to the higher powers to give her enough strength to stay. She stayed after Donna's murder, Gemma's rape, Half-Sack's murder, Abel's kidnapping, her own kidnapping, Jax's cheating and imprisonment and Piney's murder. She stayed because she believed in Jax in a way no one else could or would. Tara truly believed that he could turn shit around for the club. She believed that he could make all the wrongs right. She had a blinding faith in him and his goal that she lost herself along the way.

It was the night that she was supposed to leave Charming, once and for all, with the boys and Jax that she realized that he would never leave Charming or SAMCRO. She tried to see through the darkness that had shrouded her since her hand got crushed but she couldn't see it anymore. Tara couldn't see past the club and she couldn't see her relationship with Jax anymore. So, while he claimed his throne as the rightful King of SAMCRO, Tara got in her car and drove away with Abel and Thomas, knowing that the more distance she put between herself and Charming, the better her life and the life of her boys would be.

She drove all night and made it to Oregon by daybreak. By the time she got the boys situated in a nice hotel room, she had countless missed calls from Jax, Gemma, Unser to name a few but the only call she returned was Margaret's. In a span of a few weeks, Margaret secured Tara the job in Oregon, with the stipulation that once her hand healed, Tara had to makeup those hours missed in the OR by taking highly risky cases. In the meantime, she would provide consultations thus ensuring that her name would remain relevant in the medical field. Margaret, also, found a great neighborhood for Tara to move into with the boys and a nice apartment building near an amazing school district. In those few months, Tara was eternally grateful that she had someone like Margaret in her life, who was all about keeping things organized and moving along smoothly.

She avoided Jax and anything that reminded her of Charming for that first year. After a while, Abel stopped asking for Jax. And if Tara were to be completely honest with herself, it wasn't like Abel spent that much time with Jax to begin with while they lived in Charming. Therefore, Jax's absence was not something that Abel truly noticed after the first few weeks. Thomas was still too small to notice the radical change in their lives.

Tara got up in the mornings and did what she needed to do for the boys and then dropped them off in their daycare and preschool. She saw her patients and attended meetings and when it was all said and done, she returned home with her boys, made sure to spend time with them and while they peacefully slept in their beds, she cried herself to sleep for all that was lost.

She felt terribly about Piney's death and her hand. Most of all, she mourned for the loss of her future with Jax. She really wanted the big family they both dreamed of with an everlasting love between one another.

One month passed and then two and pretty soon, a year. Tara knew Jax knew where she was. Margaret told her as much. Apparently, once in a while, Jax would appear at St. Thomas and he would ask Margaret for updates on them. Of course, Margaret barely gave him any information but from what Margaret gathered, Jax knew she was in Oregon. Margaret even suspected that Jax knew Tara's address but he chose to remain away. At first, that devastated Tara but the heart has a way of healing once it is broken.

Tara focused on being the best mom and doctor she could be. She devoted herself into her two roles so much that she forgot about herself and her own happiness. But that changed nearly two years after the terrible accident that almost destroyed her career, when Tara cut into her first patient. After the successful surgery, she cried tears of joy and for the first time in a long time, she was truly happy.

She went to a local bakery and bought a celebratory cake and ate it with her boys. They didn't understand why she was so happy but for once they were just happy seeing their beloved mother laugh without a care in the world.

Abel was almost six when he asked about Jax again. Tara explained that his father had other commitments that he needed to attend too. Abel shrugged his shoulders and asked if he could quit karate and join a baseball team. Tara felt a pang in her heart at that moment but she didn't push the subject of Jax on him.

Jax was like the elephant in the room that no one wanted to address.

When Abel turned eight, Tara got an offer that anyone in her field would die for. Tara was offered a position at Mayo Clinic and she nearly passed out when she heard the news. To be offered a position in one of the best hospitals in the United States was something to be proud of and damn it, she worked her ass off so she could be recognized for her accomplishments. However, she knew that moving to Minnesota would sever all ties with Charming for good.

Tara respected Jax enough to let him know of her move. Plus, she thought it would be good for the boys to see their father before they left the West Coast. She ran it by them and they both thought it would be a good idea. Tara did note the reservation in Abel's eyes but forged forward anyway. So, a month before their departure from Oregon, Tara called Jax, letting him know that she and the boys would be moving to Rochester, Minnesota.

Surprisingly, Tara was incredibly calm when he picked up the phone. Part of her was surprised that he would even pick up her call after so many years. She expected him to yell, or to tell her off for pretty much disappearing on him. Instead, she was pleasantly surprised by his calm tone. Even after she delivered the news, he seemed to take it fairly well.

Tara paused a bit and sat back in her office chair.

"Would you like to come see them,?" she asked while she played with a pen that laid on top of her desk.

There was a brief silence before Jax sighed onto the phone. "Do you think that's really a good idea, Tara? It's been almost five years."

