Oh, Geez

Karma (n): the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate reincarnation and to determine the nature of the person's next existence

-The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 6th ed. (2004)

The two teams stood in the middle of the stage, staring each other down with no love lost between them. On one team was Falcon and Fox, snooty and stuck-up as always. And on the other team was Ness and Luigi, calm on the outside and seething on the inside. This Team Battle was bound to get ugly, and there was gonna be pain. And blood. Mostly Falcon's and Fox's.

"Hey, L," said Douglas. "I hope I didn't mess up that handsome face too much. But I had to get your attention."

Luigi responded with a searing glare.

"And Ness—try not to break your bat this time," Falcon went on.

"Yeah," Fox chimed in. "We'll try to go easy on you."

The two of them chortled, but Ness remained dead silent.

"What's wrong?" asked Fox. "Cat got your tongue?"

Their opponents' fists clenched. Luigi and Ness wished that the match would start already.

"Captain Falcon and Fox—VS—Luigi and Ness!" boomed MH as the spectators cheered.

Samus sat with Link, Mario, Jiggs and Ness's friend, Paula Polestar, her eyes sweeping from one team to the other. On the one hand, she couldn't wait to see Ness and Luigi give the two A tiers their due. On the other hand, she didn't want them to hurt Falcon too badly. She wanted to be down there with her two friends, so she could lay a smackdown herself, but she chided herself for thinking such things. Getting violent with Douglas wouldn't heal her broken heart, nor would it bring them closure. She huffed and took a bite out of the sandwich she ordered from the concession stand. Maybe watching this Team Battle would help her get her thoughts in order.

The arena fell silent. Luigi felt his heart speed up and his face redden. Ness's breath quickened. Fox and Falcon smirked at their opponents, but they wouldn't be smirking for long.

"3—2—1—GO!"

Ness charged forward with a battle cry, swinging his bat and landing a hefty blow on Douglas's face. Fox ran in to help, only to be stopped by Luigi's fierce body shot. Luigi punched the vulpine again, harder, following up with a flip kick which launched him diagonally into the air.

"PK Thunder!" yelled Ness, telekinetically directing a ball of electricity into Fox, knocking him further out of bounds.

Luigi lobbed several fireballs Fox's way, keeping the pressure on.

"Yeah! You're doing it!" cheered Samus. "Way to show them!"

Falcon flinched when he heard her words, remembering the look on her face when he said those terrible things to her. But it was true—she had cost them the victory that day. He shouldn't have picked a no-good C tier for a teammate, anyway.

Bringing himself back to the present, Falcon ran toward Luigi and Ness, grabbing the latter, kneeing him a few times and then slamming him backward. Eyes flashing, Luigi whirled on the good Captain and aimed a searing punch at him.

Falcon caught the punch with a cupped palm. "Impressive!" he said sardonically before counterattacking with a good Falcon Punch.

Fox, having recovered, sprayed both Luigi and Ness with Blaster fire before unleashing a series of kickboxing moves on the former, ending with a FireFox. Luigi swept his legs around, knocking Fox off his feet, and retook the offensive with a furious barrage of punches and kicks, culminating in battering the vulpine with his Cyclone attack.

But Fox sneered at Luigi as he rolled to safety. "All of that for a drop of blood," he said, tending to a small cut near his eyebrow. "Pathetic."

Rage boiled inside of Luigi, but he held it at bay, waiting for Fox's next move as they circled each other. Nearby, Ness licked his lips as he attacked Falcon with a few yo-yo tricks, kicks and powerful PSI. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his teammate and saw the barely restrained fury inside of him. He looked like he could use some help—

"Falcon Kick!" The racer's food slammed into Ness, winding him.

Laughing, Falcon snatched Ness up and began to pummel him mercilessly. "Yeah! How do you like me now?" he crowed.

Ness broke free with an angry blast of PSI and left Douglas groaning on the floor, just as Luigi closed the distance between him and Fox and attacked low, making the mercenary leader stumble. The teen brought his bat up to his shoulder and swung with all of his might, landing a perfect hit on the point of the vulpine's chin. Fox sailed back toward Luigi, who executed a downward drill kick, followed by a combination of flying kicks, dropkicks and brutal forward punches. Eagerly, Ness raced into the fray, helping Luigi double-team Fox. The psychic's PSI illuminated the stage and the stands, which also glowed green with Luigi's fire. Ness's and Luigi's faces were set with cold anger as they began to release the frustration still raging inside of them.

