A/N: Thanks to the reviewer who is a nurse for saying I got the medical stuff right. I did do a good bit of research, but you just never know if you're doing it justice. Thanks for the thumbs up and thank all of you for reading.
Connie
Everything felt wrong. The baby wasn't supposed to come so early. She wasn't supposed to be in the NICU and unable to come home. and she and Chip weren't supposed to go home without her. Oh, she new she could come to hospital every day and see her baby, but it wouldn't be the same. She wouldn't be able to just stand by Ryleigh's bassinette and watch her. She couldn't feed her or hold her whenever she wanted. She couldn't sing to her or just talk to her, as she rocked her to sleep. She looked over at Chip, standing by the window, looking out onto the street in front of the hospital, while she was getting dressed and packing back up the bag she'd brought with her that frantic afternoon. What, just four days ago? How can that be?
Ryleigh would remain in the NICU, hopefully not for long. She needed help with her breathing and she couldn't nurse yet, so she had a feeding tube. The doctor had told them she was otherwise healthy, but she hated to leave her tiny daughter behind. Intellectually she knew she needed to give herself a break. She'd been incredibly emotional and hormonal ever since going into labor – really before that – and she knew she'd been snappy with Chip. In the very beginning she'd been annoyed with how calm he was, how he didn't cry, or express his anxiety. But then, two days after Ryleigh was born, she'd found him in the chapel, with his head bent down and his shoulders shaking. It had taken her breath away and made her feel like she hadn't been fair. She walked down to where he sat and he had looked at her, tears on his face and a deep, haunting sadness in his eyes. She held him in her arms, letting him cling to her tightly as he cried on her shoulder. He'd been just as scared, just hadn't wanted her to know. I wanted to be strong for you…and for her.
She watched him now, his shoulders squared up, his thumb in his back pocket. She took a deep breath. "So, I'm ready. Can we go down and see her before we go?" she asked.
He turned around to face her. "Of course," he said. He walked over and put his arms around her. She let herself relax against him. "She's probably wondering where we are." She couldn't help but smile. He was her rock right then. He let her go, then took her hand and smiled at her encouragingly. "Let's go see our girl," he said.
Chip
She was still standing by the NICU crib when he came back from putting her things in the car. Just a few more minutes, babe. Please. He didn't mind, but he really needed her to come home. She hadn't been sleeping well and he knew she was probably up and down all night, walking from her room to the NICU floor, the nights he wasn't there. She wasn't eating much either and he just wanted to get her home and take care of her.
He walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, baby," he whispered in her ear. "You ready?"
She took a deep breath and let it out. "I don't want to leave her here," she said. He could hear her struggle in her voice.
They had talked about this moment, known it would happen. Even though she'd gotten an extra couple days in the hospital, she couldn't stay here forever. Yoby needed her too. She knew that, and wanted to see him, but she was still worried about Ryleigh. "She'll be fine here," he said. "You know that."
She nodded. "I do." She looked back at the baby, reaching out to gently take her tiny hand. "She's just so tiny and fragile."
He chuckled softly. "She may be tiny, but she's not fragile. She's fighting, you can see it. Every time I hold her, I feel it." He suddenly choked on tears and buried his face in her hair. "She'll be home soon," he said finally.
"I just feel like she's going to miss us being here. Being able to just come and be with her whenever we want to."
"We still can, Connie. You can spend every day, all day, here with her if you want. And I'll come as much as I can."
She sighed. "I'm just afraid..."
He shook his head and frowned. "Nothing's gonna happen, baby."
"You don't know that," she protested.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "We have to believe it though. She needs to know we believe that." He breathed in. "I know it's hard. I hate it too, but she's in good hands, and she's gonna get stronger and then, before we know it, we'll be coming back here to bring her home." He breathed out slowly. "We have to believe that."
She reached up and grasped his arms with her hands and nodded. "Yeah, you're right," she said, her voice a little breathless. She turned her head then and looked back at him, a tiny smile on her face. "This is one of the reasons I love you so much. You keep me sane."
He laughed a little and she did too. "You have been kind of a crazy person, Connie Britton. Somebody's gotta keep you in line." He let go of her and she turned to face him, her hands rubbing against his chest.
She smiled up at him. "You know, I wish she hadn't come so early, but she's here and she's beautiful and she's ours. And that makes me so happy."
