The conversation between the best friends ended. They weren't on perfect terms, but they weren't on as bad of terms as they were before. They knew things wouldn't jump right back to normal immediately, especially since the conversation didn't go much further from Steve's last comment. Steve felt somewhat good though as Soda actually said bye as he began walking home with Ponyboy. There wasn't a tense feeling between anyone. When they got out of Steve's sight, he sat down on the porch swing. He reached into his pocket, and looked inside the empty carton.

"Damn," he muttered, tossing it to the ground. He felt a little nauseous anyway, as he was unsure how many cigarettes he had quickly smoked through while talking to Soda. "I'll need some water when I get back inside."

Steve never got to the point of telling Soda that Pony was asking him questions about his cutting. It had concerned Steve the more he thought about it, but that moment didn't seem right to tell Soda. Their conversation wasn't leading to bringing that up. He was trying to convince himself that Pony was just asking questions 100% from curiosity and it was just bugging him so much that he had to ask Steve about it, just like everyone else they had talked about. That conversation just seemed different though.


"You guys talked for quite some time," Pony commented, "Through the window it looked like you guys were getting kind of heated though."

"I don't know if I'd call it heated," Soda replied as they walked along the street, "We were saying a lot though. Things that needed to be said. Things that needed to be heard."

"So, are you guys okay then?"

Soda nodded, "We will be. Pony, I was just so bothered you called me mean. I've never heard that about me before."

"I never thought I'd say it to you before."

"I know. So, when you said that to me, I had to do something. Maybe we didn't fix everything right away, but I had to fix something."

"I'm glad you did come and try. I know it probably wasn't easy," Pony said, "I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings by calling you mean. But I'm glad it got you thinking."

"I...can admit I have some issues to sort out," Soda admitted, "Steve does too. We need to figure some things out, and then I'm sure we can be okay."

"Well, what else needs to be figured out?"

"I just need to work through my...bad feelings towards him I guess."

Pony shrugged, "Can I help at all?"

"I appreciate that Pony, but this has to be between us. There's really no worry to get you into it."

"Okay, but I am here for you to talk to as well."

Soda smiled, "I know, I know. I do have one question though."

"What's that?"

"Steve can cook?"


When Steve finally walked back inside his house, he went towards the phone that sat in the living room. He lifted the receiver and dialed. He listened to the ringing as he began biting at his fingernail.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel," Steve greeted, "It's Steve."

"Hi Steve. Is everything alright? Are you at home?" It had been a long time since Steve felt the urge to call Rachel at her personal home number instead of waiting until the morning to call her office. He wanted the chance to get in to talk as soon as possible though.

"Yeah, I'm at home, I'm okay," Steve reassured her, "I just know I'm going to need to see you tomorrow if you can please squeeze me in."

"Sure of course. You can come around noon," Rachel replied, "Are you sure you're okay? If you need to talk right now, we can talk over the phone."

"No, it's okay. I'm not freaking out or anything. I just need some advice, but I want to wait until tomorrow."

"Alright Steve. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night. Call me if you need anything."

"Thank you. Good night."


"Don't set a plate for Pony," Soda smirked at Darry, "He filled up at Steve's."

"Oh, did you guys order pizza or something?" Darry asked as he stirred the contents in the pot.

"No. That mooch knows how to cook," Soda crossed his arms, "And he never told us. He just eats here at his own free will like a defenseless puppy."

"What?" Darry asked confused.

"Yep. Steve Randle can cook full meals," Soda said, "It's some big secret so he can just come here and eat whenever the hell he wants."

Darry felt himself grin, knowing anyone in the gang would do that, "Ponyboy Curtis, you knew about this too? Sneaking over there and eating?"

Pony put his hands up in defense, "I haven't known long! I found out while you guys were gone."

"What an ass," Soda slightly laughed, "I can't believe he never told me that."

"Because you would've mooched off him," Darry commented.

"Rightly so!" Soda pointed a finger at his older brother, "Next time I go over there, I'm demanding a five course meal!"


"Hello Steve," Rachel greeted with a warm smile the next day, "Well, you said on the phone that you needed advice, so what brings you in today?"

Steve sighed, "A lot."

"That's usually how it goes."

