Scarecrow345: Not to worry, and thank you as always for commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, I admit it felt a weird writing it since the episode it's based on was particularly dark (doubly so when you consider how it was originally supposed to end), so I'm happy it turned out alright. And yes, March 30th is the anniversary of the show's premiere, it's now been 19 years since "The Nightmare Begins" first aired
Welcome back everyone!
For some of you, it's been a shorter wait than usual, last monday I uploaded the special project I made for the series' anniversary, the first chapter of a prequel story I've made to this one "Misadventures of a Project Child", it follows Zim's early childhood and some of the situations his parents help guide him through, basically it's a series of sweet and fluffy vignettes. You can find it on my profile here if you're interested: s/13536826/1/The-Misadventures-of-a-Project-Child
This next one I've been looking forward to as a nice, lighthearted fun chapter and one I've had an idea for from the beginning, and that will feature a nice little surprise at the end
There are some things that even advanced technology has yet to fix, it would seem obvious that there would always be a new problem to solve, but some should have been taken care of a long time ago. It always seemed to be the small things that slipped through the cracks, too: many life threatening diseases had cures now, while minor ailments still had to be toughed out. Similarly, many planets had mastered interstellar travel, but good luck finding a place to park your ship once you got there.
And of course there were postal mishaps and home shopping orders being incorrectly filled, as Dib was finding out the hard way. Currently he was looking at what had been inside the box he received earlier that day. At first he thought it could just be an issue of the quantity being spectacularly wrong, but now as he stood in the garage and waited for his call to customer service to connect, he had no doubt that this most certainly was not what he had ordered. Not even close.
"Hello? Customer service? Yes, I want to report a problem with my package" He waited a moment for the representative to ask the customary question of what the problem was before answering "Well, I ordered a box of baking mixes" Dib explained "And I got some kind of giant robot"
"What model is it?" The representative asked and Dib walked closer to inspect it "It says that it's some kind of stealth mech" he replied "I'm having a little trouble finding the model number... here it is!" After reading off the number, he learnt that what he had received was called a 'Megadoomer' and that its' cup holders were apparently second to none. While that was all very nice, it didn't change the fact that it was not what Dib had ordered.
Elsewhere, Zim's day was not going any better.
Normally he'd be in a better mood after cadets, and he would have been if it weren't for Larb. The session had started out well enough, there had been the usual drills and before they practiced the new forms from last week, Red and Purple had asked for a demonstration. Of course Zim had raised his hand immediately and Red had called on him in that tired tone that no doubt came from Zim always being the only one to volunteer; the rest of the group must be such a disappointment.
But then Larb, stupid long headed Larb with his polo shirt and his weird chin, had to cut him off and do the demonstration instead!
As if that weren't bad enough, he had to run errands on the way home and suffered the indignity of dealing with Ray the hippie clerk. Ray had chosen to become a vegetarian and was vocal enough about it for everyone at the store to know it and call Ray over every time Zim tried to find meat free food.
Yes, Ray was knowledgeable about the store's vegetarian offerings, but also seemed to labour under the false impression that the two of them were like minded. Every time Ray entered the equation things slowed considerably as the clerk would begin talking at length about the lifestyle as if Zim had any choice in the matter. He would have preferred to stand in the aisle reading the ingredient lists off the packages himself to having recommendations delivered with a sermon on the evils of meat; something that was especially confusing given Ray's vastly different opinion on live animals.
On top of that, the random child he'd tried venting to had scurried away to the safety of his house at the first opportunity. Wimp.
Then he saw it.
He wasn't entirely sure what it was, but it was big, and metal, and had explodey looking things on it, and really what else mattered?. Suddenly frustrated thoughts of Larb, and Ray, and whoever the other guy was had been pushed aside as Zim found himself being drawn to the alien machine the way other children were drawn to a toy store window display.
"Yes, I'm aware how good they say Vortian tech is: I'm Vortian!"
Zim pulled his wide-eyed gaze away from the robot to the source of the voice and noticed Dib, standing in his garage with him and the robot, in the middle of his call. "Dib. Dib! Diiiib. Dib-Goat! Dib!" Zim called, trying to get his attention "Hey, Dib! What is this thing?"