Tara felt a small glimmer of anger explode within her as she stopped spinning the pen around. "I am telling you that I am taking your sons even further away and you don't even want to say goodbye?"

Jax scoffed. "It's not like you gave me neither a choice nor a chance the first time you left with them."

"I left because I couldn't sit around anymore while my world imploded around me. I couldn't raise them in that damn town where everyone that lives there either rots from within or rots six feet under," Tara snarled back.

"I am still alive and kicking, last time I checked," Jax barked back without missing a beat.

"Yea, and look what it cost you." Tara said before she hung up.

As the days went by, she continued packing their home without mentioning Jax to the boys.

The afternoon before they were due to leave, Tara was surprised to arrive home from work to see a Harley parked on her driveway. What was more shocking was to see Jax leaning against his bike, smoking a cigarette like he had no care in the world.

But if there was someone she knew inside out, it was Jax and she noted the way his shoulders were tense.

"Mommy, who is that,?" asked Thomas.

"Dad," responded Abel, as Tara shut the engine off.

Tara stayed in the car for a minute as Abel and Thomas jumped off and walked towards Jax. She felt the knot on her throat as Jax flicked off his cigarette and walked towards the boys, tears gleaming from his eyes.

When Jax opened up his arms to hug his sons, Tara turned away and picked up her purse from the passengers' side and opened her own car door. She was secretly glad that she was dressed nicely for a change. Given it was her last day at the hospital, she had chosen a beautifully cut dress that hugged her curves perfectly and she was wearing high heels. By the time she approached the trio, Jax had stood to his tall frame and gave her a glance over. She noted he wasn't wearing the kutte that had defined their lives for so long.

"Thank you for coming," she said after giving him a brief greeting.

"Thank you for the invite," he responded, his eyes saying so much while his mouth said so little.

Tara nodded and continued walking to the front of her home. She reminded her boys that they had dinner plans and invited Jax to come along. He immediately agreed, and Tara allowed for them to remain outside, while she went inside the home to finish packing the last remnants.

She heard their voices drift in and out of the house as Jax and the boys played basketball in a hoop, Tara had installed after she had purchased the house. She tried hard to keep as busy as possible and for the most part she succeeded. Only once did she allow for some tears to fall but she quickly wiped them away. What was done was done and it was pointless to cry tears after so many years.

When the sun started to set, Tara walked out of the house, dressed in jeans and a button down, her hair in a ponytail. She got the boys in the car and Jax hopped in his bike and followed them to the boys' favorite restaurant.

Dinner was a bit tense. Tara barely spoke two words and Jax tried to use the time to the best of his ability by asking the boys as many questions as he could. As the dinner went on, she started to note the desperation in his voice and that's when she realized he didn't want the night to end. The later it got, the more she realized the pain behind his smile. He knew his time was limited and pretty soon it would run out completely.

When dessert was placed in front of them, Tara casually asked, "where are you spending the night?"

Jax looked up at her. "I was planning on finding some motel somewhere."

Tara shook her head. "We have a guest bedroom. Please feel free to stay in our house."

"I don't want to put you out," Jax looked at her, almost pleading with his eyes.

"Let's not waste any more time. Stay and spend more time with them before we leave." Tara picked up her spoon.

Jax gave her a thankful smile.

The boys were exhausted by the time they got back home but they pushed past their bedtime and hung out in the living room with Jax until both of them passed out, out of mere exhaustion.

Jax carried them to their respective bedrooms while Tara got the guest room ready.

"There is only a bed in here, but at least it's a place to sleep," Tara said as she showed Jax, the spare room.

"At what time are you guys leaving, tomorrow?" Jax asked as he looked around and placed his satchel on the floor by the bed.

"The movers are arriving at eight. Our flight leaves at 2pm."

Jax moved to stand in front of her.

"Thank you for this," he said as he looked into her eyes.

"It's the least I could do," she said with a shrug and moved to leave the room.

As she walked away, she felt him grabbing her hand. She turned around and looked into his baby blues.

She waited for him to say something and after a long pause, he sighed.

"As much as it broke me, you did the right thing, Tara. I could have never given you all of this."

Before she could even think, Tara slapped Jax across the face as hard as she could.

"Fuck you," she said before walking out of the room.

She tried to hold her tears until she got to her room but midway there, she knew that it was a pointless battle to have with herself and she sobbed as she shut her door close.

She didn't know at what time she fell asleep, however, she was awakened a few hours later, when she felt the other side of her bed dip. She turned in her bed and there he laid next to her, his eyes brimming with tears and his face full of sadness. They stared at each other until the sun came up.

When the sun fully rose, she leaned a bit forward and gave him a kiss on the lips.

She looked at his eyes for one last time.

"Goodbye, Jax," she said before standing and making her way to the bathroom to start the day.