He leaned in and kissed her. "Me too." He kissed her again. "Now, I need to take you home, because I promised our other kid I'd bring you home today."
She smiled even bigger, her eyes sparkling with tears. "Thank you," she whispered.
They said a last goodbye to their sleeping infant and then he took her hand and led her out of the NICU.
She sat on the bed, rubbing her arms with lotion. She made a little moaning noise of pleasure as she did so. "Do you realize I didn't do this for 4 days? Or longer?" She looked over at him as he sprawled out next to her on the bed. "My skin is like sandpaper."
He shook his head. "It's not that bad." He took the lotion from her, then sat up and started applying it to her legs and feet, massaging it into her skin.
She smiled at him. "I missed this."
"Me too." He let his hands slowly run down her legs, making sure he didn't miss any places. Then he settled on her feet, being sure to work out the tension there. "I think Yoby was happy to have you back."
She looked at him. "I think he was too. He was so sweet, wanting to know if Ryleigh got his gift." She looked a little melancholy. "I hated having to tell him it would be a little while before she comes home."
He saw a tear trail down her cheek and he leaned forward to wipe it off. "I think we're all a little sad about that." They had gone to the nursery after putting Yoby to bed. It wasn't completely fixed up yet, far from it in fact. The furniture that was being delivered wasn't there yet, so they only had the crib and a changing table, that had been Yoby's.
She had been teary, thinking about that, but he had reassured her that everything would be there soon and she'd have the time to get everything ready for their daughter's arrival home. He felt empty and he was sure she did too. They had a baby but she wasn't home yet. He knew Connie yearned to hold Ryleigh in her arms and he felt heartbroken for her. He'd had to acknowledge his own feelings as well, however, not realizing how quiet it would seem without her.
He looked back at her as he finished with her feet. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she wasn't asleep. He moved back to the head of the bed and took her in his arms. She wrapped her own arms around him and started to cry. He rocked her back and forth, just letting her get out her sadness and the feelings of emptiness she had. She would see Ryleigh every day – they both would – but it wasn't the same. Finally they got under the sheets, turned out the lights, and he held her all night.
Connie
She woke up slowly. She felt a little disoriented at first, but then she realized she was in her own bed not the hospital bed. And as she opened her eyes fully, she also realized she was snuggled against Chip, whose arm was loosely draped over her. She let her eyes trail over his face and she smiled to herself. She was home, with her man, and the only thing that would have made it perfect would be to have both her children at home with them. She felt the agony of being so far away from her daughter then and it was like she had a giant lump in her throat.
"Chip," she whispered, hating to wake him, but she wanted to talk. He frowned a little but his eyes didn't open. "Chip," she said a little louder. He opened his eyes then and blinked twice.
"What is it, baby?" he asked, still sounding sleepy, his voice raspy. He frowned again. "Something wrong?"
She shook her head. "No." He lifted his arm and ran his hand over her head, settling back on her shoulder. She slid her arm around him, pulling herself a little closer. "I just wanted to talk."
He let his fingers graze her shoulder and then her back. He gave her a lazy smile. "What do you wanna talk about?" he asked.
She bit her lip. "I'm not ready to go back to work."
"You don't have to right now, sweetie." His voice still sounded thick with sleep.
She sighed. "But I know they want me to. Soon. And I'm not ready. Ryleigh's not home yet and I need bonding time with her."
He kissed her on the forehead. "I know you do. And I'm on your side." She felt tears in her eyes and he frowned slightly. "It's okay, baby. They gotta give you some time. It's only fair. I won't let 'em try to bully you around." He smirked. "Not that anyone can bully you."
She smiled and then she laughed a little. "I love how you understand." Her heart felt full. "I just love you." He smiled at her. "How did I get so lucky?"
He shook his head. "I'm the one who's lucky. I get to be the one to do this with you. I know this wasn't the goal and it wasn't anything we even thought about, but now that we've gone through it and we have Ryleigh, I'm just so glad we got this chance."
She felt the tears in her eyes. "I'm so grateful to have been able to have a baby, to be pregnant with a baby, to give birth to a baby, to hold a baby who's ours. It's been such an amazing journey. I'm glad we did it together." She sighed. "Which is why I'm just feeling so ambivalent about going back to work." She laid her head back on his shoulder. "I'm wondering if they'd let me cut back some. Not work as much. Not be in every episode."
