A/N—We've made it through another week! Here's hoping all of you are safe and healthy. Thank you for reading this, and I hope it brightens your day a little. :)

Also, a reminder that email alerts still aren't working for FF, so make sure to check your inbox at the site for my replies to your reviews (and whatever else people are saying to you :P).


Carlos walked with Logan to school Wednesday morning, but once they arrived they parted ways and Logan was fine with that. As directed, Carlos checked in with him via text during homeroom.

"He seems ok 2day. Looks tired. But he was happy I was there!"

Well, at least someone could still make James happy.

Logan was positive that this would be the day James discovered they shared biology class, and then everything would go to hell again. He spent most of the period tense and rigid, just waiting for James to look around and spot him. Instead, James was back to brooding and not paying attention to anything; it was clear he wanted to be elsewhere, probably a bed where he could hide under the covers and block out the world. Logan ached to hold him, to reassure him, to do something so that gorgeous smile would appear.

He did none of those things. He sat in the room and half-listened to Mrs. Simmons while shifting the other half of his focus to James.

When the bell rang, James shot out of the room before anyone could approach or hail him. Lunch with the other two Amigos was waiting.

Logan skirted the quad in a roundabout way to reach the library, not wanting to set James off by his mere existence, but he did peek over along the way. James was seated next to Mandy on the grass, both of them leaning back against the step above. Carlos seemed to be in earnest conversation with Denise, who laughed at something (no doubt silly) that Carlos said. Kendall was discussing something with James, and it was nice to see James smiling and interacting for a change. As Logan watched, the girl he assumed to be Mindy attempted to join their discussion while placing a hand on Kendall's shoulder to get his attention. Kendall glanced at her briefly before subtly freeing himself from her grip and speaking to James.

Don't even bother, Mindy, Logan smirked. That's never gonna happen.

Just before he disappeared into the library, Logan twisted back for one more look at the group. Or, if he was honest with himself, at James—who, shockingly, was staring right at him. Logan stopped dead with the door wide open, entranced by the hazel eyes drinking him in but giving no clue as to what was going on behind them. He tried a hesitant smile. In response, James looked away before dragging Mandy closer for a kiss. It was nothing more than chaste; it still kicked Logan in the gut. Point made, he turned away and entered the quiet of the library.

Day two of hiding himself in a corner to sulk commenced.


Carlos caught him up on James' well-being after hockey practice. He grabbed a snack first (apple slices again to his dismay) and then imparted, "He was better today. Seemed like his old self, mostly. It's so good to have him back!"

During a text conversation before bed that night, Brooke shared the same sentiment and added, "He still won't discuss the cancer, but he ate dinner with me and then we watched a movie together. One of his favorites from childhood. I haven't heard him laugh that much in years. Did you work your magic on him today?"

Logan wished. "No, we didn't speak at all. Barely saw each other. What's he doing now?"

"Homework, I hope. If not, he's in his room working out or watching television. He's home, and that's all I care about."

"Good. I'm really glad to hear that. Carlos said he was in better spirits today, too. And how are you?"

"I'm fine."

Logan rolled his eyes. Typical Diamond response, which meant he would have to dig deeper. "When is your next doctor appointment?"

"I went today. More chemo, which means that by morning I'll be weak and sick. It's just part of the process, Logan. Stop worrying about me."

"I can't help it. Call me if there's anything I can bring you. You're on my way home from school, you know."

"I'm well aware. Will I be seeing you Saturday?"

"At the hockey game? I'll be there. Do you need me to drive you?"

"I should be fine by then. But I meant for James' birthday party. You'll be here, right?"

Logan read the message three times because it didn't make sense. What part of "James doesn't want me anywhere near him" did Brooke not understand? "I will not be there. It's his party and I won't ruin that."

"Logan, don't be ridiculous. We both know he wants you here."

"Were you not there last night? Don't you remember him storming out and that whole plan of giving him space so he'll miss me?"

"By Saturday he will. Keep your distance the next two days, and then when he sees you Saturday at the game he'll be happy about it."

"With Kendall it took over a month."

