Chapter 19: What's happening to John?

Carson entered Woolsey's office to find that everyone else had already arrived. He had been so worried about John and his outbursts that he had called a meeting to discuss his mood, which Carson thought bordered on depression.

Looking around at the faces of Ronon, Rodney, Teyla, Jennifer and Dr Eva Robinson, he suspected that they had all had subjected to the Colonel's angry outbursts over the last few days.

He sat down next to Teyla and looked up at Woolsey waiting for him to begin.

"Okay now that we're all here, let's begin, "Woolsey stated before addressing him, "Dr Beckett how is Colonel Sheppard's physical state at the moment? Is he healing as well as you would expect?"

"Physical his leg is healing well, as is his wrist. He's still a little weak from the effects of the Red spot, but he's not healing as well as I would have expected him too."

"And how would you describe his mental state?" Dr Robinson interjected, before anyone else had a chance to speak.

Carson took a deep breath and exhaled to calm himself, before he answered the question that was obviously directed at him, "I would have to say that it's bordering on anxiety and depression."

"Has he opened up to anyone about his ordeal?" Dr Robinson asked looking thoughtful.

It was Woolsey who interrupted this time. "The closest Colonel Sheppard came was when the Giant Goliath went to apologise to him, he got angry with Goliath, because Goliath didn't realise that he was sick, when he was trying to have him activate the ancient devices."

"And he's been shouting at people ever since," Rodney supplied indignantly.

"Has he had any calm moments since the visits with the Giant or has he been angry the entire time?" Robinson asked, looking around the room.

Carson thought about the question before answering, "he seems to be calm when Teyla is with him, but it doesn't last for long. Even with Teyla it takes very little to set him off." He looked to Eva for her lead as to what to do next about Colonel Sheppard, "what do you propose we do about his mental state? Will you talk to him?"

"At this stage I'm reluctant to get involved. You know how he feels about speaking to me." Carson noticed a thoughtful look crossing her face before she continued, "my advice would be, when he is well enough to be released to his quarters that his friends keep an eye on him and he will probably open up to them when he is ready to do so. When do you think he will be ready to be released Carson?"

"I want to get a cast on his leg this afternoon, but if all goes well I should be able to release him in a couple of days."

"Okay I want to see how things play out over the next couple of days. I will want to talk to him before you release him to his quarters," she turned and looked around the room at his friends before continuing, "but for now I want you to keep an eye on him and let Carson, Jennifer or myself know if his mental state seems to deteriorate in anyway."

"Okay keep me informed. We all know what we have to do, so you're all dismissed," Woolsey stated getting to his feet.

Carson sat in his chair and watched the others leave, once everyone had left, he turned to Woolsey and said. "I only hope that it's enough."

Woolsey just nodded his head, "I hope so too."

With that Carson got to his feet and headed back to the infirmary to continue his shift.

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Teyla left Woolsey's office and headed straight for the infirmary, she knew that she needed to talk to John about where they were going to live when he was released from the infirmary. She suspected that he wouldn't want to talk about their relationship with Woolsey right now, but she thought she had to try. It might cheer him up if he knew that he had something to look forward to.

Arriving in the infirmary a few minutes later, she found that John was just staring at the ceiling. He didn't even turn his head when she approached him.

"John I was just wondering if you felt up to talking to Woolsey about our relationship, because I have found the most wonderful apartment for us on the South Pier and I really need to ask him for permission to move our things in."

"Whatever, "he replied still staring at the ceiling.

She tried again trying to keep her tone gentle, "John, please look at me? I really need to talk to you."

When he looked at her he saw the saddest expression from him that she'd ever seen, "Teyla no offense, but I really don't want to talk to anyone right now. When I am feeling a bit better I would be happy to discuss things with you, but not right now okay."

She leant in and kissed him on the cheek before leaving, "I will see you later John, just remember that I love you and I hope that you will feel better soon and one last thing before I leave, Torren really misses his Daddy."

As she left the room she looked over at John and noticed that he had gone back to staring blankly at the ceiling. She was really beginning to worry about his mental state and she hated to see him this way. He was usually so full of life and optimism, but now she wondered if he would ever be that way again.

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John just lay staring at the ceiling, as much as he loved Teyla and Torren; he valued his own space right now. His leg was always hurting these days and even with pain killers flowing through his veins there was always a dull ache. Carson had taken him off morphine and reduced the amount of pain meds he was being given, so he wasn't as drowsy and sleepy as he had been after the first few days after the operation.

On one hand that was a good thing, but on the other hand he was bored out of his mind. His wrist was still in a cast, which meant he only had one good hand and that limited the amount he was able to do. Every time he needed to go to the bathroom one of the nurses would have to help him pee in a bottle, or he'd have to use a bed pan. Carson assured him that once he had a cast on his leg that he would probably be able to learn to go to the bathroom on his own and maybe he'd even be able to have a shower if he covered up his casts and sat down. All of that seemed like such a long way off, so much so that he was beginning to wonder if he was going to be stuck in this room forever.

