-K-
He wakes up to a mouth full of cotton and an even heavier heart than he started out with the night before. Emma's fingers are tangled with his where they lay pressed against her stomach and he pulls away from her slowly, careful not to rouse her. She jerks awake anyway when his weight leaves the mattress and guilt thrums through his veins. She usually awakens peacefully, unless she's had a restless night that leaves her prone to pushing herself more forcefully into consciousness.
"There's water and aspirin." She mumbles, rolling over to lie on her back. He gulps the pills and drains the glass.
"I'm going to jump in the shower, then I'll run and grab us some breakfast." He tells her, crossing the room to tug on some pants.
"I can just make something," Emma offers, starting to get up.
"No, no, love. You just sleep a little longer. I know you have a late shift tonight. You should get some more rest." After I woke you in the middle of the night.
She looks like she's about to protest again, so he cuts her off in a clipped tone. "It's alright, love. I insist."
He feels marginally better after showering and brushing his teeth and when he walks back into the room, Emma's lying on her side again. He can tell by the rise and fall of her body and the tension still in her shoulders that she's feigning sleep, likely more for his benefit than hers.
"I'll be back soon," He whispers, dropping a featherlight kiss to her cheek and then he's out the door.
He elects to walk down to Main Street, huddling deeper into his winter jacket as he picks his way through the snow on the sidewalk. The breakfast run takes him longer than usual, treading carefully so not to slip and spill the coffees in the tray. The fresh air settles him, even if the winter air is harsh against the exposed skin of his face. It's better this way though; he'd rather the wind bite at his cheeks and remind him he is a long ways away from rainy London, emerging from his flat in a similar state after a week-long bender.
Things are different now.
Hopefully, he can be too.
By the time he gets back, Emma's sitting at the table in her pajamas, swathed in one of his hoodies for extra warmth and she's on the phone with someone whom he presumes is her mother by the way Emma's humming along distractedly. Emma's tapping a pen against a pad of paper, occasionally jotting down notes as her mother speaks. Will is still passed out on the couch, so Killian pours her cooled coffee into a mug to heat up first.
"Did you bring me a bearclaw?" She whispers, holding the phone away from her ear for a second.
He flips open the top of the pink pastry box with a flourish and Emma beams at him, leaning up for a kiss, which he grants.
"Yeah, Mom, I'm still here." Emma's attention returns back to her mother and Killian begins to strip off his winter things, clanging the hangers together in the coat closet to wake Will up.
Will startles awake with a snort, glaring at Killian when he finally identifies what drew him out of his slumber. "Steady on, mate." He grumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"You could be more appreciative. I brought breakfast."
"Aye, and I brought yer sorry arse home, didn't I? Call it even." Will noisily downs the glass of water sitting on the coffee table in front of him before Killian sends him off to the bathroom, mentioning mouthwash on the counter as well as a set of sweats Will once left at his flat in London that traveled with Killian to the States.
Emma's off the phone now, sipping her coffee and he joins her, suddenly desperate to see her smile and feel her hand in his.
"Hello, love." He leans down for a coffee-laced kiss, mouth chasing hers when she pulls away before he's done tasting her lips.
"Mm, hi." She says breathlessly and he sits down, wrapping one hand around the mug she's warmed up for him and settling his other on her knee.
"Sorry we woke you up last night."
"It's okay. Do you want to talk about it? Will said it was Milah's birthday." Emma's green eyes search his face.
Killian sets his jaw and gives her a thin smile, "Maybe later." Emma holds his gaze for a few moments longer and he has to look away first, reaching for a Danish and nudging her untouched plate closer to her, "Eat. What did your mother need?" He asks, changing the subject swiftly.
Emma still looks a little unconvinced, but she tells him about all the reviews of her desserts her mother called to report. They're a hit with the townspeople and Killian isn't surprised one bit. Even when she mentions Mary Margaret dutifully asking Emma if she would be willing to make their apple crisp to freeze so the patrons can buy it in bulk and serve it over the holidays.