"You're not Kendall. He's not a little boy anymore. Trust me, Logan. He'll be glad to see you."

It was no use arguing with her. Logan gave up on that. "Will you be at the game?"

"I wouldn't miss it. Save me a seat up front."

"I will. And keep me posted about James. Let me know if things get bad again. That goes for you too, by the way."

"Yes, Dr. Mitchell. I'm going to go soak in a hot bath before bed. Goodnight. You let me know the same thing. If things get bad with James at school or anywhere else, I expect you to tell me."

"Understood. Goodnight."

With a sigh Logan set his phone on the nightstand, randomly wondering what it felt like to soak in a hot bath. If showers were that amazing, he could only imagine that sinking into a tub of water would be even more relaxing.

Enjoy it while you can, people. One day that's going to be a crime.

He made a vow to indulge himself the following evening and give it a try. Might as well enjoy the perks of living in the past, right?


Though Logan put no faith in Brooke's certainty that James would miss him by Saturday, he agreed that avoiding James until then was a good idea. Between Carlos and Brooke, he could still keep tabs on James from a distance.

When Carlos texted him in homeroom Thursday morning, Logan realized half of that plan wasn't going to work.

"James stayed home 2day. He just texted us back & said hes not coming in 2day or 2morrow."

Logan wanted to bash his head against the wooden desk he was squeezed into. What was wrong with James now?

"Why not?"

"Dont know yet, he hasnt answered. But well c u at lunch & have an answer by then. I hope."

Logan shook his head. Time to get the full story from Brooke.

"He said he wasn't feeling well. I told him he could stay home today but that he has to go tomorrow. He's missing too much school."

That didn't match up to what Carlos said. Perhaps James hadn't asked his mother about the following day yet. "Did he say what's wrong?"

"Just a stomachache and a headache. I know he's faking it because when I asked if he wants breakfast, he said yes. And then asked for his favorite meal again for lunch."

Logan frowned. He would've expected James to hide away in bed all day. "Are you up to all that? Has the chemotherapy made you sick yet?"

"I'm ordering breakfast in and we're going to watch another movie together. I'll nap after and I should be able to handle making sandwiches and opening a bag of chips."

"Don't forget the orange."

"He wouldn't let me. He's coming down now, so I'll talk to you later."

That didn't really merit a response. Logan set his phone on the desk and wondered what was actually going through James' mind. Was James just trying to avoid him? Or was there more to his desire to stay home? He'd gone from never wanting to be home with his mother to purposely spending time with her.

Maybe the text had done more good than Logan imagined. Maybe James was finally starting to accept that his days with Brooke were numbered and she needed him to get through this.

By lunch James had texted Carlos and Kendall that he'd wanted to be home. No reason given.

"I guess it's better than him ditching school and getting wasted?" Kendall reasoned. "At least we know where he is and that he's safe."

Logan agreed with that. Talk turned to less serious subjects, Logan not following half of it but happy to be part of them again. And who knew he'd enjoy that so much, just having friends?

"Kendall?"

They all looked up when a shadow fell over them. Mandy, in her usual outfit of tight top and short skirt, was pointedly ignoring Logan.

"Where's James? He's not answering my texts or calls, since like...yesterday."

"He's sick," Carlos volunteered. "He's not coming in tomorrow, either."

"What?! Why wouldn't he tell me that?"

Kendall shrugged. His gaze stayed on the banana he was peeling.

"Do you guys want to come eat with us? Carlos and Kendall, I mean."

Of course, because I'm a freak and she wouldn't want me anywhere near her. Logan smirked at the way she'd blatantly left him out. "Go ahead, guys. I'm good."

"So are we," Kendall stated. He finally gave Mandy his attention, tipping his head back to look up at her. "Thanks, but I'm comfortable."

"Mindy and Denise really want you there."

A glance at Carlos showed that even the offer of Denise wasn't tempting. It made sense, though; Carlos would go (or stay, in this case) where Kendall did. He smiled and said, "Maybe next time. I'll let him know you're worried about him."

Logan had to admire Carlos' stab at trying to be polite. And why wasn't Mandy leaving yet?

