I do not own own any part of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

As always, love and respect to keamoose for kicking my butt and proofreading my work. Very special thanks to Silvermoonlight GJ and jcmoorehead for their feedback and friendship.

Hope you enjoy this chapter.

As always, constructive critiques, reviews and feedback are appreciated.


For most people, the weekend meant a break from the work week and a chance to recharge and reconnect with their families and friends. Rei had spent the last month working on herself, 24/7. So another Saturday meant another day with things to do and goals to accomplish.

This morning it had been all about groceries. Rei liked shopping for food; the sights and smells, the fresh veg and fruit. She smiled every time the automatic mist came on over the vegetable display and jungle sounds played in the background. There was something wonderful about meandering through the aisles looking at all the packages or breaking out into an impromptu happy dance when something familiar came over the piped-in store music. Not to mention the air conditioning, which had been a relief as the outside temperature and humidity started to climb. About the only thing that spoiled the adventure was her shopping cart. It seemed she always got the one cart with a wonky wheel, and no amount of steering would make the damn thing turn left. It became a game to see if she could navigate the store making only right hand turns. The staff was always cheerful and Rei always took time to exchange hellos and smiles. They knew she always brought her own cloth bags. They knew she liked to have her meat wrapped in its own separate plastic bags.

She'd also spent a few hours this afternoon at the local laundromat watching her clothes go round and round. Where the grocery store had been a haven, the launderette was hellish torment. The combination of dryers made for a sweatbox experience. Everyone there moved slowly and only when absolutely needed. The giant fans didn't really help as they simply pushed the warm air around. The smell of cheap powdered detergent was overwhelming to start and almost unnoticeable by the time she was done. Still, she preferred unscented detergent and wondered how people could stand walking around smelling like artificial flowers all day and night. Despite all of this, she liked the owners, an older couple who helped with charging up the pay per use cards and dispensed the local gossip. There was a homey feel to the place, with old timey posters about "How to Wash and Dry Your Clothes" and stacks of outdated magazines to read. It was almost like the place existed in its own little retro time bubble. One thing that wasn't a throwback was the equipment. The shop housed a row of five top-of-the-line washers and dryers, each with a card reader slot. Everyone was given a card to charge up with money and the machines just debited for the wash or dry. The whole exercise ate up the better part of her Sunday. By the time she'd finished, the bag and a half of dirty clothes she brought in had ballooned to three canvas sacks of exactly the same, clean clothes.

Hidden during all these jobs was the time Rei spent writing in her journal. Whether she was out front of the grocery store sitting with a fresh baked muffin and her tea, or parked in front of a dryer watching her t-shirts loop the loop, her pen never seemed to stop moving. Something was driving her more than usual, to capture every thought that passed. Her expression changed from sad to mad, then happy and back again as she wrote, and she didn't stop until she got home.

Having the van made life so much easier, but she still struggled humping the bags up the stairs and down the hall to her apartment.

"Ugggh." The bags hit the bedroom floor. Rei sat down on the bed and checked her phone. "OK, 6:00pm. Just a quick break, then I'll get back to cleaning." She closed her eyes for a second.

Rei was startled by the sound of groaning metal. Something cool hit the back of her neck and she shivered. She looked up to see the corner of her bedroom ceiling torn away, a big full moon and stars beaming down from the dark night sky. Her eyes swept the room; everything was in shambles. The bare floor was strewn with random dirty clothes and garbage, the bed now an old, rusted frame, with a stained mattress and a faded blue blanket. In the corner, a small metal table was stacked with empty pill bottles.

Suddenly, a shadow darkened the room and Rei felt a tingle on the back of the neck again. When she looked up this time, she saw what looked like fine dust coming down from the open corner of her bedroom. More shocking though, was the huge silhouette that almost blotted out the moon. It was a crude figure with long arms and hands with claw-like fingers. The rest of the body looked like a mix of rotted flesh, bones, and tattered cloth. It was the beast's glowing red eye and ragged toothy grin that stunned Rei and sent her out of the bedroom at breakneck speed.

"Unit 00!?" she wondered in shock.