Falcon pushed himself to his feet and endeavored to run to Fox's aid, only for Ness to spot him and put an end to that with his PK Fire.

"Kick his [bleep], Ness!" whooped Paula.

There was a brief flash as Luigi sent a Super Jump Punch into Fox's midsection, taking his first stock. Samus and Mario cheered, while Paula watched in awe.

"That's cool," she gasped.

"I know, right?" asked Mario.

"I wish I could do that," mused Paula.

Fox was far from happy as he respawned. "No fair," he fumed.

"Yeah!" Falcon led the charge. "We should be the ones taking your stocks!"

Ness and Luigi exchanged disbelieved looks. So—those two wanted to learn the hard way? Fine by them.

"How about you take Fox for a bit?" Luigi asked in a low voice. "I have a bit of a score to settle with Falcon."

"Knock yourself out," said Ness.

Fox drew his Blaster, only for Ness to disarm him using an around-the-world trick from his yo-yo. Then, he fired a bolt of PK Fire into Fox's stomach before lashing out with his baseball bat. Meanwhile, Luigi landed two impressive punches on Falcon's jaw, a backwards dropkick to the face and a forward drill kick to his left shoulder. Falcon kicked Luigi from the ground and gained some footing with a shoulder charge, but Luigi grabbed him and swung him around three times before hurling him away. The racer attempted a Falcon Punch, only for Luigi to grab his wrist and painfully wrench his arm about, pistoning several more punches into him and giving his arm one last twist until he heard a muffled pop.

Falcon spat out a curse, using his good arm to nail Luigi with a couple of good punches, followed by a Falcon Punch. After adding in a knee strike, the racer popped his shoulder back into place and grinned. "Is that all you got?" he asked. "You hit like an old geezer."

Luigi's jaw muscles twitched, and his eyes were blue steel. He launched a handful of fireballs at Falcon as he advanced on him, and then he grappled with the upstart racer, grabbing his yellow scarf in his fist, headbutting him once and punching him repeatedly before Falcon turned the tables and roughly pinned Luigi against the stage.

"Yes!" cheered Falcon.

Luigi brought up his arms in an attempt to protect his face from Falcon's hammering fists. At the same time, he wrapped his legs around the racer's waist, interlocking his ankles at Douglas's back. Using his leg muscles as leverage, he managed to keep most of Falcon's weight off of him. Then, with a quick twist of his hips, he managed to knock his opponent off-balance. A second later, the man in green eye-poked Falcon, sending the racer toppling off of him. Luigi rolled to his knees and stood, spitting out a mouthful of blood.

"Luigi!" shouted Ness, still engaged with Fox. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah—are you okay?"

"I'm good," Ness replied, whacking Fox with his baseball bat.

Luigi whirled back toward Falcon, stopping his charge with a solid left hook before really letting him have it. His fists flew with envious precision, striking key areas on the racer's body. Douglas managed to lash back, but it did little good. Luigi headbutted him again before sending him soaring out of bounds with another forward punch. When Falcon tried to reach the ledge with a Falcon Dive, Ness caught him with a vicious swing of his baseball bat, and the good Captain's first stock was toast.

Ness and Luigi high-fived as their friends cheered in the stands.

"That'll show them," said Samus.

"You really wanna see those two defeated," observed Paula.

"Long story," Sam explained.

Luigi cracked Fox's Reflector with a roundhouse kick, and Ness sent some more PSI sizzling into the vulpine before Falcon respawned.

"You're getting on my nerves," spat Falcon.

"We have a knack for that," said Luigi.

"Not anymore," growled Fox. "Let's take them, Cap."

The two of them rushed at Luigi and Ness, who simultaneously countered their charge with a flying kick. Douglas sent a flying knee at them, but they dodged, Luigi executing a double-legged sweep and sending an elbow into Fox's face as he tried to dash in. Ness hit both opponents with a PK Thunder, knocking them onto their backs.

"I taught him that," Paula said proudly. "You go, Ness!"

"Ness! Ness! Super Ness!" some of the spectators began to chant.

"Let's go, Weegee, let's go!" cheered the other half.

"I'll be d—ned," Sam said softly. "They're starting to root for the C-tiers. What's going on?"