"Kendall...can I talk to you? It's important." The way her blue eyes shifted to Logan told him exactly what she wanted to discuss.

Kendall didn't miss it, either. He shot Logan a long-suffering expression and stood to follow her when she moved far enough away to converse with Kendall quietly.

"You sure you don't want to go sit with Denise?" Logan said to Carlos. He already knew the answer.

"Nah. She's cool and all but...you know."

"Yeah," Logan grinned. "I know."

"Dude, don't even start. Not here."

Logan mimed zipping his lips and throwing away a key. It was too much fun to tease Carlos about his crush on Kendall.

Carlos was the first to ask once Kendall rejoined them—blessedly alone. "What did she want?"

"To warn us. She thought maybe we hadn't heard the reason behind James' hatred of Logan."

Logan nodded. "Because obviously if you had, you'd never want to be near me."

"Pretty much," Kendall agreed.

Carlos questioned, "What did you say?"

"That we knew exactly what happened between them and it didn't bother us because we know Logan's not a pervert."

Touched, Logan replied, "Thanks, Kendall. It means a lot that you defended me."

"Well, you can't help who you're attracted to. And there's nothing wrong with being attracted to a dude."

Carlos choked on the apple he'd taken a chunk out of, then coughed hard. "You okay?" Kendall asked in concern.

It took Carlos some time to swallow and clear his throat with water. "You mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"What you said? That's it's okay to...you know. To like a dude?"

Kendall shrugged as heat swam into his cheeks. "I mean, I'm not gonna judge someone for who they date. Except maybe James," he added with a grin, probably in an attempt to distract from the admission he'd let slip out. "He's got no taste."

One of Logan's brows hiked up. "I'm going to assume you're referring to Mandy and not taking a jab at me."

"Uhhhh...sure." When Logan opened his mouth to fight back, Kendall laughed. "Dude, of course I'm talking about Mandy. I'm not sure what exactly he's feeling for you, but if it was that? It's fine."

Carlos was listening closely to every word. "So you'd be cool with James dating a guy?"

"Yeah, if that's what he wanted. As long as he's happy, you know? I just want my friends to be happy."

Logan stared hard at Carlos. "Even if it's dating another guy," he pressed. "Kendall's cool with it."

Kendall suddenly asked, "Wait, would you have a problem with it? One of your friends being into dudes?"

"What? Me?" Carlos' eyes went wide. "No! No, that's totally fine! I'd be happy. I mean...not happy. But not unhappy. Just...it would be fine. My friends are my friends no matter what. That's all I'm trying to say." Carlos' rushed rambling indicated there was much more he wanted to say but didn't dare.

"Good." Kendall nodded. "I'm glad we're on the same page. I'd hate to see us all break up for something stupid like that. So it's agreed? Even if Logan likes guys or...if I do. Or if James does, by some miracle...we're still friends?"

"Hell yeah, we are. The Three Amigos don't let anything break them up. Right?"

Kendall smiled sweetly, green eyes warm as they stared back at Carlos. "Right. Not even a girl. Or a guy."

"Exactly."

Logan spent the time left during lunch trying not to blurt out the obvious and tell them to just kiss already. They'd get there, in their own time.

Must be nice.


Logan kept his word and refrained from contacting James in any way over the next day and a half. It was torture, as he still wasn't convinced Mandy was who she claimed to be and could harm James at any moment, but the most he could do was rely on reports from Brooke. In a series of text conversations detailing their time together, Brooke reassured him that her son was safe and seemed to be enjoying the time spent at home.

"I still think you had something to do with this," she confided at one point. "So whatever you said before it all blew up, thank you."

He would love to believe his text had spurred James into the change of heart. Perhaps it had, and even if James was no longer speaking to him, some good had come out of their too-brief friendship. It helped to know that.

True to his word, James stayed home again Friday. Brooke had argued with him over this one and lost.

"He cried, Logan. He actually cried. I'm starting to think there's more going on that he's not sharing with me. I wish you were here, you could get him talking."

