Chapter 18: What Is Needed
"Sadly, no one in our family ever said, "I love you." Do you realize that? The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious reply would've been. "Well, if this is love, what is hate like?"
― "Dear Dad: Letters from an Adult Child" by Louie Anderson
"What is it you wish for?"
.
.
.
"From the bottom of your heart, what is it that your heart most desires?"
From the very beginning, he knew that it was all a dream. If he so wishes to remember, if he tugged hard enough at the recesses of his memory, he could recall the faintest of details; the faintest of sensations...
He could remember a room that he once used to consider his home, only faintly illuminated by the flickering flame of an almost burnt out candlelight. A lingering sweet scent of vanilla… and a soft voice crooning a song against one of his ears. If he tried hard enough, he could recall the warmth of a woman's breath against his ear, and the warmth of her arms around him. He could recall her warmth for a second, and then the memory would escape him.
"Happy birthday, my sweet angel," his mother whispered, holding him back before he could - in his excitement - lean forward to blow the candle. "Close your eyes, and make a wish."
In that memory gone by, he remembered closing his eyes out of obedience. He remembered how he thought lightly of the gesture - he was a simple child with a simple form of happiness in mind. When he opened his eyes to finally seal his wish, he realized that the image in front of him had changed.
Nico was now seated in front of him, Theseus - the image he had of his brother before his death - on his left, and Percy's mother to Nico's right. There was something about the image that was was something about Nico being there - beside the ones he loved and lost - that was foreboding.
"Happy birthday, Percy," the son of Hades breathed with a soft smile before Nico leaned forward and blew on the candle, engulfing the room in complete darkness before Percy could reach out and grasp onto him.
"...-cy? Percy?"
The soft yet firm voice of the son of Hades roused him from his sleep, his eyes dazedly staring into those russet-brown eyes that were filled with concern. His body reacted before his mind could process his actions as one of his hands - which trembled faintly - reached up to cup one of the younger male's cheeks.
"Are you alright? Your eyes were… frantically moving behind your eyelids. As if you were desperately looking for something," Nico clarified, weighing each word carefully in his tongue as if he were uncertain that his words would make any sense. It did; they did for Percy, if only because that was exactly what he had done. But rather, I was looking for someone. I was looking for you…
You're here. You're really here, Percy thought to himself as he brushed his thumb a few times against the soft skin. You're really here with me. He took mild comfort that they were in his room at present, the curtains drawn back to properly illuminate his surroundings. He was not back in his old home, he had to assure himself. And Nico was with him. Safe with him.
"Y… Yes… Yes," Percy breathed after a while, repeating it once more with conviction. Whether it was to convince the younger male or himself, he did not know. "I just had an odd dream, but I can't remember what it was about anymore."
It was a lie. A partial lie. For he remembered the dream - the dreams - rather vividly. It would always start off in the same sequence with each passing year. Yet, the details fade past the point of him looking at his deceased mother's blurred features, in some weak attempt of trying to engrave what remained of that fading memory as best as he could in his mind. Each year served as a reminder that it was futile. He was well-aware that he was forgetting the face of his biological mother. He could barely recall her face; could barely recall the sound of her voice - of his name on her lips.
Yet, there was something about Nico being in his dream - in the position that he was in - that made the memory vivid in Percy's head. The sight of the one he loves with the ones he loved was just… wrong.
"Is that so?" the son of Hades murmured, placing the book that he had been reading to his side, as his hands clasped onto the trembling hand resting on his cheek. It was evident in the tone of his voice that Nico did not believe what was told of him, but it was not his place to pry if Percy was reluctant to share. "You have been on edge lately. The suzerain and the lady, even your men, are questioning me of what has you disturbed. And the only plausible conclusion I could come up with is that-"
"My coming of age. I am having a debutant's bout of the jitters," Percy snorted as he cut off the other, admitting what he knew Nico had figured out before the latter could be the one to lay it out in the open. He had hoped that it would make him feel less embarrassed and pathetic for having such emotions, but saying it out loud did not help. At least, it preoccupied his thoughts from straying to his dream.