He didn't say anything at first. She felt his fingers slide across her shoulder again and he kissed the top of her head. He cleared his throat. "Is that what you really want to do?" he asked.
"I'm thinking a lot about it. I know that I did this last season with Yoby. But he was almost 8 months old when we started. Still a baby, I know, but not a newborn." She sighed. "I thought I could do it. I had no idea how hard it would be. You know that. I was sure I had my shit all together and, even with this brand new being in my life, surely I could do this." She rubbed her hand on his chest. "Getting pregnant was a happy surprise, but it was an accident. An accident of nature. And you know how tough it's been. And now I look at that tiny baby, who seriously fits in your hand, Chip. She's living in a little bubble really, too tiny to come home. It breaks my heart that she's there, that I couldn't even do that right."
"Connie," he said, a warning note in his voice.
"I mean it, Chip. I have such a responsibility now to do right by her. To start her off right, after all this." She moved her head so she could look up at him and she saw the pensive look on his face. "I know you hate when I say this, but her father is still married to someone else, and that's been something we've had to deal with all along. We don't know yet if her sisters and her other brother will welcome her into their lives. And that's because she exists. She came early, she has some obstacles to overcome before she can come home. I just want to protect her. My whole body just screams out that I need to protect her. That we need to protect her. Love her. Make her the center of our world, at least for now." She could feel the tears rolling down her face now. "I feel such a responsibility to her. And I don't want to mess this up. Or her."
She could see the pain in his eyes and then he leaned down and brushed her lips with his. "I want you to be able to do whatever you want to do, baby, you know that," he whispered. "I know she needs you too. She needs us both, but especially you. You're her mama."
She heard the hesitation in his voice and the inflection at the end of his sentence. "But you don't think it'll happen," she said, a statement, not a question.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't think they'll want to let you do that."
"But they still have Hayden. And you."
He smiled sadly. "Baby, you're the star. I know you don't want to hear that, but you are. Juliette Barnes doesn't carry Nashville. Neither does Deacon Claybourne. Especially without Rayna Jaymes. Or less Rayna Jaymes. I think that's how they'll see it." He gently scratched at her shoulder. "I think you should ask though."
"You do?" It surprised her when he said that.
He nodded, looking at her seriously. "I do. If they say no, then maybe there's another way to work through this that lets you spend less time on set. But you'd know you asked. You did it for our girl. And I love you for that." he kissed her again, a little more firmly this time. "I love you, Connie." He smiled then. "Ryleigh's a lucky girl. Just like Yoby's a lucky boy."
She smiled back at him. "I know you're right. But I need them to be creative about it. Especially at first."
"You know what I think?" he asked.
"What?"
"I think we need to get up, get ready, and go see our girl."
As they drove to the hospital, she looked over at him. He glanced back at her and smiled. When they got out of bed, they had gotten in the shower together. She wasn't ready, physically or mentally, for sex. But she did crave the closeness they had. She needed that from him, to know they were together on everything. She knew she could lean on him, something she normally wouldn't have needed, but she was still processing through all the physical and emotional aspects of childbirth and so she accepted it gratefully. Now they were going to see their daughter, something she had not planned for. She had assumed she would come home like every other baby, and be part of their lives, and Yoby's, right away. She was grateful to have Chip by her side as they went through it together.
She looked over at him again, then reached for his hand. He looked at her and she squeezed it, feeling a sense of peace.
Chip
He could tell she was fragile. It was so different from how he had known her in the beginning. Things had changed for them before filming for the first season was over and they had gone to LA. The stress she felt, wanting the pregnancy to go well and being fearful of all the things that could go wrong had been a lot for her to take on. She had leaned on him then and he hadn't minded. He still didn't mind. But he worried about her. Having Ryleigh so early had shaken her. Truthfully, it had shaken him too. He hadn't expected it, hadn't been prepared for how it would make him feel. She'd told him Ryleigh fit into his hand, although that wasn't exactly true, but it helped him understand the fears she had. Nothing was as it was supposed to be.
Ryleigh was here though and the doctors had said she'd be okay, that she just needed a little assistance while she got stronger. When he looked at his daughter, he felt so many things – some anxiety over her situation, a little fearful when handling a baby that small, but mostly it was his heart bursting with love for her. And then, of course, for the woman who was walking beside him, holding his hand tightly. He would do anything for her and he wanted to do this right. He wanted to support her not only while their daughter was still in the hospital, but even after she came home, and Connie could be the mom she really wanted to be. She wanted to be able to hold their daughter whenever she wanted, walk around with her, feed her, and talk to her. All things she should have the chance to do.
