Chapter 16

Those Cunning Folks Use Any Means


Lily Potter was pacing around outside their portrait hole erratically when Sev first saw her.

He had no idea why all the girls looked like they were waiting for an overcrowded loo, but then again they did almost always travel in packs there as if toilets were a fun place to be. So perhaps it was always so overcrowded that a good population of girls must be forced to hold it.

Other than that, he had absolutely no idea what there was to be so antsy about in this world!

They did not actually think he was going to Azkaban, surely…

"SEVERUS!" A girly voice called out to him.

Sweet Merlin! He almost said it out loud too, because he had never, absolutely never had a twelve-year-old girl jump into him. In fact, he did not realize she was dramatically jumping into his rescuing arms, because he didn't know that was a thing. Her arms crushed around him, or it felt like they did, because he suddenly could not breathe.

"I'm going to be expelled or have detention forever if you don't help me!" She said from his chest.

In a very late response, noticing she was not letting go of him, he put and arm around her and pat her back in a way that he hoped was nicely.

"Help you to do what?" he asked, glossing right over what he now recognized as the constant hyperbole involved in conversation with others his age. Nobody was getting expelled from here.

She bit her lip, "I gave someone horns, Sev…"

He snorted, "Horns? On their head, I hope?"

"What!" she squeaked, not understanding his humor at all.

"That's it? Horns?"

"Yes, but you have to get rid of them before the headmistress comes back and sees," she added. There was the added degree of difficulty of potentially getting busted.

"Oh?" He raised a brow. He was not in any particular hurry to see the headmistress again today. Regardless of the circumstances, and whether he thought himself right or not, he rather oddly felt like an eight-year-old who had just gotten a spanking.

"She hasn't, y'know, finished with Jackson after, y'know, what happened with you and him in the corridors," she rambled out.

He was beginning to sense there was an element to this all quite beyond Professor McGonagall. "Back up for just a moment…Exactly who did you give horns and what did they do?"

She grimaced at him.

His grey eyes narrowed just a bit. He thought there had to be something. Then it struck him.

"Lily…Lily don't tell me you want me to get rid of horns on the twat that tried to blame his whole fight on me?!" He was thirteen, after all, he could not help a moment of righteous indignance! And it was a good thing his father was not in this world to ever find out he said twat in front of a twelve-year-old girl...

His exasperation continued as his brain tried to catch up in the processing. The messy braid of bushy black hair flipping this way and that as he gestured. "I just left the headmistress. As. In. Just. He got me two Saturday detentions and a ticking, for sticking up for your brother!"

Finally, he growled and took a breath. "Why did you give him horns?" He knew the answer. Him. So this was his responsibility too.

"Rose said he tried to get you in big trouble and told a bunch of lies that you'd attacked him and hurt him. I got really angry and," there was a pause where she shrugged, "…horns."

He put a hand to his face. Then he chuckled some. He couldn't help it. Really it was bizarre poetic justice. Horns! Of all things!

"For you," he replied. "I'll do it for you, so that you don't get in trouble. But we have to hurry up, if the headmistress catches me in your Common Room after all this…"

"That would be bad," she agreed.

Pushing some spare black hair behind his ears, he was already thinking of exactly how to play this off. The options were aplenty.

"I'll do it for you, but I don't want him to know it's for you. So, if you want to stay out of trouble, play along with me."

"Anything," she said.

Clearly, detention was a very large deterrent for her. Detention here was more tame than an afternoon studying with his father from what he could tell from various reports. And he spent a lot of time studying with his father, so a little detention was likely less than his typical time obligation.

"And you shouldn't do magic when you're angry," he added. "It's not safe."

He followed her into the Gryffindor Common Room. He might have looked around to check it out but for the…

"Merlin's Balls," he laughed. "Oh wow." Those were not just some little horns! "Satan would be jealous! Brilliant, Lily!" He chuckled a little bit more. He offered her a fist-bump which she happily returned.

"Shut up!" Colby ground out between his teeth.

"Oh no, no," James said, to Jackson getting uppity again, pointing the tip of his wand at the boy in threat. "The way this plays out my sister gets detention, and we lose even more points. You'd best hope Sev can get rid of them." James looked at Sev hopefully.

"And what, precisely, makes you all think I even would?" Sev looked between them and plopped down on the couch opposite their chairs, putting his arms alongside the backrest in some sort of languid enjoyment.

"But you can?" James suspected.

Sev saw right through that clarification. "Don't think about forcing me, Potter. Your sister already told me ages ago you turned purple trying to make a Patronus." And honestly, Sev would just get in more trouble for defending himself. He was cutting that off before another overeager Gryffindor considering attacking him that day. Especially since he fully intended on getting rid of the horns. But on his terms.

