XVII
Forgiveness
The Island
The barn
There is silence between everyone as they all look down at Joshua's limp body lying on the table. His mouth is slightly agape. His eyes staring lifelessly upwards. One hand resting in Orion's hand, the other hangs over the edge of the table. Nothing else can be heard other than the odd cricket chirping outside.
Martha is the first to move.
Not wanting to accept the death of this innocent young boy, Martha continues to work on Joshua as if she might revive him again. Avoiding the stares from everyone else around her, Martha pokes around at the gash in Joshua's stomach. She mindlessly works away, putting pressure on his wound and then pumping at his heart. Everyone watches silently.
"Martha." Max calls softly, knowing that Joshua will not come back alive. He looks at the look of desperation in Martha's eyes as she continues to work away at this dead body. Max sighs. "Martha." He calls again softly but there is still no response from her. Eventually Max reaches forward and grabs hold of Martha's wrist.
Eventually she stops what she is doing and looks up at him.
"Your job here is done." Max tries to offer a soft smile, but Martha looks too sad. Then without further ado, Max gingerly closes Joshua's eyes. It is final.
The atmosphere in the barn is morbid and no one knows what to do. Joshua was only eighteen years old. The silence continues for a long while.
Aaron turns away from the table and walks over to the Doctor who looks as shocked as everyone else does. However Aaron looks more scared than shocked. He stops close to the Doctor and speaks deeply in his ear.
"Bring him back alive. Use your Tardis and stop that boy from being killed!" He hisses.
The Doctor does not reply but only stares blankly ahead.
Quiet voices amongst the other volunteers start to echo around the barn once Orion covers Joshua's pale and bloodied face with his black leather jacket.
April remains standing in the exact same spot she has been since she arrived. She stands there, looking at Joshua's lifeless body on the table. She then looks over to Will who has not even acknowledged her appearance.
Will looks distressed and April desperately wants to go to him and hold him in her arms. She wants to make sure that he is okay, but right now seems like the wrong time to do that. But why? She was pulled away from him without her wanting to. Surely they should be running to each other, desperate for each other's company and affection again. April's strong feelings for Will never left her, and being with him now, her feelings seem to be stronger.
But right now she feels like she can't even speak to him just because she told him that she could not forgive him.
Ellis holds a cigarette directly in front of April's line of vision, bringing her back to the present moment. Her scowl deepening, April takes the offered cigarette without a word.
"Leave the past where it is, April. I've already said that it isn't going to help you now," Ellis says flatly. "Your grandfather is here to look after you and Maxwell. If you don't take the first step forward, you are going to be stuck in the past forever," Ellis looks at April and then slowly turns away, speaking in a low voice. "You'll probably find Will smoking round the back entrance to the barn in the next couple of minutes." Ellis then clears his throat and moves away.
Without further ado, April turns and leaves the barn, not wanting to take another second there. Pretending to anyone who asks that she is only taking a wonder, April walks towards the back end of the barn, lighting her cigarette along the way. Once it is lit, she takes in her first deep drag, allowing the tobacco to completely fill up her lungs.
Will is currently not at the back end of the barn. Not yet anyway. But April uses this time to compose herself, making the most of the time alone, away from the prying eyes of the Doctor, Aaron or Ellis. She feels like there is so much expected from her, but April is clueless. And this makes her angry.
But right now her main priority is to not let Will go.
Then right on cue, Will Sullivan himself steps out the barn to have a cigarette. Just as he shields the tip of his cigarette from the wind, Will and April look at each other for what feels like the very first time.
Both thinking the exact same thing: it feels like they are looking at someone different.
Will's eyes start to fill up with tears. "No," he says sternly. "I can't deal with this right now." With that, he turns and starts walking away from her, almost disappearing into the darkness of the fields around the barn. The man April first met nearly three years ago – three years for her and nearly four for him – the arrogant flirt, is now crumbling down with emotions right in front of her, and it kills April to see him like this.
"No, Will, please!" April pleads as she runs after him. "Please can we just talk about this?" April can feel her voice cracking but she is not willing to break down in tears just yet; she has to be strong. "I can barely handle your father ignoring me. Will, please just listen!"
