I breathe deeply before getting near him.
"Have you seen Miss O'Shea?" I ask coldly.
He slowly raises his eyes on me.
"Morning to you" he says with a greasy smile.
"You're waisting my time, Micah. Have you seen Dutch at least?" I ask again.
"Maybe…why?"
I turn around snorting.
It looks like I have to find someone else.
Right in front of Dutch's tent, where Micah is seated, I see Hosea under the big tree, busy with a book.
"Good morning, Hosea" I greet him.
"Morning" he says.
"Of course, you're kind with him" I hear Micah saying behind me.
I ignore him.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but… do you have a piece of paper? I have to write a letter" I say sitting on the chair in front of him.
"Yes, I think… here" he murmurs looking inside his sack and taking what I asked.
"Thank you."
I smooth the piece of paper on the table and take the pen Miss O'Shea gave me.
After what happened in the last few days I completely forgot about Albert, who by now will be so worried since he didn't received an answer to his last letter.
Dear Albert…
I hear some footsteps from behind and then Arthur walks past me, heading to Dutch's tent.
I try to concentrate on the letter.
"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called…" I hear Micah saying.
"Hey Molly, where's Dutch?" Arthur asks.
"Well… however it goes" ends Micah.
I turn to greet Molly, but she walks past me without looking at me.
I look back at the paper shaking my head.
Dear Albert,
It's done…
"I'm not sure that line of thought serves you or me very well" says Arthur in the distance.
"Well that's because, cowpoke, you are a man of profoundly limited intelligence" Micah replies.
Look who's talking, I think snorting.
"While you and the old man and Dutch have been running around digging us ever deeper into shit, old Mr. Pearson might have gone and lightened the load a little. Pearson!" Micah calls out.
I suddenly pay attention to the discussion and, raising my eyes on Hosea in front of me, I have the impression he's doing the same.
"Gentlemen" greets Dutch reaching them.
"Dutch…you tell him, fat man" adds Micah to Mr. Pearson.
"It's peace, Dutch… the O'Driscolls… I mean, I think there's a way" Pearson says drawing closer.
"What on earth are you talking about?" asks Dutch.
"I met a couple of the O'Driscoll boys on the road into town, things were about to get ugly, but you know how I am in a fight, huh? Like a cornered tiger" says Pearson laughing.
Also Hosea laughs and when I look at him I see he's shaking his head. I smile, but keep quiet looking again at my white paper.
"Anyway… somehow it didn't, but… we got to talking and they suggested a parley to end things… like gentlemen" says Pearson.
"Gentlemen? Colm O'Driscoll? Have you lost your minds?" Dutch exclaims.
"You're always telling us, Dutch… do what has to be done, but don't fight wars ain't worth fighting" replies Micah.
"They want a parley? It's a trap" says Hosea, making me raise my head.
"Well off course, it's probably a trap, but what have we got to lose finding out" replies Micah.
"Get shot" answers Arthur.
"We ain't getting shot because you'll be protecting us. It's a trap, you shoot the lot of them, if it ain't a trap, that slim chance…" Micah says.
I can't understand why he insists so much. What does he gains from the peace with the O'Driscoll?
"I don't see the point in any of this" says Dutch getting close to the table Hosea and I are seated at, laying his hands on it, and looking Hosea in the eyes just like he wants support or advise from him.
"It's a chance we gotta take" says Micah.
It's him I lay my eyes on while he comes closer with Arthur and Pearson and I try to understand his intentions.
Dutch thinks for a moment, his hands still on the table near the letter I've definitely abandoned.
"I killed Colm's brother, long tome ago…" he says then.
Hosea stands up, so now I'm the only one still seated.
"Then he killed, a woman I loved dear."
This time he turns to look at me right in the eyes.
The impression I had about him since the beginning was right: this man doesn't forget anything. From his gaze I can perceive his sufferance and I feel sorry for how I talked to him that day and for what I've said.
"As you say, it's a long time ago, Dutch" says Micah.
I start to think all this thing isn't a good idea and Hosea and Arthur seem to agree with me.
I move my eyes from Micah to Dutch hoping they won't go.
"Let's go, you and me, with Arthur protecting us, no-one else" orders Dutch in the end pointing at Micah.
I sit upright in the chair watching them going away.
"What about me?" asks Pearson.
"This ain't the time for tigers, my friend" answers Dutch from the distance.
Hosea sits again.
"Ahh.. it was my idea" complains Pearson with no-one in particular before going away.
