Chapter 16 Not enough time.
Part III. A thousand lives with you.
The two women were walking across the courtyard back to their car. All the goodbyes had already taken place and promises of frequent calls, from both their children and Justin and Warren, had been made. The latter were careful to respect the family's privacy, and once everything was said, they politely disappeared to give them space.
Clara and William had been very affectionate with their mothers, Max knew that the void created by their absence was bound to be difficult to bear, she also knew that it was going to be harder for Chloe. She told them about her own farewell with Grandad Ryan in this very academy so many years ago, and how she had never returned to live in her parent's house again. She glimpsed a tear in Chloe's eyes when she told them that they would always have a place with their mothers, and also total support from their mothers in case they decided to go their own way.
Herself, she felt a knot in her throat when, to finally say goodbye, she told them that this day was the day for them to start living new experiences, except she used the exact same word her father had used with her.
They walked glued to each other. They had found a way to make it work despite the height difference, which over the years had not been alleviated at all, as Max's hopelessly long-awaited late growth spurt never arrived. This way it was quite easy for Chloe to bend over and give a peck on Max's cheek without breaking the walk.
"What was that for?".
"For no particular reason. Can't a woman in love kiss the object of her affection?".
"You know?" Max answered sardonically "it's the extra effort what's giving away your plans".
"Oh wow, you know me too well".
Max stopped abruptly and gave her wife a patronizing stare. "Why don't you stop dancing around and get to the point?".
"Yeah," Chloe retorted with a sigh, "You're right. So...this thing you said before about how I haven't changed...?".
"Ok?".
"That's... that's good, I mean you said it yourself... at least it's good for you and I settle for that. You also mentioned that I've only changed in one thing and it's for the best... I've been thinking and I'm not sure what you mean. I... I guess it has to be something about the kids, but I don't know exactly what you mean and I would like to know".
Max took Chloe's hands in hers as she looked at her with a warm smile. "And that's what all the fuss is about? You couldn't just straight ask".
Chloe's first involuntary reaction was to look away and in return, Max felt something burn inside her. There are certain issues that even time can't fix.
"You built a skate park?" Max then asked.
"You've seen it with your own eyes, there's no denying it".
"So that, and I quote, a place for young people to have fun and forget about their problems. You know? hang out with friends, maybe drink a little beer, perhaps smoke a little weed".
"Good memory. Yes. that's the kind of stuff I used to do when I was young, those years you weren't... anyway, the old skate park no longer exists, so I thought, why not?".
Max laughed. Chloe's frowned not understanding her wife's laughter.
"Students like Clara and William? you want them to hang out in a park named after their mothers to drink beer and smoke weed? You didn't think about it, you really didn't think about it. You're amazing, capable of the most incredible things and the most absurd mistakes".
"No way...".
"The moment you said that thing about beer and weed, I knew you hadn't thought about it".
"No... they…" Chloe nodded her head in confusion "Clara is a natural with the skateboard, she can practice here... Provided she's done all her homework first... and no beer or weed... maybe a beer from time to time... but just the one beer and that's it and definitely no weed".
"Chloe, at their age you self-medicated on a daily basis," Max said, accompanying it with air quotes.
"You are right" she protested vehemently "and that's why I want to keep them away from that kind of behavior. I was on a highway to nowhere until you came back. They may not be lucky enough to have a lifesaver as I did".
"I didn't save you, at least no less than you saved me, and, on the other hand, our children have given us ample proof that they are trustworthy. They have seen many people fall because of alcohol and drugs and we have talked to them in-depth about it. At some point, they're going to do something stupid because they're young, yet we have to trust them".
Chloe looked down at the ground in shame as she made an epic facepalm to herself.
"Oh my God, what kind of hypocrite am I? what kind of mother am I?".
Max hugged her wife "You're not a hypocrite"
"But it's not fair, I don't want my kids to...and then the other kids".