The rest of her apartment mirrored her room; the ceiling gone, the walls a broken mix of bare plaster and twisted metal and everything coated in a fine layer of dust. Rei slipped slightly as she sprinted for the front door which was, strangely, still intact. Looking back, she noticed some long skid marks through the dust from her bedroom. "What the hell?" She reached for the front door knob and felt an icy burn as her hand almost stuck. She pulled back fast and inspected her palm and fingers. The burning continued and she shook her hand and rubbed it against her leg. "It's frost!" she thought as her mind raced to comprehend it all. "The whole place is freezing!" Even in the brief moment she stood there, Rei could feel the burning cold travelling up her arm to her elbow and beyond.

A deafening roar came from behind her. She felt the hair on her arm rise just before a flash of light appeared and the door was blown open. She was thrown onto what used to be her living room floor, landing flat on her back. It took a moment to focus, but she could see something moving towards her. As it got closer, she realized it was similar to the much larger beast, only human-sized. This one seemed to be wearing a torn and burnt plug suit, but not just one. It was a patchwork of Shinji and Toji combined. Its head was covered with a pilot's helmet, the face hidden behind a blackout visor.

Rei could hear a conversation in her head as the figure moved closer. It started out garbled, but eventually sounded like two voices overdubbed as one. They were familiar, but because they were paired it was hard for Rei to recognize either one. It was almost like someone with multiple personalities had invaded her head and invited her to a group chat.

As the figure drew closer, Rei tried to lift her right hand but it stayed put. What she saw from the shoulder down looked like sparkly, grey styrofoam. Her hand was open with the fingers spread out. As her eyes followed back up to her shoulder, she could see the grey creeping towards her neck. She looked up at the "pilot" with a mix of anger and fear on her face.

"Ayanami," the twin voices echoed in her head. There was a brief silence before Rei's head was filled with indecipherable whispers in the strange voice. It was almost a game of question and answer or verbal ping pong as the whispers kept coming and coming. They crowded into every crease in her brain until she couldn't speak or think straight.

Amid the white noise that consumed her mind, the sound of three faint heartbeats began to rise above the din. As they grew louder, Rei realized they weren't just hearts but words. Words repeated in time.

"Sorrow… Solace… Rebirth…"

Lub dub… lub dub… lub dub…

As the sound levelled out, Rei, still on her back, watched the pilot kneel at her shoulder and appear to stare down at her. It crouched until she was only inches away, seeing her reflection in the visor. She actually felt her breathing calm as the creature reached out one of its mangled claws and placed it gently on the side of her neck. Almost at the same time, Rei's reflection was replaced as a pair of eyes appeared in the visor. Clear, bright, piercing human eyes. One blue and one brown. Rei could feel them looking through her, reaching deep, trying to connect. She felt almost stoned as the link started to form between them. Giddy and light, she was at peace, her eyes still locked on this being. Rei was in a fog until she heard a whisper in her ear.

"Peace now."

Rei had barely registered the words when she felt a crushing pain and heard the sound of bones splintering. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out. For a split second, she saw the same blue and brown eyes shining brightly back at her. She felt pinned to the floor, but her arms and legs flailed away. She looked up to see the stranger's free hand driving into her chest repeatedly.

"Peace now," came the whisper, direct to her mind this time.

Before she had a chance to breathe, Rei heard a sharp CRAAACK! and felt the searing agony as the foreign hand broke through the bone and plunged deeper into her chest. Her head thrashing, her eyes wide with panic, Rei could only suffer silently as she felt the invader calmly cup her heart in its hand. She felt her whole body go cold, then felt the hand gently squeeze. Once again she could hear the three heartbeats in her head, stronger than before, and she felt a tiny spark in her chest.

"Peace now," the voice repeated in her head.

The spark began to grow, and Rei could feel it radiating out, reaching every part of her. The giddy calm returned, and for a brief moment she wondered if this was what it felt like before you died. That thought faded as she now felt a sense of warmth and calm continue to build. As the heat increased, Rei's body and mind ached for release and she thought her skin would blister and melt. She was so preoccupied with her situation, she didn't notice the creature was gone.

Rei looked and saw a gaping hole in her chest. The heat was almost unbearable and her mind started to overload. She watched in horror as big flakes of her skin started to float away, leaving patches of blinding white light underneath. Gradually, small beams of light burst out from all over her body. Her eyes glowed bright red as the light finally shot out from her chest…

"Aaauuuuuuuggghhhh!"