Hosea takes his book and goes back to reading, but I can't move my eyes from the three men heading to the horses.
"What do you think?" I ask.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Hosea put down the book and look away, thoughtful.
"If it's a trap they'll know how to get away. It's not the first time we have to deal with Colm and we always survived him. If they really want the peace… from now on the O'Driscoll won't be a problem anymore."
I frown and turn to him.
"Before you seemed sure it was a trap" I say.
"You can never tell when we talk about Colm O'Driscoll" he says standing up and going away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I try to reassure myself, telling that, if things should get bad, they'll know how to hand it. After all, we escaped that mess in Valentine, the burning barn, and a lot of other difficult situations.
I take again the pen in my hand and focus on the letter.
Dear Albert,
It's done. Those bastards have died and we're finally free to live our lives. I'm starting to get along well with the group of people I talked you about. I think I'll stay with them for a little time.
I hope you're fine and I wish you the best luck.
Yours, Fred.
Ps. I'm sorry it took a long time to write this letter and I already know you'll be worried, but I needed a few days for myself to reflect on some things.
I finish the letter, leave the pen on the table and wait for the ink to dry out.
While I wait, I look around and spot Charles coming towards me. I start to feel nervous and I look down hoping my impression is wrong and he's just passing by. His steps get closer until they stop.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
I look at him faking surprise and calmness.
"Oh! Charles. I'm writing a letter. I mean… I've written letter, now I'm waiting for the ink to dry."
Yeah, now you sound nervous, you idiot, I think.
"Who you're writing to?" he asks sitting on the chair Hosea left empty.
"Albert. The boy I run with from the ranch."
He nods.
Silence falls. I take the letter and fold it.
"You wanted to…err…ask me something?" I say embarrassed.
He sighs before talking.
"I saw you were talking with Dutch and Hosea. They seemed upset."
I smile when I understand where he's aiming.
"Don't worry, I didn't put myself into trouble again. Dutch, Arthur and Micah are gone to talk with the O'Driscolls. Pearson says they want the peace" I explain.
"Pearson said the O'Driscolls want the peace?" he asks frowning.
"Yeah, I know, it sounds strange. And Hosea warned them it could be a trap."
"It is a trap" he remarks.
"That's why they were worried."
Silence falls again. I start to feel uncomfortable at his presence so I take the pen again and write the address on the letter, sensing his eyes on me.
"Alright, if you have to go in the city I'll come with you. I need to do something, too" he says getting up.
I feel immediately relieved at the idea that I don't have to sit here in silence, but the relief is immediately replaced by the anxiety that I feel thinking that I have to spent more time alone with him.
The only thing I'm able to say is a stuttered 'okay' before standing up and following him to the horses.
We walk through the wood saying "hi" to Bill who's keeping watch and we take the road for Rhodes.
"So, this Albert…what kind of relationship do you have?" Charles asks out of nowhere.
"E-erm… we were… we are friends" I say without any idea how to answer.
"Just friend?"
"Yes, just friends. I care about him and he cares about me. We lived together for all our lives so… we're like siblings."
"Okay."
He wants to know if had some kind of relationship with Albert? Why does he care?
A strange thought gets into my mind and my cheeks start burning. I try to ignore it just like the butterflies in my stomach.
What a stupid idea.
"For what Micah said yesterday… you don't really think he was lying, do you?" he asks after a little.
I take my time before answering.
"No" I murmur.
I'm the first who doesn't believe in the accusations I made yesterday. Moreover, Micah is right, even though I don't want to admit it.
We get at the post office and I go inside leaving Charles with the horses. When I come back, he's still there. I climb up again on Isabella and we leave.
He said he had something to do, but what can it be if he's heading back to camp?
"This way" I say when we reach the crossroad and he takes the right and not the left trail to go back.
"I have to go to the city stable for Taima. She has got some problems with one of the hooves" he replies.
The Rhodes stable is a little bit outside the town. When we get there, I stay outside while Charles talks with the stable groom, who takes one of the horse's hooves to check it.
I see him shake his head and, when he gets outside, Charles has a gloomy expression.
"He says he must keep her for the night. So I have to go back to camp with you, if it's not a problem."
I open my mouth, but not a sound comes from it.
"If you don't want to, I can take one of his horses" he adds pointing behind his back.
"No" I say with maybe too much emphasis.
"Okay… move a little forward" he asks putting both his hands on my saddle.
