Author's Note: I do not own Boku no Hero Academia.


Chapter 19

B-Side

Someone knocked on their door.

It was raining that night, Bakugo Katsuki laid down on the sofa with Deku's Captain America blanket sprawled all over him as he watched the night time telly. He didn't even bother giving the door a second glance, watching the boring show in silence.

Katsuki didn't go home on this semestral break. He didn't miss home, or to be more specific, that house. He was never really close with his parents. Mitsuki's attitude was too similar to his that they always ended up bashing heads. While his father, Masaru, was too lax and too understanding with the mother-son's frequent quarreling. Masaru calls it, "Mitsuki's way of showing affection," And he knows that's bullshit. That crazy woman doesn't know the concept of affection even if it slapped her on the face.

The first time he received proper affection, it was from Deku. Poor, innocent Deku who looked up at him even though he was just a shitty kid like him that was just labeled as a 'genius'.

The home was where Deku is. Their dorm was what Katsuki considered as his home. But for the past weeks, Deku was nowhere to be seen. The last time he heard from him, it was during their fight. Ever since then, Bakugo has been feeling rather guilty and he completely lacked the will to do anything but create scenarios in his head on how to say sorry and make it up to him.

But knowing Katsuki and how dickless he was, his lack of courage will let him do nothing of the choices in his mind.

Oh, what amazing things Deku could do to him. Can you believe it, him? The amazing Bakugo Katsuki saying sorry to someone? But after all, it isn't just anyone. It's Deku. His lovely Deku. His precious beautiful Deku that only he should touch.

Not like he would admit it, though.

The knock still continued. However, it was just a soft, weak, which was unusual in this all-male dormitory. Thinking this was a weird kind of urgent, Kacchan finally decided to open it.

"Coming," He says irritatedly, jumping out of the sofa. He didn't even bother wearing his slippers as he dragged his feet towards the door.

As soon as Bakugo opened it, he was greeted by familiar deep green eyes. It wasn't Deku's, it was Midoriya-obaasan's. She smiled at him wearily, eyebags were prominent and purple. Even though she and his mom were the same age, she looked explicitly older for some reason today. Maybe it's because of the sudden wrinkles on her face, who knows.

"May I come in?" She asked tiredly as she closed her damp umbrella.

"O-of course," Bakugo tried to hide his confusion, leading her towards the dining room. "Are you visiting De—Izuku?" She doesn't know he literally calls her son 'useless'. "I thought we went home—"

"He did," She says, "He did..."

Suddenly, Inko broke down. Bakugo panicked and froze for a few seconds. When he finally found his cool, he awkwardly shuffles towards her and tried his best to comfort Inko.

She smiled at him, wholeheartedly appreciating the effort. Even though they weren't that close, Inko was fully aware that this was completely out of character for Kacchan. Forest green eyes moisten, tears continue to trickle down her plump cheeks. She opened her quivering pale lips, sharing the reason on why she visited.

Bakuggo felt the blood draining out of his face, turning deathly pale upon hearing the news.

After telling him of what happened, Inko cried even harder as if the mere concept of mentioning what happened was enough for her to relive the awful memory. It was the most pathetic sight Bakugo had ever seen. But this was the sight of a mother's love, a mother whose son just attempted to commit suicide.

"Katsuki-kun," Inko tightly grabs his sleeve, her hands were tremendously shaking. "Do you know the reason, any reason, why would my son do something like that?!"

Bakugo opened his mouth but no words could come out. He knew. Of course, he knew. Kacchan would know better than anyone.

You thought that I loved you? Never in your wildest dreams, Deku. Why would I ever love or potentially even like a stupid worthless trash like you?

Instead, he shook his head in silence. He wondered if Inko saw the guilt in his eyes at that moment.

Inko sobs echoed in the small confines of the room, it was such a sad yet terrifying sound to Bakugo's ears. "My poor Izuku, he's not the type to do such a thing!"

You can go fucking kill yourself, faggot.

Indeed, he wasn't. But Bakugo couldn't tell her it was his fault, he could never tell anyone that it was his fault why the love of his life tried to kill himself over some words that he didn't even mean.

"Now he's staying at a psychiatric ward at our prefecture," Inko said after she calmed down for a bit. "But he said he'll continue this semester even if we're all against it!"

"What," Kacchan said, it was more of a demand rather than a question. "Shouldn't his doctor intervene?"