"In our time here, there were far more drugs at any Vortex Club party than there were at the skate park in a whole year. Happily, the Vortex Club is just an embarrassing memory, but I'm sure there are other ways to get drugs if they really want them. There has always been that chance, there was before we came and there will be long after our own children graduate here. We've given them all the information and now all we can do is trust them".
"Oh crap, I've become that mother".
"No, Chloe, you're the kind of mother who thinks that what was good for her isn't good enough for her children, the kind of mother that doesn't want them to make the same mistakes she did... that makes you the best kind of mother" Max raised Chloe's head "and you're certainly the only mother I would have wished for my children".
Chloe rubbed her face on her wife's collar and purred. Literally purred, in an image that would have cost its weight in gold in the old days of journalistic harassment.
"Max... you... you've always known how to make me feel good... in my moments of doubt and fear you've always been the one who helped me to get ahead... my life would have been very different if you hadn't returned to me...".
"You don't get to say that out loud. We've been over this enough times, coming back was the only option for me. You didn't see me in Seattle without you, things weren't going well... I didn't properly function without you by my side".
"That could be considered an oxymoron".
"Excuse me?".
"You didn't see me in Seattle without you, it's a contradiction in terms. If I wasn't there I obviously couldn't see you. Not exactly the definition of an oxymoron but it could be considered as one".
"You, smartass". Max squinted her eyes at Chloe with feigned hatred
"Yes but a smartass with a major in English, aaaaand an oscar for best screenplay written directly for the screen".
"I hate you," Max said, keeping a sharp look and exaggerating every syllable.
"You don't," Chloe replied with a massive smile.
"I don't". Max returned the smile.
After a few moments of silence, Max talked again. "Chloe, there's something special about coming back here, seeing these buildings and breathing this air. You're right, this place really left a mark on us...Do you ever think about Rachel Amber?".
Chloe suddenly straightened up and stared at her wife with the most astonished expression imaginable "Rachel Amber? Did you just ask me about Rachel?".
"It's been decades since we even mentioned her, but, again, there's something special about being back here. You said before that I already had you at Chloe...Did you ever consider that it might have been different?".
"Different, how?".
"As in if it wasn't for some tragic circumstance, we would never have ended up together?".
Chloe's face suddenly tightened. "Is that what you really think? That if Rachel had been alive, you and I wouldn't have ended up together?".
"I've always thought the two of us were meant to be together, and I'm not talking about fate or any spiritual nonsense. I'm talking about the fact that since I met you you've always been everything I wanted and I believe that it works the same way for you...".
"You already know it does". Chloe rushed to interrupt.
"Yes, sure, but I also can't deny that the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Maybe not as much as not ending up together, especially since that would be disrespectful to everything we've been through together... just, maybe, different. The thing is, when I arrived at Arcadia Bay you were alone. I don't think you would have let me into your life that way if Rachel was still around".
"You see" Chloe began to speak very slowly, carefully measuring her words. Max could feel the cogs in her wife's brain working "with everything going on today, I assure you that bringing up Rachel Amber was the last thing I expected to happen".
"Maybe this wasn't a good idea. It's just a thought that came into my head being here, I'm really sorry".
"No... no, it's okay. Those days were insane, sure I was hurt because of the whole Frank and Jefferson affair, but that week changed everything...on Monday morning I still was hanging missing person posters and on Friday afternoon we had our first date. From then on everything went even faster and the times we did talk about Rachel it was still a sore subject. I guess once we attended her funeral and I mourned, I just moved on... Rachel… what to say about her..." Chloe sighed "I would give anything for her to be alive".
"I understand". Max replied in a calm tone, with no hint of jealousy or anything remotely resembling.
"I don't even remember her voice, her laugh... When I think of her, the only image I remember clearly is the picture that was on the posters. I have memories, stuff we did together and I can't remember her face, just that image on the posters".
"I'm sorry it's like this".
"Yeah, it's actually pretty fucking sad...which doesn't take away from the fact that she and I didn't belong together and I should have realized immediately. I never should have... that wasn't right".
"Don't say that. I bailed on you and you were alone and it's only logical that…".