"I mean, I only need advice for one thing, but there is a lot I want to talk about too."

"That's always okay, you never need a reason beyond just talking to see me, you know that."

Steve nodded, "I know."

"So where would you like to start?" Rachel said as she got her pen in hand laying against the notebook paper.

"Well, Soda came by yesterday. We talked about a lot of things."

"That's a good start for you guys. How did that go?" Rachel asked.

"It went good," Steve nodded, "We aren't perfect, but he got a lot out and I got a lot out. We have things to get through, but we'll be okay. There was a time where I didn't think we'd be okay ever again, but it feels good to know we are going to get there now."

"Even knowing that you guys will be okay, do you still feel worried about anything?"

Steve thought for a moment before shaking his head, "No, I feel a lot better actually. I wish our friendship was back to the way it was right now, but it will be eventually, so I feel happy about that. I can't be too worried about anything else I guess."

"Well I'm glad to hear you're having optimistic feelings. What do you think you guys need to get through still?"

Steve began playing with his fingers, wishing he had stopped for a new pack of cigarettes before arriving. "He needs to actually forgive me for what happened to Pony. He wants to, but I can tell he's still having hard feelings about it all. I don't blame him, I still don't know if I've forgiven myself."

"What about Darry? Has he forgiven you?"

"He's forgiven me," Steve nodded, "I need to regain trust with him, but that's better than what I had expected."

"You expected him not to forgive you?"

"Of course not," Steve shook his head, "Darry is a tough guy. I thought he'd beat me to a pulp honestly."

"Well you must be relieved he forgave you then?"

"I think he did it for Pony," Steve said, "I think seeing how Pony was doing from my help and how our relationship was building, Darry didn't want to mess that up and backtrack on Pony. He wants me to still be around if it means Pony could get somewhere with everything he's dealt with from his parent's death."

"How does that make you feel? That Darry wants that over just simply kicking you away from them?"

"Good. I'd hate to see Pony backtrack too," Steve said leaning forward.

"Do you think Pony would backtrack if you and Soda were still fighting?"

Steve shrugged, "Maybe. I couldn't really tell how much that was affecting him actually. Darry just has the authority to keep me away, you know? Soda doesn't. Pony wouldn't like us fighting, but I'm also not just forced to be gone just because Soda is mad."

Rachel nodded, "I'm sure Pony has been affected with you guys not getting along, but it sounds like he was sure you guys would work it out and wasn't too worried. Nevertheless, it's good you and Soda got to talk things out."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Have you talked to Tim at all?"

Steve shook his head, "Haven't seen him. I think he knows if he ran into Darry or Soda, or really anyone in the gang, he'd get a good ass whooping."

Rachel crossed her legs as she cleared her throat, "So Steve, what would you do if Tim approached you?"

"What do you mean? He can't be mad at me over this. I'm not the reason it didn't go as he wanted."

"No, not like that," Rachel rephrased her statement, "If Tim came to you and asked for your help to complete what was suppose to happen that night. Since you aren't taking care of Pony, you're your own person again, would you do it?"

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. He hadn't even thought about Tim, let alone what their next conversation would entail. "I mean...I can't. If I did that," Steve sighed and looked out the window. He stood up and began walking behind the couch, shaking his head.

"If you did that, what?" Rachel asked, wanting to get Steve to let out his thought process.

"I would just mess up everything. Like I said, there was a moment where I really thought Soda and me would never be the same. If he knew I'd go help Tim and go back to Yale again, he'd hate me forever, and that's that. I'd be out of chances. I can't risk the fact that he wants us to work this out," Steve explained.

Rachel nodded, "I wouldn't want you to mess that up either. Do you want me to be honest though?"

"Yeah," Steve said feeling nervous what Rachel was about to lay on him.

"I know you very well, we've seen each other for a few years now. You say you wouldn't dare go along with Tim again, but I think if the opportunity truly approached you, you'd have a tougher time just backing down."

Steve nodded, glancing up at the picture Rachel had put up when he brought Ponyboy in, "You're right. I know you are. But I just can't do it. I have to somehow stop myself from doing that."