"The doctor gave him the clearance that he's finally alright and he just needed some rest. But I know my son. Izuku still isn't okay. He's just acting like it because he doesn't want to be a burden. I caught him crying one time, telling himself how stupid he was for failing to..."

She trailed off, harshly biting her lips to prevent another outburst.

"Please Katsuki-kun," She continued. "Please take care of Izuku for me. You're the only one I can trust."

Bakugo wanted to tell her, no, I don't deserve your trust. I'm the reason why Midoriya did it to himself! I'm sorry and I'll try to make amends starting from now on. I'll protect him and do anything that I can for him. Please forgive me—

Instead, Kacchan nodded.


The spring break ended. And as Inko-obaasan promised, Izuku returned back to their dorm acting as if he didn't just try to end his life.

"I'm back," Izuku chirped, sounding awfully enthusiastic as he set his shoes on the side. "Hey there, Kacchan."

He went inside, carrying his luggage. Upon seeing his roommate, Deku offered a sweet smile. Yet, Kacchan noticed that his eyes were utterly dead and empty. Kacchan shifted his gaze, looking at Deku's arm that was now marred with scars that were too many to count.

Kacchan was completely dumbfounded on how casual Deku was acting. It was as if he completely disregarded the fight they had before he left. It was as if he completely disregarded what he just attempted to do because of their fight. It was as if there were no scars on his arm that will mark him forever.

"Hey, Deku." He cleared his throat. "About last time, I'm sorry—"

"What do you mean last time?" Deku tilted his head to the side, feigning innocence. Yet, Kacchan saw the twitching of his eyebrows, a mannerism of his whenever he doesn't want to talk about something. "Sorry, my memory is kinda foggy. I think my vacation haze is yet to leave me."

No, it's because you're high on prescription drugs, Izuku.

"Izuku," Kacchan said, tone turning serious. The last time he called him by his real name was during their last sex, this somehow caused a slight ache in his chest. "You know what I'm talking about."

Izuku gave him an empty, dull smile as he set his luggage down near his bed. "I do. But I'd rather we don't talk about it."

"But we need to—"

"Katsuki!" Deku shouted, calling him as well by his real name which he hadn't done in a long time. "Please, I'm begging you. I'm not in the proper mind space to talk about this right now." Deku sighed after his outburst. "Maybe next time, okay?"

Kacchan wanted to argue but he didn't know what could possibly trigger Deku's hysteria so he needed to be extra cautious with his words and actions. There was always the possibility that it could only cause Deku to act negatively and might cause him to do self-harm again.

Finally, Kacchan accepted his defeat and could only nod in silence.

But sadly, there wasn't any 'next time'. They didn't talk about this fight at all, it just drifted at the back of their mind as more disturbing fights occurred in their relationship.


Their classes resumed and Deku continued to act as if there was nothing wrong and appeared to be back to his usual peppy self. But Kacchan knew better.

He hasn't been the same since he returned.

At first, it was just small things.

"Hey, Deku," Kacchan tried to wake his roommate up. It was already 8 in the evening, yet he hasn't gotten out of bed the whole day. "Wake up, idiot. I made you breakfast—Or dinner, whatever."

Deku stirred, groaning as he covered his face with a blanket as if that would send Kacchan away. Kacchan huffed, pulling the blanket off of Deku and unrolling the green-haired man from his blanket burrito. Deku fell down on the floor with a loud thud.

"I said, wake up, you piece of shit." Even though his words were harsh, Kacchan was trying to hide a small smile.

Deku groaned, flailing to get the blanket from Kacchan's hands. "Noooo!"

Kacchan kicked him on the face. "Don't noooo me! Get your ass up here and we'll eat."

After a game of Kacchan-dragging-Deku-on-the-floor-like-a-mop, they're finally at the dining room with a wide-awake, crushed-faced Deku.

Just as they were about to eat, Deku completely stopped moving. He had this blank face as he stared at the wall in a sudden bout of silence.

"Hey, Deku. Earth to Deku." Kacchan waved a hand on his face. "God, stop spacing out! We're eating, you know. Your food is gonna turn cold."

"Oh, sorry." Deku looked down on his with an unreadable expression on his face. Hesitantly, he took a piece of a rice ball.

Kacchan eyed him curiously. Lately, it's either Deku has been overeating or not eating at all. Some days, he caught him vomiting his meal out. Deku would excuse it as hyperacidity, but Kacchan noticed that there was a pattern. He would only vomit if he experienced something stressful that day.