"Stop right there" Chloe abruptly cut Max "Don't you dare, Maxine, don't you dare to make this about my pain or your wrong choices... this is about our life, the life we've been building together for so many years. I'm not letting you go that way... there is an us in this story, there always has been and it's you and me, nobody else. What's going on here is I'm no longer that crazy teenager, lost and in pain. I know perfectly where I stand and which are my life choices".
Max nodded, without interrupting
"Don't you ever sell yourself short in front of me, not even when we're talking about the Max who moved to Seattle and didn't write me a single text for five years...it's insulting for both of us".
Chloe cupped Max's face and gently lifted her chin towards her "Rachel saved that crazy teenager. I was alone when she came along, she was radiant and she wanted us to run away to LA together. It's fair to say that I was totally engrossed with Rachel and the promise of this new life with her...as a matter of fact, LA was never my dream. I was a girl with no dreams, no job, and no education. I just wanted to run away from a home that no longer felt like mine and someone by my side not to feel lonely and abandoned. My future was in waitressing and dead-end jobs. As for Rachel... she was special, she had that magnetism that made us all dance around her like puppets, but in the end, she was a minor league player. She only hooked up with people who were far down the food chain, like Frank and me, and as soon as she wanted to climb the ladder, look how she ended up. Even if everything had gone better, we had no future together I mean, if she managed to hide two relationships from me in a shithole town like Arcadia Bay what would have happened in LA?".
At this point, Chloe took a deep breath."We never really got together even though she knew I wanted to, she always said not to put a label on us, go with the flow, and somehow I'm glad it never happened because deep down I knew I was always going to compare her to you...and in that comparison, she was always going to lose".
"Chloe..."
"No, it's true. Despite everything, we were Max and Chloe. Even though I thought I'd never see you again, I was aware that there would be no one like you and I have to say that these last 30-odd years have proven me right".
"Yes, Max and Chloe... from the very first day".
"Let me finish the Rachel part, please, now I feel like I need to say this out loud... nobody deserves what happened to Rachel. No matter how many bad choices she made, how dangerous companies she had, she didn't deserve it. All the choices I could take in this life, you, the kids, being an actress, writing, traveling...all that was denied to Rachel. She had no choices because she was killed at fucking 18... that's... that's the age our children are now" Max felt a knot in the throat as Chloe spoke, "no one should die at that age, no parents should bury a son. We have all lived our lives, for better or worse, but she was denied that chance. She wasn't meant to be at the altar on my wedding day, but she could have been sitting there watching us, or maybe not because life is so complicated and she was always a complicated person...instead, now she's just a picture on a missing person poster, forever young...she didn't deserve this".
"I'm sure," Max said in a voice that was seized with emotion "that wherever she is, she's glad that at least you've got to be happy".
"That's... that's a comforting thought. Thank you".
"Is the least I can do, I know it wasn't easy for you".
"No, it wasn't... Now I think we should drop it, there's no one left to mourn her. I just hope that in that wherever she is, she's found peace".
"Sure, I think there's been enough emotion for one day".
"In fact..." Chloe abruptly said with a radical change of attitude "since you brought it up, there's something else".
"Something else?".
"The day we met again...plain, regular Max was all I wanted in my life, instead, what I got back was my own private pint-sized superhero and the most amazing week of my life".
"Oh, that week. You want to talk about that week... I don't like to talk about that".
"I know, but please, indulge me. That would affect anyone's life, and we've put it behind us like a weekend trip".
"Not like that. It just happened and I don't have any more answers than I did back then. We managed to save everybody and we resumed our lives...I never felt the need to talk about it and you respected that...until today, I see".
Chloe ignored Max's last commentary and went on "When we arrived at my house, you started telling me the whole story. How you had these crazy powers and how you had lived through the same week different times. I believed you. It was the most absurd and crazy story but I believed you, and you wouldn't prove me your powers because you have decided not to use them. You had only one thought in mind, you were determined to save me and save everyone else. You said it was the only way out...and you did it. I've always suspected that your obsession with saving everyone had a specific reason".