But Will keeps walking on.
April runs, overtakes and stops directly in front of Will, blocking his pathway. "What are you so afraid of?" April snaps, now angry. "Why are you being such a coward and running away from me?"
"Do you really think that I can go through all this again and then take another goodbye from you?" Will snaps back, his hard blue eyes still glistening with tears.
"I'm not here to say goodbye. I'm here to save my brother's and my own fucking arse. And this shoddy Island while I'm at it. But I'm here right now to say sorry, Will."
"Sorry for what, exactly?"
"You know what." April mutters, folding her arms across her chest against the cold wind. She is suddenly aware of the fading scars on her wrist and although they have faded, they have still left permanent white scars. Right now April does not want Will too see. Not even in the darkness around them.
Will sighs.
"I'm sorry for not forgiving you," April lets out a surprised laugh. "Is that what you want to hear? You want me to apologise for wanting to take time away to trust you again?"
"But you left my parallel world."
"I had no fucking choice!" April shouts. "I shouted at the Doctor and told him to clear off because him and your father made a pact behind our backs to take me away. And the Doctor did a bloody good job of clearing off."
"Do you not realise how hard it was for me to deal with losing you?"
"It was hard for me too, Will!" April bites her tongue hard to stop herself from crying. "I thought I'd still be with you and I was willing to find time to start over again. Aaron and the Doctor continued to give me hope that I would be able to stay in your world."
"Was? You were willing?"
"Still am."
Will lets out another heavy sigh. "Do you know what I've been doing these past few of years since you left my world, April? Every day I was making plans about coming here. I filed through Declan's files about this battle and learnt more about your nightmare which you never spoke to me about. I thought that the only way I could get back to you is to come here."
"And here we are. But you're being distant," April says weakly. "I feel like you're pushing me away."
"You pushed me away, April!" Will takes a few steps away from her, his voice becoming softer. "Seeing you again is harder than I thought it would be. I did everything I could to make it up to you, April. I'd still give you everything, but you pushed me away. And what did I do? Continue to do everything to get back to you," Will snorts. "God, I poured my heart out to you, April. The first woman I loved. And I still love you, April. But you can't have it all. You said that you couldn't forgive me. But maybe I can't quite forgive you either."
April frowns. "But you killed a man."
Will groans. "Are you always going to keep judging me for that?"
"No. I mean...I don't know. It was murder, Will."
"I'm a soldier," Will states firmly. "I have killed many."
"Yes but that wasn't part of your job. You killed Peter Bursnell out of choice, not because you are a soldier."
"Is there a difference?" Will snaps. "I'm a soldier whether or not I am with UNIT. All the people and aliens I have killed before as part of my job, is that not also murder? Have you not killed someone, April?"
There is a long pause of silence between them as they stare at each other. Their memories of being with each other comes flooding back.
Will swallows. "There's a battle going on right now," he says softly. "A battle that needs to be dealt with. We can get through this because I'm not giving up on you," Will's voice shakes. "I love you. But the time isn't right." Will turns and starts to walk back to the barn.
April watches Will for a while and then calls after him. "I tried to kill myself not long after we were separated." The words feel odd on her tongue. It is a factor she has always tried to deny. She kept telling herself and everyone else around her that she definitely was not trying to drown herself in the river in Manchester. But now she can no longer deny that even to herself.
Will stops walking as dread runs through him. He slowly turns back to look at April and frowns. "Why would you do that to yourself?" He says sternly.