Rei hit the floor with a thud. "Oooof." It took her a minute to realize that she'd fallen asleep and rolled off the bed. A flood of relief came over her and masked the pain in her shoulder. She'd landed on her side, with a clear view under her bed. Blinking, Rei saw one thing. "Ugh, dust bunnies." Getting up, she checked her phone again; it was only 6:20pm. "Twenty minutes for all that?" she wondered, remembering most of the eerie details of her dream. Taking a look in the mirror, Rei was less than impressed. Her hair was squashed down on top with odd bits sticking out. Her eyes were barely open. She flashed her teeth then stuck out her tongue. Her mouth felt scummy and her lips were dry. At least her old "Electric Pony Club" t-shirt and paint-spattered grey sweatpants were a good match for her appearance. The laundromat didn't care about looks considering most folks only showed up when they had nothing clean left to wear. Her t-shirt was twisted around a bit and the sweat pant legs were rolled up to mid calf. Adjusting the shirt, she rubbed her shoulder and checked for any marks. One of her mismatched socks was half off. She pulled them off, balled them together and tossed them in the hamper.

"Two points," she muttered, heading for the door.

Rei wandered into the kitchen and put the kettle on. She felt her stomach grumble, but didn't have the desire to make something from scratch. Checking the cupboard, Rei pulled down a prepackaged curry and the ingredients for her tea. She popped the curry dish in the microwave and punched in 3 minutes. While she waited, Rei brewed her tea and got out the milk and honey. By the time the curry was ready, her tea was done, so she got out the chopsticks and carefully carried everything to the dining table. She could smell the cumin and coriander coming from the dish. The curry-covered chunks of chicken and veg were set on a bed of jasmine rice. Pulling out her phone, she brought up her favorite black metal playlist and streamed it to the small sound system at almost full volume. As she bobbed her head to the slow dirge coming through her speakers, she took the first few bites of her meal and waited for the burn. She didn't just wait for it; she looked forward to her mouth turning red, her eyes watering, and her nose starting to run. Curry was always a dual treat with the bitter bite of fire and the wonderful mix of flavours that followed. Rei delighted in feeling the sweat roll down her back any time she indulged. Even on the hottest days, Rei would relish the agony as she worked to amp up the flashpoint of her homemade curry. Sometimes the heat was like a wave that kept building, sometimes it was a spike that hit her nose and almost singed the hair there before she'd even taken a bite. The rush of endorphins was the best thing she'd found since getting off the meds.

Pausing between bites, Rei opened her journal and began jotting down what she could remember about the dream. She stopped abruptly, flipped some pages back to her Amends and wrote down a name. She stared at the page for a moment. "Hmmmmm, almost forgot you." Closing the journal, she finished her meal and planned out cleaning the apartment from top to bottom.

It wasn't long before Rei was in full-on cleaning mode. Normally she wasn't so obsessive about keeping the apartment up, but she knew this was a good way to take her mind off of her situation. Sometimes it felt like all she was about was her recovery. The meetings, the journal, the steps, the memories. All she wanted was to squeeze a few minutes of life into her life. All the work would still be there for her, but for now she just wanted to growl with the heavy music and scrub everything that wasn't her.

It was 10:30pm when she finished. Rei rubbed the back of her neck and felt the sweaty hair clinging to her. Looking over the front room she felt satisfied with her cleaning. For a small apartment, it had taken an unusual amount of time to scour everything to her satisfaction. Her throat was also raw, so she finally accepted she'd never make a living fronting a black metal band. She moved to the couch and switched off the music.

"Maybe it's time," she thought to herself. "I can't just keep busy cleaning the apartment and shopping." Looking at her phone, she hesitated for a second before dialing. The line rang three times before it picked up. "It's me. We need to talk."


Sunday morning. It had been years since his last visit. It was still so green and the smell of lavender was as present as ever. Some of the walkways were overgrown and the trees needed pruning, but it was the same place from almost 20 years ago. He walked for about 5 minutes before he spotted their bench. For the first time in forever, his stomach started to churn. He coughed, trying to get it to settle. The park was almost deserted except for him, wearing a dark blue overcoat that hid his uniform and a pair of sunglasses. He scanned the area and the bench again before noticing his loose shoelace. Crouching down, he made a quick knot then rose, only to realize someone was now sitting at one end of their bench. They appeared to be reading. Was it a magazine?

"Who reads magazines these days?" he wondered to himself. "And I can't see the face."

