Jokes and Witches.

At the heroes base, a soldier was sitting for himself. This soldier was none other than David, AKA Solid Snake. He is a spy, special operations soldier and mercenary, you name it, he's done it. He was a product of the Les Enfants Terribles project an attempt by the United States government to create incredibly skilled super soldiers by cloning what many consider the greatest soldier of all time, Big Boss, along with his brothers Liquid Snake and Solidus Snake. Genetic modification and alterations would also imbue one of the embryos with dominant genes, with the other to receive the recessive genes. These two embryos would eventually go on to become Solid Snake and Liquid Snake with Eva, the one to birth them into the world. With Solidus showing up at a later time.

Snake has known little else but fighting for his whole life, seeing it as the only real purpose for his existence. Despite all his good deeds, he refuses to see himself as a hero. He never was, and he never will be. No matter who tries to tell him otherwise.

"Hey, Bub" Came a rough voice, making Snake look up to see non other than Wolverine.

A long-lived mutant with the rage of a beast and the soul of a Samurai, James Logan Howlett's once mysterious past is filled with blood, war and betrayal. Possessing an accelerated healing factor, keenly enhanced senses and bone claws in each hand, along with his skeleton, that are coated in the near indestructible adamantium; Wolverine is, without question, the ultimate weapon. But also a well known hero, having been a member of just about every super hero team you can mention.

"Need something?" Snake asked.

"Just some peace an quiet. And given that is hard to find around the others, I trust you are not the loud type" Logan answered.

Snake let out a dry, humorless chuckle "Spent most of my life avoiding being seen or heard".

"Good" Logan said as he sat down and pulled out a box of ciggars. He took one out and offered one to Snake.

Snake looked at them for a moment before taking one and smelled it "Been a while since a smoked one of these. I normally stick to cigarettes".

"Those things are boring. Nothing beats the smell and taste of a food cigar" Logan said before lighting his cigar before tossing the lighter to Snake.

Snake caught it and lit his own cigar, taking a deep puff and let out a satisfied sigh as smoke left his mouth "These things sure helps one relax".

"Sure does bub. Just be sure to keep them away from kids" Logan said as he puffed his cigar some more "So what's your story? I can tell you are a soldier, but unlike the boy scout, you don't seem like the kind of guy to smile and pose for the cameras. Not that I blame you".

"It's a long story" Snake said.

"Hey, you're talking to a guy who's fought in both world wars and Viet Nam. I've seen some crazy stuff in my life" Logan said.

Snake looked at him "How old are you?".

"A lot older than most people around here, bub. Don't let my handsome face fool you, I have more than a few years behind me" Logan answered.

"Over a hundred years it seems. Well, long story short, I was born for the sole purpose of becoming the next legendary soldier after the former legend, Big Boss, became an enemy of the states" Snake said before buffing his cigar.

"You mean he went from war hero to an enemy? Seen that before" Logan said.

"Another long story. But the point is, my only purpose in life is to fight until the day I die" Snake said.

Logan chuckled "A life of war? Not a very good life, don't you think?".

"It's the life I was given. Nothing I can do about it" Snake said.

"Bullshit. I spent countless years moving from one fight to the next, and I still found time to do my own thing. All you need to do is just take a break and enjoy yourself for a bit" Logan said.

Snake sighed "Your world must be nice, for that to be true".

"My world, nice? We face world ending threats at least once a week, and when I'm not doing that, I deal with racist assholes that are hell bent on wiping my entire species of the face of the world. And when I'm not doing that, I deal with evil mutants who wants to do the same to humanity. If I find a time to unwind for a bit, I take it. Those days are few and far between" Logan said.

"Oh... well, sorry then" Snake said.

"Don't sweat it, bub. The point I am trying to make is that you should enjoy yourself while you can. One never knows what tomorrow will bring" Logan said before taking out a beer he had brought with him before taking a long swig from it and then offered it to snake.

Snake took it, wiped it of and took a long swig of his own "Where did you even get this?".

"You'd be surprised by what you can find around here if you look hard enough" Logan said.

"After everything I've already seen, I doubt anything could surprise me now" Snake said.

Logan chuckled "Good point. You know, Bub? I have a feeling you and I are going to get along just fine".

Snake managed a small smile "Maybe we will. We already share a few things in common. Both soldiers who have spent most our lives fighting. But there is one thing I wonder if we have in common".

"And that is?" Logan asked.

"Do we both attract crazy women?" Snake asked.

Logan laughed "Crazy women is pretty much all I attract".


Meanwhile, a young man was sneaking in to the hero base. His name is Ren Amamiya, AKA Joker. A transfer student at Shujin Academy. At the beginning, he had little to no power or influence in the world and is restrained by the rules of the system he was born into. However, beneath his quiet demeanor is a strong-willed juvenile delinquent known throughout the world as The Phantom, to the residents of the Velvet Room he is known as the Trickster, and to his teammates his code name is Joker. Ren is the leader of the rebellious Phantom Thieves of Hearts which aims to change society and bring down the corrupt system, by touching the hearts of people and performing illegal heists.