He knew Callie and Dee would balk at her taking extra time off, skipping episodes. He knew it could be disastrous for the show. They were still a new show, a different kind of show, a niche show. She was the heart of it, both Connie herself as well as her character. He wasn't sure how long they could carry on without her or with less of her. He also knew that was selfish and it was a tough balancing act for him. He felt like he needed to follow her lead on this, though, and support her desires and decisions, even if it inconvenienced him.
When they got on the elevator at the hospital, she looked up at him. "You're so quiet," she said. "Everything okay?"
He nodded. "Yeah. No. Both." He tried to laugh it off, but he couldn't quite manage. "This is one of the two hardest things I've ever gone through in my life. It's confusing and strange and scary, all at once. I feel selfish for just wanting things to be normal, because it's easier that way. There are no choices to be made and no inconveniences. But then I get pulled back into the fact that I want to make it better. I want to fix it. I wanted to fix Addie. I want to fix Ryleigh. I don't want what we're going through to be what is, you know?"
The elevator stopped on their floor and they got out. She held onto his hand, making him stop. He looked down at her and was surprised to see gratitude in her eyes, instead of the judgment he wouldn't have blamed her for. "I do know," she said. "I don't blame you at all, Chip, for what you feel. I feel it too. I wanted Ryleigh to be born in the middle of August, the way she was supposed to be. To not be coming here to visit her for some undefined period of time. It would be easier that way. And trust me, I wanted easy too." She turned towards him and ran her free hand over his arm. "I think it's okay for us to feel like this. I just don't want it to pull us in different directions." He couldn't help but remember how that had happened when Addie was sick and he knew Connie knew that. "We need to be sure to talk to each other about it."
He nodded and then put his arms around her and held her close. "We will. I promise." They stood that way for several minutes and then he pulled back and smiled at her. "Let's go spend time with Ryleigh and tell her everything we're gonna do when she gets home."
Connie
He looked so tired. His eyes were so sad. When he held her, it seemed tighter than usual, closer than usual. He seemed worried. She was worried. About him. He'd taken on a lot, not just since Ryleigh had been born, but ever since she'd told him she was pregnant. She felt ashamed sometimes, when she thought about the times she'd questioned his commitment or doubted his intentions. It had been unfair, because she recognized now that he was hurting too.
He had been there, supporting her, all along. Hadn't he always said he wanted her to have whatever she wanted? She did very much want more time with Ryleigh before she went back to work. She also knew she would want that regardless of anything else. But she'd also want to be challenged by work at some point, so she had to recognize that. She was certain it put him in a tough position. He would want to work, have a job, earn money, and he was a huge supporter of the show. He wanted her to have what she wanted as well and she appreciated him so much for that.
She could see how easy it would be for her to focus all her attention on Ryleigh, with nothing left for him. The day Ryleigh was born, she could see how easy it would be for them not to rely on each other, to walk separate paths. She didn't want that and she knew he didn't either. They would both need to be intentional about it, probably her more her than him.
When they got to the NICU and were admitted, she hovered by the incubator. "Let's do this together," she suggested. He looked surprised. "You take her hand and I'll put my hand on her tummy. So she knows we're both here with her." He smiled then and nodded. He stepped up and reached out for Ryleigh's hand, letting his finger gently brush against hers. She then laid her hand on Ryleigh's abdomen, very gently. Ryleigh moved a little in response to their touches and then she opened her eyes. "Hey there, sweetie," she said softly. "We're here." She watched her daughter's jerky movements and then felt her heart fill with love as she gripped Chip's finger. She looked over at Chip and he looked at her for a second, then back at their baby. "I might be biased, but I think she's the cutest baby here."
He smiled. "I might be too, but I agree with you."
"What do you hope her life will be like? What are your dreams for her?"
His smile softened as he considered her questions. He turned towards her. "My hopes and dreams for her are the same as for my other kids. I want her to be happy and healthy and to always feel loved. I want her to smile and laugh so much more than she ever feels sad or cries or feels hurt. I want her to be a good human who cares about other people, like her mama does." He smiled at her. "I hope she finds love – but not too soon – and that she treats others respectfully. And I want her to dream big. What about you?"