They spend the morning and early afternoon decorating, loaning some string lights and garland to Will for his apartment in a bid to make his place look less than a bachelor pad in the eyes of his mother. When Emma leaves for her shift, Will and Killian follow her to the diner for an early dinner. They linger for a bit over their empty plates before heading to the Rabbit Hole to watch the game with Smee. Killian gives Emma a fleeting goodbye kiss in the back hallway, promising to meet her back at the diner later so they can drive home together.
At the bar, Smee and Will both nurse beers, but Killian opts for rum, vowing to himself that tonight won't be a repeat of the night before.
They call it a night before the diner's set to close. Killian's pleasantly buzzed and as they make their way towards the door, they catch sight of a familiar petite brunette hunched over the bar.
"Belle?" Will dips his head and she looks up with the fluidity of someone already deep into their cups.
"Will." She slurs and Killian catches the bartender's eye, who looks grim. Will sits down, asking if she's alright, a hand on her shoulder to steady her as she sways on her stool.
"I started watering down her whiskies an hour ago." The bartender tells Killian in a low tone, "She won't take anything that looks less than that." He nods to the glass in front of her. Once glance at the light amber liquid tells Killian that it's clearly more water than alcohol at this point.
"Thanks. We'll get her home." Killian promises.
"Good luck, Lieutenant." The bartender replies, looking a little relieved. It's clear he knows exactly who everyone is.
"No, don't call Robert." Belle is insisting, pushing away Will's hands and nearly falling off the stool, instantly reaching back for him to catch herself, "I can't- I don't want to see him now. Not until he figures out how to return to the good man I fell in love with."
"Lass, you need somewhere to rest your head tonight. Emma and I, we've a rather comfy couch, or if you'd like us to escort you to the inn so you can get a room for the night?"
Belle looks conflicted, "I don't want to impose or risk you incurring Robert's anger. If he finds out you're helping me, especially with everyone going on with Neal..."
"The inn, then." Will suggests.
"People might talk."
Killian interrupts, "Belle, why don't you just spend the night at my and Emma's place? We can get you a change of clothes and I know for a fact that neither of us care about antagonizing your husband further if it means helping out a good friend. You can decide what you want to do in the morning after a good night's rest. Perhaps you can even ask the convent if they are willing to rent a room out to you."
Belle hesitates, but seems to realize this is a solid plan, so she pays for her tab and Will slings an arm around her to help her walk while Killian leads the way out.
"What the hell is going on here?'
Killian turns away from holding the door to see Robert Gold standing before them, eyes flaring with anger.
"Robert, what are you doing here?"
Gold takes a step closer and Killian moves nimbly to block his advance, his body tense and ready to defend Belle after hearing the note of fear in her voice.
"I came looking for you to apologize. Come on, Belle, let's go home." Gold beckons his wife, his voice smooth and face imploring but Killian doesn't miss the tautness in his gesture.
"Hang on a second, mate." Will holds a hand out as Belle shrinks back, shaking her head.
Gold's eyes narrow into slits, his eyes darting back and forth between Killian and Will and to the latter's arm around his wife. "What were you doing in there? Gallivanting with firefighters who have no business interfering in our private affairs?"
"Oi, mate, we were just helping her out." Will asserts but he's ignored as Gold tries to move closer to his wife again, blocked only by Killian's hand resting lightly on the man's chest.
"Get your hands off my wife." The pawnshop owner hisses and Will releases Belle gently, only for her to stagger at the loss of his support and his arms reach for her again to steady the lass on her feet.
"What did I just tell you?" Gold roars and he shoves Killian aside in his rage. There's a sickening crack as fist meets jaw and Belle screams, begging her husband to stop.