But he couldn't. He couldn't even get James to listen, let alone talk. He was more tempted than ever to try again, and had half a text composed when he remembered that he was sticking to the plan. James had to miss him, to need him and make the first move.

The text was erased. Logan returned to the conversation with Brooke. "Why did he cry?"

"Because I was forcing him to go and he said he didn't want to leave. He begged me for just one more day and promised he'd go back Monday. When the tears started, I couldn't do it. He's never been one to use tears against me, he thinks it makes him look weak. When he did that...I just couldn't do it."

"I understand. Are you getting anywhere with the talking? Maybe you can use the tears to get that going."

"I'll try after lunch. I skipped breakfast but promised him lunch, so we'll see how that goes."

"You shouldn't be skipping meals. You need your strength."

"When you go through chemo and feel nauseous 24/7, then you can lecture me about eating. But until then, mind your own business."

Every day Logan heard more of James in her, or rather how much James had picked up pieces of her personality. "Just make sure you eat lunch. And don't lie to me when I ask about it later."

"Oh, he's calling for me. Bye for now."

Whether James was or it was just an excuse to get Logan off her case, he didn't know; he let her go anyway and returned to the moment in homeroom. Another long, boring day of school without James.

He almost laughed when he realized he considered school "long" and "boring." Who had he become?

Brooke got nowhere with James regarding his feelings or her imminent death. He seemed to want to spend time with her as long as the discussions between them remained light and frivolous. It was classic denial and avoidance. It made Logan crazy, because until James faced the reality of his mother's future, he wouldn't be receptive to learning about how the cancer worked and how to prevent it.

The Garcia household was loud and full of energy Saturday morning. Everyone wanted the hockey team to make it to the state championship, and today's game would decide that outcome. Logan found it amusing that even Sylvia was hyped up, shaping their pancakes into hockey sticks (and "pucks", which were basically tiny pancakes in their regular shape).

"Carlos, eat your banana!" she commanded when he asked for seconds. "You need something healthy with all the syrup you're drowning your food in. Sugar only keeps you going for a short time."

"I'll be fine, Ma! Papi, can you grab me another pancake while you're up?"

"Anything for my star player!"

Though Sylvia rolled her eyes, she didn't argue. In truth, her excitement was outweighing the strict parent in her.

Logan smiled along with them all; inside, he was a cauldron of boiling nerves. It would be his first time laying eyes on James since that staredown between them Wednesday. Every time he remembered that, his brain shoved the vision of James kissing Mandy to the forefront and he wanted to scream. Wasn't it bad enough that he'd had to witness it? Did he really need to relive it over and over?

He didn't know why this one bothered him so much. He'd seen much more between them at Jenny's party and that hadn't stuck with him the way this did. That hadn't punctured his heart every time he remembered it.

James wasn't yours yet, his mind whispered. You hadn't held him or been on the receiving end of that smile. His eyes hadn't indicated that he was feeling things for you.

The kiss Wednesday had been purposely directed at him. Logan had zero doubt about that. It was James' way of showing Logan that he'd made his choice and it would never be Logan.

And that was why it hurt so damn bad. Because James had basically closed that door forever and then rubbed his face in it.

Whatever. I'm not here to win you over that way. I'm here to save your life. I don't need your love in order to do that. I just need you to let me get near you long enough to open your mind.

That was Logan's goal today. Carlos, Kendall, James...their goals would be on the ice. For him, it was only one opponent he was facing and he'd have to use every piece of information he'd learned about James—both before and after meeting him.

Something in his arsenal had to do the trick. The hard part would be figuring out which tool best worked to pry open the vault that was James Diamond.


Carlos ran into the rink ahead of them, dragging his gear and uniform with him. Logan hung back with the parents, his stomach cramping and his chest pressing down on itself so that he could hardly draw a deep breath.

They passed Brooke's parked car along the way and the feelings intensified.

Breathe. Don't pass out before you even get inside the building. Breathe, Logan. You have a job to do. And even if you get nowhere on that angle today, you get to watch James play hockey for two hours.

Few things were more beautiful than that. It eased some of his tension.