"I didn't know I needed a reason to save my friends".
"That's just it. Turns out I've always believed you, even though your story of time-related powers sounded like a crazy-ass affair, I believed you, and it also meant that when you told me I was your top priority, I believed you. There was a storm, we found ourselves in a situation we never asked for, what was our fault? you kept insisting and insisting that we should save them all, not out friends or family... all of them. The choices were clear, save me, or save the bay, so your insistence on saving everyone made me think that you came to sacrifice Arcadia for me. You went down that path and something didn't work, I guess one or both of us couldn't live with the pain and you started over".
Max shook her head, "Why do you want to talk about this now? It happened a long time ago and our life went on".
"It's important you'll see why. In any case, you know our agreement since we were small kids, never lie to each other, that's our policy. Which doesn't mean that we've both avoided asking uncomfortable questions".
Max nodded her head in disapproval.
"So... I'm positive you wouldn't have sacrificed me under any circumstances, not for Arcadia Bay, not for the whole world. It's hard to put it that way, but I know you wouldn't".
"What's your point?".
"It simply doesn't add up. You are like the most unselfish person ever. I understand what you would do to keep me safe, still, getting to the point of sacrificing an entire city is a very tough choice... especially when there is an easy and much less painful option, at least from the greater good point of view".
Max blushed immediately and looked away from her wife.
"I'm not going to ask you because I already know the answer, just tell me why it didn't work".
"Chloe, please".
"It's important".
"Fine. The bullet... the bullet refused to... enter my body?. As soon as it touched my skin, time stopped and when it resumed the bullet just fell. Again and again. I don't know if it was unconscious or... whatever, as many times as I tried, it always ended that way".
"Okay," Chloe kept staring at her wife thoughtfully "so we have this shy eighteen-year-old girl. She moved out five years ago and left her best friend behind, after all this time without a word, she returns to her hometown and not even knowing if I wanted to be your friend again, first thing you do is take a bullet for me".
"You are wrong. I had already lived that full week with you before, knowing what I knew about us, it was an easy choice. I mean there was no other choice. I had to save you".
"Sure" Chloe grimaced "obvious plot hole in my reasoning, yet, from my side it worked that way. I would never have known why you did it or what I meant to you".
"It was 2013".
"Excuse me?".
"I composed a message to my parents. It couldn't be a farewell message since it was going to be an accident, I made sure I let them know how much I loved them, though, and I added a line about why I came back to Arcadia Bay. You would recognize me and either you would check my cell phone or police would do it, my parents would tell you about what happened in Seattle, and then there was my diary also which I left in my room with a note for you. I wouldn't..." Max's voice snapped when she remembered that moment that never happened "I wouldn't be with you but at least you would know that your best friend never stopped loving you... I hoped that it would help you move on with your life".
"Little Max thought of everything" Chloe tried to sound proud but her voice was cracking under the emotion "as I've already told you, never sell yourself short. I can never be thankful enough to whoever gave you that power that it came with some sort of failsafe... anyway... my point is still the same, your first choice was to sacrifice yourself".
"It was," Max replied categorically "And it would be again right now if I were in the same situation, but I still don't see where this is going".
"Just a little longer. It's the end of the week, Friday afternoon and you've made it".
"We made it" Max corrected immediately.
"I seem to recall that my only contribution was trying not to kill myself in the most absurd ways possible".
"That's not true. you did your part. You saved Kate and she became your best friend, you told David what was going on in the darkroom and... many more things all that while you were trying to get over Rachel's death. The amount of attention and focus I needed to get everything right? without you, it wouldn't have been possible...when I'm with you I'm so much more than myself".
Chloe gave her a skeptical look before answering "All I remember is how you did the most amazing stuff I have ever witnessed in my life...anyway" she made a dismissive hand gesture indicating that her contribution wasn't as important as Max said, "Do you remember what we did that Friday?".
"You really think I'd ever forget".