"Zim, I'm on the phone" Dib said, his hand over the microphone "They sent me the wrong package and I'm trying to get it fixed"
"You mean you don't want it?" Zim asked, the wheels in his head already turning "Can I have it?"
"It has to go back to the store, Zim" Dib replied before switching gears as the representative returned "Hello? So is there anything you can do?" He asked before nodding a few times at something nobody else could hear "The order number? Sure I just need a moment" He chewed his lip, he always had trouble with trying to pull something up during a call, it was easy to accidentally mute or hang up a call while trying to change the page and he didn't want to risk it happening when things were going so unexpectedly smoothly. "Hold on a minute, I'm going to have to pull it up on another device"
He'd said that, but he could tell from the look that Zim was giving the robot that he wanted to take it out for a joyride, if Dib left now he'd likely drive off in it. "Zim, do you want to come into the house with me?"
"Not really" Zim replied, still mesmerised by the mech.
Dib sighed "That's not what I meant, I have to look something up inside and I don't want you driving off to who knows where in the robot while I'm gone"
"You insult me!" Zim retorted "I'm just looking at it!"
"Well okay" Dib said uneasily "I guess looking is alright" before walking into the house; he still had his concerns, but he'd only be gone a couple of minutes. Even Zim could only do so much in that time.
Hopefully.
Meanwhile, Zim was finally alone with the robot, completely enchanted by the lure of alien tech, how could Dib not want to keep this? He could just order another of whatever he originally wanted. Zim certainly would have, besides, he desperately wanted to see the control station too.
And come to think of it, why shouldn't he? He did say he wanted to look at it, but he never specified he only wanted to look at the outside. After a minute of searching he found the way in and climbed inside. This was still fine, he was sure of it.
His eyes lit up as he took in the control area: the entire thing was in different shades of pink and purple, with a little maroon thrown in for good measure. Much better than the neutral colours human electronics used. The front of the room was filled with screens so the surrounding area could easily be monitored from the control panel in the middle, it was practically begging Zim to start flipping switches and pressing buttons.
And really there was no reason for him not to, not if you really thought about it. Sure he said he just wanted to look at it, but that didn't necessarily exclude touching; for some touching is an integral part of how they see. True Zim wasn't amongst them, but still, it counted, at least by his reasoning. And really, what harm could there possibly be in fiddling with the control panel of an alien robot full of labels he couldn't read and a truck load of weapons?
He scanned the panel for a moment before finding what looked like the way to turn it on and set his hand on it, as soon as he did the lights and screens flickered to life and a voice spoke overhead in an alien language. Next a device that looked like a barcode reader dropped down from the ceiling and scanned Zim head to toe before withdrawing into the ceiling.
"Species and language data registered, welcome pilot" the voice said, or rather several voices spliced together as the computer used the syllables in its' voice bank to recreate the words, having to access multiple languages to do so in a way that flowed reasonably well.
Zim was ecstatic; all sorts of ideas for what he could do with it were running through his head, it was hard to choose what to try first, he could probably take over the world right here and now if he wanted.
But wait, he wasn't supposed to go far, he couldn't really do anything until Dib got back.
Or could he?
True, Dib said he didn't want him driving off to 'who knows where' but that didn't specifically exclude driving it altogether; as long as he stayed close by it would probably be fine. Not to mention distance was relative, especially when dealing with people from different planets. Dib measured close and far by cosmic standards, right? Of course he did! You can't simply undo a lifetime of conditioning just like that, so anywhere in the country should still count as close.
With that decided he found and activated the cloaking device, then picked up the motion controls and was on his way.
Dib had been busy retrieving the order number, trying to do so as quickly as possible to minimize the time he left Zim unattended with the megadoomer. The tablet had taken longer than normal to start up, typical, but he had finally gotten the confirmation message pulled up.
No sooner had he read the number than he felt and heard a tremor come from the direction of the garage, he didn't even need to look out the window, it had to be Zim's doing. He dashed out the door and, sure enough, the Megadoomer was traveling down the street.