"Maybe they're starting to see Falcon and Fox for the arrogant p—cks they are," theorized Mario.

PSI danced about Ness's hands as he and Luigi moved back in, their strikes swift but strong. Frustration crept over Fox and Falcon, and they began making crucial mistakes. The fact that the audience was starting to cheer for Luigi and Ness wasn't helping matters at all. But the psychic and the plumber gave no quarter, having dealt with their bullying for far too long. Today, they were seeking payback with full interest!

"[Bleep] them up!" yelled Mario. "[Bleep] them up! [Bleep] them up!"

"Tear those b—ds apart!" Samus agreed. The sight before her ignited her battle lust, and she wanted nothing more than to see the man who scapegoated and insulted her in a heap on the ground.

"I feel so good!" Link exclaimed. "I feel so good!"

Luigi cornered Falcon, and Ness cornered Fox, their blows pounding the two like hailstones. The crowd roared. Various Polygons exchanged nervous looks. MH watched via the monitors in his office, wondering whether or not he should stop the fight.

Ness screamed out as he belted Fox hard in the mouth with his baseball bat, taking his second stock. Luigi grunted with effort as he kicked Falcon hard in the sternum, also propelling him into the blast zone.

Now, the two A tiers had one stock remaining, while Luigi and Ness had all three.

"You a—holes are not gonna do this to us," vowed Falcon when he and Fox respawned.

"Do what?" Luigi tersely asked.

Falcon's face flushed, and he lunged at the plumber. Luigi could easily dodge Falcon's punches and pepper him with his own punches. Then, Ness sent Fox sprawling before sneaking up on the racer, grabbing him, and flinging him into his teammate. The two disentangled themselves from each other before getting to their feet, glaring daggers at their opponents. Ness and Luigi simply glared back.

"Ready to finish this, Ness?" asked Luigi.

"Yeah," hissed Ness, low and determined.

Fox and Falcon practically sprang for their throats, but Luigi and Ness were ready for them, cartwheeling aside in different directions. Ness was the first to move in with PSI-infused punches and kicks, and then Luigi joined in with harder, coldly precise attacks. Sam, Link, Mario, Jiggs, Paula and the rest of the audience couldn't get enough as the two used their opponents as punching bags, turning the Team Battle into a one-sided extravaganza. Angry tears worried at Luigi's eyes, but he willed them back, refusing to let his foes see them. Ness's face was nearly beet red, but he, too, reined in the worst of his fury. Getting themselves disqualified or worse wouldn't prove anything.

"Okay, you two!" shouted Sam. "Let's finish strong!"

"Yeah!" Paula led the charge. "You've got this fight in the bag!"

With a powerful, simultaneous strike, Ness and Luigi rendered Fox down for the count. As the vulpine sailed off into the distance, the two focused the remainder of their ire on Falcon, whaling on him with little to no restraint. The Polygons swore they could hear something crack, MH was at a loss for words, and the audience didn't care anymore.

Ultimately, Luigi grabbed Falcon and heaved him toward Ness, who swung his bat with the power of five thirteen-year-olds.

SMAAAASH!

Captain Falcon was launched out of the ball park and into the blast area, costing him his final stock.

"GAME SET!" announced MH.

The spectators rose to their feet as Ness jumped into Luigi's arms, the two of them hugging wildly.

"Yeah! They did it!" trilled Paula.

"That's karma for you!" added Samus.

"I knew they could do it!" Mario interjected.

"So did I," said Link. "Justice has been done today."

Later, they joined the other Smashers in the Reception Area as Luigi and Ness were officially declared the victors.

"This game's winner is—Red Team!"

As Ness and Luigi strode down the hall, Falcon and Fox stomped toward them, venom in their eyes.

"You p—cks," spat Falcon. "You humiliated us!"

But the psychic and the plumber stood their ground, snapping into their fighting stances.

"Don't even think about it, Falcon," snapped Luigi. "We have no problem taking you on a second time!"

"That's right," added Ness, "and who the Hell do you think you are, blaming us for your loss? The only one responsible here is you—and Fox!"

"Why, you little…" growled Fox.

But Ness raised his bat. "Try me, pal," he dared. "Luigi and I are in no mood for anymore of your [bleep] today!"

"Neither am I," said Samus, arriving on the scene, hand-in-hand with Paula.