"Hippie, I would have gone to the lighthouse to rejoice on my doing, I would have yelled at the universe to fuck off because I was confronted with the hardest choice in history and I managed to avoid making that choice. I would have thrown the wildest party ever and would have had asked for a golden statue of myself in front of the Two Whales. You had just manipulated time in an incredible and amazing way, saving the most important person of your life..." Chloe pointed her two index fingers at herself "and a whole city. What you had achieved was absolutely unimaginable, and what you chose to do when it was all over?".
"You already know".
"Please, I want to hear it from your mouth".
"OK, we went to the movies".
"There it is" Chloe shouted, "you asked me to go to the movies, and then a burger and milkshakes. Of all the plans you could choose or all the people you could be with, once again you chose me, and instead of doing something epic, you went for a quiet afternoon with me, like any other given day".
"You're wrong again. It was our first date. I had been waiting for that date my whole life...nothing can ever beat that date".
"Well," said Chloe after a few seconds of pause, "I was trying to build an argument here, but what can I say after this?".
"You don't have to say anything, you've always been my choice and you always will be".
Chloe cleared her voice thoroughly before continuing, and not exactly because she had a sore throat. "That night, After the date, I drove you back to your dorm, you remember what you told me?".
"Um...yes...not exactly, but I remember I told you I felt I no longer had my powers".
"Not that. About the date and how you wanted things to go between us from then on".
"Let me think... I'm sure I told you it had been the best night of my life".
"Yes... and there was something else".
"Um..." not much else, I remember I told you I didn't have my powers anymore and I was glad about that, that I just wanted us to have an ordinary life".
"That's not exactly what you said".
"Pretty much... I don't remember word by word but I think it's quite accurate".
"I remember it perfectly. I have those words engraved in my memory. You said that's what you wanted for both of us, to live an ordinary life together".
"Yes, well, yes. Maybe I was hasty, but that's how I felt. A lot had happened between us even though you didn't have the memories of all my rewinds and all the moments we shared. It seemed obvious and I...I always knew what I wanted".
"Together. You did not wish for an ordinary life, but an ordinary life together".
Max nodded with a half-smile.
Chloe was more than accustomed to her wife's non-verbal communication and she was able to perfectly interpret each of her gestures. "Max, you're so absolutely amazing without even trying".
"Wowsers, thank you".
"You know... since I started writing, I've often thought about doing a piece for you. When you start to see the words you write make sense, you realize they're a powerful weapon, and, of course, I've done things I'm proud of, but I haven't been able to write anything for you. The problem I've run into is that I never found a way to translate into words exactly what you have meant to me, nothing was precise enough...until today. You've been able to find the right words as if it was the easiest thing".
"We've talked a lot today." Max frowned, "I don't know exactly...".
"Not enough time, that's it. I feel like the time I have left with you is not enough, there's no better and simpler way to describe it. That would be my only wish, more time with you. Anything I could tell or write you, would not reflect what you mean to me but that. Right here, right now, I would sign for a hundred more lives with you without hesitating for a second. I don't care how or where, as long as we are together. I would never have enough of you".
"A hundred lives with me..." Max repeated absent-mindedly.
"And it wouldn't be enough, a hundred, a thousand... I don't know, I just feel like no amount of time is enough. There was this time when we had our whole future ahead of us...not anymore. It's been amazing, and most importantly, we've done it together. I know I can't complain, still...".
"You'd like more" Max finished her line.
"Exactly".
The two women looked at each other. There was something unusual about Chloe, an air of vulnerability that wasn't there a while before.
"I didn't have any of this planned" Chloe expressed, slightly embarrassed. "Today the kids are leaving home and there was the skate park. I really didn't know that we would end up like this. Anyway, I guess I owe you an explanation".
"I can't deny that I'm a bit confused here".
"There's a reason for everything. All my questions and inquiries and it probably won't come as a surprise, but once again the reason is you...more specifically the years we were apart".
Max frowned. A sour subject, perhaps the single most bitter one. They had talked about it extensively, Chloe knew in detail each and every circumstance of Max's life in Seattle and had long ago understood and accepted her motives. It was Max, who in spite of all the time that had passed did not forgive herself.