Could he force himself into their pizza ritual after the game? Would James insist he stay away, or would Carlos demand that James stop acting like an ass and allow his brother to join them? Today, Logan wouldn't take the high road and offer to leave. He needed an opportunity to get close to James.

They were greeted by the sounds and scents that were familiar to Logan now—pucks being knocked around, skates cutting through solid ice, a general smell that was somewhere between sweat and the euphoria of victory.

Logan's gaze slid toward the ice. There was Carlos suiting up, his excitement and anticipation palpable from the stands. Kendall was already on the ice, of course, and had been long enough that his bangs were plastered to his forehead. He grinned when he caught sight of Carlos, then whooped a greeting. After that, Carlos put on a burst of speed in order to get out there faster.

But where was James? Logan knew he was here, he'd seen the car outside. He studied each player moving around, looking for that slim but tall and graceful body. James was nowhere, why wasn't he—

Oh. Because he was leaning against the boards talking to his mother. As they neared, Logan heard a laugh that made his heart dance. James' head had fallen back with it, and Logan was entranced by the way his throat worked. When he looked at Brooke again, he was smiling and his eyes were bright and—

I love you. Holy God, I love you, I don't care if you never feel the same way, just keep sharing that smile with the world because we need it. I swear that smile alone could bring about world peace.

"Logan!" Brooke patted the bench next to her. "I saved you a spot, come join me!"

Logan glanced back at James just in time to lock eyes with him. As usual, the gate came down to block emotion and James spun away to skate back toward his teammates. Logan sighed.

"Now, none of that. Did you expect him to magically be your friend overnight?"

No, but it would've been nice. Logan offered Brooke a wan smile before settling in next to her. "How is he today?"

"Good. I don't know if you saw that, but he was actually laughing with me before—"

"Yeah. I saw. Then I showed up and ruined everything."

"Nonsense. It's good to see you again." She surprised him by hugging him with one arm, then she turned to greet the Garcias. Logan noted that Jennifer was on Brooke's other side, her focus on the practice going on in front of them.

"That's right, Kendall!" she suddenly yelled. "Just like that!"

A hand fell on his shoulder. "Hey. How did that study session go?"

"Hi!" He didn't know why he was surprised to see Katie, but for some reason her presence made him feel better. "It was good, actually. You're right, though, they're difficult to work with when they aren't focused."

"Told ya," Katie grinned. Her hair was unfettered today and fell past her shoulders. "But Kendall did good on his math test, so thanks."

"Does he not usually?"

Katie shrugged and replied, "I think it's more that he doesn't really try. He's not stupid or anything. He tried this time and did well. I heard Carlos passed his test, too."

"He did. C+, which for him is an improvement. I'm hoping to get him up to at least B's."

"That's awesome. Kendall said it was actually fun the way you do it. That you guys played a game?"

"Something like that. I'm glad he enjoyed it. He and Carlos are extremely competitive, so once they started looking at it like a challenge..."

"Yeah, that would help."

"Logan! Hi, I didn't even see you!"

Jennifer was moving around Brooke to drag him in for a hug, and Logan was so relieved he actually felt tears burn his eyes. He hadn't realized how scared he was that Jennifer and Katie would hate him because James did.

"How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm..." Horrible. The world is going to end and it's all my fault because I can't figure out how to get James to forgive me. "Okay. I'm okay. It's good to see you."

"You, too! Thanks for helping Kendall with math! He's doing so much better in that class!"

She was still hugging him and Logan was in no hurry to make that stop, but he was afraid if he didn't he would just hang onto her like this until the end of time. And probably cry the entire time, too. So he extricated himself from the hug and smiled. "I'm glad. I think Kendall wanted to stay over tonight after James' party, so if he does we can do some more studying tomorrow."

"I'm all for that," she laughed. "Will you be there?"

"At the party?"

"Yeah."

"Will you?"

"I'll probably hang out for a little while. James invited Katie, too, so I'll stay long enough to get her home. I um..." Jennifer ducked her blue eyes down at the floor. "I know you and James aren't getting along right now, so I wasn't sure if—"

"I'm hoping to fix that problem before tonight. If not...then no, I won't be there."