"Me, neither," said Link, also appearing in the hallway, Master Sword drawn.

"And if you mess with Luigi, you mess with me," Mario said ominously as he, too, walked in.

"You mess with one of us," Luigi said evenly, "and you mess with all of us."

Falcon snickered. "You think we can't take all of you?" he asked.

"As long as you keep acting the way you've been—we can curb-stomp the Inferno out of you," spat Luigi.

"What are you talking about?" Falcon demanded.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" shouted Luigi. "The sickening display you've both put on since MH tacked that godforsaken list onto the bulletin board! You think that winning will just come easily to you just because you're ranked higher than us?! Well, think again! Ness and I just demonstrated otherwise, and we'll demonstrate again right here and now if we have to!"

"Not only that," added Samus, "but Link and I will also be glad to pitch in!"

"Along with me," said Mario.

"Me, too," said Paula.

Falcon gave Samus a shocked look. "You'd—really side with them over me?" he asked.

"D—n right I would," Samus evenly replied. "I'm a lowly, good-for-nothing C tier—remember?"

"Wha—I…" For once, Douglas Jay Falcon was at a loss for words.

Link glared at Fox. "And I'm just a silly little elf-boy who likes to play with swords—remember?"

The leader of Star Fox was floored.

"You've treated me like dirt," said Luigi, "and I didn't deserve it. Neither did Ness, DK, Link or Samus. We've done nothing to hurt you, and yet you've acted like we're the enemies who need to be cut down at any cost."

"Oh, yeah? Well…" Fox trailed off. "Wow—we never really thought of it that way."

He and Falcon exchanged a look.

"J—s," Falcon said after a while. "I guess we have been a bit cocky lately."

"You've been extremely cocky lately," Luigi corrected, "and you know it."

The two A tiers exchanged another look. "Oh, geez," they said in unison.

"You told me that you loved me," Samus said to Douglas, "and yet when we lost that Team Battle, you immediately tried to blame me. How is that love? It certainly didn't feel like love to me!" Her eyes smoldered into Falcon as he spoke.

"Sammy, I…" spluttered Falcon. "I didn't mean it."

"Like that makes a difference," huffed Sam.

"It was wrong for me to lash out at you like that," Falcon said, lowering his head in shame. "I'm—I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Like you're sorry for making my friends' lives a living Hell?" challenged Sam.

"Like you're sorry for degrading me?" spat Link.

"Like you're sorry for calling me a n—b, for calling me 'the last place loser', for pulling juvenile pranks on me and for physically assaulting me?!" charged Luigi.

"Like you're sorry for alienating the people you used to call your friends?" added Ness.

"Look—I know we made some terrible decisions," said Fox, "but we're still good people."

"Are you?" Mario wanted to know. "What would your Star Fox colleagues think if they saw you acting like this?"

"And what would your fellow racers think?" Luigi demanded of Falcon.

The racer and the vulpine were silent.

"We—we can make it better," Falcon finally spoke up. "We can change. How—how can we make this up to you?"

"Well, you can spend less time taunting us and more time coughing up a strategy, for starters," Luigi replied, with heat. "Why else have you lost your matches lately?" He whirled on Falcon. "How else can you explain that Team Battle—the one where you tried to pin the blame on the woman you 'love'? Have you noticed that she barely speaks to you nowadays?!"

"I…" Falcon looked at Samus, who returned his gaze with a withering glare. "Oh, my God. Sammy…"

"Don't," said Samus. "Just—don't. Don't even try it."

"And Fox—have you noticed that nobody wants to spend time with you anymore?!" Luigi went on.

"Not really," Fox said slowly as the realization dawned. "No…"

Falcon gazed wearily at Fox. "We f—ed up, man," he said. "We f—ed up, big time."

"Yes, you did," Ness said sharply. "It doesn't feel good anymore, does it?!"

"No," said Fox.

"It doesn't," added Falcon.