"No one is expecting anything from you, Percy. You're just becoming older by a year," Nico humored, lips curling to an amused smile. "It's not as if we are gathering because you are to be crowned the successor to Thálassa, and it is not as if all the suzerains would be present."
"Intel from Ethan?"
"Yes," Nico confirmed, letting go of the older male's hand as Percy made a move to sit upright. His hands were not empty for long as the son of Poseidon grasped on one of his hands once he had managed to situate himself beside Nico properly. Endearing. "From what information they managed to gather, the royal family of Ouranós will be present. As per the customs of consorts, female consorts are expected to be introduced inclusively to the man's House. As Jason would be present, so would Lady Macri." Percy visibly winced at the aforementioned name of their old friend, but there was a lack of response from the son of Hades.
"The House of Aphrodite's suzerain will no doubt present herself. The House of Ares' suzerain will not attend - for obvious reasons - but will send his successor in his stead. The House of Hephaestus's suzerain similarly will not attend as well, but will send his successor in his stead. From what I have gathered, his sons - Jacob inclusive - will attend as well." Nico silently noted how the other perked up at the aforementioned name.
"Lord Apollo will certainly come, but it is not decided yet who is to accompany him. As for the houses of Demeter, Dionysus, Athena, Hestia and Artemis…" Nico merely offered a shrug as he trailed off. It is not of importance to him to know the attendants of these Houses, with the exception of the House of Athena who had been most secretive of their arrangements. The son of Hades could not find it in himself to take offense at the district's guardedness. It was a strategic move.
"What about Anemoi?" Percy pressed, silently brushing past the brief mention of the huntresses' district. Regardless that a few months had passed, it was still clearly a subject that neither of them dared to breach.
"Lord Hermes will not be able to come. He trusts Lucas to be capable of managing on his own. Regardless, I believe that he will have the Stoll brothers and Chrysostom accompany him. Especially the latter; he needs Chris to be present."
"You look bothered with Chris' attendance. Is there something wrong with him coming?" Percy observed, reaching forward to trace with his index finger the frown that was etched on the younger male's face. "Don't tell me… do you two have a history that I should be aware of?" was the mock-hurt response.
"I am bothered. It is a very risky gamble on Luke's part to bring Chris. You will come to understand on the day of your debut," the son of Hades concluded while swatting the other's finger away, effectively ending the subject there. "And don't be ridiculous. You're the only one foolish enough to want to have something to do with me."
"I'm glad for my lack of sense then," the son of Poseidon snorted with an impish grin before he leaned down to capture those sweet lips. The son of Hades smiled faintly against his lips, and a familiar ache - a good one - throbbed in his chest. "The first and the only one. There are only two things that I look forward to on my debut. One: I get to officially call you mine, as I am yours, and for the entirety of Pangaea to bear witness of that. And the other: I get to claim that dance which you still owe me."
By custom, the first dance of the debutant should be with his or her consort. On rare occasions, the debutant could have their first dance with either parental figure, or simply someone whom the debutant trusts. Amphitrite would have been willing to fill that role for the sake of traditions, but it was much personal for the son of Poseidon now that he was courting Nico. He wanted - no, needed - for the entirety of Pangaea to know the gravity of his commitment. Most of all, he needed Niccolò di Angelo to know that.
Percy briefly wondered if he should disclose him and Nico to his father first before having it made public in his debut no less. But a selfish part of him told him to wait, and to take advantage of his father's lack of knowledge to continue having these meetings with the son of Hades.
"But is that what you want, Percy?" Nico asked, pulling back by a couple of inches so that they were looking at each other properly. That might seem to be the question, but Percy knew that it was not what Nico meant. He would bet that, subconsciously, that was not what Nico meant either. Am I what you want? Was the inquiry hidden in between the lines.