"I've been avoiding this question for years." Chloe hurried to speak before her wife offered the usual apologies and the accompanying guilt trip every time the Seattle issue came up "just today you asked again, and I think I'm ready to give an answer".
Max's expression changed immediately, shifting to one of concentration trying to remember the question Chloe was referring to.
"Oh," she said as her face lit up with surprise "your first movie".
"Chloe nodded".
"This is going to be interesting".
"Interesting? maybe... but that was not the reason I never answered, you'll see why. When they finally offered me the role, I thought about refusing, then you encouraged me and I finally accepted. All that was left was to deal with the tiny problem that I had no previous experience as an actress and the role I was playing was a single mother, a field in which I had even less experience. What's more, I had absolutely no clue at all. At the first meeting with the producer and the director, I told them so, but they insisted, they liked my spontaneity. They encouraged me to try and understand the motives of the protagonist and work from there...and that's what I did, try to understand the motives. Do you remember our old apartment? not exactly the fanciest neighborhood, all I had to do was walk up or down a flight of stairs and I had a lot of single mothers to ask".
"Did you ask our neighbors?".
"Yeah, Wendy, the one on the first floor, Laura, and then the girl who lived right above us... don't remember his name".
"I think it was Shauna or something close to it".
"Sharon... maybe, well, whatever, they all told me the same. In spite of the lack of money, their constant problems or the kind of life they had, none of them regretted having their babies. It was the only thing that was worth in their lives and in the end they all gave me the same explanation even if they expressed it in different ways. Unconditional love. I know it's almost a cliché and it's the first thing you can come across on the Internet but I assure you it's not the same when you hear it from people who are experiencing it firsthand. There was this girl, Shauna or Sharon, I don't know, she was living out of coupons, she told me she had skipped so many dinners just to buy diapers for her daughter but she didn't regret it, not once. She told me how she could be a horrible mother yelling at her child because life was so hard on her... and it didn't matter, her daughter loved her no matter what. This other girl, she expressed herself better, she probably was a good student but something happened in her life to finish there. She was very lucid talking and told me how easy it was to get frustrated with a 2-year-old boy and how it was an absolute mistake because the mother expected an adult behavior from someone who wasn't an adult. She acknowledged it was so unfair to get frustrated with the child, but she did it and yelled, and she cried after that and the baby cried. But her son loved her anyway and forgave her immediately even before she could forgive herself. I… I spoke to Joyce and told her about this kind of love, she said that's the way it was for mothers, then I asked her how that reconciled with my 16-17-year-old self, before you came back.. and what she said to me... it touched me very deeply. She told me that in the worst moments of our relationship she thought about the baby that I was, how I loved her above everything and that kept her going".
Max stroked Chloe's cheek without interrupting her.
"So I thought about it, and I realized that the answer was right in front of me. I didn't have a son, but I did know how it felt to be loved like that".
"Chloe, I don't".
"Max, you've always..., I've always felt that no matter what I did, you would still love me. I could just be myself with all my flaws and I knew you would always love me anyway. Ever since we were kids I've known, and when you came back it was the same, only we weren't kids anymore and our relationship meant something else".
"How… How could I not love you Chloe?, you are the most amazing person I have ever met".
"That's what I mean, I don't have that memory but you told me I shot myself with a bullet that ricocheted off a bumper. There can't be a more moronic way to die. You never patronized me, never got angry, all you cared about was that I was safe. In spite of my nonsensical behavior you just took me as I am, and forgave, and understood me and never tried to change me... you have simply loved me the way I am".
"I can't tell you anything else... you've always been everything I've ever wanted, just the way you are".
"That's what I'm trying to tell you... that movie, I played you. All that love, that affection you see on the screen, I knew what it was. I had experienced it every day I spent by your side".
Max tried to talk and again, Chloe interrupted her with a gesture.