"All those things. I hope she brings joy to others, the way she has to us." She felt a little emotional then, thinking about what she wanted for Ryleigh. "Selfishly, I want her to be smart and funny and empathetic and kind. And I want her to never know a moment's pain, although I know that won't happen." She looked back at Ryleigh, whose eyes danced around as she tried to focus. "I want her to have magic in her life."
He leaned over and kissed her, letting his lips linger a moment. "I think she will. She has the most amazing mama, who'll make sure of it."
She grinned at him. "I know right now we feel a little scared, but I believe she's going to have the best life. We're going to give her the best life. We'll love her and teach her and raise her to be everything we dream of for her. I love our little girl and I love you for giving her to me."
He kissed her again. "I love you for doing it."
She suddenly couldn't stop the tears, but they were happy tears and she knew he knew that too. We'll get through this, just like we have everything else up to now. At least we're doing it together.
Chip
He was worried going back to work would be tough, uncertain as to what everyone's reactions would be, to him and later to Connie. But seeing everyone again had been great. A lot had changed for him since they'd wrapped the season. When his and Connie's relationship became public, several of the other cast members had reached out to him about it. Eric had been standoffish at first, but he seemed to have come around. Even though he'd been nervous about the reaction everyone would have, they had all crowded around him, looking at the pictures he'd taken on his phone.
He'd been proud to show off pictures of his daughter. Even with all the tubes and wires and monitors, Ryleigh was adorable. He knew he was biased, but she was so perfect. Her fingers were perfectly formed. She had a little rosebud mouth. Her eyes, when they were open, were that newborn blue color. He knew that could change, but both he and Connie had blue eyes and he was pretty sure Ryleigh's would stay that way. She still was just wearing the little preemie diaper that was still too big for her. He showed the one picture he had of Connie sitting next to the incubator and holding Ryleigh in her arms and then the one the nurse had taken of the two of them with her.
Lennon had kind of hung over his shoulder, as he showed the pictures, and then hung back when the others finally went to take their seats for the table read. "She's so perfect, Chip," she said, her voice filled with wonder.
He looked up at her. He still couldn't get used to her with contacts, but they certainly changed her look, made him truly appreciate what a beautiful young woman she was becoming. He smiled. "Well, I think so," he said. Lennon walked around and slid into the seat next to him.
"Who do you think she looks like?"
He thought about that. "She's still pretty little so it's hard to tell for sure. But if she's lucky, she'll look like her mama."
Lennon smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I think it's so cool you and Connie had a baby together. And are together. It's just so...perfect."
"You do?"
She nodded. "I do. Were you together the whole first season?"
He shook his head. "No. For part of it though."
She smiled knowingly. "Well, I think it made Deacon and Rayna so believable, when you were together." She gave him one of those dreamy teenage girl looks he'd seen from both Taylor and Addie. "My mom said she was pretty sure you two were together. She's very intuitive like that. I didn't say anything, but I watched."
He didn't have time to say anything, because one of the production assistants called them in for the table read. But he did turn it over and over in his head the rest of the day.
He walked into the NICU and over to Ryleigh's bed. Connie was holding her against her chest and they were both asleep. He smiled as he watched the two of them. He was certain that not only would Ryleigh look like her, but she would have Connie's strength and determination, as well as her kindness and heart for others. He thought that as much as he'd loved getting to be with her while she was pregnant, he was even more glad that he would have this chance to be with her while they raised their daughter.
He wanted to make things official. He wanted her to wear a ring that said she was in this for the long haul. He understood why she hesitated, but it was still what he wanted. He hated that they still had to wait. But he already felt married to her, in a way, and certainly committed to each other. They were building a life together, no matter how unconventional.
While he sat, he pulled out his phone. There was an email with his rehearsal schedule for the next day and attached to it was the full episode schedule for rehearsals and filming. They would only film what didn't include Connie, which included hospital scenes, which he was not in, and flashback scenes, which he was. When Connie had seen the script and the scenes, she had laughed. I'm curious how they're going to make us look so much younger. Rayna couldn't have been more than her early 20's when Deacon bought the lake house, right? He had agreed and she told him there was no way she could play early 20's, but he was pretty sure she could do anything.
"Hey, babe," she said and he looked up. She had that soft, dreamy look on her face that she did when she first woke up. She smiled. "How long have you been here?"
"Just a few minutes," he said.