Or rather, Zim was; something must have been wrong with the cloaking device as the robot itself was invisible, but Zim could clearly be seen, appearing to float a couple dozen feet in the air as he piloted the robot down the street, laughing manically. Of all the days for Gaz to be away with the ship.
"Alright Mr Membrane, I've got your order pulled up" the representative said with a calm that felt very out of place for what was happening on the other end of the line "You ordered a case of mixed berry mooshminkie baking mixes, right?"
"Uh-huh" Dib nodded absentmindedly, his mind was a thousand miles away.
"Ok, I'm going to transfer you to the return center" the person on the other end replied. Dib barely registered the response, the reply he gave was directed more towards the situation unfolding in front of him than the one on the phone as he readied himself to follow on foot.
"Alright then"
Zim was gleefully piloting the Megadoomer into town, looking over his shoulder every so often to see the trail of footprints left behind. Admittedly this would have been more fun with a screaming crowd running away in a panic at a threat they couldn't see, but most of the adults were at work and many of the children had been shipped off to day camp. Oh well, it was still a good time.
Though now that he was getting used to the controls, there came the question of what to do next. He could try rampaging downtown, or he could rain doom upon the ice cream truck that short changed him last week.
No, that was too small. Though it did give him a good idea: he knew exactly what he wanted to do first.
Admittedly this hadn't seemed like a particularly good idea to begin with, more the only real option, but as Dib ran down the street, still clutching the phone as the 'call holding' music played, it started to sink in just how pointless this was. Sure the Megadoomer left an easy trail to follow, but it also moved at a far faster pace than Dib could run and at this point he couldn't even see it anymore. Not to mention he wasn't sure how much he could actually do once he got there, it wasn't as if Zim actually listened when people told him not to do something. Either way, even if he cut out the detours, it would still take ages to catch up: why couldn't he and Gaz have each brought their own ships?
Then he spotted something that could help sitting on a nearby lawn.
Somebody had left their bicycle unattended, it was about the right size for him to ride too, though now it left Dib with a dilemma: he'd at least have some chance of catching up to Zim if he took it, on the other hand taking some child's bike seemed a bit wrong, then again this was a potential emergency...
Dib decided on a compromise, searching his pocket he found a mini pen and an empty envelope, he quickly scribbled off a note telling the owner that he'd borrowed the bike for an emergency and would drop it off at the police station when he was done with it and wedged his note in the door. Satisfied his solution, Dib then placed his phone in the basket and pedaled after Zim.
Larb was in his family's living room, busily setting things up; he'd just gotten a call from his parents saying they'd be working late and would be going out to dinner after, meaning they'd be out for a few hours longer than normal and the time was finally right.
Even though he was alone in the house, he still looked around nervously as he opened his bag and pulled out the borderline pubescent child's contraband: the PG-13 movie. He'd been holding on to it for weeks now, and at last he was going to watch it; he'd read the information on the box several times, but had chosen the movie mainly because the front had a guy with a gun on it. As he slipped the disk into the player, the microwave went off, his popcorn was ready.
By the time he had transferred the popcorn into the bowl and poured himself a soda, the commercials were mostly over and the disk menu popped up. Larb settled into the sofa as he grabbed the remote and excitedly speculated on what forbidden sights and sounds awaited him: there might even be swearing!
As he reached for his soda he noticed the surface of the drink was rippling, not in the way it normally would from being set down either, the ripples seemed to be growing larger instead of shrinking. Then the cup started shaking slightly, as he pushed it away from the edge to stop it from falling, he began feeling the tremors that grew louder and stronger until the sofa was shaking under him. Was there an earthquake?
Then they came to a sudden stop just as they neared Larb's house. He made his way to the front door, cautiously opened it and peered through, not knowing what he might find on the other side. He looked up and there was Zim, standing a couple dozen feet in the air. Great, he flies now.
"Zim?" he asked bewildered "What are you doing here?"