That's when April can no longer stop the tears from flowing from her eyes. "It's something that has been on my mind since my first attempt when I was fourteen," April allows the tears to fall as she decides to admit the story she has never told anyone before. "I was thirteen when I lost my parents and Max. I had no memory of even having a brother. But I was stuck with living with a shape shifter who pretended to be Bruce Fey. I tried to kill myself when I was fourteen. And I tried again, and again, and again. And I found every way I could find to hurt myself. I guess the Doctor was a blessing in disguise because it took my mind off being depressed and my death as I explored other worlds. But then I became a part of UNIT. And I felt part of something. I felt that my life was worth living. And you just made me wish for a future. A safe, happy future with you. It's something I still want. But then I lost everything that was keeping me from wanting to stay alive. I lost you. I lost UNIT, and I lost my faith in the Doctor. So I jumped in the river and tried to drown myself. But my brother saved me," April lets out a shaky sigh. "Not a day has gone by since then that I have not thought about this. But also not a day has gone by since I left your world that I do not regret hurting you as much as I have done. I can't talk to anyone about this, but I'm trying to keep my mind preoccupied by this battle. I don't think I'm okay. I don't know any more. Finding my brother gave me hope. Despite the fact that it's hard, knowing that my grandfather is still alive is giving me hope. Forgiving Rose gave me hope. Seeing Jason gave me hope. Ireen making me tea gave me hope. But Aaron won't acknowledge me and you clearly hate me."
"How can that be a factor to you wanting to die?"
April shrugs and wipes her nose. "I'm not good with losing people I love. I can't take much of myself on my own most of the time," she then angrily shakes her head. "I'm not saying that I need someone to save me because that's just stupid. The only thing that really was keeping me going was you, UNIT and the Doctor. You gave me hope. UNIT gave me hope and so did the Doctor. That's why I kept going. Now I have nothing."
"You have me." Will says softly, taking a step closer to her.
"I don't want your sympathy." April backs away but then stops.
"This is not sympathy. This is me not wanting to lose you again. Not for the second time."
April frowns and stares at Will. "Before I left. I told you I loved you."
"Did you mean it?"
"I still do."
Will and April stand very close to each other, there only being millimetres between them. But for a while they do not speak.
"Please don't ever leave me." Will eventually whispers. He reaches forward and takes her hand in his.
However, just as their hands connect, another spaceship flies overhead.
Immediately April and Will duck down into the muddy grass and look up at the dark sky. They can just about see the outline of a rounded-shaped spaceship soaring through the sky at high speed.
"It's heading towards the Black Lighthouse." April hisses.
April takes Will's hand and they start running.
They run through the dark fields away from the barn, heading more towards the village centre. They say nothing, and they do not let go of each other. They keep running forward, holding tightly onto each other's hands.
When they reach the final field, they clamber over the wooden fence and find themselves in one of the neighbourhoods, just off from where the main village square is. Still holding onto each other, they silently creep through the shadows of the houses. They stop when they see the villagers leaving their homes.
There is a small chatter amongst everyone as they wrap themselves up to coats and sleepily walk away from their homes. They all walk in the same direction. The villagers around this area clearly have not been causing havoc like there has been in other areas around this Island.
"What do you think they are doing?" Will whispers.
April only shakes her head. "I don't know."
That is when they hear an ear piercing alarm which is followed by an announcement overhead. It is a low, robotic voice that echoes through the street around them.
"All citizens must remain calm. Leave your homes and make your way to your nearest shelter. We advise that you leave personal belongings behind. Food and water will be found in your shelter. Heat Miles are dealing with the attack. We will update you regularly during the night. All citizens must remain within the designated shelters until told to do so."
April and Will look at each other.
Over in the near distance, an attack can be heard. Now whether this is from the new aliens that has just flown overhead, or the ones that arrived earlier in the day, cannot be clarified. But Will and April remain hiding in the shadows of the houses, watching everyone solemnly walk up the street. Children clutch onto mother's hands. Parents hold onto each other and so do siblings as they follow the crowd heading towards the nearest shelter.
"Think we should go back to the others," Will says. "I don't want anyone else trying to join the fight."
"No," April replies. "I think they have other ideas."
April glares at the Doctor who is walking amongst the crowd, along with Rose and Terry. No one else seems to be around. The Doctor catches April's eye and gives her the smallest of nods, as if to say that she and Will should join them.
"Where are the others?" Will hisses.
April looks at Will. "You should go back."
Will frowns. "I'm staying with you."
"No you're not. You are trying to lead a revolution, are you not? Go back and find Ellis and the others. I'll stay here."