Right now, he was sneaking in to the heroes base, being among the few who was not found by Tony and the others, and there by didn't know they could be his allies. However, he was not doing this alone, the rest of the Phantom Thieves had arrived in this strange new place too, and still kept all their powers.

"Alright Joker, now that you are inside, you need to locate the central system of this place. Once you plant the device I gave you, I should easily be able to hack in to their systems and find out exactly what they are doing" Came the voice of Futaba Sakura, Code name Oracle and the hacker of the team.

"Remind me again why we don't simply talk to them? They don't see to be bad guys" Said Ryuji Sakamoto, another member of the team.

"You mean we should just blindly walk in and talk to people we don't know and have never heard of before? No way, we are not doing anything until we know exactly who we're dealing with" Ann Takamaki said.

Joker shook his head as he headed further inside until he reached a room that seemed to be what was running this place "Alright, I think I've reached the spot now".

"Good, just plant the device and get out of there. Once I'm in, I will be able to tell who they are, what they do and how many showers they take in a day" Futaba said.

Joker took out the device and was about to plant it until it was suddenly shot out of his hand, followed by the voice of a woman "Now now, naughty boy. It's not nice to sneak in to someone's home and mess around with their stuff".

Joker turned around and saw... A very tall woman. This woman was called Bayonetta. Her real name is Cereza, and is the Daughter of an Umbran Witch and Lumen Sage, part of the two clans that over look the world from the darkness and light. After 500 years the Umbran Witches were destroyed and Cereza was put to sleep for five hundred years until awoken. With no memories of who she is she sets out killing Angel's under the alias: Bayonetta.

The tall woman spun her blue gun in her hand with a dangerous smile "Now, please behave and tell me who you are and why you are here. Otherwise, I will have no other choice but to teach you a lesson".

"As much as I would love a good chat, I'm afraid I need to leave. Goodbye" Joker said before dashed quickly with his short blade in hand, ready to force Bayonetta to move aside so he could escape.

His plan did not work as the tall woman moved a lot faster than he expected and kicked him in the chest, sending him in to a wall "Sorry cuttie, but you are not going anywhere until we've had a little talk. And my new friends would love to know there is an intrudder here".

Joker rubbed his chest, feeling like he had been hit by a car "Fine, if you want to dance, let's make it quick".

Joker quickly pulled out his own firearm and fired of a few shots. Bayonetta easily avoided them before unleashing a hail of bullets on her own. She was not trying to kill him, since her new friends would get pissy if she did. Besides, she didn't think this boy had done anything worth killing him for.

Joker avoided the shots as he closed the distance and swung his blade, only to have it blocked by one of Bayonetta's swords. She smiled and threw another kick, but this time Joker was able to dodge it. They began fencing for a bit, but Bayonetta did not make it easy, as she was way stronger and faster than a normal human could ever hope to be. A powerful strike made Joker slide back, this wasn't working, he needed more power.

"Looks like I have no other choice: PERSONA!" Joker called out as Arsene came out.

"Hmm, that's new" Bayonetta mused.

With his persona backing him up, Joker sent out powerful blasts that forced Bayonetta to leap to the side. Joker got in close, and with Arsene's help they managed to attack her from multiple sides. But Bayonetta's insane reaction time allowed her to maneuver around them and block both their attacks. She then activated witch time, allowing her to get out of the way when they tried to trap her between them. She was not like most other people Joker had faced. But he knew he could beat her, he just needed to be smart.

If he could time his attack right, he could hit her before she had a chance to try any of her fancy tricks. However, he didn't have enough time to pull of his plan as Bayonetta was not giving him much room to breath. Having no other choice, he made Arsene distract Bayonetta with a blast and he rushed down the hallway, he had to get out of there quickly.

"Well that didn't work out well. Hurry and get out of there Joker, we will regroup once you're out" Futaba said.

"Understood, I should be out in just a-" Before Joker could finish what he was about to say, a metal arm showed up out of nowhere, making him run face first in to it and knocking him on his back.

"Not so fast there, kiddo" Came the voice of a man in an Iron Man looking armor, but with more weapons. This was James Rhodey Rhodes is Tony Stark's personal pilot and one of the playboy's oldest friends. Rhodey has often donned the Iron Man mantle when the burden has been too much for his friend, but has also established his own identity as the War Machine.

Bayonetta soon caught up as both she and Rhodey aimed their weapons at the young thief "Sorry sugar, the chase is over".


Outside the base, the rest of the Phantom Thieves were more than a little worried about their leader's situation. How did these strangers manage to catch him so easy when their enemies back home had such a hard time doing so? They thought it was safe to let him go in by himself as it was meant to be a quick in and out mission, no fighting involved.

One thing they did know, was that they needed to hatch a plan and get their leader out of there as quickly as they could.

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Tell me what you think.