As he got closer, more things didn't add up.

"Right size, but the clothes are all wrong. Ripped jeans, beat-up sneakers, knitted cap. And the posture, that's not right either," he thought.

Finally arriving, he watched the stranger flip pages and noticed the black fingernail polish. Sitting down right in the middle of the bench, Gendo tried to use the power of his ego to take up the whole seat and make this strange person leave. After five minutes of them not budging, he gave up and decided to concentrate on his to do list.

"You can't do that anymore."

He knew the voice, but it was different somehow. He stared ahead and calmly answered, "What do you mean?"

"You can't make me do things just by the sheer power of your will."

"I see. What is it we need to talk about, civilian?" he made sure to overemphasize that last word.

He heard the magazine being put down and instinctively looked over.

"I'm sorry I was distant and didn't communicate well while we lived together. Especially this last year. I'm sorry I disappeared without telling you what was happening." Rei looked him right in the eye.

Gendo just stared at this blue-haired girl. "I see."

Unfazed by Gendo's nonreaction, Rei pressed on, "Aaaand, we're here to negotiate my return to university and to active duty status at NERV."

"NERV doesn't negotiate with terrorists. Tampering with any of our equipment constitutes an act of terrorism. No matter who is responsible," Gendo replied coldly.

"Given the current transition of NERV into a commercial entity, any information concerning its backroom deals with SEELE or the questionable treatment of its staff would cause anxiety among potential clients and investors. Not to mention the general public," Rei shot back. "I understand where NERV is financially and I know its history. Let's not be petty and use threats. Wouldn't it just be easier to negotiate?" Rei answered sweetly. "I'm sure we can come to an agreement."

Gendo clenched his teeth and swallowed. "Of course you'd pick this place," he muttered.

Rei knew this was where Gendo had courted Yui when they were in university. She also knew it had taken years for him to get over her death.

"Find the advantage in any situation, and always follow through," Rei replied as if quoting from a textbook. "You taught me that." She looked at the Commander and spoke quietly, "I know it's a cheap trick, but it was the only way I knew to get your attention."

Gendo considered his next words carefully. "You have it. Don't waste it."

"Thank you. From now on you will treat me with the respect I deserve, nothing less. We both know I'm an excellent pilot and I expect to be judged fairly on the completion of my duties at NERV."

Gendo slowly took off his glasses and slid them into his overcoat, not breaking his stare. "Go on."

"I will attend university and choose my courses without your input. If NERV is truly invested in its employees, helping them grow, this will be the perfect chance for you to show the public you mean what you say. A win-win situation, don't you think?"

Gendo shot her a wry smile.

Rei carried on, "Most important, my personal life is mine alone. My health and welfare, my lifestyle, my friends. I decide what to discuss, what to share, and who I share it with. That is non-negotiable." She folded her arms, but her face was blank, trying to hide the butterflies inside.

"There's been no negotiation," Gendo answered calmly, coldly, "just a set of demands." He stood up, casually walked past his protege, and kept going.

"You can accept or not, the choice is yours," Rei called out. "But you know declining my offer simply isn't feasible from an operational standpoint. NERV's reputation can't take the hit and we both know the money will dry up quickly if that happens."

She watched Gendo stop and walk back.

"Done," he said curtly. Pulling out his sunglasses, Gendo nodded slightly and walked away. He hated being out-maneuvered, but admired her skill. Smiling, he reached for his phone and dialed. "I'm done here, oh call off Operation Dolly and the First Child interviews."

As she watched him disappear, Rei felt lightheaded. Everything seemed to move in slow motion on her way to the van. She climbed in, jammed the keys in the ignition and stuffed a cassette in the tape deck. The engine turned over as the first song blasted out the open windows, and Rei was gone. The van shot down the highway, Rei grinning ear-to-ear, heart pounding, hands gripping the steering wheel.

"Did it, did it, did it, you bastard!" kept running though her head. Ten minutes later, she was screaming along with the singer and pushing her foot to the floor. The rest of the trip home was a blur and before she realized it, she had swung into her parking lot and slammed on the brakes. Rei braced herself against the sudden stop and breathed in sharply. When it was all over, she let out a long breath, put her head on the steering wheel, and started to sob uncontrollably. She stayed like that for a good ten minutes before she gathered herself up and made her way into her apartment.