There is a silent look that passes between them. Will looks uncertain.
"Meet me back at the barn at dawn." He says.
"I promise." With that, April turns away from Will and steps out of the shadows. Keeping her head down, she follows the crowd, slowly making her way across the road to join the Doctor. They walk on in silence, following the crowd who takes them further and further down the street. April wishes that she still had her hoodie with her, just so that she can conceal her face more. She glances to her left and notices Max by her side, their shoulders touching as they walk on.
Everyone walks on in silence for a while longer and the announcement repeats itself a couple more times. The robotic voice echoes around them, giving them the feeling that they are somehow being observed.
Right at the end of the street, they can see an iron hut. The large doorway leads to stairs taking them to the shelter underground.
Rose lets out a little gasp and halts the Doctor. Noticing the stop, Terry, Max and April stop walking. That is when they notice three shape shifters, all of which are in their blue and white fencing suits. Their black, horrific faces are covered by their fencing helmets, making them look like humans on the outside.
The shape shifters stop every person and scans their faces before allowing them to enter the shelter. They are looking for anything or anyone who do not belong to this Island. Knowing that the Doctor and the twins are at the top of the list to be captured, they know that they all have to turn away.
Keeping his head low, the Doctor leads the way by turning around and walking in the other direction. Rose, Terry, Max and April say nothing as they follow him. This causes a little disruption in the flow of the crowd as they all have to dodge past everyone walking to the shelters.
Then they start to hear the sound of marching. Not as mechanic and robotic as the sound of the Cybermen march, but it is very clear to hear the sound of heavy boots hitting the gravel beneath their feet.
The Doctor looks up and that's when he notices the army of shape shifters heading their way. They are there to control the flow of the movement of the crowd and to make sure that everyone gets to their shelter safely. Each shape shifter holds onto a long white gun which almost looks somewhat like a rifle. The amount of shape shifters take up the whole span of the road. The Doctor knows that there will be no easy way out of this without being caught.
The Doctor looks over April's head and catches Max's eye. A look that April does not notice. Max raises his eyebrows asking: should I do it? And the Doctor nods in response.
Max then looks down at his twin sister. "I'm so sorry, April." That is when he pulls out a white cloth and immediately covers her mouth.
April lets out a scream, but it is completely muffled by the cloth. She wriggles in her brother's strong grip in a panic. What the hell is going on? The Doctor, Rose and Terry only look down at her sympathetically.
Betrayal. That is the only thing April can think of. Everyone has betrayed her. Are they on Heat Miles' side? They can't be. This must be some sort of trap.
These thoughts run through April's mind as she tries her best to free herself from Max's grip. Tears fill her eyes. She does not understand what they are doing. She can hear people screaming at them to stop and there is chaos on the street. The Doctor looks across, panicked, at the group of shape shifters approaching them.
But Max only continues to apologise as he pulls out a syringe from his back trouser pocket. Inside the syringe is florescent green liquid. The colour and the brightness of the liquid is identical to the buttons on the Tardis console.
April feels Terry's cold hands on her right arm, the same arm that was completely covered in burn marks from the explosion at Battersea Power Station. Terry finds the vein in her arm and snatches the syringe from Max's hand.
That's when April starts to kick, but Rose, looking panicked that they are going to cause too much attention, holds down her ankles.
"We trust that you can do this, April. Get everything back to normal." Rose says softly just as the robotic announcement repeats itself.
April's scowls becomes painfully harsh as she glares at Rose. Do what?
Suddenly there is an explosion in the far distance.
Everyone screams and falls to the floor. Panic arises around them and the shape shifter's march seems to get louder and nearer.
"Do it now!" The Doctor snaps and without further ado, Terry pierces April's arm with the syringe, pushing the green liquid into her bloodstream.
April's wriggling slows down as finds herself falling to the ground. Max gently lays her down on the ground and looks at her, panic in his eyes.
"You can help us, April. You can stop this from happening." Max says softly.
April tries to say something but is completely tongue-tied. She continues to glare at Max. Her vision starts to become clouded and darkness creeps in around her.
Soon there is nothing.