"If Tim does ever approach you again, and I'm sure he will, just take your time in conversation with him. He may know the way to talk in your sweet ear and convince you that it can get done, or that Soda won't find out, or Pony can't possibly get hurt this time. But before you jump to the excitement, the action, the chance to prove your worth and skill, just keep some thoughts in mind. First, you could go to jail. And grand theft auto is not an overnight stay. Second thing, and possibly the most important, is you will mess up everything with this family. You could lose your best friend, permanently this time. Darry could kick you out from their home and lives, permanently. You won't be able to be there for Ponyboy," Rachel explained, "You'll need to take a minute to really think things through if Tim tries to get you in again. You have the right to take your time before you respond."

Steve nodded, still looking at the picture, "I understand."

"Well," Rachel began as she sat herself up, "What was it that you wanted to come in and ask for advice?"

"Pony had come over before Soda did, and he was asking me questions that are sort of bothering me."

"Like what?"

"He was asking me about my first time cutting myself. I thought it was weird at first, but now I'm not sure how I'm suppose to be feeling about it."

"What was his question exactly?" Rachel asked with concern, which said enough for Steve on how he should be taking it.

"Well, I was confused actually by his wording, because he asked if I was successful. He meant if I had cut through the skin, if I had bled."

"Hmm, why do you think he asked that?"

Steve shrugged, "That's what's bothering me. This kid has a wild imagination, and when something is bothering him or he's curious, he asks questions. A lot of them until he understands. So it could be simply that. I mean he's been worried if he could get as far as wanting to hurt himself or end up in the hospital like I did, so I guess I shouldn't be shocked he asked about that."

"But you are shocked anyway, having a difficult time convincing yourself away. Why do you think that is?"

Steve thought back to the day before, when the youngest greaser sat in his kitchen. He remembered the way he had spoke to him, how he asked the questions without hesitation and fast, like he knew what he wanted to ask regardless of Steve's answers to each one. "His attitude."

"What about his attitude?"

"I don't know. This time he wasn't scared or freaking out. He was asking...like in a normal way. More curious."

Rachel thought for a moment "Steve, do you think he tried to cut himself?"

"What?" Steve's eyes widened, "Hell no."

"Do you think he thought about cutting himself?"

"I mean, he's thought about how I almost killed myself," Steve spilled out, "So I'm sure he's thought about the cutting."

"Why are you certain he didn't try to cut himself?"

"Because he wouldn't do that," Steve argued, frustration rising as he began pacing around the room.

"What if back when you were 13, I asked Soda that question about you?" Rachel asked, "Soda, do you think Steve tried to cut himself last night? What would a 13 year old Soda say? Based off of how you were around him at the time, would Soda have said hell no?"

Steve bit his lip, "Yeah, probably."

"How long did it take Soda to find out you were doing that?"

Steve ran his hand up and down his arm as he looked towards the wall, "A long time."

"And you didn't willingly tell him, did you?"

Steve shook his head, "No."

"He walked in on you, right? You were in your room, in the middle of it, and he saw you."

Steve nodded, "Yeah, he did. I tried hiding it, but I was bleeding everywhere."

"If I asked Soda, would you believe Steve had cut himself numerous times before you walked in on him? Would you believe Steve had been doing that for weeks, months before you found out?" Rachel asked, "Would Soda have said oh yeah, I believe Steve was doing that, of course? Or would he have been shocked?"

"He would have died of shock," Steve commented.

"Because you hid it," Rachel nodded, "Why did you hide it from him? The one person you could tell anything to, you couldn't tell him about that. Why?"

"Because," Steve cleared his throat to stop the tears from forming, "Because I didn't want him to stop me. I knew he would, but I didn't want him to."

"So, I think you need to take all of this into consideration when you assume Pony would not have tried to cut himself," Rachel said.

Steve felt his heart drop, "Oh God..."

Rachel stood up and walked over to Steve. She placed her hands upon Steve's shoulders, facing him towards her. "Now Steve, I'm not saying he did try to cut himself. I just don't want you to jump to the conclusion that Pony didn't try to cut himself or that he wouldn't be deeply considering it. I think you should take Pony's questions very seriously, especially since you said his attitude was very different this time around."

"Should I tell Soda? Or Darry?"

"I think that's the right thing to do. And talk to Pony."

Steve nodded, "Okay. I will. I'll go do that right now."