There's just enough alcohol flowing through Killian's vein's and his mood is just the right shade of dark from these past few days that when he moves, it's not defensive but offensive in nature, delivering a left hook to the older man, hitting him hard enough that he is stunned but doesn't get knocked out. He takes this opportunity to twist Gold's arm behind his back, forcing the man to his knees.
Red and blue lights flash and the sound of running feet hitting the pavement bring Killian out of his fury and back to the present. A car door slams and the sight of Deputy Fa striding up to them makes him release Gold with one last forceful push and a disdainful snarl, turning to face the deputy.
"What's going on here?"
"Will- Belle!" Elsa stops just next to Will, bundled up in her coat. Elsa delicately traces a hand over the air in front of his red jaw before spotting the librarian, quickly stepping around to help her off the ground where she dropped after Gold's punch separated her from Will.
Mulan doesn't seem too worried about Elsa barging in. Instead, she asks the blonde to take Belle to the patrol car before turning back to the men. "You. Scarlet. Talk."
Will flexes his jaw experimentally and explains how they found Belle at the bar and offered to take her to find someplace to stay before coming out and getting accosted by Gold.
"This is a private family affair." Gold says sharply as if that should make all of them turn around and go home.
"She needed a safe place to stay to sober up and rest." Killian interjects, anger simmering up again.
"And yet you're the one who assaulted me." Gold retorts.
"Alright." Mulan holds up a hand as Will opens his mouth to defend Killian, "You wait here." She leaves to exchange a few quiet words with Belle, who's now wrapped up in Elsa's coat while the ice cream shop owner stands to the side, seemingly unbothered by the chill in just her sweater. He hears Elsa give her account of what happened, apparently having heard and seen everything while she was locking up. Gold glowers at the firemen but no one says anything or moves as they wait for Mulan to return.
"Okay." Mulan returns, notepad in hand and Will pipes up before the deputy can get any further.
"Look, Deputy, we don't want any trouble here. Just want to make sure the lass has a place to rest her head tonight."
Mulan eyes him critically before turning to Gold, who also seems to realize that the best course of action for him is to move on as well.
"Where will my wife go?"
The deputy hesitates, but Belle speaks up, "With Elsa. I'm not going home with you tonight, Robert. It's just not going to happen."
Elsa nods, moving towards them, "I can take the firemen home if no one is pressing charges."
The deputy looks around the group one more time before hse concedes. "Mr. Gold, I'll drive you home." She walks Elsa to the side and exchanges a few words with her, handing her a business card before walking back again as Elsa helps Belle out of the car.
"In the interest of full disclosure, I'll write this up as a public disturbance incident, no charges. Should any of you change your minds, you'll let me know. And may I suggest thinking twice before talking to the press. I'm sure none of you want to open up more investigations that may arise from further provocation in the matter." The warning is clear and seems more directed at Gold than the firemen, but they nod along anyway. Mulan shoots them a final you should know better look which Killian is willing to bet good money on that she's been holding back this whole time.
Elsa ushers them down the street in the direction of her own vehicle as Mulan leads Gold to the patrol car. He's sure there's a reprimanding talk brewing under her collected exterior, just waiting until Belle is tucked away somewhere safe and slumber to release onto them. Will mulishly climbs into the backseat of her car and Killian follows, wondering how the hell he's going to explain this all to Emma.
-/-
He's sitting at the kitchen table, flask in hand when he hears her key in the lock. Taking another pull of rum, he braces himself for what's about to come next.
"Killian?" Her worried eyes immediately catch on him and she hurries over, dropping her bag and peeling off her coat while her eyes flicker from the bag of frozen peas on his left hand to the flask in his right before finally settling on his face. "I got Elsa's text. What happened?"
His shoulders hunch up in a half-hearted shrug, "Nothing to fret about, darling. You should see the other guy."
"That's not what I asked." Emma says impatiently, taking a seat beside him and lifting the half-melted vegetables to inspect the damage with gentleness that contrasts with her harsh tone. He takes another drink before offering the flask to her. Emma takes a drag, sets the flask down between them and waits for him to start talking, cradling his hand in her soft on and holding the peas more securely to his bruising knuckles.