I do as he says and put my foot off the stirrup so he can lift easily. My muscles tense immediately when his body touches mine. I can feel his muscular broad chest against my back, all the way down until…
I try to focus on something else rather than his body.
"Can we go?" I ask with a murmur putting the foot back on the stirrup.
"Yes" he answers with his deep, calm voice, his mouth so close to my right ear I can feel his warm breath.
A shiver runs down my back and I spur Isabella with too much strength because she jerks forward and Charles has to grab me not to fall.
"Sorry" I say with a strong desire to bury myself right now.
"Don't worry" he answers, but he doesn't move his hands from my hips where he grabbed.
With a deep breath I start walking and take the trail that leads us back to camp.
After a little time, I almost get used to his presence behind me and my heart stops hammering against my chest.
"Hey! Who's there?"
"It's us, Bill" answers Charles.
"What happened to your horse?"
"I had to leave her at the stable."
"Oh, I understand" says Bill watching us with a naughty smile.
I feel my cheeks warming again and I make Isabella moving faster.
"Okay, thank you" says Charles when we both dismount.
I smile and turn around to take the saddle from Isabella.
When I hear him going away, all the muscles of my body relax immediately and I turn again to watch him walk away. Then, I head to the kitchen, take some stew and walk to the closest campfire.
"How's your day going?" asks Kieran who's also seated there, eating.
"Nothing special" I answer.
I spend some time talking with him until I finish my plate, when I see two men at horseback coming out of the wood. I narrow my eyes and understand it's Dutch and Micah. I keep watching in their direction waiting for Arthur to show up any moment, but he doesn't, so I get up and walk towards them.
Hosea reaches them, too, and Dutch starts talking with him and Micah. From their expressions I understand something's wrong.
They suddenly stops talking when I reach them.
"Where's Arthur?" I ask instinctively.
Dutch sighs and exchanges a look with Hosea.
"We don't know" he answers.
He's words astonish me. I look at him with my mouth half open.
"After our meeting they just let us go, but no trace of Arthur" he says walking away.
"Did you try to look for him?" I ask ironically.
"We where on a field, tracks are not easy to follow there" he replies.
"And what if they took him?" I ask following him towards the camp.
"He can take care of himself" he says.
"He would have done it for you!" I yell without being able to restrain myself.
He stops and I do the same. My hands closed into fists.
"And you don't even think about rescuing him!?" I yell again.
He turns around with a furious look.
"Listen…" he starts, but I stop him.
"No, you listen to me. You can choose to abandon him this way, but I won't!" I say pointing a finger to his chest.
Then, I turn around to head to the horses, but I find Micah on my way.
"He came for you in that jail" I murmur at his face with all the disdain I can collect.
I try to walk past him, but he grabs my arm.
Without thinking, I turn around and slap him. He squeezes my arm while I try to hit him on the chest as hard as I can until he lets me go.
Some other hands divide us. Bill, Javier, Hosea and some other people gathered around.
"Fred, listen…" Hosea tries to say, but I run away without listening.
I walk past the horses until I reach the wood and then I start pacing back and forth with a heavy breath.
How can they leave him in the O'Driscolls hands? They sent him to rescue Sean and then Micah. For every single work, he's always there. If someone else had been captured, Dutch would have sent him immediately, but now that Arthur is the one into trouble, he doesn't do anything. He's not even worried! They are like a family and he doesn't worry! Why he does nothing?
"Why he does nothing?" I shout into the wood, my voice gets lost among the trees.
"He knows what he's doing" answers a voice from behind me.
I turn my head and watch Hosea leaning on a tree.
"If he does nothing there's a reason" he adds.
I snort and turn around, crossing my arms on my chest.
"Who said Arthur has been captured? Maybe he decided not to came back because he fears the O'Driscolls could follow him" he says.
I hear him getting closer.
"I know him and I know he would follow the rules."
"But what if they took him?" I ask looking at him.
He raises a hand to stop me.
"If it's like you say and in a couple of days he won't show up, we'll go and look for him" he answers calmly.
"A couple of days?"
He's tranquillity surprises me.
"They could kill him in a couple of days" I say.
"Dutch believes…"
"I don't give a fuck about what Dutch believes. He thinks he knows everything? That he understands everything? But well… he's not a seer!"
Hosea stares at me and for the first time on his face I find a severity I've never seen before.
"He's the boss, so you won't do anything which it's not a direct order from him" he ends turning around and walking back to the camp.