"For seven years…" Percy started, cupping the other's cheeks so that Nico could not look away. "... and for seven more, and beyond that, you will always be what I want. I'm sure of it," the son of Poseidon declared with firm resolve. He could not see himself with anyone else but Nico. The son of Hades was the sole person who filled his head; there was no one else.
He was certain that convincing Niccolò di Angelo of his loyalty was a lifetime process. It was a time he was most willing to invest in, if it meant having Nico by his side. It was a time he was most willing to invest in, if it meant having Nico understand that he was worthy of being cherished; that he was worthy to receive happiness.
"I could care less if I become less socially acceptable to anyone because I chose a male consort," the son of Poseidon continued when his companion offered no response. "Neither of us owe anyone anything for them to make these important decisions for us. I am certain our fathers would not be against the idea of us. Unless… Well, unless Uncle Hades is?"
"My father could care less," was the curt response. Percy did not fail to notice how the younger heir fiddled with his skull ring as he responded. "None of them would mind. Though I suppose we will find out on your debut. They will all be coming. Father, Persephone, Thanatos, Hazel…"
"How will I survive the night?" Percy sighed dramatically as he wound his arms around the younger male's waist, tackling him against the silk sheets until he was hovering above the other. Percy took little satisfaction in the small grunt he received for his antics; it took weeks of coaxing for the son of Hades to be comfortable with the close proximity and his spontaneity in the beginning. It took weeks for the son of Poseidon to realize that his gestures were not unwelcomed, but rather something that Nico needed getting accustomed to. It took coaxing for honesty and verbal communication for Percy to know their boundaries.
"Maybe you should have your first dance with Lady Amphitrite then," the son of Hades offered, eyes alight with humor.
"By the gods, no. That would be awkward, and it would be embarrassing if I happened to step on her foot," Percy groaned.
"You would not mind stepping on me then? Some consort you are," the son of Hades snorted.
"I am doing my best to avoid that scenario. At least for the main dance," the older male offered unhelpfully, a rueful grin on his lips. "I will not allow anyone to take your first dance aside from me. So prepare to be surprised by my newly polished dancing skills."
Before Nico could come up with a response, Percy let his actions speak volumes for himself as he leaned down to delicately capture the younger male's sweet lips in a kiss. There was no more room to talk afterwards, as their words were lost in the countless press of their lips that, in Percy's part, was almost… possessive.
The sight that first caught his attention when he went back to his designated room that night were the fresh stack of documents neatly stacked across his study table, and the fire that was now burning by his fireplace. It took him less than a second to redirect his attention to the hooded figure lounging on his open window, swinging his one dangling leg in a lazy fashion as he hummed an all too familiar tune amidst the crackling sound of burning wood.
"Nakamura," Nico drawled out the name, lips pressed to a firm line as he leaned against the door he had just closed, attentively listening to any sounds from outside that could indicate anyone listening on them. "These sudden meetings are getting more exhausting with each time."
"Rich words, coming from the man who only has to sit pretty and wait. Oh, let me rephrase that. Sit pretty on Tzákson's lap and wait. You must be aging horribly if you're already exhausted with these few meetings," the informant countered upon turning to properly face the young heir, choosing to ignore the heated glare directed at him with regards to his snarky comment. "Believe me when I say I'd prefer to be invited out for tea, or better yet, a decent meal. You should put yourself in the shoes of us informants who cannot eat proper meals in between our duties."
"If you told me when you would be coming, that would make things easier," the son of Hades grunted, gesturing with a tilt of his head at the plate of cold cuts and varying fruits he had purposely left on his table. "It is a waste of food, having to dispose of them at the end of the day when you decide on your convenience if you would appear or not. As if sneaking them into my room was not troublesome enough."
Ethan paused at that, looking at the plate of food that he did notice earlier on, but did not offer a second glance.
"How do I know if it's not poisoned?" the informant questioned, his eye narrowed in incredulity, yet he grabbed the plate before making his way back to where he was seated.