Her face fell. "I'm sorry. He did this to Kendall once too, he was so angry for about six weeks and didn't want anything to do with him and—"

"I know. He's stubborn." The ghost of a smile twitched at Logan's lips. "Very much like his mother."

"Oh, don't even get me started," she chuckled. "Brooke looks good. Tired, of course, and she's getting too thin, but...she seems happy today."

"She is. Hopefully I'll see you again tonight, but if I don't, maybe I'll stop into Good Eats after school Monday. We went yesterday after school and you weren't there; Kendall said you'd left early."

"Yes, Katie had a dental appointment. I'll definitely be there Monday, so stop in!"

He would. No matter what, he would, because this woman made him feel like everything just might work out. "I will."

"Oh, I haven't even said hi to Syl yet! I missed you all coming in."

"Go on," he smiled. "I'll be around."

She squeezed his shoulder before moving on. Rather than take his seat next to Brooke, Logan went one tier up and settled in behind her so that Katie was at his right. "So you're going to James' party?"

"Yeah. I didn't think he'd want me there, figured he'd just invite the cool high school kids, you know? But he texted me last night and said to come."

"Last night?" Logan echoed.

"Uh huh. Is he still mad at you?"

Logan gave her a nod, not trusting himself to speak.

"That sucks. He was like...raging when he came over the other night. Said his mom went behind his back and invited you over?"

"Right. I tried to tell her it wouldn't go well, but..." He shrugged. "She doesn't listen."

"Neither does James," Katie pointed out. "Makes it hard to be his friend." Katie let that dangle between them for a minute, then said, "I miss him."

Logan blinked. "Isn't he there all the time? At your place?"

"He used to be. And he is still sometimes, but...he's different now. He's just sad all the time."

Except when I got him to laugh and smile. What a great two days that was. "Well, he's going through a lot."

"I know. I'm sure it's hard, the whole thing with his mom and stuff. But if he would talk to us about it, maybe it would be a little easier."

"Agreed. Have you tried?"

"Yeah, he just tells me to shut up, that I don't know what I'm talking about."

"Rude."

She waved a hand. "I'm used to that, he doesn't mean it. But usually even when he won't talk about stuff, he'll listen. He pretends like he doesn't care, but I know he's listening to what I'm saying and it makes a difference. This time? He just shuts me up and doesn't let me talk about it. I heard Kendall trying to talk to him about you the other day and it was the same thing—he threatened to leave if Kendall didn't shut up about you. He can be such a jerk sometimes."

"Yes, he can," Logan sighed. He recalled the way James had spoken to him when he was hungover; "jerk" didn't even begin to cut it. "But deep down, he's hurting. You know that, right?"

"He's stupid about it. We're all right here and we just want to help. Why won't he let us?"

Logan shook his head. "Because he learned to depend on himself at a young age, that's my guess." His eyes followed James around the ice. "He's afraid people are going to hurt him."

"Okay, but we're family. Does he really think we're the ones he has to watch out for?"

Yes. Because you're the ones who have the power to hurt him the most. "I'll work on him. Just have to make him talk to me first."

"Yeah, good luck with that. Getting Carlos to pass a test is small potatoes compared to getting James to forgive you."

Logan's brows drew together. "Small potatoes?"

"Yeah. You know, like...no big deal. Have you really never heard that?"

"I...haven't. I didn't get out much before I moved here."

"No duh," Katie teased. "But it's cool, cause you're family now, too. We'll teach you the ropes."

And here came that feeling again, the same one that had made Logan want to cry when Jennifer hugged him. It was both scary in its newness and welcome in its ability to make him feel safe.

Family, Katie had said. It had been him and his mom for as long as he could remember, and he'd loved her dearly. This had been missing, though—the feeling that others cared about him and would fight for his happiness. He was only now realizing just how much he'd missed out on with a mother who met his needs materialistically but had been perhaps stunted emotionally when her husband died.

"Thanks," Logan said now. "I'm uh...I'm really glad I came here."

And for once, that sentiment had nothing to do with James.