They won't stop me. This story is unacceptable and if no-one will do nothing because they're too scared to disobey Dutch, I'll do it then.
I finish my morning coffee and head to the horses.
"Miss! Are you getting busy this morning?" inquires Miss Grimshaw.
"Not know, I have something to do" I answer harshly.
Her house chores can wait.
Getting closer to the horses I see Bill, Charles and Javier talking near the campfire. When they turn around and see me, I look away.
I take the saddle and put it on Isabella.
"Hey, you going somewhere?" asks Charles drawing near with the others.
I don't answer.
"If you're heading to Rhodes we can go together. Javier will bring me to the stable to take Taima back."
I keep setting the saddle trying not to listen to him.
I'm sure Javier or someone else told him about yesterday and this is his way to try to stop me, or at least to keep an eye on me.
Then, I receive the enlightenment.
"I'll bring you to the stable" I say turning around to look at him.
Charles stops for a while to look at me in bewilderment and then turns to Javier who limits to shrug.
I mount on Isabella and just like yesterday he climbs behind me.
This could be the only possibility I have to move freely. If the rest of the camp believes that I'm just taking Charles to the stable, they won't ask any question and he will let me do what I want, if I'm able to convince him.
We get out of the wood and I take the path to the stable.
"Do you have work to do when we get back? Pearson asked me to hunt something so, if you don't…"
"I won't go back to camp and I can't come hunting with you" I answer coldly.
"And, where will you go?"
I sigh, aware that I have no escape from this.
"Looking for Arthur."
"Listen. If Dutch said 'no' there must be a reason. He doesn't cut people loose like this."
He could be right, they all could be right, but the idea that Dutch is loosing time doesn't leave me.
"So, why he rescued Micah right away?" I ask.
When he doesn't answer I understand he doesn't know that neither.
I stop in front of the stable and let Charles get down Isabella. When he disappears inside, I look around.
I could go, right now, and no-one could stop me. And I'll cover my tracks so Charles won't follow me, I think looking at the stable door.
How will he react when he'll come out and won't find me here? What will he think?
But…why do I care?
And what if… if he thinks I'm an idiot? What if he'll be disappointed in me?
Again, why do I care?
The door opens and he comes out leading Taima from the reins. He stops next to me and mounts up.
"I thought I wouldn't find you" he says staring at me.
"Maybe, if it wasn't you, I would have left" I answer.
The expression on his face makes me aware of my words and my cheeks immediately take fire. I make Isabella turn around and start walking to hide myself.
What the hell happened in my head? Why I said that thing?
"So, we're heading back?" he asks walking by my side.
"If you want to go back, you can, I have to go looking for him" I answer with a rude tone.
He sighs.
"Micah said they where north of the Scarlett Meadows, it won't take long" he says in the end, leading the way.
We ride in silence. When we reach the spot, we look for tracks of horses or people, but Dutch was right: it's really difficult, if not impossible, to find some tracks on a grass field and soon I understand that what we're doing is useless. Charles must have known since the beginning.
I feel so stupid right now.
We climb on a hill so to have a clear view on the valley beneath us and we get down the horses.
I look towards the field hoping that the tracks would light up for me somehow and show me the way.
"Let's get back. I'll ask Dutch or Micah or anyone who knows something about the O'Driscolls if they have any idea where they could be holed up" I say.
Then, I turn around to look at Charles.
"I won't abandon him like everybody else is doing."
"No-one is abandoning him" he answers.
"Yes they are! And don't come and tell me you didn't notice Charles, because it's not true! He was there for Sean, for Micah, and now no-one wants to save him!" I shout in the stillness of the valley.
"That's not true. Listen… you have to calm down. How you can see, it's not easy, he could be anywhere."
I run my hands through my hair.
"And… and what if they know but they don't tell us? I-i-if they don't want us to rescue him?"
"Hey…"
He gets closer and takes me from the shoulders forcing me to look into his eyes.
"Calm down. We'll try to find something. I know Dutch from some time now and I'm sure he'll do anything he can for Arthur. Trust him."
"I don't trust Dutch" I say without thinking.
"Trust me then" he murmurs.
My stomach twists.
I stare at him, but I have no idea what to say.
For a second, his eyes move on my lips before staring back at me.
My legs melt, my heart starts hammering against my chest and something warm rises from my stomach to my chest. My body leans forward, towards him. My hands have the instinct to grab his hair and my lips to find his. I want to feel him, taste him, love him.
With a jerk, I force myself to turn my head and go away.