"Please, Sev," Lily said, remembering to play along.

"I have some conditions."

"Whatever," James said.

"Anything," Lily said.

"No, not from you two. From him." Sev said, pointing at horny. He took out his wand and twirled it. "Because otherwise I could just as easily claim I pushed my way past a concerned Lily Potter, gave him horns, and then dragged him across the school to the Headmistress' Office to force him to tell the truth over earlier. I'll take the blame for the horns instead of Lily and everyone can see him with horns." Then he added for good measure, "I'm brainy and strong, so that sounds a rather brilliant option to me right now."

And he would gladly actually drag the kid, so he could avoid more unsanctioned magic, and could probably get the elder Potter to help him sell the story. He clearly wanted to protect his sister too.

Colby stared at him.

James even turned and looked at him with wide-eyes. That was a ballsy threat. And quite a deed to willingly get detention for too!

"So, it's that, or I'll do it the quick, painless way with the conditions. Your choice. I'll wait," Sev said.

"What conditions," the boy grit out.

"Ask me nicely to do it for you, swear you'll apologize to Albus, and quit being an insufferable git to people." He leaned forward, "Or I'll put them back in the middle of the Great Hall one day."

Lily looked between the two. She was quite sure he would take the detention for her and waltz her handiwork past most the school by the look on his face. He was fearless. At least to her, because detention was the worst thing ever, absolutely to be feared. She had already forgotten that he said to play along with him, or she just decided he looked too serious, because she really believed him.

Colby blinked for a moment. He was not entirely sure what to make of the offer. He had thought the terms would be considerably more involved after what had happened. As in, he fully expected the Slytherin to exact some very crazy revenge after he'd blamed him, not contemplate removing his horns with…nothing in return. Other than an apology. To Albus Potter.

It was almost too tame to believe.

"Hurry up, Jackson. Sev can't still be here when the headmistress comes back, and Rose can't hold her forever," Lily said, bouncing with anticipation.

"What's the catch," Jackson asked, tentatively.

"Catch?" Sev asked, smirking.

"Yeah, you're saying you're either going to drag me to the headmistress with these horns so the whole school can see me with them and take the blame for Lily, or I can apologize to James' brother and you'll just…get rid of them? There's got to be a catch."

"No catch. I'm just not an arsehole, like you," he replied, looking the horny boy in the eye steadily.

"Ouch, truth, mate," James said to Jackson, with a snicker of amusement. He wouldn't have even offered that deal! Not after two Saturday detentions and the crock of shite Jackson seemed to have sold to the headmistress. "I almost want you to not take the deal!" he added, snickering more. "Sorry, Sev…I mean…but it would be funny."

Sev smiled, "I'm somewhat ambivalent about his choice myself." A few more Saturday detentions would not bother him at all if the entire school saw the dolt with horns. "It would be spectacularly hilarious for the whole school to laugh at him since he likes to torment others so much."

"I'll take the deal," the boy suddenly blurted out. Tired of listening to them threatening to pull him by the horns across the school. The deal was, truly, too good. "I'll apologize."

"And stop being an insufferable git?"

"Yeah."

"Fine then. Ask me. And use my name." He was enjoying this rather immensely for a plethora of reasons.

"Will you..get rid of the horns..for me…Sev?"

"…"

"Please?"

"Sure, no problem," he replied.

"This isn't going to take long, is it?" Lily asked, getting anxious. She didn't want Sev to get in more trouble.

"It's actually easy," Sev said to her. "Close your eyes, Jackson, or you'll be seeing stars for the rest of the day."

And with a little flick, the horns disappeared in a puff of purplish red smoke.

Jackson reached up, "Oh, thank Dumbledore!"

Sev still could not get used to their use of Dumbledore, because that was rather taboo in his world; it gave him a jolt every time he heard it.

Which reminded him, "And no more." A pause. "Voldemort…jokes. That stuff is not funny. At all."

They might not all know he came from some Dark World, but they obviously all knew he was somehow either the relation of or child of the former headmaster during that time. Thankfully, he did not particularly need to explain his aversion to Voldemort and Moldy Voldy jokes. But it was hardly just him, either. He had enough intelligence to know a vast number of students would have family or parents who died or were murdered from that, and it was really ridiculous and sick that they had to hear others making jokes of it.

"Yeah, okay," Jackson agreed, still with his fingers in his hair.

It was at that point that Lily jumped onto the couch to hug him, "Thank you so much, Severus. You saved me!"

The hyperbole was almost cute when it was coming from her. At least she had an excuse, she was twelve.