"This love you gave me... I always wanted to love you back the same way but I didn't know if I ... I was afraid I never was able to reciprocate it because… how could I? I was in a deep, dark place when you came back and all that self-doubt doesn't go away, just like that...so when we decided to have children, I thought that if somehow... I didn't manage to... at least I wanted you to have that experience".
"Wait right there" Max couldn't help but interrupt her wife."You're talking about Clara and William".
"Yes… I mean I wanted you to...".
"Hold on…. you've been the best mother I could imagine for our children and now you're telling me you insisted that I was the biological mother because you wanted me to... feel more loved?".
Chloe lowered her eyes embarrassed before mumbling between teeth "yes".
"Oh, my fucking... you gave that up for me?".
"Yes... I wanted that for you…. I know our children love us equally but I thought that would be nice for you".
"I... I thought you were scared for whatever reason. I never understood back then".
"Scared? Max, you jumped in my truck in 2013. I haven't been afraid of anything since then".
"Chloe, you're..."
"So, about that?"
"About what?"
Chloe looked at her wife with a still embarrassed gaze. "Did I made you feel loved as much as you did?".
"Chloe Caulfield. You make me feel like I am the center of the universe, like I'm invincible and I can do anything I propose myself... you did, and you are right, the time we have left it's not enough, but let's make the best we can out of it.. together".
"Sounds perfect to me". Chloe said, visibly relieved
"So what do you say,? shall we start with taking over New York pirate style?".
"Aye-Aye".
The two women walked the rest of the way in silence, holding hands and practically glued together until they reached the car and jumped in.
Chloe started the car with the biometric scanner, however, before issuing the navigation instructions, she turned to Max and stared at her hesitantly.
"Any weird thoughts in that head of yours?". Max asked.
"It's just...it's been a strange day, in a good sense I mean...".
"There's something else. There is something on your mind and you are trying to keep me from finding out and, I'm sorry, but you never get away with that".
"It's nothing...I don't know, maybe some of the stuff I said wasn't the most appropriate and I wouldn't want to have ruined the day".
"Well," Max looked at her wife with a stern glance "I have to admit that questioning whether I felt loved wasn't your finest hour".
"You know it's not that I doubted it" Chloe had blushed in an instant and was keeping her eyes on the ground "I look back and see how much you... it's impossible not to feel insecure".
"You shouldn't".
"I know, and you've shown me countless times, it's just that sometimes I can't help..."
"Chloe" Max interrupted her in the most gentle way.
"Okay, okay," she replied by raising her hands in a surrender gesture.
Chloe provided the navigation commands, setting up the refueling and eating stops, but instead of starting the drive, she turned to Max again and in an uncertain voice, she asked "would you say that we're even, then?".
Max straightened up in her seat, leaned over her wife and gave her a long kiss.
"Shut up and drive".
Final note.
Numb is the first installment of the Infinite Loop series, which comprises the following stories:
1.- Numb, the one you are currently reading. This story could be divided into two parts, the first one (chapters 1-13 covers Max life in Seattle, plus a few glimpses of their life before she moved away and ends right where the game begins. The second part (chapters 14-16) is about their life much later, and also sets the foundation for Max creating the Infinite Loop.
2.- Infinite Loop. This story is both a direct continuation of what is happening at Numb and the beginning of the Infinite Loop. If you haven't previously read Numb, you're going to miss a lot of what's going on, and the truth is it's been pretty much ignored. Like Numb, it has undergone some improvements, although, since the number of chapters hasn't changed, nor has it undergone major changes (it's just a little better), it won't be refloated.
If you have read Numb and liked it... and you are willing to spare the time, I'd ask you to read it, because it really is the glue of the whole artifact that Max is creating.
3.- The Leopard. My most successful fanfic, and although it can be read completely as a stand-alone, there are enough clues scattered throughout the story to figure out that it's part of the IL cycle. In the last part, The Unexpected Goddes, it is revealed why this story is important
4.- The Unexpected Goddess. I'm currently writing it. It's a short story, maybe a little longer than IL, a journey to the beginning of it all where we'll have some answers, probably more questions, and the occasional surprise.
Hope you like it.