The words slip out of his mouth, narrating the night to her, ending on Elsa's motherly reprimands in hushed tones after she got Belle settled in the spare room that typically serves as her sister's bedroom when Anna is in town to visit. "So Will is stuck on her couch tonight, victim to her disapproving glares and I got sent up here to wait for you."
"That's not all." Emma prods quietly.
"Love, I assure you, I've told you everything that transpired between us and that crocodile."
"No, I mean," She reaches out and lightly cups his cheek, fingers smoothing over his scruff, "There's something else, isn't there? You've been different these past few days."
He gives a little self-deprecating laugh.
"Killian," Green eyes look beseechingly up at him. "It's just me. You can tell me."
"You see, that's the thing, Swan." He says, "How could I-," he breaks off with a sigh and tries to pull away but Emma doesn't let him, scooting closer adamantly. He succumbs to the magnetic pull he always seems to feel with her, letting her lean their foreheads together when she nudges his face towards hers again. His free hand settles on her cheek, fingers brushing that spot just behind her ear. "The darkness is a tricky thing, love. You've been able to pull yourself out of it and make a life for yourself, but I am not as strong as you. It's always lurking around the corner, threatening to pull me back in."
"So let me help you, Killian."
"I- I can't."
Her eyes flash and he senses the moment her wall start to come up but just as quickly, she pulls him closer, holding him tighter. "Why not?"
"I think this is something I need to do for myself. To become a better man for you."
"Don't be stupid." The words are brusque and it catches him off guard with the obstinate look on her face.
"Come again?"
Emma shifts forward, wedging her knee between his, "We do this together. That's the deal, remember? You hold me when I have a nightmare and let me cry into your shirt and I run my hands through your hair when you're tossing and turning in the middle of the night and let you fall asleep with your head on my lap after a long shift and pretend you don't doze off when we watch movies together. We drink rum and bake pies when things get hard and we help each other and we trust. You taught me that."
For once, he doesn't know how to respond, so he leans forward, lightly touching his lips to hers in the beginnings of a hesitant promise. It goes against his nature to let her share his darkness but if he's going to learn from his past mistakes, then now is the time to make the change once and for all.
Actually, he does know what he wants to say to her as he pulls away but she's not ready for it and he won't say it now, with rum in his system and when there's a chance she might misconstrue things and think he's only saying the words to appease her. So he swallows down the words and replaces them with the explanation she's been seeking.
"This past week, watching Henry being welcomed into your family and with Milah's birthday, it just made me realize- this is the happiest I've been in so long- maybe the happiest I've ever been- but at the same time, it appears to be my lot in life to lose everyone that I care about. And I can't, I can't lose you. But fate seems to make it those I care about always taken from me and each time I fear I'm getting closer and closer to ending up like my father. The darkness in my life, it's a spiral, Emma. But I so badly want to build a future with you. I may have loved Milah, but with you, I finally see that you're my happy ending."
It's not quite an I love you, but her eyes fill with tears and he thinks she understands as she leans back in, pressing her lips against his in a hard kiss. He doesn't tell her he almost forgot it was Milah's birthday because he has been so wrapped up in Emma, doesn't tell her about the guilt that nearly consumed him when he finally remembered. That's a topic for a different day.
He makes love to her that night, losing himself in the smell of her skin, the feeling of her clinging to him, desperate and needy and the way her tongue slips and slides against his leisurely as if speaking the promises of time and a hopeful future. When she rolls them over so she can sit astride his lap, her blonde waves cascading down her back, he traces his hands over her reverently like she is the angel of his salvation, and lets her bring him with her into the light.
-/-
"Killian Jones, what the hell is this?"
Will guffaws next to him, clearly having heard Emma's yelling over the phone. Killian just turns away, shutting himself in the tiny broom cupboard of an office, opting to take the rest of the call in relative peace.
