Next morning Marinette woke up a bit confused. She had a feeling that she dreamt about Cat Noir who turned out to be Adrien. And she couldn't supress the feeling of disappointment that it was only a dream… She stretched and looked around carefully – but the room seemed to be unchanged and the Cheshire Cat mug was at its usual spot.
The apartment was quiet, so she assumed that everyone had left for their classes. Marinette got up finally and went to the bathroom. She glanced quickly at doors to her friends' bedrooms and supressed an enticement to check Adrien's room – she wasn't going to nose around there when he was out. Not that she was going to do it when he was there either, of course! Oh god, what she was thinking about!
She blushed even if no one heard her thoughts. That was how you ended up when you heard too many digs from Alya, you dreamt too many silly dreams and you had talked too much about your exes a day before! But Marinette was mature enough to not follow a temptation of falling in love with Adrien again. Especially, when she knew that he'd been in love – truly and deeply – with someone else.
Marinette called herself to order and checked once again if she was alone in the apartment. Then she whispered in the direction to her bedroom:
"Tikki? I think you can come up…"
After a moment a red kwami appeared in the living room and approached to her holder.
"You don't have too much freedom here…" Marinette sighed.
"Your friends want to spend time with you, and that's OK…" Tikki snuggled up to the girl's cheek. "I can deal with that, don't worry."
"I really can't foresee when Alya comes in, or Cat Noir jumps in through the window… It was easier at home…"
"Calm down, Marinette… I'm quick in hiding."
"I miss talking to you…" the girl whispered. "All the time I have a feeling that these walls are too thin and someone could hear us… It seems to me that we don't talk so often anymore…"
"Because you're grown up. You're an adult, Marinette. You don't need me that much you used to when you were younger…"
"Not true!"
"I don't mind! I'm happy when I see you so independent. You're not that lost, uncertain teenage girl in love. In unrequited love. Finally, you're loved back…"
"Lo-loved? What?! What do you mean?!" Marinette laughed nervously and blushed like she used to do in high school times. Tikki giggled.
"Oh, you're not going to tell me that you haven't noticed all those efforts of Adrien and Cat Noir!"
"But how can you think that I love them?! How can I love them both? It's ridiculous!"
"You didn't deny yesterday, when Cat Noir asked you if you could love Adrien again…" Tikki reminded in a meaningful tone and Marinette felt flush on her cheeks.
"I denied soon after by telling Cat that Adrien is in love with someone else."
"Which wasn't the answer to his question. You only noticed that Adrien has someone else."
"What are you trying to talk me into, Tikki?" Marinette lost her patience. "I'm not going to interfere with Adrien's happiness. Not when he loves someone so much! It's something more than with Kagami, I can see it. Can you believe that his eyes are sparkling when he talks about his girl?"
"Didn't this description sound familiar to you?" Tikki asked in an innocent tone, but her face looked like she suddenly saw a plate full of macaroons.
Marinette froze in the middle of trying to say something and stared at her kwami. She was still denying to accept the hints of subconsciousness.
"But… But he goes out everyday for a date with his girlfriend. He doesn't visit me!" she began, but her voice failed her and her heart skipped a beat.
Adrien, indeed, had been going out to see his girlfriend. Every day around eight o'clock. He had been coming back home soon after she had finished meetings of support group. When she'd been sick, both – Cat Noir and Adrien – was taking care of her. At night when she had got the fever, there was Cat Noir there by her bed. In his civilian self, because she remembered his uncovered palm on her forehead. Only he called her 'Princess'. It couldn't be anyone else. Next day Alya told Marinette that Adrien had been there because he heard her cough. If he could hear it through the walls, how couldn't he hear Cat Noir's laugh before?
And last night… Adrien had called her 'Princess' when he gave her something to drink. When she recognised him, he told her it was just a dream. What if… What if it wasn't a dream? What if he'd just followed a justification she'd suggested in the evening when she'd said that the reality and dreams had been mixed in her head recently?
"I have to sit down…" she whispered, sitting on a stool in the kitchenette.
Tikki flew away to the girl's bedroom and brought a notebook and pencils from there. She put these tools in front of her holder and looked at her with hope.
"Maybe you want to make some notes? Before you overload your brain…"
"You know something, don't you?" Marinette asked in a suspicious tone and immediately continued: "Of course, you do! You know Plagg as yourself. You must know Cat Noir's identity. And now you want me to discover it myself!" she accused her kwami then she added under her breath: "As if I haven't already…"
"I just wanted to help…"
"Why now?"
"Long time ago Master Fu told you that everything needs to be done at the right time. He compared it to cooking noodles, remember?" Tikki said, and when her holder nodded with confirmation, the kwami continued: "I think it is the right time."
"It's impossible…" the girl muttered and lowered her head.
"But… Why are you so worried?"
"I don't want to give back my miraculous…"
"Why? Why should you do so?" Tikki asked in surprise.
"You told me once that when I learned Cat Noir's identity I'd have to give in my miraculous."
"Oh, Marinette…" the kwami sighed. "You still believe in that?"
"Wh-What?" the girl perked her head and gazed at Tikki.
"Master Fu made up this rule to prevent the reveal of your identities too soon. To make you focus on the mission not on your love. It had been times when you were too distracted by yourselves and Hawkmoth almost won every time when you were more interested in beloved halves. Can you imagine what could happen if you knew your identities? Besides… It was also about being convincing in denying any hints or rumours about your civilian selves."
"I don't understand…"
"You were kids. You didn't know how to be convincing in lying."
"Now we're adults, so we know how to lie?"
"I mean being convincing if someone asked you directly. It's called 'plausible deniability'."
"Are you trying to tell me that I was rejecting Adrien all those years? Adrien that I was madly in love with?" Marinette asked in disbelief. "It's like a nightmare! How can I live now, knowing that I could have been happy for years! With Adrien!"
"You were happy with Luka though…" Tikki reminded.
"Who broke my heart. That still hurts. I could avoid that…"
"Nothing happens without the reason, Marinette. You've grown up thanks to Luka. Who knows what you could be if you weren't with him? Or if Adrien would learn about your qualities if he hadn't collected his experiences. We'll never know that. One thing is certain – you're not two teenagers who love their crushes' image."
"I didn't love Adrien's image! I knew he was honest, charming and helpful!"
"Yet you didn't accept his other half. The one that wasn't tempered by his father or father's assistant. You've appreciated Cat Noir when you've grown up."
"He's changed."
"So have you. You're both mature now. And water is boiling, so it's time for cooking."
"Thanks, Tikki…" Marinette sighed.
"I didn't say that this process would be easy… You have to think over what's next. Remember that you will have to choose one of them. Cat Noir doesn't know that you've figured him out…"
"I can tell him that I'm Ladybug, can't I? And that I know who he is."
"Don't assume that he'll react in a way you expect he would. As Ladybug you broke his heart… And you still don't know what happened between him and Kagami…"
"See? I still need you, Tikki! You're my voice of reason!"
"I think that you're mature enough to use your own reason…" kwami smiled. "But, thank you anyway… Now, try to figure out what to do with your noodles…"
Marinette glanced at Tikki thoughtfully. Without a word she reached for her notebook – she always preferred thinking with a pencil in her hand. However, when she looked at the sketchbook two hours later still with not a clue what to tell Cat Noir, she only saw his perfect portrait…