"I think you cooked too much, Kacchan." Deku took a small bite off of his rice ball. "I don't think I could finish any of this."

"That's odd, the other day you were eating too much and now you could barely eat a rice ball?"

Today, it was the latter.

Deku laughed but there was no mirth in it. "I'm sorry, my stomach is acting weird recently. I'll set it aside in the fridge and I promise to eat it during dinner."

"This is dinner."

"What."

"Sheesh, Deku." Kacchan shook his head. "Seriously, don't you think you're oversleeping? You've completely forgotten the concept of time."

"I'm just too tired lately."

"Yeah, 12 hours of sleep of 'too tired'. Stop fooling me."

Deku crossed his arms, pouting. Kacchan couldn't help but stare at his forearms that were filled with scars. It used to be muscular and bulky, now it's just thin. He reasoned in his mind that maybe it's because Deku hadn't been working out lately.

But that doesn't excuse the fact why he seemed to have lost an incredible amount of weight.


Then there were the noticeable things.

One day, as soon as Kacchan entered their room, he heard Midoriya's sobs in their sleeping quarters.

"Deku?"

Kacchan hurriedly ran towards where he was, only to see Deku curled up into a tiny ball on the floor. The floor was damp with his tears, his eyes were completely red while mucous was dripping all over his nose. Kacchan could guess that he's been crying for a while now.

"Deku! What happened?!"

He didn't answer, instead, he continued wailing in despair. Kacchan wiped Deku's face that was filled with two different kinds of body fluid. God, Deku looked so pitiful. It reminded him of when they were young. All Kacchan could do was take Deku's hand, his large calloused hands. There, he noticed how much it was shaking.

Kacchan helped him sit, pulling him up. "Please tell me what's wrong."

But all Deku did was a whisper, "It's the medicine's fault."

"The what?"

"The medicine!" He exclaimed hysterically.

It didn't make sense at that moment, but later on, it did.
Once again, he caught Midoriya crying.

Lately, this was a common occurrence in their room. On normal occasions, he would wipe his tears as soon as he sees Kacchan. However, he still continued crying even if he noticed Kacchan's presence, it means something is terribly wrong.

This time, he was holding a couple of test paper, his exam papers, every one of them was marked with a morbidly low grade.

"Lately, I have the trouble memorizing."

"You doing okay in class?"

Deku doesn't answer.

Deku has been forgetting to do minuscule chores as well like unplugging the rice cooker, turning the faucet off, closing the lights when he leaves the room, et cetera.

As a student in the medical field, that's a great disadvantage.

"My hands," Deku wailed. "Kacchan, my hands aren't working properly!"

Kacchan noticed it as well, how Deku's hands were shaking, excessively shaking, in their practical exam in anatomy class. It was worse enough to the point Deku had a hard time holding a scalpel when they dissected the cadaver.

"Kacchan, I'm ruining my own life!" He cried.

Apparently, it was just two of the other side effects. Just two, there's a lot more.


After repeatedly failing his tests, guaranteeing them that Midoriya was going to flunk this semester completely, Midoriya turned to alcohol. He spent his time excessively drinking and partying at the Viran Pub, much worse than Kacchan did when they were fighting.

It was worse to the point that he hasn't returned home for a whole week, skipping classes altogether and abandoning all forms of socializing from outside the pub.

Bakugo had enough.

"Deku, don't be such a child." Katsuki reprimanded him as he swiped the nth bottle that Deku drank that night. He came to pick Deku up as if he was a pre-schooler or something.

"Mind your own fucking business, Kacchan." He snarled, struggling to get the bottle off of Kacchan's hands.

"This isn't you."

"Didn't you notice that utterly I stopped being who I was?"

Kacchan frowned. He knew what he meant. Deku has been considering himself as a failure for not being able to do what he formerly did best.

"Deku," Kacchan grabbed his wrist in a tight hold. "let's go home."

"I told you, I don't want to!"

"Deku—"

Kacchan suddenly felt a strong impact on his face. He fell a few steps backward, before toppling on the table behind him. Everyone stopped partying, yet the music continued playing.

All eyes were on Deku, the innocent lovely Deku, who just punched Kacchan's face.

"Bakugo!" Kirishima ran towards him, helping him sit up. "What the fuck, Midoriya?!"