Wordlessly, the son of Hades approached him, looking him in the eye as he popped one of the cheese slices into his mouth before slowly chewing and audibly swallowing on it. It was only after a few seconds had passed before Nico looked away and moved to sit before his table.
"Who are these from this time? Castellan obviously could not have written these all on his own," he stated as he opened one of his drawers, tossing a wine flask to the other male who caught it with one hand. "We all know his efforts have limitations."
"I feel as if you are bribing me with food so I don't sell you out on your insults to him," Ethan answered in between bites. "Personally, it does not matter to me. It's amusing how the citizens look at all of you as if you are gods, but in reality, all of these heirs are merely a band of bantering and childish individuals. Well, maybe except for Thanatos. Your brother has this perfect image of a suzerain on him, it's almost disturbing."
Well, he was raised to be that, Nico thought to himself as he fiddled with the edges of one of the documents. Thanatos was raised to be a suzerain; an ideal leader for the people of a main district. He had an image to uphold; to uplift. He had an image that helped little to make people see his human side.
"There are some documents from Luke. Believe it or not, he actually tries to push his efforts when they matter most," the man continued when the son of Hades offered no response. "There are also some from Lord Apollo and Solace." Nico was certain he would skip through those until the end. "And there is some from your district. From your brother and his sister. It's the second to the last stack to the right. I was not expecting the current suzerain of Skotádi to find and catch me off-guard. His reputation does precede him."
It was the smallest stack in the pile, and it was understandable, given that his communication with his family was limited due to the complicated circumstances that he was in. His chest ached as he looked at his name in those elegant handwritings. Everything in him itched to read the contents of their letters at that moment, but he withheld himself in favor of accomodating to his uninvited guest.
"Ah, I need to correct myself: there are also some from Solace. There is a package from Lord Apollo," Ethan gestured with a tilt of his head at the thick package at the foot of the young heir's bed. He glared at the offending object for a few seconds before practically shoving a few slices of meat in his mouth. "I should have charged a few more drachmas for that. Having to carry it and make it inconspicuous at the same time… I was definitely paid less for all that trouble."
With an arched brow did the son of Hades warily approached the package, one of his hands sliding atop of the cover to flip the letter that was fastened securely to it.
Niccolò di Angelo,
Please accept this gift as a token of gratitude for your commendable efforts in the duration of your stay, and my sincerest apologies for what transpired within my house. You will always be welcomed in our house, regardless if you wish to grace us with your presence for formal reasons or otherwise.
This has been tailored with your family in mind, and in extension, with you in mind. I am sure, if you have received this, that I have your family's blessings as the young informant let it slip that he would venture there first before coming to you. I sincerely hope you consider wearing this on young Perseus Tzákson's debut, not out of courtesy, but that you would wear with pride a representation of your roots. We will see both of you again.
Apollo
Placing the letter at the side, the son of Hades hesitated just for a moment before he lifted the lid of the box just barely. Just as immediately, he closed it when the shade of dark olive green greeted him.
"I should get going now," Ethan announced just as the son of Hades slid the box inside his wardrobe, away from the prying eyes of the house's maids. "This would be my last visit for a while though, since you and Luke will be seeing each other soon at Tzákson's debut. I am needed back in Anemoi, to fill in the holes which Martha and George, and so many others left."
"Thank you. For your service." Nico felt compelled to say. He was well-aware that these meetings were taking a toll on the other male, especially when he was needed much more elsewhere. But no man holds the amount of trust Nico and Luke had for Ethan. "Even though you were better needed in Anemoi."
The son of Hades' response caused the informant to pause in the process of securing his cloak, undoubtedly surprised with the expression of gratitude. A faint smile curled the man's lips as he placed the empty plate on the table before turning to face the young heir.