"I think I just closed my eyes 10 minutes ago. But she was asleep" – she looked down at their still sleeping daughter – "and she felt so warm against my chest that it made me feel a little sleepy too."
He smiled. "How'd she do today?"
"Pretty well. Still no breastfeeding though." She sighed. He knew that worried her the most. It was something she really wanted to do and she hoped it wouldn't take her long to be able to do it. "She held steady on her weight, which the nurse told me was good. She said usually that's the signal that she'll start to gain weight." Just then Ryleigh stirred against Connie's chest, moving her arms a little and opening her eyes. Connie leaned down and pressed her lips gently on the top of Ryleigh's head. "Your daddy's here," she said softly, lifting her eyes up to look at him. "How about we let him hold you now?"
He sat forward and watched Connie gently lift her, being careful with all the wires and tubes, and hand her over to him. He knew all babies felt lighter than you'd expect, but he was still surprised every time he held Ryleigh. She was literally as light as a feather. As he got her settled, she made little mewling noises, but once he'd settled her against his chest, she relaxed. He looked up then and saw Connie smiling at him.
"I love watching you hold her," she said.
He smiled back. "I love watching you hold her." he breathed in deeply. "I'll be glad to get her home so we can hold her there." She said nothing, just nodded, as her eyes got damp.
He was standing by the set, in his orange prison jumpsuit. He'd had to laugh when he was in hair and makeup. He'd come to work clean faced and his hair groomed. They'd messed up his hair and given him a band aid over his eye and roughed his face up a little. They were doing one of the early scenes in the episode, when Deacon was in the courtroom. It was his first day back filming and he had the adrenaline rush he always got when he was starting something new. He missed Connie, missed having her on set, and wouldn't see her until he headed for the hospital at the end of his filming day.
They had sat on the couch the night before, going over the script. She wondered how in the world they thought the two of them could play Deacon and Rayna in their twenties, in the flashback scenes. She didn't like the coma piece. So soap opera. She doesn't have to almost die to have drama. She wasn't looking forward to that, but they had written it that way to help her ease into things, as he reminded her. She scowled and mumbled something about being worried about how the season would go. Then she waved her hands in front of her face and took the script from his hand, tossing it on the coffee table, and then leaning into him for a long, deep kiss.
He smiled as he thought about it. He had not really thought about sex or anything like it since she'd gone into labor, but he had found himself running his hands over her back as she chased his tongue. He had pulled her onto his lap and, pushing back the cup of her bra, let his thumb trail over her breast and nipple. He heard a little moan in the back of her throat and then she suddenly pulled her mouth from his and looked at him, her mouth slightly open. We can't do this yet, she said. He smiled at her and responded that they could be creative. Later, in their bed, they had figured out those creative ways to be more intimate, something that had been healing for both of them.
He'd hated leaving her that morning. Her hair was tousled around her face and she had smiled softly. She would get up with Yoby and then, when the nanny came, Jessie would drop her off at the hospital to be with Ryleigh. He would meet her there that afternoon. Just then, someone walked up to him and he turned to face Dee.
"Hey, Chip," she said, with a smile. "Feels good to get back to work, doesn't it?"
He nodded. "It does."
"I'm sure you're missing your little girl though."
"Yeah. But I'll see her later." He waited.
Dee stood there for several minutes, watching the activity of getting the set ready. Then she turned to him. "I hope Connie can come back soon, so we're not too far behind."
He could feel the tic in his jaw. He tried to stay calm. "Dee, she just had a baby, and the baby's still in the hospital. I don't think she's really thinking at all about work. This has been a lot physically and emotionally and you're just gonna have to give her a minute before you start pushing that." He'd been surprised it was already coming up and he knew Connie wasn't keen on coming back any earlier than she had to. Truthfully, he didn't want her to either. Ryleigh needed her mama, especially at first, and he would fight for her to be able to be a full-time mama as long as she could.
Dee didn't look at him, just tapped her toe a few times. "I need her in the premiere. And I have to have enough time to make the edits before our air date."
He wanted to blow up, but he knew he needed to stay under control. "Don't bother her right now. When the timing is right, I'll talk to her, but I don't need her to be agitated right now and feeling pressured. She has a more important job right now and you need to leave her be." At that moment, everyone was called to the set and he breathed out, walking away from her.