"Yes, it is I! Here to rain vengeance upon your- wait, how do you know it's me?" Zim's dramatic speech was cut off by the realisaton that he had been spotted
"You're….You're standing right there" Larb said dumbfounded, still trying to wrap his head around the bizarre situation he'd found himself in "On the walkway"
"LIES!" Zim yelled back "The robot I'm piloting is a stealth mech, equipped with an advanced cloaking device"
"It's only cloaking the robot, unfortunately I can still see and hear you" Larb interjected, starting to recover from the shock and regain his usual snarky attitude "Looks like you screwed up"
"Wha-No-I-" Zim sputtered "Slander! This robot was an internet purchase! I didn't screw up, the people at the factory screwed up!" That did it, the proverbial gloves were off now (not that he'd ever take the real ones off while outside, not for something like this) "No matter! For soon I will rain destruction upon your inexplicably oblong head"
"Hey!"
"Soon my mocking your head won't matter, prepare to face the wrath of Zim!" He paused for a moment; the voice interface could communicate with him, but he didn't actually know what any of the buttons did. A quick scan of the control panel brought his attention to a large, red button with an explosion symbol on it. That certainly looked promising. He brought his fist down on the button and warning lights began to flash overhead.
"Thank you for activating the self-destruct mechanism, take cover and have a nice day" The patchwork voice said cheerfully as it opened a hole in the floor under Zim and dropped him onto the grass. He dashed across the street and into a nearby garage that protected him from the blast, perhaps a bit excessive, considering Larb was fine just hiding behind the door for a minute before cautiously opening it again and peering out.
"The lawn!" Larb shrieked a full octave higher than normal as he saw the grass burst into flame. Before he could react, his attention was torn away by the sound of a large chunk of invisible debris falling and crushing the car parked in the driveway "My dad's mid-life crisis!"
"Ha!" Zim cackled triumphantly "I have successfully destroyed your family's status symbols! Victory for Zim!" It wasn't exactly what he had gone there for, but he'd take it.
Meanwhile Larb numbly picked up the garden hose and extinguished the lawn before going back inside to watch his movie; it was probably best to just go about his business and pretend this was as big a shock to him as it would be to his parents when they got home.
Elsewhere, Dib had heard the explosion, and noticed it had come from the same direction as the robot's footprints lead. The blood drained from his face as the realisation came upon him that there was a very good chance Zim was involved. His adrenaline spiked and he pedaled twice as hard, frantically calling Zim's name while the calming phone que music contrasted with his frantic searching.
"Zim! Where are you?" Please be alright, or at least only have a minor injury. Granted with how bad this could get, a minor injury could mean anything from a few scrapes and bruises to a broken leg...Though he supposed at least the boy wouldn't be able to get in as much trouble with one leg in a cast... "Zim! Can you hear me!?"
"Whaaat?" Zim asked irritably as he pushed his way through the bushes.
"Oh thank goodness" Dib sighed, practically melting into the sidewalk in relief "Are you alright?"
"No!" Zim huffed, his sulking posture didn't change as the Vortian pulled him into a relieved hug. "The robot exploded and I only got to rain doom on Larb's lawn and an ugly car!"
Dib pulled back to give him an unimpressed look "Really? You nearly got blown up and that's what you choose to focus on?" He asked before taking on a semi-joking tone "You know, if I prematurely blanch, it'll be because of you"
"You're welcome" Zim cheekily grinned in reply.
Dib gave a brief, discouraged look before he was finally rewarded with the ringing noise that signaled he was, at long last, being put through to a receptionist.
"Hello, this is the return center, how can I help you?"
"I was sent something I didn't order; I bought a case of mixed berry mooshminkie baking mixes, and I got a giant robot" Dib explained "Now there's been a slight...complication. The robot just blew up a few minutes ago"
"Tell them the cloaking device was faulty!" Zim chimed in.
"Sorry, we don't handle exploded products, you want another department" the receptionist answered "Transferring you to defective product returns"
"Wait, what!? No, don't transfer me! No, NO, NOOOOO!"
Eventually Dib managed to get things sorted and a team was sent over to pick up the pieces of robot, a replacement case of mixes was mailed off, and questions about why the retrieval team couldn't simply drop it off while they were in the area were brushed aside.
