Uchiha Jon had recently gained a lot of weight (picture an extremely exaggerated anime version of a fat chibi Sasuke, cept way cooler). While it was true that Jon played beer pong and beer football a lot with his dad, he was getting older. Probably more importantly, he downed whiskey like it was air if air was addicted to air that was addicted to whiskey.

I don't have a damn drinking problem, Jon thought as he put down a liter of whiskey and opened another. After chugging that one, he opened another. I wouldn't be so angry all the time if you'd just shut up about my drinking, mom!

"Son," came the voice of his dad, Vegeta.

Jon turned in his beanbag sack. Vegeta was in his typical training gear and crossing his arms. He had a scowl on his face, but that was also typical of him. Really, it was stupidly hard to tell when that guy wasn't pissed off. "What is it, dad?" Jon asked.

"We need to talk about your drinking problem," Vegeta said. His expression didn't move. That frustrated Jon.

Oh, here we go, he thought.

But just then, sagely advice from Crazy Steve flashed through Jon's head.

"Crazy Steve, are you on drugs?" Jon had asked.

"N-no! No way! I am Batman! Batman don't do the drugs!" Crazy Steve had said while doing a line off a hooker's ass.

The flashback ended.

Back in the real world:

"N-no, dad! I'm totally sober!" Jon proclaimed honestly. His voice was like an angel—if angels were fucking metal.

Vegeta knelt down and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "It's okay, Jon. No true son of mine wouldn't be an alcoholic," he said, looking warmingly into Jon's eyes. They shared a smile. "Yah hear that, Trunks?! I know you're listening, ya little creep!"

Whimpering came from around the corner.

"Anyhow, son, the only problem is that you are fat as fuck. I can't have that in a son, either. You understand?" Vegeta asked. A twinkle of pride was in his eye. Was this the moment Jon was born in the time paradox? Wait, that didn't make sense. But then neither do time paradoxes, so fuck it. Yeah. Jon was just planted into Magical Girl Sasuke-chan (while Jon was fucking her, too) by Vegeta, through Bulma's magical womb. It was simultaneously disgusting and about the hottest thing to ever happen. Eighteen-year-old Magical Girl Sasuke-chan is literally the hottest girl ever (cause why wouldn't she be?).

Jon stopped thinking about the insanity that was his conception and remembered how he used to train a lot when he was but a few years younger. "Yeah, dad, I think I do," he said.

"Good," Vegeta said. A subtle smile was playing on his lips again, and Jon was reminded that he had a father who loved him. All those years being an orphan then having a dad who only taught him how to cheat people by smooth-talking had overflowed with his drinking. He had a father who loved him and wanted to help him be a better Uchiha Jon. "I'll go get Bulma's wallet. You call a doctor about getting liposuction."

Thank Gosh, Jon thought. He had really started to think he'd have to try at something for once. Fuck that. Rich, overpowered Gary Stu for life!