"This is why I like you best out of all the people Lucas would have me meet. You're much more human than you think," Ethan declared, the smile on his lips now a full-blown smirk. "It's fine though. I got paid for my services. But now that you mention it, it is a good chance to be away from narrow-minded moralistic heirs. I'll be keeping this flask as a token of your gratitude," the man declared, waving the object casually. "See you around, di Angelo."
Before the son of Hades could get a word out of that off-handed comment, Ethan disappeared into the night as quietly as he had come. He took no offense in what Ethan said, mainly because he was aware that they were not directed towards him. It was one of the things that Nico was certainly not looking forward to - having to associate with heirs from the neighboring districts, especially of those that they were not allies with. He could tolerate for the most part since he knew most of the attendants, but he did not want a repeat of Lady Drew Tanaka on the son of Poseidon's birthday. He did not want to make this memorable for the older male in a bad way. Provided, he could bite his tongue on off-handed comments directed at him, but Percy…
After ensuring that the windows and door to his bedchambers were properly closed, he glanced at the documents stacked upon his table, taking those that were from his brother and sister. Dread filled him as he anticipated their contents.
Dearest Nico,
Thank you. Please take care of him, and of yourself. I await the day we will see each other again.
With love,
Hazel
The message was short. The son of Hades had to wonder if Ethan had informed his sister not to mention anything elaborate in the contents of her letter. The simplicity of it left a bitter ache in Nico's chest, yet there was also relief. He did not want to have to deal with emotions, and that was what he dreaded when he reached for her letter. Thanatos was not one for emotions, and so he was so sure that he was prepared for what the second suzerain had written...
Dear Niccolò,
My brother, how have you been? It has almost been a year since we last saw you, and from what I have heard from Reyna and Lucas, you have had quite a journey the past few months. It is not in my position to inquire of your whereabouts and why you had to go wherever you ventured, but we pray for your safety. Your absence here has made an impact on all of us, especially for father. He feels as if he has lost another of his children. Never think for a second that you do not matter to us. We are family; no gods could dispute that.
You are in our prayers, always. We await for the day you would come back to us.
Your brother,
Thanatos
… except he was not. For he did not expect for those words to come from his older brother, provided it was only written and not verbal. He had to reread everything to ensure that he was not disillusioning things. We are family… No one but Hazel explicitly said that. That was why the son of Hades and Hades' legitimate daughter had a bond that was much familial than the rest. Hazel never saw him as anyone else but her brother, but he was certain that Thanatos merely tolerated his presence. Thanatos accommodated the reality that their father was but a mere man himself…
Your brother
But was that what Thanatos truly saw him as to Nico? Was that whom Thanatos wishes to be?
Wear with pride a representation of your roots.
Before he could process his actions, he threw the letters into the flames, watching with a conflicted expression in his face as they were reduced to ashes. He was not dismissing his family; rather the opposite. But at that moment, in present time, he did not need such confusing emotions to be on the frontline of his thoughts. He did not need his family's acknowledgement before, and he did not need it now. What he needed now, and what the world needed now, was Niccolò di Angelo - Ambassador of Skotádi. The Bloodbringer.
Author's note:
There are some things that I wished I did differently for this chapter, but as you can see, I'm just getting back to writing after years of hiatus. There are notes I did for the previous chapter that I cannot recall now on how to explain to all of you. Like the Eve thing with Zoe. Anyway, to start of:
What significantly happened that I started writing again after years? I changed jobs basically. I was in one company before where I had to OT everyday and even on weekends. I was mentally exhausted, so I could not keep up with writing and working at the same time. My assignment now, my new company, is much flexible. So I hope that with this change, I can continue where I left off in this story.
I had been rereading my story. I see flaws, but I see potential too. If I could, I'd rewrite the previous chapters. But for now, I will try to continue updating this story when I can. Only then will I reconsider if I should rewrite the previous chapters. Not touching this for years, I had to go back to my initial notes and compile them.
I'll keep this author's note short. If there is anything you guys are confused about or need clarification, just leave a review and I will comment. Thank you for taking the time to read this!