"We used to play Twister together, Douglas!" Luigi was on a roll now, his emotions transitioning from action to words. "You, me, Ness and Jiggs—we were the Formidable Four! One quartet, taking on the world! There was a time when you didn't mind breathing the same air I breathed! We were destined to set this tournament on fire! But you saw that tier list, and boom—you were too perfect for everyone else except Fox! Your partner in crime, Fox! It was you and Fox, and the rest of us could drop dead! You couldn't even accept a sundae from Kirby because you'd be sitting with 'some bad apples'! All through that day, and the days after, you thought you were something else! That's right, I overheard you making spectacles of yourselves at the ice cream parlor and getting drunk in your room—and I was going to have a talk with you, too! And don't think I haven't noticed your antics in the last two months or so—strutting like peacocks, blasting your music like you were so f—ing cool, pulling pranks, turning your noses up at fighters just as strong as you—even your fellow unlockables! Do you have any idea of your arrogance and ignorance?!"

Falcon dropped his gaze. "Oh, geez…" he said again.

"That's all you have to say for it?! 'Oh, geez'?!" Luigi was beside himself.

"Well—what else do you want me to say?!" Falcon wanted to know.

"An explanation would be nice," said Ness. "We wanna know why you'd think stuff like that would be acceptable in your eyes!"

Fox and Falcon stumbled for words, but they found none.

"Yeah," said Sam. "That's what we thought. You can't explain it because there's no explanation for it. There was no excuse for turning on us like that!"

"Some friends you turned out to be," Link said venomously.

"With friends like you, who needs enemies?" asked Luigi. "The enemies we've faced had more honor than you. Even King Koopa has honor."

"Wait—what does that turtle have to do with anything?" Fox asked, flustered.

"You two are so merged with your own self-centeredness," Luigi accused, "that you don't even identify it as self-centeredness anymore. You guys—are d—ks!"

He breathed heavily, eyes shiny with unshed tears.

"Oh, geez," muttered Fox.

"Well—that's blunt," Falcon put in.

"It's time to stop," said Ness. "It's time to stop—and that's all I can say. No more. No more."

"We've had it up to here with your little attitude," said Link.

"I'm only gonna say this once, Douglas," said Samus. "Cut the crap—or it's over."

"You think you put people through Hell?" Luigi asked, dropping his voice. "It will rain back down on you." He turned to face the others. "Come on, guys. We're done here."

And they all turned and walked away, leaving Falcon and Fox mute—a very rare occurrence.

"Way to tell it like it is, Bro," said Mario when they reached the Main Hall.

"It was time for me to make a stand," said Luigi. "Thank you—thank you all for backing me up."

"No thanks is necessary," Samus said heartily.

"We sure put those a—hats in their place," cheered Ness. "I have a feeling that they won't be bothering us after today."

"They'd better not," said Link. "I'll come after them, Master Hand or no Master Hand."

Everyone chuckled.

"I'd better get going," said Paula. "See ya, Ness."

"Yeah—see ya."

Paula kissed Ness on the cheek before walking off.

"And I promised Kirby I'd spar with him," said Mario. "You're welcome to join us, Luigi."

"Thanks for the offer," said Luigi, "but right now, I just need some air."

Mario smiled at his little brother. "Luigi—I just want you to know—I'm proud of you," he said. "You stood up for yourselves and for your friends. I don't care what others say—you're a courageous man."

Luigi drew Mario in for a hug. "Thanks, Bro," he said.

They held each other tenderly before separating from the embrace.

"Keep on fighting the good fight, Lil' Bro," said Mario before heading toward the Training Area.

Luigi watched him go before turning to Sam, Link and Ness. "Shall we?" he asked.

Arm-in-arm, the four exited into the Smash Mansion's front yard, inhaling the scent of early autumn and allowing themselves to decompress. But just as they fully relaxed, a car pulled up into the driveway, the driver's side door opening to reveal an ape similar to DK, clad in denim and black shades.

"Wha…?" breathed Samus.

Luigi frowned. "Funky Kong?" he asked.

"That's me," said the ape. "You guys from the Smash Bros?"

"Yeah," said Ness. "What's this about?"

"Yeah—is DK all right?" asked Luigi.

"Relax—he's fine," replied Funky Kong, opening the passenger side doors. "Now get in. DK asked me to pick you guys up. I'll explain everything on the way there."

Samus, Ness, Luigi and Link exchanged a look before hopping into Funky's car, which smelled like banana bread. Funky closed the doors after them before sliding back into the driver's seat.

"Buckle up, everyone," he said as he revved the engine.

The four passengers obliged, and Funky hit the gas and peeled out, leaving the Smash Mansion in the rearview mirror and heading for the open road.

Please R&R.