Connie
When she walked out of the lactation room, she saw Chip sitting next to Ryleigh. He was leaned in close and she could see he had a hand inside the incubator. She smiled and headed towards him. He looked up, a smile on his face. "Hey," she said, sitting down next to him. She put her hand on his arm and leaned towards him for a kiss.
"Hey. They told me you were pumping."
She could feel her cheeks get a little warm. Although it was perfectly natural, it was still so new to her that she still could feel a little awkward, even around Chip. He'd told her not to worry, that it didn't make him uncomfortable. It's natural, baby. And you're doing it for her. That's a beautiful thing. "I think I've finally gotten the hang of it. And if it's helping her, then all the more reason to do it." She looked in the incubator and saw that Ryleigh had her hand wrapped around his finger, even though she was asleep. It's already happening, I guess. She's already a daddy's girl. But she loved it. She loved seeing him bond with their daughter. She smiled again. "She already loves her daddy."
He smiled back and then teared up a little. "I just wish we could take her home," he said. She heard a catch in his voice. "I hate leaving her here, not getting to see her as much."
She nodded. "Work okay today?" she asked, changing the subject. It was easy to get caught up in all the emotions of their situation, especially when they were there everyday.
"Yeah." He smirked. "Deacon's ready to just plead guilty and be done with it."
She smiled, then wondered if she should say anything. Finally she decided she would. "So Dee called me today."
His face got red and he scowled angrily. "I told her not to call you," he said.
She shook her head. "I didn't answer. I was holding Ryleigh. I haven't even listened to her voice mail."
He was still frowning. "Don't. I told her not to bug you."
"I can handle her, Chip."
"I don't want you to, though. She needs to give you time with Ryleigh and no interrupting to talk about work. You're on maternity leave. She needs to stand down."
She smiled. He was so protective and he did feel strongly about her having as much time with Ryleigh as she wanted, without any outside concerns. She couldn't be unhappy about that. "I appreciate that, babe," she said. "I really do."
He gently pulled his finger from Ryleigh's grip. She stirred just a little, then settled back down. He looked at her "The nurse told me she gained some weight."
She had been frantic and terrified when Ryleigh lost several ounces in the few days right after she was born. Even though the doctors and nurses told her it was normal, she had been so fearful. But she was moving in the right direction again. She still wasn't interested in nursing, but she tried not to overreact. "Well, it's just a little bit. But it is something."
He smiled. "She's doing good."
She nodded. "She is." She suddenly felt choked up and she could feel the tears rolling down her face, unable to stop them.
He sat forward in his chair, looking concerned. He grabbed her hands. "You okay?" he asked. He lifted her hands to his lips, brushing them gently.
She couldn't stop the tears, but she nodded, trying to laugh a little. "I am. Really," she said. "It's just all these emotions. Having a baby, having her be here, thinking about how we just really upended so many lives, feeling guilty about it. All of those things run through my head, all the time."
He frowned and shook his head. "You shouldn't feel guilty."
"But I do. It's more than just that, though. I feel guilty for being happy. I know Ryleigh will be okay, but there are babies in here who won't. We'll get to take her home, but some parents won't. And it's also that I'm happy I'm with you and that we're creating a family, but it was painful for others along the way."
He let go of her hands and reached out to smooth her hair back. "I understand. Sometimes I catch myself doing some of that too. It seems impossible to be so happy but so sad at the same time. I really hope the kids will want to come see their baby sister, and I wonder how it'll be if they don't." He sighed. "Mom's gonna try to get them to come while she's here."
She smiled encouragingly. "I hope they will. For you, even more than for Ryleigh. I want all of you to heal. I don't want to prevent that from happening or be in the way of it. I know they wouldn't be here for me. I just want them to come for you. And for Ryleigh." Just then Ryleigh stretched her arms and legs and made a tiny, soft noise, as though she'd heard them talking about her. The nurse started over. They'd learned that the nurses had equipment that allowed them to see what was going on with the babies without having to be standing right there, so it no longer surprised them when it happened.
The nurse smiled as she approached. "I see your little one is awake. Would someone like to hold her?"
She gestured towards Chip. "I think it's her daddy's turn," she said, and then watched as the nurse assisted in getting Ryleigh out and into Chip's arms. She felt the breath catch in her throat as she watched him hold her ever so gently against his chest. He gently kissed the top of Ryleigh's head, then breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. She sighed contentedly, thinking she'd never get tired of watching the two of them together.