He was contemplating whether he should hand in his resignation and head back to earth when Carson entered the room.

He turned his head to stare at his friend, "what can I do for you Doctor Beckett?"

"I've just come to check on your leg laddie and see how well the surgical site is healing. If all is well I can take the stitches out and put a cast on your leg this afternoon after lunch."

That was the first piece of good news he'd heard since he had woken up. "That's great doc, so when can I get out of here. I'm beginning to climb the walls; well not literally, but figuratively I am," he joked and that actually made him feel a little better, but he wondered for how long.

"I would like to keep an eye on you for another few days once we've put a cast on your leg, but all being well I should be able to release you to your quarters in a day or two."

He looked at him suspiciously, surely it wasn't going to be that easy, "that's great Doc, but what's the catch?"

"I'll release you on two conditions, number one is that someone from your team will be with you at all times."

He thought about that for a few minutes and came to a conclusion, I can live with that. "What's the second condition doc?"

He watched as Carson's gaze shifted to the floor, so he knew he wasn't going to like it, "spit it out Carson."

"Number two is I would like you to speak to Doctor Robinson, before you leave the infirmary."

"Not going to happen Doc. Now are you going to check my leg, so that I can have some lunch and go back to sleep."

"Aye lad let's look at your leg and then I'll have Marie go and get you some lunch. What would you like?"

"Any chance of a steak? He quipped.

"Sorry, but I can offer you some nice hot chicken broth and Jello for dessert."

"You know Doc I'm not really in the mood for broth after that gunk you served me last night, but I'd happily have some blue jello."

"Okay, I'll send Marie for some in a minute in the meantime let's look at this leg."

He lay as still as he could and tried to hide the pain that he was feeling as Carson took the bandages off his leg. Carson made some tutting noises, before disappearing from the room.

While Carson was gone, he lay in his bed contemplating his fate. He would probably be able to leave the infirmary in a few days, but that was only the beginning, as he still had a long road to recovery ahead of him. If he could manage to apologise to his friends he might actually be able to get through it with their help. He really had no idea why he felt so much better, but for the moment he did and he made up his mind when he saw his friends again he would apologise to every one of them; especially Teyla. He really wanted to move in with her, so he knew that he would have to speak to Woolsey soon about their relationship.

Carson interrupted his thoughts when he came back a few minutes later with a tray of instruments, "Okay laddie I'm going to take the stitches out and bandage your leg up again. After that I will give you some pain meds and you can have your lunch. I'll come back in a few hours then to put a cast on your leg."

"Thanks Doc."

An hour later when Carson had removed his stitches and he'd eaten a bowl of blue jello, he settled down for a nap. The pain in his leg had been suitably numbed for the time being, so it wasn't long before he felt his eyelids drooping and he fell into a deep sleep.

John was walking through the forest in a set of hospital scrubs, he had no idea how he'd gotten there and he had no idea why he wasn't dressed. He looked around hoping to find someone who could answer his questions, but he saw no-one. He had a real sense of déjàvu about this scenario and he couldn't work out if it was real or if he was having a nightmare. He had a sneaking suspicion that he'd been in this situation more than once recently.

When he heard the ghostly sound whistling through the trees and walked through the menacing darkness, he knew that he had been here before. The only problem was that he had no idea when, but he still felt compelled to continue. Up ahead he saw a light and he headed towards it. As he got closer to the light and saw a clearing in the distance, he became anxious. Who would he find when he got there; hopefully a friendly face.

Upon entering the clearing he had a good look around and saw absolutely nothing. That was good, so he decided to sit down and enjoy the fire that was already lit. It looked like a big bonfire and he wondered why someone would light such a huge fire and then walk away and leave it.

Suddenly he heard a branch snapping behind him and he turned around to see the biggest giant he had ever seen coming towards him and as he looked into the giants face he saw that it was Goliath. He turned the other way to try and run, but he saw two more giants coming towards him and they must have been thirty feet tall. He was horrified when he saw that the two largest giants were Ronan and Rodney. Rodney started taunting him and then he felt himself being lifted in to the air towards Ronon's mouth and just before he was dropped into his mouth, he screamed…..

He awoke to the sound of his own screaming, this had been the most disturbing nightmare to date, and why the hell were the giants morphing into his friends; the people who he needed the most?

All of a sudden he felt as if there was an elephant sitting on his chest and he was having difficulty breathing, then he felt an oxygen mask being put on his face and a soothing voice talking to him.

"It's okay Colonel, just breath normally and you'll feel better soon."

It took him a while for his muddled brain to realise that it was Dr Keller talking to him and Carson was sitting by his side taking his pulse.

"How long have I been asleep Docs?" He managed to croak out.

"About four hours." Carson told him.

He looked at Carson with panic in his eyes. "Doc what the hell is wrong with me. I keep having the same nightmare over and over and every time it's a little different. I need to talk to Woolsey I think that Giant must have done something to me when he came to the infirmary."

TBC…