"Hello to you too, darling. Did you miss me?" He knows exactly what she is referring to, but he can't help but rile her up a little, imagining his sleepy goddess tangled in the sheets and absolutely outraged to find herself alone in bed and a mysterious object clutched in her fingers.
"This is a ring. Your family ring. And it's around my neck." Emma growls.
At four in the morning, he had been called in by Lancelot to respond to a suspicious smoke report coming from the woods. Before he left, he managed to slip the thin chain with the Jones family ring that once belonged to Liam around Emma's neck, tucking it against her front to make sure she wouldn't accidently tangle herself in it before kissing her cheek and leaving a note detailing why she was waking up alone. It's not the first early morning call he's gotten, but this time, he wanted to leave something of his with her. She probably woke up with it curled it her fingers, the same way she has many mornings.
"Calm down, love, I'm not proposing. You will know without a doubt when I'm popping the question, believe me." He says without thinking and then mentally curses himself.
"You left me with your family ring." Emma repeats mechanically, seemingly skipping over the proposal comment much to Killian's relief.
"Aye, it's my lucky ring."
"I know." She says deliberately, "So why aren't you wearing it when you're responding to a call in the middle of the night or during your shift?"
"I'm not worried about physical harm to myself, Swan. I'm a survivor, remember? I'm more worried about protecting my heart. You're just where I keep it."
"Jones," He can hear the smile in her voice, and pictures her wrinkling her nose to hide it even though no one is there to see her, "It's too early for you to be spouting sapping stuff like that."
"I'll see you later after my shift?"
She hums, "Yeah, I'm going to finish wrapping presents while you're not around to snoop and stop by the cemetery later. Then maybe we can meet at the diner? Elsa's giving her new hire a test run so she doesn't want to go too far for dinner."
"Sounds good. I'll let Will know." Killian comes out of his office and nearly runs into the man himself. "Bloody hell, what are you doing lurking outside my hallway?"
"Ma's finishing her packing now. And it sounds like she has a lot of luggage." Will frowns down at his phone, "What do you s'pose it all is?"
"Presents, extra sweaters, cookies. You know your mother. So I take it I'm driving then?"
Will nods, "By the way, Belle wants to say sorry and thank you for last night. I told her it's nothin', been waiting to see Gold get a right beating to his smug face for a while now. Didn't say that part aloud though." He says hastily.
Killian nods at the spectacular bruise forming alongside Will's jaw and cheek. "You come up with a story to tell your ma yet?"
"Bad drill."
The lieutenant groans, "Sure, blame it on me. At least make it out that you hit yourself with your helmet while gearing up."
Will reaches up to gingerly touch his jaw, "'least it isn't too puffy. Elsa had me icing it all night. Practically froze half my bloody face off. Did you hide all your liquor yet?"
They join Smee and Jefferson in the bay where they are beginning to run maintenance on the rigs.
"She's not going to go digging around my cabinets." Killian says dismissively.
Will just gives him a deadpan look, "No, not after the last time she found you with more rum in your veins than blood."
"Well, maybe it's all for cooking."
Will chortles, "Likely story. What the hell would you make with rum?"
"Mate, have you not tasted Captain Hook's Apple Crisp."
His face contorts at the name "That's what she's calling it?" Will shakes his head sadly, "Bloody shame, that."
"Why, got another great-relative to name it after?" Killian asks sardonically, taking the clipboard from Jefferson.
"Better than her pirate of a lieutenant with a drinking problem."
"You watch yourself, Scarlet, I'll give you a shiner to match that jaw of yours if it so tickles my fancy."
Jefferson snickers, at him or at Will, he's not sure but the man is nowhere to be seen when Killian looks up from initialing the paperwork.
A/N: A special shout-out to Alexa and Deemvd for your continued reviews and to everyone who continues to read/follow/favorite this story! Hope you are all still enjoying it!