While that was going on he and Zim had picked Gir up from his playdate, and now the boys were enjoying the sort of pleasant evening of togetherness that often comes at the end of a crisis. With Gaz out of the house, Dib introduced Gir to some of the children's shows he used to watch without having to worry about bothering her. While the close watch he insisted on keeping on Zim after this latest fiasco took the form of going over star charts and teaching him some of the things that could be found on different planets.
It was funny, Dib had never considered himself especially good with children but these two seemed to get along with him no problem. Part of him wondered whether he had been selling himself short, if it was that he had never interacted with children like-minded enough before, or if it was simply that he was helping to fill a void that had been there so long the two of them stopped noticing it, and what he could offer was still better than nothing. Maybe it was all three.
The thought was pushed aside, however, in favour of staying in the moment and just enjoying it; the crisis was over, everybody was having fun, and questions like that could wait until another time.
While the evening was nice and peaceful for the most part, dinner was momentarily soured by Zim suggesting that he should nearly get blown up more often in a tone that Dib couldn't tell if he were joking or serious. Rather than risk it being the latter, Dib flatly told him that he would be happy to keep a container of neapolitan ice cream in the freezer set aside for him without the boy endangering himself so never do that again, thank you. Even though odds were that he would.
Either way, the result was one of those days where the first and second half felt like different days entirely, starting as a chaotic mess, but ending on an unexpectedly nice note.
Many lightyears away was one very confused Irken, she had been on a reconnaissance mission and was told to expect a package containing something to help her if things went wrong and the Meekrob turned hostile.
What she received was a case of baking mixes.
Still, it was a nice change from the usual rations, and mixed berry was her favourite, so she had quickly opened one of the packages and started baking. It turned out the Meekrob really liked mixed berry mooshminkie too, within a few minutes of taking the pastries out of the oven, several locals had shown up on her doorstep asking to try one and she was too stunned to object (which was probably a good thing in regard to the mission, Irkens could be territorial about their snack foods). Now she stood in front of her base's computer, making the strangest call of her career.
In a few moments the call connected and the image of a towering Irken woman with bright blue eyes and robes to match graced the screen: Almighty Tallest Miyuki. "Elite Cal, how is your mission progressing?" Tallest Miyuki asked in a clear, crisp, yet ever so slightly inviting voice.
"Better than I could have expected, my Tallest! The Meekrob want to form an alliance with us!"
"Already? That's splendid news! Well done, elite Cal!"
"It's all because of the gift you sent, my Tallest" Cal replied with a nervous smile "I admit, I was surprised to receive a case of baking mixes, but your judgement was spot on. They loved them!"
"You flatter me, elite Cal" Miyuki smiled in return, however her expression faltered slightly "But I never sent you any baking mixes"
For a moment an awkward silence settled over the room as both Irkens wondered the same thing before brushing the thought aside; they'd gotten what they were ultimately after and that's what mattered in the end, there were some times when you were better off not knowing.
16 chapters...That's how long it's taken...16 chapters before we get to actually see some Irkens, I think that's some sort of record for an Invader Zim story that doesn't just have everyone as human. But at least we finally get to see Tallest Miyuki, I know a few of you have been wondering about her and here she is.
Anyway, this was a fun chapter to work on, especially the scene with Larb (I feel like this chapter and the next one are ones that really remind you most of the characters are children, but in a cute, characters following child logic way); though it was a little funny that this one was being written around the time the last chapter of "A Parade of Indignities" before the current one was posted, so I was reading scene with Larb shortly after writing my own, though I suppose it shows how you can have different takes on conflicts between the same characters. I remember seeing something about Larb being positioned as a sort of rival to Zim in the comics, and went with it from there (It's especially funny when you consider the dish Larb is named after is basically the meat version of a salad)...oddly I actually had a few PG13 DVDs at the characters' age though.
Besides that, I know the mooshminkie in the show was deep fried, but since they specified it was deep fried I decide that wasn't it's typical state and made it a baked good. Also part of me wants to imagine Larb's dad is the guy who's car is destroyed in "Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"; no matter what, that car is just doomed
Anyway, that's it for now, stay safe everyone (^.^)