It was at that point that portrait hole opened and the headmistress stepped in.


The headmistress was growing rather tired of this day and tired of the antics of the younger students. Spells in the corridors. Lying. Blaming others. Lack of responsibility.

By this point in time, she was feeling intensely guilty over having believed Mr. Colby and his friends from the beginning. That would be reflected in what happened to the lot of them, which would be far more than two Saturday detentions.

She stepped through the portrait hole with Miss Granger-Weasley, looked around for the offender, and saw the last thing she ever thought to see. In fact, it was such a strange scene, that she had no idea what was going on. Her first assumption was the fight between the two boys was somehow ongoing.

Mr. Snape had his wand out. Miss Potter was half on top of him, doing Merlin knew what. Mr. Potter had his wand out. Mr. Colby was sweating and fingering his head.

"What is going on here?" she asked sharply. "Mr. Snape, what exactly are you doing in the Gryffindor Common Room? You've just left my office!"

Predictably, the children all looked at each other for a moment. Miss Potter removed herself from Mr. Snape and plopped next to him on the couch with wide-eyes which was short-lived because he then stood up. His level of respectful was far beyond theirs, and it stood out – literally – in the situation.

It was Jackson Colby who spoke first, "Uhhhhh, Rose told Severus that I wanted to, erm, apologize, erm, for lying about what happened. So, he came so I could, erm, apologize. And, erm, I lied to you, Headmistress…I didn't want to get in trouble."

She looked at Severus, who, in his exceedingly polite and proper manner said, "Which he did, Headmistress, and I accepted." Because he didn't want Lily to get in trouble for giving the coward horns. Lying for such a purpose was not really a bad lie to him. And he was rather impressed with Jackson's spontaneous explanation for his presence, rather than forcing him to come up with something himself.

McGonagall looked at Rose. If Colby wanted to apologize to Snape for lying, then whyever had he not come to her and then gone to find Severus to apologize? Why would Rose then go to her to tattle on Colby if Colby was already going to admit he lied? Something did not quite make sense.

And why was Severus in their common room five seconds after getting detention for breaking the rules?

She took a deep breath. "Mr. Colby, I am severely disappointed. You and your friends from earlier go wait outside my office." She could only deal with so many at once right now.

"Mr. Potter, why do you lot have your wands out?" Her eyes had then cast back to the remaining group.

James, realizing he still had it out, put it away. "Erm, well, I'm sure Sev had his out because, y'know, a Gryffindor did just get him into loads of trouble and it is our Common Room, so he probably was worried Jackson wasn't going to apologize. And, erm, I had mine out just in case things, erm, got ugly. Which, erm, they didn't. Sev was, erm, really nice considering…"

That was a lot of erms. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. They were keeping something from her. All of them. Cooperatively. She knew it. Whatever it was, though, it did not seem bad. So, she would leave it. Something had been worked out amongst them all.

"Mr. Snape, that was very mature of you, but it is time to head back to your own Common Room now," she said, curtly.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied.

She watched him take a few steps toward the portrait hole before she said to Lily, "Miss Potter…take care to be more ladylike than jumping all over boys." She had no idea what that had been about, wholly innocent in that way she was sure, but she did know teenaged boys of Severus' age were quite different biologically from twelve-year-old girls. The difference between 2nd year and 4th year was fairly immense.


As Severus walked back down toward the dungeon, he chuckled to himself. Gryffindolts. Finite Incantatem! Might want to try it sometime. I should find Albus and Scorpius before they think I've been expelled…


AN - I do believe the next scene is going to be a flashback scene! Then onto some detention with Sluggie ;) Considering Sev likes preparing Potions ingredients and already went through his entire storeroom, what do you think Slughorn could possibly have him do?

Also, my dear guest reviewers, if y'all could give me a letter or something to call you by, it'd make it easier to separate you all when I reply to you reviews in my notes! I feel kinda bad calling you by number

For anyone reading or who has previously read my other fic, God of the Underworld, I am also currently updating that fic again too. There's only a few chapters left to go, so it should be finished soon! If there's interest in it still, I'll also continue it. If you haven't checked it out, feel free to poke your head there in between my updates here!

Review notes

Duj - What do you think of the route he chose to take? Would his dad be proud?

AnonGuest1 - Yes, Lupin had lots of character flaws as an adult too, so I guess it does make more sense. Apparently, he never outgrew it. Thankfully, he dead in this fic LOL! Glad you are enjoying the incarnations of the kids. I sometimes find kids hard to write, so I'm glad to do it some justice!

AnonGuest2 - Glad you are enjoying the plot and story! What it is you like best about it? Can't help my curiosity