"He's just drunk," Kacchan reasoned out, spitting out blood.

"That's not—"

"Back off, Kirishima." He shouted. "It's between me and him."

"But..." Kirisihima trailed off as he watched Bakugo dragged a surprisingly compliant Midoriya out of the pub.


It was cold outside, their breath was surprisingly condensing even though it already springtime. Surrounding them were blooming sakura that seemed so beautiful under the pale moonlight.

"Kacchan," Deku trailed after Kacchan, his hands still tightly wrapped around his wrist.

The wind was blowing harshly around them and the sakura petals were scattered all around.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry,"

"I know,"

"I didn't mean to do it,"

"I know,"

"That will be the last and only time I'll do something so horrible to you,"

"I know,"

Clearly, this wasn't the first time they fought physically since often fought when they were just kids. But unlike what Deku promised, this wasn't the last time. In fact, it became a recurring event and Bakugo couldn't do anything about it and just accept each hit every time Deku gets drunk.

After all, it was his fault why Deku became like this.


"Deku, please stop!" Bakugo cried. "You've changed too much to the point I can even recognize you!"

But Deku could only stare at him with dead eyes, "This is the me you created."

Kacchan woke up with a gasp. He abruptly sat up. He heard a soft snore and he turned to his left only to see a sleeping Deku, nakedly snuggled upon his chest. He gave out a deep sigh, lying back on his bed.

Kacchan admired the beautiful being beside him, he couldn't help but cup his cheeks that were now devoid of baby fats ever since he's gotten thinner. He looked so peaceful, different from what he had become lately.

This was one of the days when Deku seemed like his former self: gentle and loving.


He was also soft and loving the first time he did Kacchan.

Maybe it's his experience as a bottom, Kacchan wasn't really sure. All he knew is that he made Kacchan good in ways he couldn't possibly imagine.

However, those days would completely vanish. The gentleness soon decapitated and was replaced with roughness.

"Deku," He moaned, struggling to get out of the ropes that bound him on the bedpost. "Please make me cum."

Deku only smirked, pushing himself inside of him with one quick thrust.

"Yes!" Kacchan sighed deeply. "Yes, Deku, please!"

"Am I making you feel good?" He whispered against his ear, roughly thrusting in and out of him.

The room was filled with the sound of slapping flesh and the scent of sex.

"Yes, Deku... You feel so fucking good inside of me...!"

"Don't think of anyone else, okay?" Deku said eerily. "Don't you ever think of Kirishima, that bastard."

"What—ngh!" Deku wrapped his large hands around Kacchan's neck, effectively pressing his carotid artery.

"Did you think that I didn't notice that every time we fought, you'd come crying to him?"

"I-it isn't l-l-like tha—" Kacchan felt the hands tighten around his neck.

"Don't fuck with me, Kacchan." Deku warned, pounding him even harder. "You don't know what I can do."

Kacchan struggled, feeling the life drain out of him. Just as he was about to fall unconscious, Deku lets him go and he felt the most incredible high he has ever felt. He came, jizz splattering all of his stomachs.

"I didn't tell you to come, did I?"

"No, please!" Kacchan begged. "Please forgive me, Deku—"

"I love you, Kacchan. That's why I need to punish you for cheating on me."

It wasn't making love anymore, they were fucking like animals. It felt good but it wasn't at the same time.

He didn't know why but he wants his old Deku back.

But who was he to complain, it was his fault why Deku became like this.


Deku has been avoiding him lately. Whenever their eyes meet, they always had this look of guilt. He couldn't really place his finger on why he would act like this because they were doing alright.

His body was filled with bruises and scars from when Deku would throw bottles of liquor at him.

But they were doing alright.

He completely stopped talking to other people for fear of getting hurt by Deku, including his close friends such as Kirishima (especially Kirishima) and Ashido.

But they were doing alright.

He hasn't been going to class lately because all he did was take care of Deku who demanded all of his time.

But they were doing alright.

Deku was always punishing him during sex by tying him up, refusing to make him cum, choking him, shoving sex toys inside his ass while making him wear a cock ring, and a lot more.

But they were doing alright.

One day, Kacchan returned to their dorm, only to see the room half-empty. All of Deku's things were gone. What was left of his was his Captain America blanket.

Kacchan fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he wailed.

That's when he realized, they weren't doing alright.

But who was he to complain? After all, it was his fault why everything became like this.